LMAO OKAY SO I’ve had a LOT of people comment and reblog asking me to write more about this. I don’t feel like I’m the most qualified person to do so? but I’ll try 😅
okay, so clearly I'm approaching this from the perspective that shane doesn't let himself indulge. like ever. like I said before, shane has dedicated his entire life and all of his time and energy to hockey and ONLY hockey. when he first meets rose and she asks him to paint her a picture of himself at 8 years old, he tells her it was still a time in his life where he could enjoy hockey. where it was fun. because scouting wasn't for a few years down the line. I don't know a lot about hockey specifically, but I went to an american high school where football scouts starting looking at people at 14-15 years old. I know the same thing happens in baseball and soccer and I'm assuming it must be pretty similar for hockey. now, I haven't read the books so all of this is gonna come from the information the show gives us - but based on what shane said, I'm gonna assume he started taking it seriously around 12-13 right before or around the time scouting would be starting.
so he didn't have time to be a 'normal teenager'. when other kids were dating and going to parties and joining clubs and experimenting with drugs/alcohol/in other ways, shane was thinking about and living and breathing hockey. it's acknowledged in the show he's had at least one girlfriend at some point other than rose (and I think in the book he is dating someone during the draft but doesn't bother to bring her along cause she's got other stuff going on?) but we never hear him bring up dating or women or having a family in the future. we know from the show that he has a super strict diet and that he SUPER rarely drinks alcohol. outside of seeing him work out and read hockey books and spend time with his parents and hayden/the pike family he doesn't really do anything outside of hockey. he spends time at his cottage and does yoga and like ??? that's it ???
and then he meets ilya. and talking to/associating with ilya isn't completely breaking the mold for shane, because that rivalry/situationship/whatever is still in the world of hockey. he's not being asked to completely step out of his comfort zone because ilya is another athlete, in the same sport, and maybe the only other person who understands what he's going through, as they're both being touted the most promising hockey prospects of their generation. so it's not taking him away from hockey. it's not distracting him from hockey. until it does.
even though neither one of them wants to acknowledge it or admit it, them hooking up DOES NOT stay casual for either of them. when something gets in the way of them seeing each other, or they're mad at each other or not talking to each other or something is off between them, their performances on the ice start to suffer. especially when they play each other. the disastrous montreal v boston game in episode 4, the commentators literally end the broadcast (as we see it) with: "but where on the ice was shane hollander? and where was ilya rozanov?"and then we get the fucking scene of all time where they end up at the same club and everything goes to hell. and it's not the first time it's happened, its just one big example of shane having something from his personal, private life, effect his performance on the ice. and then it follows him directly off of the ice to the tune of 'all the things she said' and all of us crashing out in our living rooms, local sports bars, etc.
it is SO CLEAR in the show, especially during his conversations with yuna, that he always made sure every decision he makes is the right one to benefit his hockey career. to keep him at the top of his game and the top of the league and to never give anyone any reason to question whether or not he belongs there. because not only is he dealing with the pressure of being the asian representation in the league for people to look up to - he's also dealing with the casual and blatant racism in the locker rooms, on the ice, most likely in his personal life that we don't really see too much of. he's also dealing with the pressure of maintaining a specific public professional and personal image that will make his sponsors happy and continue to bring in more opportunities for him in the future. PLUS the pressure of being a captain that is expected to lead his team to several championships, while also constantly being compared to and measured against rozanov in every single aspect of their careers.
it's clear that they've always looked forward to playing against each other on the ice. it's clear that they push each other to be better. it's one of the BIGGEST reasons this rivalry that got pushed on these kids before they were even drafted actually WORKS for the league. there's a reason it didn't fizzle out and die after their rookie season. it's impossible to know (obviously) but it's VERY likely that even though they're both extremely talented players, they may have never reached the levels they got to with championships and individual player awards without each other. if they had been drafted in different years, far apart, or to different divisions that don't play each other often, or if they hadn't crossed paths in juniors... it all may have been different. so even though they never asked to be the faces of this iconic, legendary rivalry, just by being talented and playing against each other and being themselves, they kept that narrative going, even if they didn't want it.
so when they finally get to play together for the first time, on the same team, on the same line, we're finally seeing them on the ice in a way we've only seen them off of the ice. we see them exhale a bit. they don't have to pretend to fully fucking despise each other. they can still push each other to be better, but instead of using it against each other, they get to test their chemistry together, outside of the bedroom. they get to discover that their chemistry extends beyond that, on onto the ice. this, I think, is where the chemistry starts to bleed into the hockey. their personal lives are now NOT separate from the hockey in a way it never was before. shane gets to sit by the pool and watch ilya play with kids and it's not weird. they get to sit next to each other on the beach and it's not the end of the world. they get to celebrate scoring a goal by ilya kissing shane on the helmet because he's affectionate with his teammates and they've never been that before.
and shane walks towards it.
he asks for ilya's room number so he can apologize for freaking out and leaving when things started to feel too real. he admits that he likes him 'maybe a little too much' and asks ilya if he'd want them to be something if they could be.
NONE of that fits into his typical 'what is the best decision I can make for my personal and professional reputation' decision making. he knows what he wants and for the first time in a long time - potentially since before he was a teenager - he wants something that would be an indulgence. it would be 'selfish'. it could potentially ruin his hockey career if anyone knew about it. he doesn't know at this point if his parents, or hayden or jackie would be supportive. he knows they make each other better on the ice and that they always have competed their hardest (no pun intended lmao) against each other. but it's still such a bad idea. like he said to ilya during their first hookup allllll the way back in episode one.
and in this exact same episode, the narrative is going to step in and very fucking brutally remind him of that fact.
he gets FUCKING LAID OUT on the ice. now I've seen people interpret this a few ways. some people see it as an 'unreliable narrator' situation where he wasn't actually looking backwards he was just thinking about ilya and gets distracted. I've seen people say that it's definitely a split second he glances back and it's dragged out/slowed down as much longer for dramatic effect (like we see in the club scene) and I think that is exactly what's happening. as I said previously, by letting himself figuratively (and in this scene literally) get distracted for once. FOR PROBABLY NOT EVEN A SPLIT SECOND. he gets the most brutal possible reminder that letting his personal, private life mix with his life on the ice could have DIABOLICAL consequences. we've seen him and ilya take small steps towards admitting that what they have is something and that in their own little bubble, they're letting themselves have a small taste of that. and the one time he lets A TINY BIT OF THAT bleed into his hockey, reality steps in to remind him and ilya and us that it could be dangerous for them. literally. for SO MANY REASONS. and ilya having to WATCH IT HAPPEN after dealing with his dad dying and cutting off his brother and literally having NO ONE in his life but shane and svetlana... he already KNOWS he's in over his head with shane. he knows he's in love with him and he realizes in that moment how helpless it feels to not be able to do anything about it. they're in public, on tv, in front of the whole word. he has no right to know anything about the hospital he's gong to, what his condition is. and one of the first things shane thinks about is asking the paramedics to tell ilya that he's okay.
and when ilya goes to see him in the hospital, and they both have to reckon with the fact that shane (and now most likely the metros) are out of the playoffs, and that ilya was SO SCARED and that he wants to go to shane's cottage but he just can't let any of this get any messier and more complicated because it's BLEEDING INTO THEIR HOCKEY AND ILYA COULD BARELY HIDE IT ON THE ICE AND SHANE IS COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO INVITE HIM TO SPEND SUMMER WITH HIM.
that fucking moment on the ice. that less than a split second that lands shane in the hospital.
fucking hell man. I know we talk about the scott and kip moment as being the catalyst for ilya and shane and it absolutely is. but THAT MOMENT that sports fans get annoyed about. the story needed that moment. the characters needed that moment. and it's executed so well and ACTED so well and because the writing in this show is INCREDIBLE it's built up to SO WELL and the payoff is just excellent.
and ALSO, the hockey podcasts and like previous hockey players or athletes or just serious hockey fans who watched that moment and said stuff like 'that lookback was unforgivable' or 'you can't have that shit on the team' or whatever... like YEAH. THAT'S ALSO PART OF THE POINT THE NARRATIVE IS TRYING TO MAKE. CONGRATS. if it was ever EVER found out that THAT is what happened?? that their relationship distracted shane on the ice and he got hurt?!
OH FUCKING BOY. hockey and professional male sports in general are already NOT welcoming to gay athletes. and we see from the reactions of CERTAIN TEAMS AND INDIVIDUALS in the long game exactly what that looks like. THIS IS ALSO THE NARRATIVE COMMENTING ON THAT. because it HAPPENED ON THE ICE. IN FRONT OF THE WORLD. AND PEOPLE SAW IT. if they knew the context??? holy fuck it would be SO BAD for their careers.
anyway, if anyone has made it this far thanks for reading I hope this makes sense outside of my own head lmao.
