Inquisitive in Ilsan @gemgoingandgrowing - Tumblr Blog

Companionship. noun. a feeling of fellowship or friendship

Thursday morning I walked into the small center where I teach and found one enthusiastic student already cheerfully meandering through the offices. I was the second staff member to arrive, the one who preceded me (Erica) informed me that our young client had arrived an hour earlier. I found this surprising as his first class (out of four) was with me and it was not scheduled to start for another half hour. MJ (this student’s initials) had been home alone as his parents were both working again and his older sibling was attending school again. Apparently MJ had decided it was a good idea to come to English Speaking and see what we were doing. Erica started talking with him in Korean. From what little I could make out, it sounded like she was asking if he’d done his homework and he had replied that he had. I asked if he wanted to color and gave him some extra pictures left over from one of the other classes. He was happy and content with this for a time, freeing Erica and I to do the work we’d come in early to accomplish. He quickly abandoned the coloring pages when other people started arriving.

When it was time for MJ’s class, things went smoothly. There’s one portion of the class in which we spend time on conversation practice. I had been practicing “How are you?” with the students and when it was MJ’s turn, he responded “Scared.” He had learned that word in the Tuesday morning class when he had had the same response (but he needed help translating it to English then). With each of the other students I had asked “Why?” after their response of “Happy.” etc. but with MJ I asked, “Because honja?” to which he nodded affirmatively. I then translated the word to English for him, “Alone.”

I felt bad for MJ, knowing how he felt. I’m also alone. That day on the way to work I had been praying that God would provide a companion for me. I reminded God that He had made humans as relational creatures and it wasn’t healthy that I didn’t have any close friendships with anyone here. His still, small voice reminded me that we were made to be relational because we were to be in companionship with Him. I admitted that He was right but shared that I still wanted a human friendship here where I am. Not just a friend, but someone who was like-minded and could be iron sharpening iron for me, pushing me to deepen my relationship with God. MJ’s situation resonated with me. We are the same, yet different. I am alone too, but not scared - because I am not alone.

“O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.” Psalm 139:1-18

I think during this time when people are social distancing and sheltering in place because of Covid19, it’s very easy to feel alone. Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, stuck in quarantine or able to get out of the house, bored out of your mind or finding lots of projects to keep you busy, don’t forget to take time out of your day to spend with the most important friend you will ever have. How amazing is it that the Son calls His followers “friend” (John 15:15)? As you think of me, please keep me in your prayers. I hope each of you stay safe, stay healthy, and most importantly, stay abiding in Him.

P.S. - I do have friends here, I just felt like I didn’t have anyone who “gets” me (who’s shared similar life experiences or shares beliefs and ideology and can relate on a deeper level). Also, Covid19 has limited gatherings. My church was closed for awhile, too. I am so thankful church is open again!

In a school in Taiwan

I am not permitted to speak in Chinese during English class - there are no rules, however, against writing in Chinese or using languages other than Chinese (and I use this to my advantage).

Workbook fill in the blank: I am from ______. I want to go to _____.

Student: *writes in I am from blank* Korea.

Me: (In English) You are from Korea?

Student: Yes.

Me: *writes Chinese under the fill in the blank* I am from _____ country.

Student: Yes.

Me: (In Korean) You can speak Korean?

Student: *nods head yes*

Me: (In Korean) You are really form Korea?

Student: (In Korean) Yes.

I don't often get to use other languages to help the kids understand stuff in English class. In this case, the kid understood perfectly well and it turned out *I* was the one who needed to understand better. It was still fun using a language other than English in English class.

Linguistic Limits

“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” - Ludwig Wittgenstein

This quote resonates with me. It is probably in reference to a hypothesis that does not resonate with me, but that is one of the many wonders of language: the same words can mean different things to different people.

(The bowl on top of the tea bag dispenser says “I eat tea bags” - a clever way to let people know they can throw the tea bag pouch away by putting it in the yellow bowl.)

To me, the quote is accurate because I live in a world that does not natively speak my native language. As I try to immerse myself in this world, and they try to include me in theirs, we are only able to go so far as we can communicate. Thankfully we have technology that allows us to look up the words and phrases which we lack, but this is slow and cumbersome.

Prior to coming to Taiwan, I had been terrified of learning Mandarin. It turns out this tonal language is not nearly as difficult as I had imagined. That is not to say it is easy, rather, it is not as difficult as those of us who do not natively speak tonal languages think it will be. As I further studied Chinese, I found my world opening. I could make new friends; I could go to new places more confidently; I could order something on a menu without pictures; I could ask where to find specific items that I wanted to buy. The already hospitable Taiwanese people welcomed me even further into their circle.

(Food I ordered at a place that did not have a menu with pictures.)

(After using Chinese to order my coffee, I found this note on my cup.)

Now I am leaving this aptly named Formosa to head to a country that speaks neither English nor Mandarin. While I have experienced living in a country without speaking the language before, it has been a while and I am somewhat anxious about facing that challenge again. Recently, every time I ask a stranger for directions, order a tea at a drink stand, use Chinese to clarify something said in English, or in any other way use Chinese, I am reminded that I will lack these capabilities (at least initially) when I move to Korea. I have already started to study Korean, but am still far from being conversational. My limits of what I can do, what I can communicate, will once again be restricted.

In spite of this anxiety, I am somehow excited to face this challenge. I know it will push me to study this beautiful language more seriously. It will afford more opportunities to practice. Living in a place where you don’t speak the language is an adventure. Living in a place where you don’t speak the language can also be a classroom in communication and problem solving. Indeed, my language limits do define the limits of my world, but I look forward to pushing those limits and expanding those borders.

(This biking/walking trails map near where I live has absolutely no English on it.)

Merry Christmas!

Around this time of year, people start talking about “Christmas spirit.” At the beginning of this month I didn’t think I would be able to participate in the “Christmas spirit” this year. I was exhausted from participating in NaNoWriMo, busy with school, feeling overwhelmed thinking about our December classes, and didn’t want to spend a lot of money on decorations that I might only use one or two years. Resigning to my fate, I continued on with life under the assumption that Christmas would just be another day and December would just be a normal, nothing-special month.

(The decorations and lights at the local train station)

Lately I have been spending my weekends with some friends living an hour away from my place. Several Saturdays I happened to be attending events with Cami or Cami’s family and I would stay over Saturday night to go to a bilingual church with them on Sunday mornings. The first weekend of this month, they gave me an extra Christmas tree that they happened to have. It was a small two or three foot tree - just the perfect size for my dorm room. Funny story about that tree: they had offered it to me twice in November and I had declined the offer thinking I wouldn’t have the time or energy to celebrate Christmas this year. Every weekend they forgot that they had already offered it to me and would again inform me that they had an extra Christmas tree if I wanted one. For me, the Christmas tree is a huge part of Christmas as it holds a wealth of symbolism for the season. When my friend offered their extra tree for the third time, I accepted.

(My tiny tree, fun flakes, and chic chain have kept my room looking festive)

The tree already had lights, but didn’t have any other decorations. I decided to splurge and spend a little bit of money on decorations for the tree and paper for snowflakes and a paper chain. For less than ten USD, I was able to get a tinsel rope, a box of bells, a box of red bulbs and lots of red, green, and white paper. I went home and decorated my room - it’s amazing how far just a few decorations go in a small space. I immediately started feeling some of the hope of Christmas. Perhaps this year would be at least somewhat festive after all.

(The small group I built a gingerbread house with and our finished product)\

The next weekend I was again spending with my friends, but was informed that they would be staying later that week as there was a gingerbread house activity after church for the college and career group that they helped lead. Loving all things artsy, and gingerbread house building being a hit-and-miss tradition growing up (some years we did it, -several- most we didn’t), I was very excited to participate in this event. After church, the college and career group gathered upstairs. We had a short devotional about the meaning of Christmas, then broke into smaller groups to build our gingerbread houses. It was a very light-hearted event with lots of laughter, Christmas music playing, and eating of candy that was intended for the houses.

(The shepherds and wise men visiting the manger in the Christmas musical)

The next weekend I traveled up to Taipei to see a Christmas musical written by a friend. Two of my other friends were performing in it as well. The Chinese translation of “Silent Night” is “Peaceful Night” and the name of the musical was “Not So Peaceful Night.” It highlighted the fact that while we think of Christmas as a time of peace and joy, the very first one wasn’t as peaceful or joyful. The scorn Mary endured, the doubt Joseph may have struggled with, the jealousy of Herod, the stress and anxiety of travelers trying to find places to sleep, and the fear of shepherds culminated in an event that was not necessarily the most peaceful night on earth. Several times the musical filled my heart with warmth and joy, but there were also several times when it made me ponder anew various elements of the Christmas story. Many of the sermons I listened to this month were the same - challenging me to rethink the events and meaning of Christmas.

(My coworkers and I at our Christmas party/lunch)

The next weekend our school had what is called a “working Saturday”, that is, a Saturday that people work so they can have a Monday or a Friday that falls between the weekend and a national holiday off. We spent the day visiting several schools whose students had participated in our camps before. It was very exciting to see so many former students. At lunchtime we had a staff Christmas party, eating lunch at a fancy Japanese style restaurant and exchanging our secret Santa gifts. After eating, two of us took advantage of the costume corner where you could rent a kimono and walk around the property taking pictures. Afterwards I was told that one of my coworkers had paid for my rental as a Christmas gift.

(It was very fun dressing up in the kimono and taking pictures)

The month ended up having so many unexpected festivities - a card from a former roommate, a surprise present left at my door by a current housemate, opportunities to attend events I previously assumed I wouldn’t be able to participate in. This holiday season I feel that God has been blessing me a lot. Sending little moments my way to build the “Christmas spirit.”

Tonight I’ll get to skype with my family. We will likely read the Luke 2 account, possibly sing some carols together, and we will watch each other open gifts. We will open gifts remembering that God gives good gifts to His children, and has already given us the best gift of all: His Son.

God Knows Best

Growing up I had many dreams. Some of the longer lived ones included photography, film making, anything involving horses, and missions in France. There are several people in my life who live out my dreams. I look at their lives wistfully. They are living the life I could have lived. They are having the adventures I could have had. This evening after finishing my language studies, I was about to message a friend back in the States about something funny that had happened during the day. But then I remembered: I’m living her dream. I’m living the life she could have lived. I’m having the adventures she could have had.

(A selfie from the days when I dreamed of being a celebrity - kidding. I’m dressed up as a random rich lady for the kids to come interview me for their Little Reporter class, in the background Lanci is dressed up as a random cleaning woman for the same reason)

Asia was never on my radar growing up. Well, that’s not entirely true - it was on my list of places that I had no interest in going to. (Yes, I actually had a list of places I wanted to not go to. It consisted of Asia and anywhere hot, which to young me meant: Mexico, Africa, Florida, Texas, and Hawaii. I now love Asia and Texas, so there’s hope for the others.) Taiwan, being in Asia, is a place I never would have considered going to, yet here I am, thoroughly in love with this Formosa. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that God’s plan is always best. Not always the easiest, not always the most painless, not always the happiest, but always the best. He recently decided to remind me of this through an event to which I had no hope of attending.

(Me with the coworkers at my new school and our sponsor who made the school a reality. Laura, Luke, Vivian, May, Mr. HT, Bee, Ashley, and me.)

I’m not in the same location that I taught in previously, but I hoped that I would at least be able to attend the graduation of my former host school. After arriving in February, it soon became apparent that attending the graduation would not be able to become a reality. I accepted this, having partly expected it. I nonetheless occasionally reminded God how much it would mean to me to be able to attend, all the while planning some other date I could possibly visit the school and maybe be able to see at least a few of the kids. God’s plans are not always the same as ours, but sometimes they are - and sometimes they’re even better than we could even imagine!

Through a long series of events, events which outwardly were perceived by many as frustrating and discouraging, the schedule changed the schedule (an annoying number of times) until the final schedule was decided on. Miraculously, the Friday my former host school was graduating, I had no classes - I was now able to take the day off. It was with great joy and excitement that I departed from my dorm at 5:20 in the morning to cover the great distance to the school where the graduation was being held in the morning. It didn’t occur to me to ask God to move the graduation back so I could leave my dorm at a more reasonable hour, and now I’m glad I didn’t.

(A selfie with some of the kiddos in the graduating class at my former host school. They’d all grown so much!)

When I arrived at my former school I was thrilled to see my former coworkers, excited to see my former students, and amazed that the little 3rd graders who had been in 1st grade when I left still remembered me. They were all happy to see me too. It wasn’t until after their graduation that I found out a nearby school I had also taught at was having their graduation that same day but in the afternoon.

God does indeed know how to give good gifts to His children. I was overjoyed at being invited to the other graduation. I sat through their ceremony grinning until my cheeks hurt, tears streaming down my face, whispering “Thank you, Jesus! Praise God!”, and sending up prayers of gratitude and thanksgiving. In that moment, I felt surrounded by His love; the perfectness of His plans and His timing impressed on my mind and filled my heart.

(Me with the teachers and the graduating class of the other school I had taught at. They had a kindergarten attached to the school and the kindergartners graduation was also that day.)

I can look at the lives of other people and wonder what it would be like if I had lived a life like theirs. But I cannot look at anyone’s life and wish that it had been mine. Every moment of my life was hand picked by God, and as I look back over my life, there’s not one thing I would give up. Even the darker threads add to the beauty of the tapestry He is weaving. No matter how glorious the colors of other threads, their addition would not be as fitting as the ones the Master has chosen. Those colors will shine brightly in another work He has designed, I do not need them in my own tapestry to be able to marvel at the perfectness of His plan. I will watch contentedly to see which strands He weaves into my life, thankful for both the dark and the vibrant colors.

(A beautiful park one of my coworkers took me to. Seriously, this country is gorgeous.)

God is good, all the time. I choose His plan.

#Taiwan #God is good

Learning the Language

I just learned the Chinese word for tornado today.

龍捲風

( lóng juǎn fēng )

The first character is the word for dragon, and the second is the word for coil/swirl/curl, and the third is the word for wind. Essentially, tornado in Chinese is “Dragon swirling wind” which I think is pretty awesome!

#tornado #learning chinese #language learning #chinese #Mandarin Chinese

Teacher, you clearly can't speak Chinese very well. But you work really hard.

Rough translation of what a student told me

Foreign yet Familiar

I arrived in Taiwan roughly three weeks ago. I had told a friend before leaving that one of my big fears was expectations. I’ve been here before so I know things, yet I know this time I’m going to a different place with a different program. Expectations allow me to prepare (e.g. I know what to expect for the weather and can pack accordingly), but expectations can also be harmful (e.g. I expect something that is not a reality in my new situation). Coming to Taiwan, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hold my expectations loosely enough or not.

(Me and my travel buddies, Hannah and Nathan, just outside of immigration booths at the Taipei airport, behind us is a picture of the stamp they put in the passports)

I had traveled with two friends, one of whom (Hannah) was new to Taiwan. Everything was new to her. It was like watching a Texan see snow for the first time. She was fascinated by pretty much literally everything. It helped me remember my early days, and while I wasn’t in wonder at everything, it did help me rediscover some of the awe of when I had come my first time.

(Hannah taking a picture of her orange juice with Taipei in the background one of the first mornings we were in Taiwan)

Hannah and I had come a week early in order to help out with a family camp taking place over winter break. Nathan, the other person we traveled with, had come to help specifically with this camp and a few conferences the week or two after. I had helped the people organizing this camp with other events in the past, but this was my first time helping with the family camp. In fact, this was only the second year they hosted the camp, so things were still a bit new even for people who had helped with it in the past. The week had its ups and downs, but overall went fairly smoothly. Working with old friends who love the Lord was great - I can’t think of a better start to my time in Taiwan.

(The children at camp reciting the verses they learned that week to their parents)

After the camp I booked it down to my teaching location where I will be teaching in a specialized school. It’s designed similarly to a camp, hosting students for a week of intensive classes in character building and English. The students live here at the school, and we get a new batch every week. This is very different than what I used to do, teaching in the public schools with the same students every week.

(Some of the students from this past week interviewing Teacher Luke Luigi for one of their class assignments)

I had friends who had taught at this particular school before, so I was somewhat familiar with the area. I had visited a few times in the past; it was strange coming to live here. During my explorations I’d sometimes come across a store or restaurant that would trigger a memory. It was as if a friend had moved away and I had moved into that friend’s house. I’ve been here almost two weeks now and it’s feeling more and more like home. But I’m not at my final destination yet.

(One of my first days here we had a day of training on what to do in case of an earthquake or fire - Me and coworkers Mina, Laura, Bee, and Ashley “hiding” from and earthquake under the dorm bunk beds)

The group which operates this school is opening a new one in a nearby county. The building is still being renovated, but once it’s done, five of the Taiwanese teachers and I will be moving to that location. By then I will hopefully be familiar with and comfortable teaching the English classes I repeat every week. By then my coworkers will be familiar with the character classes they teach every week. Together we will be figuring out how we will conduct those classes in our new environment.

(My coworker, Christina, invited me to go hiking with her and her parents yesterday - her mother helped us take this picture)

It’s been only three short weeks, and yet I’ve seen, done, and learned so much. While so many things are familiar, there is still so much that is foreign. I have not had to struggle with expectations as much as I feared I would. But isn’t that the way it can be sometimes? The thing we fear the most, we prepare ourselves to face, so it is something else that becomes the true struggle. Every day is an adventure, and I am enjoying this adventure to the fullest. This time my struggle is making myself take time to slow down and rest. There is so much yet to do.

Will you go with me?

I had a dream the other night. I had arrived in Taiwan and I wasn’t completely packed. While I had many things I needed, there were still a few essentials which had been forgotten and left in the States. The dream felt so real that even as I was waking up, I was considering how I would make do without some of the missing items. I was confused at first to find I was not in the teacher dorm. I wondered where I was and then sighed with relief as I realized I was in my bedroom in the States. I hadn’t left for Taiwan yet. There was still time to pack and prepare.

That day I read a devotional written for missionaries preparing to go overseas. The author likened having prayer support of those back home to having them go with you. Though they can’t physically be there with the missionaries, they can go with them as prayer warriors.

I have been intending for awhile now to ask for prayer support while I’m gone, and I simply haven’t gotten around to it yet. I found out I was leaving for Taiwan nearly 3 months before my departure date, I kept telling myself I would ask for the support later, closer to when I would actually be gone. In the blink of an eye, those months have flown by and I find myself with less than two weeks until I will return to my second home. The time is come, and is perhaps long overdue, to ask for prayer warriors to pray for me while I’m in Taiwan.

Will you go with me? Will you go with me by keeping me in your prayers while I am overseas?

Some prayer requests I currently have:

Ability to pack everything without exceeding the luggage weight limits (and therefore also wisdom to know what can be left behind).

Safe travels and that all our luggage would arrive with us in Taiwan (I will be traveling with two other people).

Ability to get over jet lag quickly.

For the family conference I will be helping with to go well (I am flying to Taiwan a few days early to help with this).

For grace and patience and that I would maintain a growing walk with God.

I am hoping to create a prayer requests and updates email either monthly or twice monthly. If you would be interested in being included in the mailing list for this, please let me know and send me the email address you would like to receive the emails at.

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow

I have been abundantly blessed this year. I had an idea for a Thanksgiving post that I was going to do, but that changed after a conversation with my Mom. She was pointing out that in the past few months there have been an unusually high number of opportunities to see and visit with extended family. And she’s right.

Back in August, I got to see all of my cousins, Aunts and Uncles, and Grandparents on my father’s side when my cousin got married. (Congrats again, Jon and Eloise!)

(This is everyone in the family on my father’s side. I’d give credits for the photo except I don’t know who the wedding photographer was.)

(Meeting my newest cousin, Eloise, for the first time. Also in this photo are my cousins Jon, Charis, and Anna, as well as my Grandma.)

About a week after the wedding, we rushed down to visit my Mom’s brother who had had some emergency room scares. While we were there, I got to see one of my cousins and half of her kids, as well as my Mom’s Aunt and Uncle. On our way back home, Mom and I got to stop and see Granddaddy and Grandma briefly.

(Mom and I with Uncle Chuck and Aunt Lisa. Praise God, Uncle Chuck’s health is improving!)

(Sherri, my oldest female cousin, and I.)

A few months later my Aunt and Uncle from the other side of the country came through to visit and one of their children was able to come with. I was able to visit home for the weekend and see them while they were there. During that weekend we were also able to go into the city and see another cousin perform in a recital for a composition major at her school.

(Me, my sister Michelle, Uncle Tim, and my cousins Joy and Peter at the school Joy is attending.)

Then for Thanksgiving, two of my cousins were able to make it out to my family’s home.

(People at my house for Thanksgiving dinner: Charis, Michael, Stephen, Katy, Michelle, Joy, Joanna, and Mom.)

(The female cousins on Thanksgiving day: me, Joy, Charis, Joanna, and Michelle.)

And that’s not the end of it! I’m moving back home end of this month just in time to see my Aunt and another one of my cousins. In January, a new niece or nephew will be born - and this is the first one I will be in the States for the birth of! In February there is talk of my Grandparents visiting (we’re not sure yet if that will work out or not) and I will likely see more extended family as they come in town for my cousin’s senior recital.

(All the cousins on my Dad’s side minus the two married ones: Me, Elisabeth, Daniel, John, Anna, Peter, Michelle, Charis, Joy, and Joanna.)

One thing I am truly grateful for is my family - I can’t imagine a better one to have been born into. I know some families who have cousins drastically older or younger than them, or who are close in age but don’t have a close relationship. We are blessed to be relatively close in age, and we have good relationships with each other - we’re just not physically close as we live in three drastically different “corners” of the U.S.

For me, these past few months of visiting with family have been particularly special. In February I’m about to widen the distance gap with my family as I move back to Taiwan. I’ll be staying there a year and a half, and who knows what’s next after that. Long term, I hope to be living overseas, so holidays with immediate family and any amount of time with extended family is all the more precious to me right now.

(Mom and I at an overlook on our way down to see Uncle Chuck and Aunt Lisa.)

God is indeed good, and He is indeed showering me with blessings. All these family visits started before I knew I would be returning to Taiwan - and since the decision to return was made, He’s continued to provide moments to visit with family and friends.

Please be praying for me as I prepare to return to Taiwan. I will be returning to a different location that is more isolated than the location I had been at previously. Pray for God to prepare my heart and the hearts of those I will be coming in contact with. Pray also for the time before I leave, that much would get accomplished and that the time with family would be sweet. Pray also for no complications as I apply for a new visa that is more long term than the visa I previously had.

#Thanksgiving #praise God #God is good #Family #Prayer requests

God is Good, All the Time

Summer two years ago, two girls who had never been particularly close, sat in the shade on a grassy slope chatting. Having spent the past month working for a conference together, they were more comfortable sharing things that had been on their minds. One of the two made the statement, “It’s not that I don’t believe God is good. I know He is good, I am very confident about this. It’s that I don’t believe He will be good to me.”

That girl was me, and that moment of verbalizing what I had secretly thought had a larger impact than I expected. The past two years, I have been amazed at the goodness of God to me. I don’t deserve it. Honestly speaking, none of us do. But He is a gracious Father who gives good gifts to His children.

(The staff of the conference I worked for in Summer 2015 - all of them wonderful, amazing people)

After that summer conversation, I returned to Taiwan for one more final year of teaching in Dajia. I knew at the beginning of the year that it might be the last year the English program would be sponsored in that location - soon after returning the decision was finalized to terminate the program the following year. I started seeking God about what might be next. What unfolded was a year and a half of unknowns.

I left Taiwan with the knowledge that what I had thought would be my next job had fallen through as my documents missed the visa application deadline. The next day after my plane landed in the States, I had a job offer from the college coaching program I’d worked through to get my degree. At the time of my graduation I had wanted to work there, but God had closed those doors. I promised the institution one school year, and made the move down there (Indianapolis) soon after.

(Took this photo on the road the day I moved down to start my new job.)

When I first moved down here, there was some question about the future of the program, whether it would continue or not. I’ve been working here for 14 months now, and they still don’t know the answer to that question. What my future looked like changed frequently, and yet God remained good to me through it all.

I was hired to replace the Registrar who had taken over the Degree Development job when the former Degree Development Coordinator left. Two months later, the new Degree Development Coordinator quit and I was the one most prepared to be her replacement - with all of 2 days of training, and a department manual. Fast forward another two months, and we are moving to a new campus. All of our offices, all of our dorms, and worst of all, all of the heavy books from the library, moved from one location to another within the span of a week. Looking ahead yet another two months, I was applying for a Masters program in TESOL at Regent University.

My roommate who had been talking about going for her Masters inspired me to look at what was available - I ended up enrolled and she ended up not. We joked that maybe God had her looking at Masters degrees just to get me moving and working on my own. We joked, but on some level I genuinely think that’s what He did.

(My roommate, Lauren, and I - the day we took Gilda the Gorilla to Goodwill. Lauren is now enrolled to start courses in January at the same school I am enrolled at. So now I joke that God used her to get me into school, and me to get her into the right school.)

I started my Master’s degree program, not entirely sure how I would afford the whole thing. In the end I concluded that I must rely on God. I knew that (likely) this academic endeavor would be completed in the same manner as a meal - one bite at a time, for any attempt to stuff the whole roll, meat, and veggies into one’s mouth all at once could only lead to choking.

Several scholarship applications later, I was informed that I had received the “Public Service Award” which discounted my tuition for the semester. I had not applied for this and didn’t even know of it’s existence until I was informed that I had received it. Then, through generous donations from 3 separate sources, I was given either dry goods, or money designated for fresh produce. Essentially, I have had very few out-of-pocket food expenses this semester.

(Last night, Michael and I went to watch Pricella and AJ play Martha and Dickon in The Secret Garden.)

Last night, on the way to watch two friends perform in a theatrical production of The Secret Garden, I received an email about the course that will be starting up next week. The email informed me that in this course, I will need to be tutoring an English learner as several of the assignments center around helping an ESL (English as a Second Language) learner improve their reading and writing. This was alarming as the course is eight weeks long and I am hoping to move back home mid-November. How was I to find someone either here or there within the time-span of a week? Especially as I’m trying to pack up and keep up with work!

This morning, I shared my concerns with my roommate. Her response was, “I know just the person! Let me text and see if he’d be interested!” Within an hour, he and I had agreed to this teaching experiment and scheduled our first meeting for this coming Friday. It turns out, that Fridays were his most free day - which works well for me, as they are the day I have the most time to dedicate to my courses. I kept telling my roommate how amazed I was at how quickly and easily things worked out for this. It is just one more reminder in a long two year journey of reminders that not only is God good, but He is good to me.

I’d like to wrap this post up with a quote by Charles Spurgeon which I recently saw:

“God is too good to be unkind, and He is too wise to be mistaken.”

#god is good #god is so good #charles spurgeon #teaching english #Regent University #The Secret Garden #moving

Good-bye, July!

(My friend, Liz, and I found canned coffee made by the company that sponsored her sister and I when we were in Yuli, Taiwan.)

Time flies. Period. I don’t care if you’re having fun or not, time flies. Halfway through July, my friend who had been teaching this past year in Taiwan returned to the States and I realized that I’ve been back here for a year now. When I returned to America last July, I didn’t think I’d spend a year here. I thought I’d be going back to Asia by this fall at the latest. Here it is, a year later, fall is just around the corner and I have no plans to leave anytime soon.

(A selfie with the whole family)

I still miss Taiwan pretty much every day, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy where I am. I have a job I like (working with college students), and over the summer I’ve been able to spend time with my family and had some opportunities to work with kids (which I have missed since coming back to the States). I never cease to be amazed at all the places God has taken me. Many of the trails He’s led me on have been far beyond my dreams of possibilities. Even when the path has gone places that I didn’t want, I’ve found it to be exactly what I needed. So far, there’s not a thing about my life that I would change. While I miss Asia, I am quite content here for now. But what of the future?

(My sister and I at the park with some kids we took care of while their parents had to make an unexpected weekend trip)

I will head out west soon for my cousin’s wedding (congrats, Jon!) and courses for my M.Ed. in TESOL start the end of this month. I am prayerfully considering assisting with another week-long children’s program this fall. I continue to work on learning both Chinese and Korean as I have time. I hope to return to Asia after completing my Masters degree.

(My new friend, YeSul, who is from Korea and my long-time friend Zyrek who introduced us)

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year already, and harder still to believe all that has happened since then. It may be another year, or two, or ten before I set foot in Asia again. But God’s timing is best, so I am happy where I am.

For those who pray for me, pray for wisdom and direction as I continue to tread this path that is still not quite clear to me. Pray also for provision of funds as I continue my education.

A Week of Thanksgiving

(After one of our Field Trip outings, we stopped by 7/11 for free Slurpees)

This past week I had a blast working with missionary kids while their parents attended a conference during furlough. It was an easy to follow schedule: in the morning we did videos, Bibles lessons, songs, crafts, games, etc. from the Off the Map VBS, in the afternoons we did field trips, and in the evenings we’d watch a video from the What’s in the Bible VBS and play a game and do a craft. I was assigned to the Lions team (5 and 6 year olds). They were super easy to work with and kept Caleb (the other Lions teacher) and I laughing.

(Caleb playing tic-tac-toe with the kids while waiting for parents to bring and sign-in the rest of our class)

Yet the week wasn’t all laughs and giggles. While I taught the kids about Daniel and trusting God, God was teaching me some lessons too. I think that the primary lesson that I worked on this week was not grumbling. It’s funny how in the midst of doing what I love, it’s still possible to find things to complain about. One of the teachers I worked with laughingly retold one of these incidents to the rest of the teachers. Something along the lines of, “We were coming back from the field trip, when she saw the buses for the other group [we were sharing the campus with two other groups, one of which had 900 people in attendance and it made things a lot less convenient for us] and she said ‘Oh no! They shouldn’t come back!’ and then she started singing the Doxology.”

(One of our field trip outings with the littler kids)

The whole week was one of learning to praise God. Not just for the fun stuff or when things went well, but also in the difficult times or when we had to quickly change things up because something went wrong. It was a week of putting into practice (or beginning to, at least) I Thessalonians 5:18 - “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I’m still working on it, and in fact, have relapsed a bit in the few days since. But this is where God has me for now. Waiting for Him, and His timing to reveal what is next, and thanking Him in all things - whether they are things I want or not. As you pray for me, please pray that God would continue to work in my life as I wait on Him.

(Some of the wonderful teachers [and a sibling of two teachers] I got to work with this past week: Kim, Liam, Mary, Kylie, Abby, Caleb, Hannah, and Valerie)

Reverse Culture Shock

Some people encounter it, some don’t. I think it depends partly on how immersed you become in your environment and how hard it is for you to move into a new one. I did encounter some reverse culture shock, but it wasn’t exactly in the way I expected.

Three years gave me plenty of time to become comfortable in the Taiwanese culture, but visits home (I thought) would keep me from forgetting how to navigate my own. Having spent every summer coming back to the States for a month or two, I didn’t anticipate much (if any) reverse culture shock. What I anticipated was missing people. Which I did. But there were a few other things I didn’t anticipate:

1. The Awkwardness of No Language Barrier

In Taiwan, people could tell at a glance that I was a foreigner, and the general assumption was that I probably didn’t speak their language. Conversations were on my terms. If I was feeling friendly, I could chat with the cashier, ask the taxi driver questions, smile and greet small children passing on the street. But on those days when I was tired, there was no obligation to make small talk as they assumed I wouldn’t understand anyway.

I never noticed until this year how much Americans talk to strangers. Waiting in line at the grocery store? There will be chatting with the people in front or behind you, and probably also a few pleasantries exchanged with the cashier. Getting a haircut? The stylist will try to carry on a conversation with you. Sitting in a waiting room somewhere? Very likely, someone will try to make small talk. Pretty much anywhere you go, there will be a stranger, and some form of non-essential communication will take place.

The obligation of small talk never bothered me before Taiwan. I actually liked that it was so easy to chat with strangers - and I’m beginning to again. But it surprised me initially and I kinda had to relearn how to do it.

2. The Awkwardness of Bi-Lingual Struggles

So after three years of living in Taiwan, if a person doesn’t understand English, my first instinct is to begin speaking Chinese. That may work in Asia, but it doesn’t really work in a country that has a high number of immigrants from all over the world. It can actually be kind of embarrassing. For example: Most American schools teach Spanish, and many of the immigrants I encounter are Hispanic. I know they speak Spanish. I know that if they don’t understand English they probably won’t understand Chinese. My brain has a knee jerk reaction, and Chinese is what comes out of my mouth. I end up looking like either a fool or a pompous show-off. You can see how this would be embarrassing.

Additionally, living in Taiwan, there were some phrases that I would almost never use in English. During the past three years I would basically only use Chinese for things like “Thank you.” “Sorry.” and terms equating “Ok, sounds good, got it, sure.” Imagine my friend’s confusion when they say something like “Hey, I left your keys on your desk.” and I respond “好” which sounds like “How?” but is used to mean “Ok.” (That was probably the hardest one for me to break use of - because it’s such a versatile word that is used so frequently, it was probably the most ingrained Chinese word in my mind.)

3. The Need to “Catch Up”

After three years away, there were terms that came into use that I was unfamiliar with. I had to google things like “on fleek.” People would reference pop culture (a line from a song, a scene from a movie) and it would fly right over my head. I’d be the only person in the group not laughing at the joke because I missed the context that made the punchline funny.

Living in a country that didn’t do tipping (and when they did, it was done differently than in the States), I had forgotten what tipping culture is like. Where do I need to tip? How much do I tip? Soon after arriving back in the States, I went to get my hair cut. It was an awkward moment at the end when I admitted to the hair stylist “I’ve been living out of the country for three years, I don’t really remember how to do tipping.” I was hoping she’d tell me what the going percent was; to her credit, she didn’t. She said just tip whatever I felt like. So I did.Then went home and googled tip rates. I had under-tipped her. I should have looked up the tip rates before leaving, but I’d forgotten it was a part of our culture until I was there.

Other little things here and there - things that had changed, things that I had forgotten. I frequently would be met with a situation where I would blunder unexpectedly because I just didn’t know. And it was my own culture! A blunder in Taiwan meant someone would help me out and teach me for next time. A blunder in the States around strangers brought offended or miffed reactions, and around friends made for laughter and fun-poking. Thankfully most of my blunders happened around friends and it’s things we can laugh over.

4. The Feeling of Homesickness

The number one thing I did not expect, was the feeling of homesickness. And honestly, it took me awhile to realize that that was what I was feeling. I expected that I would miss my friends, I expected that I would (eventually) miss the food, I expected that I would miss certain places and things. I frequently say, “I miss Asia. I want to go back to Taiwan.” It was only recently that I realized, the reason I miss it so much is that it came to feel like home for me. I didn’t expect that.

So these are some of the things I’ve faced with culture shock. There have been others, I’m sure. But these are what came to mind first. Why am I writing about culture shock? Some of my American friends teaching in Taiwan will be coming home soon. They were discussing culture shock in a post on Facebook. Yes, we are originally part of this culture, but culture is an ever growing and changing thing. We have not only been touched and changed by another culture, but we have missed out on the changes within our own. Reading the Facebook conversation made me stop and think, “What culture shocks did I face?”

Really, the hardest shocks to face, are the once you’re not expecting. When you knowingly jump out of a tree or off of something tall, you can’t change the fact that there will be a forceful jarring when you make contact with the ground - but you can lessen the blow by choosing where and how you land. Falling unexpectedly, on the other hand, makes it difficult to soften your landing. Hopefully, this post will help my friends (and maybe even a few random strangers) prepare for that jarring impact of crashing back into American culture. And hopefully too, it will help everyone be more understanding as friends and strangers among us encounter reverse culture shock.

#culture #cultural differences #culture shock #reverse culture shock #bilingual problems

Today's Highlight

Librarian: Parlez vous Français? (Do you speak French?)

Me: En peu. (A little)

Librarian (surprised): Oui? (You do?)

Me: Oui. (Yes.)

Librarian: Cava? (How's it going?)

Me: Cava bien. Et tu? (Going well. You?)

Librarian: Mal. (Bad.)

He then switched to English because he had forgotten the word for "headache" and I later realized I should have said "Eun petite peu" instead of "En peu" but even that short, clumsy exchange made my day.

It was completely unexpected. He had asked randomly, making small talk while waiting for the rain to let up before leaving work. Sometimes it's the little things that make immeasurable differences.

Sometimes it's the little things that give us the encouragement to push forward with daunting tasks. I've been feeling discouraged with my Korean studies lately, and my slowly diminishing Chinese. But today's conversation changed that discouragement to hope. I had thought I'd forgotten pretty much all of my French, but hearing it from someone else slowly brought it back to mind. I didn't think my French was advanced enough to have a dialogue but, short though it may have been, a dialogue is exactly what we had today.

It was fun using French again after so long a time of not using it. It was encouraging to know that what is forgotten can be brought back to mind when needed. And it is good to be reminded, no matter how much of the language I know, every little bit helps and can be useful.

Also: I really, really, really want to be a polyglot.

The Perpetual Perplexity

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” ~ Psalm 37:3-5 (NKJV)

Sometimes I wonder if the age-old question that strikes fear into the heart of every graduating student ever gets answered. The question of, “So what are you going to do with your life now?”

I have been accepted into Regent University to start work on my Master’s degree in August. I would be getting a M.Ed. in TESOL. I don’t know how I will afford it, but trust that God will either direct me to cancel my enrollment, or will provide the funds. He seems to like making me wait until the last minute before telling me “no” or “go” on things, so it may be August before I find out if I’m actually getting my Master’s or not.

On one hand, I hope I do get to “go back to school” (I would complete my studies through online courses rather than becoming a campus student). I love teaching English and would love to keep traveling and teaching. Getting my Master’s would be an asset for that. On another hand, life would be simpler without having to figure out how to make time for studies or find finances for fees. My current job involves a lot of research and study during work hours, and then to come home and do MORE studying... I’m wondering if my brain will be able to handle it. Also, I’m not exactly rolling in the dough and States side living expenses are much higher than Taiwan.

What has been on my heart and mind lately has been what to do about the future. What God has been prompting me to work on lately is making Him my focus. Funny how the things happening in our lives are just the perfect training activities for a lesson that God is trying to teach us at the time.

This past Sunday I was meditating on the verses that I opened this blog post with. The phrase “commit they way unto the Lord” had popped into my head, and I couldn’t remember the rest of the verse. I looked it up and started metaphorically chewing on the words.

Trust in the Lord - He’s got this.

And do good - Don’t go slacking off while trying to figure out what’s next, be productive and active now.

Dwell in the land - What does that mean? Stay in the States longer? Go back to the country I’m homesick for?

And feed on His faithfulness - That’s right. He is faithful. I can rest on Him.

Delight yourself also in the Lord - Keep Him as my focus

And He shall give you the desires of your heart - Either I’m going back to Asia, or He will change my heart to desire the things he has in store for me. (Quick rabbit trail: growing up I had no interest whatsoever in going to Asia, and it wasn’t until shortly before it was time for me to go that God placed that desire on my heart. He can remove it again if that is not where I’m to be.)

Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. - Again, I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what He will bring to pass. But I know that whatever He has planned is what I want. Looking back at my life, it’s so different from anything I would have planned for myself, but it’s also been more fulfilling than anything I could have come up with on my own.

So that’s where I’m at right now. In some ways, I’m at the same exact place that I was before leaving Taiwan - wondering where I should be and what I should be doing. If you think of me, please keep me in your prayers. The need for direction isn’t urgent yet. But time flies and I’m sure that the point at which I need to make decisions will arrive all too quickly.

In the meantime, I’ll just keep my eyes on Him. I don’t need to look at the road, because He has the steering wheel. Instead I can spend the journey looking at Him and enjoying the journey He takes me on.

Update

My life has remained predictably unpredictable. I’ve long ago given up trying to make plans too far into the future. Recently it seems the length of time into the future I can make plans for has gotten shorter and shorter.

I’ve left Taiwan. I am still certain that was the direction God was leading. As I was preparing to leave, I started seeking what was next and felt that He was leading towards opening the doors for me to teach in South Korea. However about 2-3 weeks before leaving Taiwan, He closed that door. I was confused, but trusted that he had a plan. Upon arriving in the States, I was informed that there was a job opening at the place I’d completed my college studies through. Not only was there an opening, but the job was mine if I wanted it.

Having always wanted to work at this place (Verity College Education), I packed my bags up again and moved down to the Indianapolis area. It’s been a crazy few months working with Verity, and during those months we’ve relocated to share facilities with a local Bible college. I’m hoping things work out for us and we are able to stay here - I’m done moving for awhile.

June: Moved from one county in Taiwan to another for a month of summer camps.

July: Moved from Taiwan to the states. August: Moved from my hometown to Indianapolis area.

November: Moved the offices and library from our old campus to our new campus.

January: Moved our dorms from our old campus to our new campus.

I’m kinda done moving for awhile. And I really love being back in the States, getting my English polished back up to what it used to be, and spending the holidays with my family. I have also loved having snow again. I missed snow a lot while living in Asia. Now I miss Asia.

For the foreseeable future, I will be in the Indy area. As long as I still have a job with Verity, I will be here at least through May and maybe beyond that. I still plan/hope to go to Korea in the near-ish future. While here, I’m trying to keep my Chinese up (I have a coworker I can chat with in Chinese and I listen to Chinese music and watch Chinese YouTube videos) as well as study Korean (I’m currently working on a free 5 week online introductory course, but when that is completed I will go back to using the Talk To Me In Korean curriculum).

As you think of me, please be praying for me in the following areas:

~ Work: that I would be able to accomplish everything that needs accomplishing within a timely manner and without being overwhelmed.

~ Future: For wisdom and clear direction concerning some big future decisions that need to be made within the next week or two.

~ Finances: That I would continue to trust God to provide for all my needs and not allow fear of lack of finances to impact my decisions (I want to be responsible with my money, but at the same time, if God has prepared a road for me that at this time I do not see being financially feasible, then I need to bear in mind that He has also prepared the means to make it financially feasible).

~ Focus: God is good all the time. I know this. But it’s very easy to forget the things we know. I’m thankful for these times of uncertainty to remind me to fix my eyes on Him. Pray for me to keep my focus on Him and not my situation or the decisions that need to be made.

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