You know, it takes a lot to put me off, but I was so very put off by the last chapter. It’s going to be a struggle.
This has been in my drafts for 8 months. It was just so hard to get back into this after finding out he literally wants to fuck his mom.
(Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 )
Chapter 14 (Monday, May 30, 2011)
Where we last left off, Ana wanted to know why Christian wouldn’t let her touch him. They negotiated in a way that made no sense at all, basically like this:
Ana: Please tell me why I can’t touch you.
Chris: I am fifty shades :(
Ana: I want to know you better
Chris: You know enough *rolls eyes*
Ana: When I roll my eyes, I get a spanking
Chris: I would like to spank you
Ana: If you tell me why I can’t touch you, you can spank me
Chris: NO it doesn’t work like that
Ana: Okay, well, tell me, and then I’ll roll my eyes at you
Chris: Let me put these kegel balls inside you and spank you
//end of chapter. the negotiation continues...
Chris: After I spank you, we will bang and then IF you are awake, then I will tell you about my fifty shades
Does that seem like he’s being manipulative? IDK, it went from her saying, tell me and you can spank me, to let him spank you, fuck you, and then MAYBE she’ll be told something.
He makes her suck the kegel balls. At no point does she take them out of her mouth, but somehow, he gets them again and then puts them in HIS mouth. Ugh.
He “stretches” her. Helloooooo fanfiction. He takes the kegel balls from his mouth and puts them inside her. He makes her fetch him water from the kitchen.
She returns, he makes her ask for her spanking, he puts her over his knee and spanks. Spank spank spank oh they’re both so into it everything is so hot. Her butt turns fifty shades of pink. He spanks until he can bear it no more, then he pulls the kegel balls outs, slides his cockasaurus rex into her, and she mewls like a cat.
Those are the words EL James chose. Because there is NOTHING hotter than sliding your dingaling into a lady and hearing cat noises.
They bang, it’s not super interesting, Christian TAKES OFF HIS CONDOM IN THE BATHROOM AND DISPOSES OF IT PROPERLY!!!!
He rubs her butt with lotion and she tells him to tell her. He says “My mother was a crack whore, go to sleep”.
THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHY YOU DON’T LIKE BEING TOUCHED
Christian dreams about apples again. Elliot would bite them and throw them on the ground. Christian gets angry. Elliot calls him a “righteous dweeb.” Christian gets really mad and beats Elliot’s face in. Dad comes over. Christian says Elliot is wasting food. Elliot has to go with Dad. Christian gets to pick up the apples and help Mom make a apple pie with them.
Christian wakes at 7. He thinks he’s having “another lie-in with Miss Steele”. Is “lie-in” a term Americans use? I never hear it; last I heard it was in Harry Potter or something.
Uhhh nothing really, Christian wanders around the apartment, his housekeeper keeps giving him “knowing” smiles while doing Ana’s laundry. Ana sleeps forever.
Business business business numbers. (is this working?) He plans meetings, looks at his computer.
Ana wakes up. They fuck on his desk. Oookay. He is super into the fact that she instigated the sexing this time. No one else EVER. Maybe it’s because you literally get people who like to be submissive?
She says she wants to shower. He has to do more emails. Then they’ll join up for breakfast. Oh, btw, Mrs Jones washed your clothes. She says thank you. Chris says you’re welcome. Ana says he’s being weird.
Christian thinks “weird is my middle name”. Christian Weird Grey.
Business business business. He’s doing something in Detroit. But does it have to be Detroit?
dude, 100% i guarantee you, EL James googled “worst american city” to decide on Christian’s origin story. look:
see.
For interest, I’d like to let you know, when Christian lived in Detroit, the population was only ~30% white people and ~65% black people. I only mention this because I pointed out in my short review of the first books that a lot of troubled white people came from Detroit in this series.
However, and I really think she just got lucky, but in 1987 (around when Christian would have been 4 years old in Detroit), crack cocaine was a HUGE thing in Detroit. GJ EL.
Uhhh Ana gets out of the shower, Mrs. Jones (housekeeper) offers her food, Ana says no, Christian says yes, they talk about her flying in an aeroplane, he reminds her about his huge wealth. She is sassy today. He likes their banter. None of his other submissives would BANTER with him.
Ana brushes her teeth with his toothbrush, then it’s time for her to go. She says she doesn’t need him to escort her to her car, but he says that they can kiss all the way down. So they do. We (shockingly!) do not receive a description of this, but we are informed that when they get to the bottom, they are “aroused and breathless”.
They say good bye, he goes up to his apartment and tells Taylor (I guess they live together and Taylor is never seen nor heard?) that he wants to go to the office.
On the way to the office, he calls Welch (whoever that is). He says he wants to know what flight Ana will be on. His “cunning plan is coming together”.
At the office, Andrea is surprised he’s in. He gives her orders. He makes an appointment with his useless psychologist (how long has he been seeing this psychologist that hasn’t dealt with the fact that he wants to fuck his mother who has been dead for 18 years). Elena (Mrs Robinson) emails him, having heard that he brought a girl to dinner with his parents. He does not reply.
He orders a wardrobe for Ana from Caroline Acton. He wants to go all-out, no budget. He has not actually worked yet.
Ana finally buys a plane ticket. God I had to buy my tickets a year in advance to get a reasonable price and she buys it same day. But she’s “poor”. He gets her upgraded to first class and tells Andrea to buy the seat next to her, there and back. “Cunning plan”, Grey. What could you POSSIBLY be up to.
Ana emails and they email back and forth. Come on, guys, download AIM or something. He gets weird about her using “Weirding” as a verb. She asks if Mrs Jones used to be his sub.
Ana finally ends the email chain by saying that “Kate has returned with food”. OH so you’ll eat with KATE, huh?
Apparently Elena also is constantly emailing. Come on guys it’s 2011. She asks him to dinner. He thinks “Fuck!” but says “Sure.” Powerful man.
Ana emails, thanking him for the upgrades and says she’s had a massage. He gets angry. JFC.
She stops emailing because her plane has taken off. He’s in a foul mood and yells at Taylor, who, as the epitome of a perfect butler, says “Very good, sir.”
He drinks and plays piano.
--this is where i stopped 8 months ago; back to work--
Chapter 15 (tuesday, may 31, 2011)
Let’s try to make Christian sympathetic some more by revealing more childhood! there is a man with silver buckled boots. he YELLS. he calls mommy a FUCKING BITCH. he yells and he HITS. He hits mommy and he hits Christian and then he leaves and Mommy leave too. Christian hides in the closet and Mommy is gone for a long time.
He wakes. Ana has sent him a text, she is safe in Savannah. He gets on his email and Ana emailed him too! She has really embraced the technology her Grey god has bestowed upon her.
The email is subject: Do you like to scare me? She says she doesn’t like him spending his millions and billions on her (because it’s like he’s paying for sex!), but she did like the first class upgrade, and the massage. Don’t worry, the masseuse was hella gay. She didn’t tell him about the gayness previously and he was angry so angry and she is scared (get the abuse chart). She says what he is offering is “erotic and sexy” but she’s scared he’ll hurt her. ANA YOU CAN GET EROTIC AND SEXY FROM LOTS OF PEOPLE. RUN IF YOU ARE SCARED. She says she wants to be with him and he dazzles her.
He reads the email over and over and then goes for a run.
While running, he thinks about how he is paying her for sex. Like a whore! His mother was a whore!!! This makes him angry, so he runs REALLY FAST.
He thinks that he doesn’t dazzle her, she dazzles HIM. But she flew across the country to get away from him.
NO YOU SELF OBSESSED SHITHEAD SHE WENT TO VISIT HER FUCKING MOM
Ugh why did i start doing this again
He thinks that he’s leading her down a path that leads to something more intimate than a vanilla relationship. He compares it to the casual way Elliot dates.
Okay, NO, fuckwad. Your "relationships" are not "more intimate" because you beat the women in them. They’re also not "more intimate" because the only example of a vanilla relationship happens to be your brother. And you think Ana is clueless? You know NOTHING about intimacy.
He runs so he doesn’t have to think about how she is afraid of the depth of her feelings.
He gets home. Gail (Mrs Jones) offers him coffee. Without stopping, he says yes. He runs to his computer and writes an email to Ana. He tells her to get over the fact that he is rich. He tells her to tell her mom that he’s her boyfriend. And, as her Dom, he expects her to accept whatever he spends with no argument. So much for trying to be more than just a dom/sub relationship.
He says he works hard for his money, which is a laugh, and says she has self-esteem issues and suggests he make an appointment with his therapist, which is a laugh and a half because his therapist is obviously completely useless.
He says he doesn’t like the idea of her being afraid of him, but the idea of her being bound and gagged turns him on. Not in a crate though, crates don’t make him feel one way or the other. He says in a dom/sub relationship, subs have all the power. Which might be true in a healthy relationship, but it’s a baldfaced lie in his world.
Blah blah blah this is dull. She’s not submissive but she had the right demeanor in the playroom, he doesn’t like to beat black and blue, pink is preferred. Enjoy yourself in Georgia but not too much.
His coffee is cold. He goes to see what Gail (apparently we’re on a first name basis with the housekeeper now) made for breakfast.
Taylor has been in the car waiting for him to go to work. How long, I wonder? Do you think Taylor wakes up in the morning and just goes to sit in the car until Chris decides its time to go to work? In the car, Christian calls some guy and asked him about putting a tech plant in Georgia. Jesus Christ dude.
He does meetings all day. No emails from Ana. He wonders if she’s "daunted" by his email or if she’s doing other things. What other things, he wonders.
GET HELP DUDE. GOD. Do you think she flew across the country so she could get railed by like, ten enormous dudes? And she’s laughing at you while she takes all ten cocks at once!! HAHAHA CHRISTIAN.
The guy calls back; let’s put the site in Georgia! Not Detroit yaaaaaaay. He plans for dinner with Mrs Robinson, then finally gets an email from Ana. It’s short, because she obviously had to write it during the brief pause between orgies. Nothing to report in it.
He replies. Still dull. She replies back. Get AIM already. Skype. Mental help. Anything. He remembers a time when she sat astride him nude and tugged his pubic hair. I don’t recall this.
More emails, I think this is flirting? She says she’d prefer if he unzipped her dress, and that email got delivered to his dick. HE SAID DICK!!!!
synonyms always call for SHOUTY CAPITALS. He replies to her email in SHOUTY CAPITALS.
They send like, 6 more increasingly short emails and then she finally goes the fuck to dinner the third orgy of the day.
Apparently his company is developing a solar powered tablet. lmao. Go outside to power it up but you can’t see the screen hahaha. Andrea is showing him the schematics for this, after the emailing. She offers him coffee, he says yes, she asks if he wants milk. How many Americans take milk in their coffee? (I mean I don’t drink coffee so I’m no expert, but I thought most people did creamer).
The day improves! Bastille apparently goes super easy on him at kickboxing, because Christian knocks him on his ass twice. After, he showers and puts on a jacket (but no other clothes), feeling confident and ready to face Mrs Robinson’s questions.
But not before we send more emails!!!!!! They really do use it like AIM. Right down to “you’re back.” Guys, the beauty of email is you can send them any time, not just when the other person is online.
In these emails, Christian is a dick to Elliot, Ana admits she actually does eat on the regular, but because he makes her feel uncertain, she is usually put off her food around him (smells like bullshit), Ana makes fun of him somehow, big words are used, and Christian puts a copyright on “Laters, baby” like a the asshole he is.
He decides he doesn’t want to be late for dinner, so he finally leaves.
He meets Elena Lincoln (Mrs Robinson) at The Mile High Club, which is in Columbia tower. While there is dining in Columbia Tower, there’s nothing called The Mile High Club and searching for it only yields Fifty Shades information.
Christian orders a cheap wine ($15 a bottle, peasant) and Mrs Robinson suggests they have something to celebrate— the girl. Chrissy doesn’t understand why she’s making such a big deal of this. Mrs Robinson suggests that Ana is too young for Christian (mm yeah what a scandal for two people in their twenties). Christian eats crab chowder, which does pair appropriately with the cheap whine he ordered. He tells her about Ana. No, she’s not in the "lifestyle" (what you terrible people are doing is not a lifestyle) and Mrs R can tell that Ana has turned Christian’s world upside down. She encourages him to be a creepy stalker and go see her in Georgia. SERIOUSLY you expect me to believe that someone else suggested that to Christian, that he didn’t just stalk Ana out to Georgia on his own? I’m developing a "Mrs Robinson is Tyler Durden" theory suddenly; let’s see how this plays out. She continues to encourage him to stalk this girl until the scene ends.
Christian is in the car, pondering being a creep. Ana sends an email, asking if dinner was with Mrs Robinson. Christian thinks this is perfect— that will require an answer in person.
…what? why the fuck did you buy this girl a phone???
Pepper these into your emails to impress your friends and coworkers:
abhorrent, trepidation, loquacious, judiciously, castigates, concupiscent,
Say there’s a situation occurring. Say someone’s car stops working on a busy highway exit.
Average people: Drive around. You’re a busy person, you have places to be, and no one expects you to do anything.
Good people: Stop your car and help this person. Push their car into the median, now they’re out of the way of traffic-- they are safe and all the average people are no longer being inconvenienced. You are a good person.
Bad people: Pull over, get out of your car, walk slightly toward the disabled vehicle, stand three car lengths away, cross your arms, watch the driver make a crying phone call, then get back in your car and drive away. What kind of person does this??? Why???
vaporwave
blakekathryn
gamechangershow
discoholicmusic
jimmyeatworldofficial
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
ellievsbear
theartofmadeline
stormborns
