— INFINITELY MINE.

georgia ahrens — my overall perception of this dream is that i'll die before i wake.

[grghrns]

RE : julian apolskis.‌

HE’S GROUNDED  –  in a way where a mind doesn’t wander and creativity sometimes come to die. he’s not GOOD with metaphors and he’s not MADE to talk about his feelings, or anyone else’s for that matter. but there’s something about the poem, and the way she shrinks when asked to elaborate that is cause for worry.  “  no, don’t  –  don’t apologize. i asked.  ”  he speaks, a skateboard kicked to the curb as he sinks down beside her.  “  i don’t know if…  ”  julian continues, shoulder grazing hers, his stare at the road before them.  “  i don’t know if you’ve FORGOTTEN, but  –  i live right next door.  ”  a motion is made down the street, and he goes on, distancing himself from the gravity of the situation through half-assed theatrics.  “  and my number, i was so sure you had that already… i don’t know what happened there  –  maybe you accidentally deleted it between now and thirty minutes ago when i asked you to hang out, but  –  it’s 585 -  ”  julian makes a point out of pausing between each digit, as if he was expecting her to write it down.  “  -  721 - and … i  –  i actually don’t know the rest.  ”  brows are brought together now, a boy desperately trying to recollect what he’s supposed to know.  “  shit.  ”  ˛he breathes out.  “  i’m like a whole ass MILLENNIAL.  ”  there’s a laugh now, partly created by disbelief and the other remaining percent out of nerves. he’s not anxious, rather concerned. it’s an emotion he doesn’t experience anymore, not a significant level, but he does now. thus chuckles die down, and he offers her a glance.  “   ––… you know you can call me, right.  ”  beat.  “  especially when…  ”  and just like that, eye - contact is broken once more. 

“ You asked, but that ... It doesn’t mean you wanted to know. ” Words are small, and small frame feels like it’s getting smaller. Juli sinks down next to her on the steps, and she shifts slightly, suddenly aware of the small space between them. His shoulder brushes hers, and there’s an involuntary shiver from the blonde — shyness creeping inside her and onto her face, as she quickly ducks her head. But he’s never been one for sentimentality, so she’s not surprised when he turns to theatrics — nudging his shoulder gently at his words. “ I know, Jules. I just ... ” Pause. “ I don’t want to bother you, y’know ? It’s not ... It’s not that big a deal, anyways. I’m fine. ” She shakes her head slowly with a shrug. “ How do you not know your own phone number ? I mean, how do you even talk to people ? ” She teases, in an attempt to change the subject. It doesn’t stick, however, and she offers him a small smile, despite the fact that he breaks eye contact. “ I know. I know. But really, don’t worry about me. I’m fine, I promise. ” She lies through her teeth, and she knows that he knows. But it’s habit, to make sure people aren’t worried about her. To tell them she’s fine, that she’s okay and there’s nothing to worry about. Arms hug knees tightly to her chest, and blonde waves fall in front of her face. The conversation makes her wish the cement would open up and eat her, along with the long-forgotten yogurt.

[grghrns]

❖ have you ever attempted sewercide?

“ Uh .... Yeah. ”

[grghrns]

[ symbol ] if you could only be friends with one person who would it be ; kev or pippa?

“ That’s not fair. I don’t want to choose between them, because there’s pieces of the both of them that I need. They’re my best friends. They mean the world to me— I can’t choose between them. They’re unique people, and incomparable to one another. ”

[grghrns]

❖ do you wanna marry juli, be honest

“ Look, I— I love Juli. A lot. He’s been a part of my life for so long, and knows things about me that not even Kevin or Pippa know. But .... Honestly, I’ve never really seen myself living long enough for that. So it’s not really on my mind. ”

[dailynetflix]

“I’m just so comfortable with my hard work that I’m not worried about if I didn’t get a job, or I didn’t get that movie, or they didn’t like me.”

[grghrns]

RE : julian apolskis.‌

he doesn’t know much about poetry–he always preferred the beats over the lyrics, anyhow–but he knows enough about her. the tumultuous family life which she derives is not a foreign tale for julian apolskis  –  a couple feet away from being wall to wall, her bedroom window acting as one into her life life as well. she’s told him, too, but words often aren’t enough. he thought of them as crutches to emotion rather than means to convey. he knows, and whatever playful quip was being prepared over the GRANDPA COMMENT is swallowed.  “  pretty dark.  ”  he musters.  “  so … is it, like  –  just for show or -  ”  he knows what he’s asking, but like with everything else, words fail when they’re most needed.  “  i mean, who would most people be?  ”  there’s no leaving in the LITERAL SENSE, not in black spring. and if all that is referenced is those who abandon emotionally, then  –  yeah, he felt guilt closing in. he’d like to think he hadn’t, because he never really would, but how could he be certain. 

“ Sorry, ” she says softly, looking down at her lap. His comment is one of the reasons she doesn’t generally share her poetry —  it’s used primarily as an outlet, a way for her to express herself, though she doesn’t anticipate anyone hearing or reading it. “ It’s, ah ... Just, just general. No one really stays. ” Her voice is still quiet, and she refuses to let him infer anything about himself. Sure, maybe he was included at the time she was writing the poem, but he hadn’t really left — no one in Black Spring could, unless they died. “ It doesn’t matter, though. It’s just a poem. ” Georgia shakes her head, silently cursing herself for saying anything. “ Don’t ignore what I said about you being someone’s grandpa — you’re not fooling anyone, Juli. ” Knees are pulled to her chest, a sort of self-defense mechanism brought on by the brief touch on the topic of her home life. “ I’m sorry for saying anything, ” she adds quietly.

[grghrns]

RE : julian apolskis.

there’s a disconnect  –  between body and mind. he wants to but the distrust in his physical ability to reduces it even more. so, HE STALLS : soles on the deck, moving the board back and forth with aimless intent. “ ME ? pfft,  – life of the fucking party right here, georgia. ” the farthest from the truth he could get, surely. he hadn’t been much fun since his teen years and even then, a stretch at best. the two years spent in REMISSION had brought forth a more enthusiastic boy … and then with the return of his cancer, whatever spirit mustered was spirit squashed. it’d been five years since, and all whilst the cycle repeated itself  –  his zest for life was an attribute not returned. “ anyway, i’m not even on facebook, so already got you beat. ” beat. “ well, i’m not … on on facebook. twenty-two, not sixty-two. ” he grins. hypocrisy lies in the sentiment : often considering himself too OLD SCHOOL for the current generation–eighties music trumping whatever’s on the radio, and seventies films replacing modern cinema–and yet, facebook was waved off as an ANCIENT PLATFORM. like myspace or livejournal. though with little self-awareness, julian would embrace the former with open arms did it return. “ poems, huh. like, uh  –  roses are red, violets are blue … that sorta thing ? profound. ”

“ If you’re the life of the party then I’m the Queen of England, ” she says sarcastically. Yogurt is forgotten, and she leans back on the steps, elbows digging into the stone. She knows that his demeanor likely has something to do with the cancer — cynical attitude creating biting remarks in the face of sickness. Sneakers are scuffed against the ground, and she sighs. “ You act like you’re someone’s grandpa sometimes. Like someone forced you to get Facebook, and the only thing you use it for is to see pics of the grankids and express irritation at millenials. ” Georgia rolls her eyes, sarcasm evident in her tone. They butt heads when it comes to this — while she’s a fan of 80′s music, or older films, she holds no disdain for modern media. Blonde scoffs at his comment, shaking her head. “ No. It’s not like I’m writing it for some middle school English class, or poetry club. It’s ... ” A pause, and she thinks for a moment. “ It’s like ... Okay. I suppose / I love my scars / because / they have / stayed with me / longer / than most people / have. ” She recites softly, fingers twisting in her lap.

[grghrns]

RE : julian apolskis.‌

a skateboard  –  neglect to be found on squeaky wheels, and dust on the deck  –  rolls back and forth on the sidewalk. he’s impatient, all whilst being hesitant. getting back on the horse is what they called it, and though it’s a NICE SENTIMENT  –  julian’s far more upset with having gotten off in the first place. it wasn’t like riding a bike, it demanded far more coordination. and with new limbs added into the mixture, who knew what stepping onto the board had in store for him. “ to be honest, i’m mostly surprised the place’s even on facebook. ” he shrugs, foot dropped onto the deck’s edge, forcing the other side up into his grip. “ and the fact that you bother checking in. ” attention redirects to her now, eyes narrowing. “ yeah, i’m beginning to see the PROBLEM here … s’not black spring, though. for once. ” a pause, and he continues, releasing the board back onto the asphalt. “ it’s you. ” a grin is suppressed as he goes on. “ you’re BORING. ” another shrug. “ what’s next,  –  pinterest ? selling your, uh … pin inspired arts and crafts on etsy ? ” it’s awfully BOLD coming from a boy who’s main sources of entertainment included smoking and video games, sometimes both. sometimes during work hours. she would know. 

She watches as he toys with the skateboard at his feet, not entirely interested but also not completely uninterested either. She knows it’s frustrating, to try something again after going so long without doing it. And she’s curious as to how Juli’s going to handle it, if he’s not able to skate like he used to. She keeps her mouth shut, though ━ it’s not her place to say anything. “ Me too. I don’t even remember checking in, either ━ I think it was one of those things where, when you open it on your phone, it automatically updates your location. ” George shrugs, placing her full yogurt cup on the steps next to her. She’s never been one for eating much, anyways. She looks up just in time to catch his expression, and she glowers at him in return. “ I’m not ━ I’m not boring. ” She knows he’s right, though. She is boring ━ it’s why no one’s able to stand her for very long. There’s nothing interesting about Georgia Ahrens. At least, that’s what she thinks. But she feigns indignation all the same. “ No. I’m not creative enough for that. If anything, I’d sell my stupid poems. ” She shrugs, looking down at fingers now twisting in her lap. “ And anyways, you’re not one to say anything ━ if I’m boring, so are YOU ! ” George shakes her head at him.  

[theguardgifs]

[grghrns]

📱 george and pippa x

What was my muses 5 last sent texts yours?

05/31 @ 9:45 AM — hey! i dunno if you were actually looking for a job, but i saw in the paper that the marshall’s outside town is hiring. you could look into that, if you wanted!05/31 @ 12:19 PM — i’m gonna go get lunch, if you wanna join! i don’t really have a lot to do today.05/31 @ 3:34 PM — wanna meet for coffee at the diner? i have homework i gotta do and could use the company.05/31 @ 8:02 PM — heard diana was throwing a birthday party next week. were you gonna go? i was thinking ... maybe i’d join you? if you wanted me to, that is.05/31 @ 11:19 PM — what’s your favorite brand of pickles? do you even LIKE pickles? i don’t. oh yeah. i got h*gh because dad’s being a dick again.

What was my muses 5 last unsent texts yours?

5/25 @ 3:55 AM. — hey, i know we’re not as close as like. you and kev are but. i’m here if you need me, okay?05/25 @ 3:56 AM — i wish we were closer.05/29 @ 2:10 AM — why kevin and not me? i love kevin, i do. i just wish .... i wish you would’ve chosen me, too.05/30 @ 4:30 AM — i know it’s 4 am but. can i come over? i’m scared and i don’t wanna be in this house anymore. i’m. really really scared pip.05/31 @ 1:23 AM — you and kev would be better off if i wasn’t part of your lives.

What was my muses last snapchat to yours?

georgIA is typing … new lewkgeorgIA is typing … what do you think? i think pink’s my new brand. i’m an egirl now

What my muse saved your number as?

pippy 💖💖

What contact photo my muse has set for yours?

What ringtone my muse has set for yours?

default

How many times my muse has called your this week?

twice. once was wake pippa up, and the other was while she was high off her ass.

How many calls has my muse missed from yours?

numerous ones, but they’re always from when pippa’s drunk and george’s ringer doesn’t wake her up. she typically answers, no matter what time.

[promptsareus-blog1]

Send me a “📱” and I will answer the following:

[amandyke]

promptsareus‌:

What was my muses 5 last sent texts yours?

What was my muses 5 last unsent texts yours.?

What was my muses last snapchat to yours?

What my muse saved your number as?

What contact photo my muse has set for yours?

What ringtone my muse has set for yours?

How many times my muse has called your this week?

How many calls has my muse missed from yours?

[mishellejones]

Allie Pressman in 1x02, Our Town

[grghrns]

RE : pippa espina.

RESPONSE IS IMMEDIATE, and aggressive, and one she regrets. But the anger isn’t directed towards George, but towards the own perception of how she should be. HOW SHE IS. “ NO. ” Eyes clamp shut, and the room suddenly feels so much SMALLER. A suffocating amount of space, barely enough room for her to breathe. “ I do horrible, horrible things. ” Voice is tiny, of mousy quality, no vocal backbone to stand on. She sounds FAINT, words coming out only as an echo in spite of lips moving to form the words. She’s not there, not really, but instead somewhere different — looking at herself from afar and wondering why, why, why. “ And — and I don’t know how to stop. ” Eyes open, and they look at George, a friend. One of the two people she held so dearly to her — someone she’d HURT so viciously, no matter how unaware the other was. “ If you knew … you … you wouldn’t tell me there was nothing wrong. ” A sob escapes her, and she wants to reach out for the other, for some SEMBLANCE of comfort but she can’t bring herself to. She doesn’t deserve it; not from George. Who was nothing but kind and caring and supportive, and who she’d wronged so horribly without a single thought. No matter how much regret wracked her in its vice-like grip: there was nothing she could do to take it back. The clock could not be turned back, her actions could not be removed from where they lay bleeding, leaving a DARK STAIN on her life, her friendships. “ I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know how. I want — I want to be different. ” She looks up at the ceiling, trying to blink tears out away. They’ve already smudged mascara, whites of her eyes reddened prior by the weed in her system. But there’s something that feels so final about the sting, though she KNOWS it won’t inspire change. “ But I don’t know how to do that either. I — ” I’m awful. I’m nothing. I’m sorry. But words are lost on her, lost in the burning of smoke in her lungs and the burning of liquor on an empty stomach. And she’s lost in words left unsaid, actions that left HER undone, and the pressure she feels. There’s always truth in tragedy — TRUTH: she wants to change, she wants to be different. TRAGEDY: she can’t, she won’t, she’s unable and unwilling. And all the terrible things that come along with it are only building, going higher and higher until they threaten to topple over, CRUSHING her beneath them. 

“ Oh. ” Words are quiet, a little taken aback. She knows anger isn’t directed at her, but there’s still an instinctive reaction, to raised voices and harsh words. And suddenly she feels small, insignificant. Well — she always feels insignificant. But in this moment it feels ... more. “ Being ... Being mean to people isn’t the best thing you could do but ... It doesn’t make you horrible, Pip. ” She blinks slowly, a side effect of the weed. Time feels slowed, even though she knows it’s not. “ That’s — that’s not true Pippa, you know that. I love you no matter what. ” George shakes her head, and she fiddles with her fingers in her lap, picking at a hangnail. There’s nothing her friend could do that would cause her to think negatively about the other, no matter how poorly Pippa thinks of herself. “ Pip, Pip, c’mon — whatever it is, it can’t be that bad, okay ? You’re — you’re overreacting, because of what Kev said. It’s not that bad. ” She breathes deeply, reaching out slowly to touch the other girl’s shoulder. She wants to give her a hug, tell her that everything’s okay, it’s gonna be okay and she’s not a raging cunt and that there’s nothing wrong with her. But she doesn’t. “ You don’t — you don’t have to change, P. You’re not a bad person, no matter what you tell yourself. If you want to change, I’ll be here, and support you, but you don’t have to. ”

[grghrns]

Starter for @julianapolskis​ ! ╱ “ Facebook was like, ‘ your April was great ! You’ve been to one place with two friends. ’ And it was Sue’s, with Kevin and Pippa. ” Blonde sighs, pushing her spoon around her yogurt in boredom. Things in Black Spring were monotonous as ever — the only excitement coming from Katherine spottings. She’s grown tired of it, after 10 years of jumping at the opportunity to get a look at the Black Rock Witch. Now it’s just a minor curiosity, at most. “ I just wish there was more to do, y’know ? Anything interesting is hours away or requires overnight stay. — I’m bored. ” George isn’t often one to complain, though she tends to be a little more open in the company of Julian. She supposes many years of friendship will do that.

[maggieoconnell]

[grghrns]

RE  : kevin oswalt‌.

the mention of her sister is cause for a pause, pregnant and tension-filled. she wonders if she should tell george, then again  –  what was there to tell ? kevin hadn’t much cared for GOSSIPING, even when it came in the form of letting her friend’s in on her day to day life. some things were private, and best kept so. “ pippa’s … ” she breathes, gaze wavering. “ she doesn’t come up a lot. ” the truth  –  her sister is included amongst those subjects often avoided, intentionally. “ they know of her, just not  –  about her, y’know. i dunno, some of the stuff’s pretty racy for people with congestive issues. ” she concludes. “ grandsons, mostly. ” a few having been pushing thirty, and one forty. even a couple teenagers had been amongst her offerings. did she really look sixteen, or TWENTY - SIX for that matter. “ not like we’ve got somewhere to go. ” the sentence comes without warning, kevin herself being caught off guard. “ i like the idea, though. of growing old together, being all wrinkly and talking about the good old days. like … TODAY  –  it’ll be a memory in the future. s’pretty cool if you think about it. ”

Pause is too long, and she wonders if she’s misspoke. If she’s said something she shouldn’t have, even though all she’d done was mention Pippa and those two were thick as thieves. But she doesn’t question it, instead letting Kevin speak, explain. An understanding nod is given, and suddenly it makes sense — no eighty-five year old wants to hear about the partying their third gets up to. “ I guess that makes sense, ” she says, glancing down at her cup before glancing back up again. Eyes meet the other, and she silently wonders how she got so lucky — to get people like Kevin and Pippa in her life. She’s no reason to believe she deserves it, not after the life she’s lived thus far, and yet ... Here they are. She feels guilty for even considering the fact that she wasn’t as important to them as they were to one another. “ Any of them catch your eye ? ” Lips quirk in a smile. “ I know it’s probably slim pickings — high schoolers, or men nearing their thirties, but there’s gotta be a few good gems in there. ”  She’s teasing, mostly — albeit curious, she wouldn’t want Kevin to thrust herself into a relationship with someone’s grandkid just because they had a motherly tone. Eyes widen at the other’s comment, and she’s slightly taken aback — while Kevin isn’t wrong, it’s still surprising to hear it said so blatantly. “ I like the idea too, Kev. Though I can’t promise you won’t be sick of me at that point. ” She smiles wryly, mostly joking. “ We’ll run out of things to talk about, though, won’t we ? At some point I feel like we’d just be reliving the same stories again and again. ”

[grghrns]

RE : pippa espina.

THERE’S CERTAIN TRUTHS she can’t acknowledge. Or: rather, one specific one. A betrayal, as Pippa would define it, taking up so much space in the room she felt crushed by the pressure of it. It’s an elephant dominating the conversation, danced around and ignored, but only visible to one of them. Her view isn’t as clear, it’s fogged. She knows what she did. Because I slept with your ex boyfriend. “ Things … have been kind of ROUGH with Kev lately. ” She says softly, and though guilt even looking at George weighs down at her, perhaps the true problem is the newfound disdainful frustration expressed by her sister. “ She … doesn’t think of me the same way, I guess. That she used to. ” There’s a very specific heaviness to her voice, the sort of syrupy drawl of a world in slow motion, UNCERTAINTY echoing through the stream of words. Pippa had changed, and Kevin had too, and so had George. But while her two best friends went upward and outward, making some sort of improvements in their life, it was as if Pippa’s growth had been cut at the root, leaving petals to fall and everything to whither. She was worse: not only in bad habits gone unbroken and further entrenched in how necessary they were to get through the day, but in behavior. She was as addicted to anger and manipulation and conceited behaviors as she was to any substance, and she knows it. “ She thinks I’m … selfish. ” Breathing deep, she wishes the joint was in her hands, so she could fall back into something else. But hand is empty, and air is clean, the only SOLACE she receives secondhand. It’s nothing, and maybe it’s better that way. “ And I know she’s right. ” Voice is small, smaller than it’s ever been. Usually she booms or whines or commands attention in any sort of capacity, her entire being oozing the demand of look at me! The thickness in her voice is not from uncertainty, she knows that now, but of the tiny pinpricks in the corners of her eyes. “ I think there’s something wrong with me. ” 

She stays quiet as Pippa explains herself, a sort of questioning expression crossing her face. She knows what Pippa means — that things have changed, since high school. They’ve all become different people, in a sense — but she wonders if that’s not so true for Pippa. “ Like ... Well, what’s different? Has something, I don’t know, changed ? ” She doesn’t live with them, instead stuck in her house with her abusive parents. She doesn’t see who they both are when doors are closed and it’s just the two of them. So she has to ask, has to almost pry to find out what she’s missing. A beat passes, with the shorter’s words hanging in the air, and suddenly the room feels too small. She loves Pippa, with all her heart, but it’s true that she’s selfish, but it was just part of who she was. Her own acceptance of it causes George to relax, momentarily, and she takes a hit from the joint, breathing out the smoke. She can hear the change in Pippa’s voice, and she turns to face her friend, a warm smile on her face. It’s caring and loving and very George. “ I don’t think there’s something wrong with you, Pip. I think .... ” A pause, as she struggles to find the right words, what she wants to say. “ I think you’re just different. I think you handle things differently than Kevin and I, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. ” She hugs her knees against her chest, and though she knows there’s something wrong with her, she never expected one of her friends to think that about themselves.