words and knives.

can you spot the difference

[goldenangelll]

“why didn’t you him leave sooner?”

“i don’t know, i guess i would’ve done anything for love. to prove that someone could love me. i figured if i kept giving him chances he’d come around and see my worth.”

“did he?”

“no, he never did.”

- l.r | tolerating

[goldenangelll]

Hello, love. I had followed you for some time now but I am now realizing the heaviness of your words on my heart. You’d wonder why, most likely, and I would tell you it’s because I had to leave a person that I loved so dearly because we were just too bad for each other. It ripped my heart and I felt as though a grenade exploded inside my soul. My whole being and love was ripped from me and did not care to even look to see if they took out my flesh and soul with that heart. I won’t make this long, but I enjoy your writing a lot and I would love to see you write a piece about the pain of such predicament. If you cannot, then I understand and it is a pleasure for me to be able to read your words. Take care.

hi, babe, thank you for writing to me and for reading my work. i empathize heavily with your story as it is one i can relate to. having to leave the one you love because you are no longer serving each other is one of the greatest tragedies in love. i wrote this for you.

i am nothing but a hollow shell after you. my lover, my heart, you are the reason i breathe. yet despite this, we are not good for one another. my heart roams the Earth, walking further and further from me. i loved you enough to leave, i would not be the reason your light was snuffed out. but i swear, somewhere, somehow, there is a version of this, a version of us, where we got it right. some place we do mundane tasks together, where we fold laundry and go over our grocery list

[goldenangelll]

persephone watched me from the stone bench, astute and observant. on my knees, tears fell from my eyes. i asked her why. why it hurt so much to choose myself.

“some mothers can’t believe you can be happy without them. they dig their nails into you and blame you for bleeding.”

- l.r

[goldenangelll]

i was born with my father’s rage, like my brothers before me were. he gifted us carelessness and pride intertwined. i saw pieces of him in me when i would get angry enough to say something i didn’t mean. or when the words im sorry couldn’t make their way up my throat, they felt too much like acid. i wonder if we’ve ever looked in the mirror and seen the same thing. my father is not a bad person, not intentionally, at least. but i guess that’s what terrifies me.

- l.r | am i terrible without knowing?

[goldenangelll]

you are not mine, you never have been. but please tell me if there was a split second where you wanted to be. before you laid eyes on her. before you fell in love with her laugh and they way her body seems to fit right into yours. was there ever a moment when you looked into my eyes and thought “i could love them”?

- l.r | and do you ever think of me when you’re with her

[goldenangelll]

i’ll never admit how badly i want to be wanted. not out loud, at least. i read books and poetry, and i watch films, all about the kind of love that takes your breath away. i want someone to love me. i want someone to wrap their arms around me, to play with my hair, to rub my back. i want to be wanted. i want to be someone’s number one person, their favorite. i want to be the first person they want to tell their good news to. and i can never admit it because if i did, i’d have to admit that i’m terrified i won’t ever be.

[goldenangelll]

i am so empty. so astonishingly empty. it makes me sick. makes me want to crawl out of my skin, to become something else. loneliness envelops me. it weighs me down, reminding me i don’t exist. no matter the reason, this is the life i lead. no one warned me emptiness would feel like this.

-l.r | heavy

[goldenangelll]

it makes me terrible, i know. i destroy the things i touch just to prove that they can break.

- l.r

[goldenangelll]

[goldenangelll]

i’ve always wondered why i was devastatingly attracted to the darkness, the sinful and the wicked. why i preferred the villain over the hero. in simple terms, the bad over the good. i suppose it is because i’ve always wanted an all consuming love. a hero can love you, sure, but you will always come second to their precious world. if a villain grows to love you, they would bring the world to its knees for you. what i’m trying to say is, would you rather a tepid love or boiling one?

- l.r(via@goldenangelll)// the good, the bad

[goldenangelll]

i’ve been a staying up late. and sleeping in ‘till noon. i “forget” to clean my room. the same way i forget to eat three meals a day. i’ve convinced myself im not a good person. that my self destructive tendencies are somehow justified. there’s a void in me, so big it can’t be filled. i know that it’s a little twisted, my mind is the most complex thing i’ve ever tried to understand. but at least if i destroy myself, i can say it did it all on my own.

- l.r // no fixing (via @goldenangelll)

[goldenangelll]

i don’t believe in love. at least, that’s what i tell myself. i’m no stranger to being alone. to picking myself up when i crumble to the floor. to wrapping my arms around myself when it gets too cold. but on certain nights, like this one, a part of me longs for someone to love me so much it hurts. to wrap their arms around me and be my warmth. i don’t believe in love, i don’t. but i want to. oh, how i want to.

- l.r (via @goldenangelll)// i can learn

[goldenangelll]

i stay up thinking of someone who does not think of me. if that is not self-induced torture then i don’t know what is.

- l.r(@goldenangelll)

[goldenangelll]

the alarm on my phone wakes me up, not a lover sleeping next to me. i say goodnight to the air. other than my pillow, there’s no one to cling to if i have a nightmare. this is freedom, right? or is it loneliness wrapped up in silk? do they go hand in hand? like a double-edged sword. am i really free? or did they make the chains around me longer than they used to be?

- l.r(@goldenangelll)// isolation does not save you, it kills

[goldenangelll]

do you ever feel as though your time is running out? like the clock is constantly speeding up? commitment issues are like that, in a way. i want to experience it all, but i’m terrified of the time running out. i’m afraid to wake up one day realizing i spent my life doing the wrong thing or with the wrong person. what if the clock comes to a stop and it feels like i’ve made the wrong choice?

- l.r (@goldenangelll)//commitment issues are a tricky thing

[goldenangelll]

i am so terribly at odds with my self. wanting one thing yet wishing for another. and i’ve never been quite sure about much. but you, you i’ve never doubted.

- l.r(@goldenangelll)love letters

[goldenangelll]

~types of people~

werewolf: intimidating, old denim jackets, night owls, always angry, feeling everything but showing nothing, loud laughs, protecting those they love, hard eyes, ready to fight, the moon, disappearing constantly, trying not to self destruct

fairy: shy smiles, flower crowns, running barefoot through a meadow, morning dew, mint gum, deep questions, gentle, acoustic guitar, trying to give the kindness they never received

mermaid: soothing voice, heart shaped sunglasses, the ocean, the smell of fresh cookies, warm sand, pinky swearing, sad eyes, warm smile, tries to be better, trying to find where they belong

vampire: under eye bags, deep longing, too many secrets, secretly a hopeless romantic, laid back, knowing more than they let on, the color red, always thinking about the past, lurking in the shadows, trying to find the good in the world

witch: bold lipstick, sliver jewelry, humble, foggy days, humming an old song, eyes full of tales, alluring, getting lost, old soul, art journals, winks, an old cottage in the woods, trying to hold the world on their shoulders