Fandom Auntie

I am a pretty, pretty princess.

[peraltiago-s]

kevin is ready to fight anyone who doesn’t appreciate his husband 😍💞

+

[lezzerlee]

Ryan Coogler vs. Joss Whedon

[chekhov]

[wildeismsremade-deactivated2019]

[broitsablog]

@indigopersei is the french language just always on the verge of getting someone accused of assault or..?

[dammitperseus]

my friend, if only you knew

[randomfandomteacher]

It’s a very dangerous language to learn

[party-bees-deactivated20181211]

Here’s an interesting thing about French! Everything needs to have an article in front of it. That’s why it’s “la chat” as opposed to just “chat”. So, for instance, you could say la fille for the girl, or jeune fille for young girl, but you can’t just say fille, because that means you are calling her a sex worker in a derogatory way.

The moral of the story is, if you want to make something rude in French, just take out the article in front of it. Yes, this works for nearly. every. word.

[wine-dark-sea]

#now I’m wondering how often my high school french teacher was silently screaming because of this little fact

Every year. Every year there’s that kid who forgets that you can’t translate “I am excited” to “Je suis excitée”. And every year Monsieur Jordan has to slam the brakes before that kid can finish his sentence and then tactfully ask him not to announce to the class that he is horny.

[shamwowxl]

“is the french language always on the verge” oh buddy, oh pal, i am so happy to break this news to you: 

[super-metroid]

truly the language of love

[goflyakate]

You know it must be bad when you know the exact date.

Shit my doc says, when I begin recounting my recent nosebleed history

[131-di]

the contrabass saxophone is such an absurd instrument

[medicalalucard-deactivated20201]

talk dirty to me

[illogicalhumanoid]

Have ya’ll seen the double contrabass flute before???

[131-di]

reblogging my own post because what in the fuck

[leaf-jelly]

i give you the contrabass tuba. Why is it real. I dont know.

[carbink]

Know what’s even better?

HYPERBASS FLUTE

[paulsrockinpagoda]

my counter:

piccolo trombone 

[foxgirlmigraine]

fucking what

[goflyakate]

This is the instrument version of when two inappropriately disproportionate dog breeds have puppies.

[businesscasualcyclops]

big oldie on tumblr mood

[voidbat]

why must you call me out like this in my own home

[goflyakate]

After 8 nosebleeds in the last month and change, three ER visits, multiple doctors appointments and incalculable amount of stress and anxiety, I finally saw the ENT this morning, who cauterized three different vessels in my nostril.

Stings like a bitch, but it feels more secure somehow? Time will tell. I go back in 2 weeks to see if any of them need additional treatments.

Current mood: Nuke the entire site from orbit.

[felicia-parker]

Let’s be honest. We’re all here because posts are still in chronological order.

[goflyakate]

The good news is that Vaseline is not in any way addictive.

Shit my doc says

[goflyakate]

Wearing white shirts is definitely a risk factor for getting nosebleeds.

Shit my doc says

[kindaokmemes]

It’s that time of the year again :)

[donpatch18]

[all-crabs-are-beautiful]

[javert-delacour]

[falllpoutboy]

can anybody find me….. somebody to dust

[t-ycho]

THERE WAS A SONG

RIGHT THERE FOR YOU WITH DUST IN THE TITLE

AND YET

[nocontextgoodplace]

[goflyakate]

That’s it, that’s the show.

[lifesgrandparade]

Imagine typing out this letter and not stopping halfway and thinking “Hmmm, this makes me sound like the worst human being in the world.”

[bogleech]

Holy fucking shit

[tony-the-tigers-juicy-armpit]

Some of these old people are so fucking awful.

Gift etiquette?!?!

[ladylenoragriffin]

God I love Prudie.

[aggressivewhenstartled]

Can you IMAGINE. A fucking BEDSPREAD. Can you imagine the TIME and EFFORT and SKILL that… Oh my GOD. Yeah I bet she’s acting cold!

[goflyakate]

As my roommate just remarked, everyone should learn a handicraft so when they receive a lovely handmade gift they have at least the first clue as to how much time and effort is required.

[citizen-zero]

So in lore, vampires have this trait that I’ve almost never seen used, and that’s the fact that vampires are OBSESSED with counting things. Like, the Count on Sesame Street was almost certainly created specifically as a vampire because of this piece of lore.

Like, I read this vampire book years and years ago that explained that a surefire way to protect yourself from vampires getting into your house was to spread a ton of seeds on your doorstep–poppy and mustard seeds were particularly recommended for the purpose. Basically, if you suspected someone to be a vampire, all you had to do was drop a sackful of seeds on the ground in front of them.

If they didn’t immediately start counting them, they were not a vampire. However, if they WERE a vampire, they’d be seized with the urge to count all the seeds and they would not budge from that spot until they knew how many seeds there were in total. The point was to keep them there until the sun came up and killed them, because if they hadn’t counted all the seeds by sunrise they wouldn’t be able to leave. Presumably you could just go about the rest of your evening as normal, though no word on whether it’s possible to make them lose count and start over.

Having remembered this piece of lore, I want fewer stories about brooding tortured Edward Cullen-esque vampires. I want to start seeing more stories about math nerd vampires.

Vampire accountants who are an honest company’s best asset and a corrupt company’s bane because they are frighteningly accurate with the accounts and will not hesitate to blow the whistle on a CEO scamming money because fuck you for making the numbers wrong.

Vampire cashiers that don’t need to look at the register screen because they already mentally calculated your total. 10-items-or-less vampires who know goddamn well you have 20 items in that basket and NO, you cannot just slip in with the rest.

Vampire math tutors who are constantly in high demand and have to hold lotteries to see who gets to be tutored by them.

MATH NERD VAMPIRES

[an-aura-about-you]

If anyone would like the term for this, it’s arithmomania.

[gosshiku-hime-wa-yami-san]

“But sir, he’s a vampire!!!” “Vampire or not, he’s the best damn accountant we have here, and i’d let him drink my blood before i fire him!”

[randomthingsthatilike1]

“still less of a leech than Matt in legal. Fuck matt”

[cappucino-commie]

Okay but also, vampires as drug dealers- a profession that requires extremely quick, extremely accurate counting. “You’re 5 dollars short.” “There’s 50,000 dollars in there at least, how the fuck did you count that fast-” “Pay up or I will drink you like a slurpee.”

[pencilias]

[goflyakate]

Am I the only one that remembers that episode of the X-Files?

[cookievampiress]

When your grammar is correct but spell-check still gives you shit. 

[amateur]

[non-newtoniangenderfluid]

Fuck you I’ll reblog it cuz it’s an elephant strawberry I need no other reason