Velvet Epoch

Ardent love for creation; of music, art and stories. To delve into and be enthralled by my own ingenuity and create something that never existed before.

[givingthebullwings]

Anything that's worth it will work out

There's nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve. There's nothing wrong with being an emotional wreck and being in awe of people and liking people in no time and wanting them around. Finding your connect with others can be quite rare and not wanting that connection to dissolve is normal and natural. Wanting to hold on for just a little bit longer, trying to find some clarity when things don't work out? It's OKAY.

However, clinging on to somebody who genuinely doesn't give a fuck? Well, don't. Let's not try holding on to something that's very evidently one-sided; knowing where to draw the line in your own efforts is something we can all learn just to be a saner, happier version of ourselves. Let's not be pushy or feel like we're entitled to somebody's time. At the same time, let's also not blame ourselves for those who're not on the same page as us. It's not you, but it's not them either. There's nothing wrong with you, but there's nothing wrong with them either for not being able to reciprocate in the same way.

Be disappointed, but don't hate them or yourself.

[givingthebullwings]

Escape

How we felt wasn't the everyday, mundane;

You didn't feel like just about anybody, the conversations weren't typical,

It wasn't ordinary and it didn't feel forced;

But I must've read you wrong

For it to not to culminate into something more than what it has;

And I wonder now if there really was anything,

Or if I was just looking for an escape in you.

[givingthebullwings]

Crush

You know how people do these ridiculously stupid things when they have a crush on somebody, you know when they're in Kindergarten?

I think I'm falling back to that stage; sending stupid texts that make no sense and dying of anxiety a minute later.

Somebody please help.

[givingthebullwings]

If I could, I would.

If I could, I'd tell him he has gorgeous eyes. I'd tell him it's okay if the day didn't go well, and if things weren't in place; he doesn't owe anybody a perpetually happy face.

If I could, I'd tell him I miss seeing his face every second he isn't around; and that his presence makes far more sense than his absence. At least with him around, thinking about him this much wouldn't sound too unreasonable.

If I could, I'd tell him if he ever needed somebody to just be there, he could ask me anytime. If he ever needed to be emotional and vulnerable, and if wearing a mask of masculinity was that important otherwise, then he could have me and no one else would know.

If I could, I'd tell him so many things. But I cannot, because it would never make sense to him.

[givingthebullwings]

Telephone

If only she could, she'd pick up her phone and call him. She imagines, in her state of delirium off cannabis, that he'd be in his room, messy haired and drowsy eyes - responding with a deep-seated but comforting hello. Maybe he would sound exhausted; maybe it was a long day at work; but he would talk like tired arms wrapping around her. As if he'd be too tired to hug and yet he'd want to be held. He would just be.

Of course, this comfort she imagines remains only that - a figment of her stoned dreams; of somebody that could've been but will never be anymore.

[givingthebullwings]

Silence

You know what annoys me the most? Unsaid things lingering in the air. It could just be as simple as anger that hasn't been dealt with or feelings that haven't been confessed; issues that mostly both the parties are aware of . It could even be disinterest in a person previously considered interesting, leading to a sudden distance that the affected person doesn't understand. It could be misinterpretation of behaviour; when the naivety of one person is read as romantic interest, when it's actually just a rare occassion of feeling understood and feeling comfortable - nothing more. I don't understand why an interest is feigned initially, if it's only to disappear in a matter of days. The only lesson I keep learning from people is this, - don't open up, don't be vulnerable, and definitely don't initiate something you don't have the balls to end in person with maturity and empathy.

[givingthebullwings]

Soulmate

If you were to be as lost as I am, as scattered, as broken I am, I would never look anywhere else.

I don't claim to be perfect: not the perfect woman, best friend, girlfriend, soul mate. There are too many flaws that mark me, enough to make me repulsive if you can peel away enough layers. This, what I write, is just a few words in hope being sung into the universe, in solitude and contemplation, hoping the stars would listen. What I want might sound vain and ridiculous, but it is what I believe will complete me for once and for all. It's not that I feel incomplete by myself; considering I'm doing what I love, doing okay in life if measured against the typical criteria, have a supportive family and circle of friends, and am generally okay.

It's probably just that I feel incomplete in solitude, like I miss somebody that makes me feel like I'm alone yet not lonely, somebody I can share my headspace with to a point that it feels like it's the same person. I don't even know how to put it into words that would ever make sense.

Just, somebody who naturally responds to life with as much intensity as I do; eating like it's the end of the world, loving like it's the only thing that matters. Somebody who responds to music the way I do: when it physically and spiritually moves him and becomes a tiny part of him; who can't help himself from heaving and getting lost in trance to the lyrics and the underlying melodies of good music. Somebody who is as transparent as I am, as ridiculously naive as possible, just smart enough to survive.

And it's not a partner necessarily that I want; just somebody who can fill up that space in my being.

[givingthebullwings]

Stranger

Have you ever encountered a stranger whom you're attracted to in an intoxicating way, the very first time you meet? That everytime you speak and despite how little and how meaningful those small conversations can be, all your head's thinking about is the touch of perfume on him and how much you'd just want to feel your lips against him in a way it hasn't been with anybody before?

That whenever he walks into the room, you're suddenly a little too aware of his presence without even looking at him? That despite him being a stranger, you'd recognise his smell anywhere and you'd recognise his voice anywhere, and all you can think about is how NOT to be attracted to him this intensely?

Have you ever met a stranger who is anything but perfect, and yet you're drawn to him with a force even you can't comprehend? So much so that you can never compose yourself infront of him, you can never really have a conversation with him without hoping that he'll accidently graze your hand and your stomach will go up in flames?

When you get how to behave and you mutter and oh god forbid, if you have a longer-than-a-second eye contact, you simply just forget how to breathe?

Have you ever met a stranger you'd want a whirlwind romance with, but you really don't? Because you know it would fuck you up and of course, because you'd know that there's no real way of knowing if he feels the same way at all?

Yeah well, I know the struggle.

[givingthebullwings]

I had WILD HAIR and clear attitude problems. With - @mukerjei_sugandha :) #childhood #throwback

[givingthebullwings]

(not an original) Watercolours make me very happy, I've realized. Although I'm still not good with painting water bodies yet. #watercolourpainting #art #painting #winterscenery

[givingthebullwings]

One with the family :)

[givingthebullwings]

Everything is fascinating #catsofinstagram #cats #animals #instacat #photography #animalphotography #straycat #indianstreetcat #latergram #fff #lfl

[givingthebullwings]

Why, let's go #puneexpressway #roadtrip #westernghats #india #travelphotography #travel #photography #photooftheday #instaphoto #lfl #fff #canon700D

[givingthebullwings]

A painting of a waterfall #pune #photography #waterfall #canon700D #snapseed #fff #lfl #roadtrip #travel #travelphotography #trek #dam #waterscenery #scenery #green #fff #lfl #latergram

[givingthebullwings]

You're an oasis #pune #travel #photography #canon700D #roadtrip #traveldiaries #water #dam #latergram #fff #lfl #instaphoto

[givingthebullwings]

I could live here #pune #roadtrip #mobilephotography #photography #latergram #travel #fff #lfl #instaphoto

[givingthebullwings]

Far away #landscape #photography #pune #ghats #dam #sunlight #photooftheday #walking #sky #latergram #fff #lfl