I have 100% no clue what this is, just came to me. angst!haylor at the golden globes, where harry brings his girlfriend.
she shouldn’t have been surprised.
it was obvious it was going to happen.
but just because it was obvious didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.
god. even five years later.
she should have known, she was barely even supposed to be there, zayn didn’t even turn up, so she was left to herself at one of the back tables with all the other musicians wearing the same grimace that matched hers perfectly. well, all musicians except him.
no, he was front and centre, table 6, four cameras surrounding their table, the air around him electric, abuzz with his charming smile and mysterious nature.
when she stood out of the car, alone no less, freshly broken up after a year and a half with joe just two weeks earlier, wearing a seafoam green dress that was custom tailored to her at her request, heels clacking against the concrete before steadying herself, she wasn’t expecting to be met with the view she saw.
he was happy. gloriously happy. the flashes from the paparazzi’s cameras blurring into one giant spotlight on the dazzling couple. she swallowed harshly to escape the newly formed tears threatening to run over her rosy painted cheeks. the rabid photographers only increased their speed tenfold when he reached over and kissed her temple.
it shouldn’t have bothered her as much as it did, she should have been boiling with rage at the fact that he could write an entire album about them five years after they split and yet go unnoticed under the pseudonym of other past relationships, while she still had to deal with the constant questions, the incessant need for interviewers to scrape and claw their way through the layers of protection she had put up for herself in situations like these.
she had obviously seen the film, how could she not? he was everywhere. she purchased the dvd grocery shopping with joe once, leaving it till last as joe left to get the car for them, swiftly dropping it in their basket before hurrying to the self service checkout before anyone could take a photo and it becoming a national headline. she watched it on her laptop, away from joe under the guise of faking illness, still feeling guilty after all the time passed since they parted. she cried twice. not out of pity for herself, but relief that he still was there, here, with her, whenever she needed him, regardless of if he was playing a character or not.
she knew he had found someone. it was plastered all over the magazines joe had skimmed through on their many plane trips across the country, she couldn’t make eye contact with him during those, feeling too guilty as she wished his blue would turn to the very same shade of green she was wearing tonight.
she knew she was blonde, blue eyes, red lips, all the same as hers. she desperately tried to convince herself that it meant something, that after all this time he was still seeking something as extraordinary as what they shared and felt for each other, but she knew that was a empty promise, the words of his song still echoing in her mind, “woke up the girl who looked just like you, I almost said your name”.
she accidentally caught a photographer’s eye on the other side of the barrier, and just like that, her walls came down and she began to play the emotionless facade she had been wearing for the past three months. one foot in front of the other, heels now stepping on the lush red velvet of the carpet. shouts of her named echoed the room, catching his attention, his eyes quickening in their search for her, recovering quickly as he realised his mistake, correcting himself when looking down at his partner’s face. he couldn’t believe she was here.
the photos on the carpet dragged seemingly forever, paparazzi’s questions about him hurled at her with no remorse, tripping her up each time, forcing her to take the blows and recover each time. he slipped away with his hand on the small of her back into the hall midway through, and it took everything in her will not to look over at him, but even for a split second.
the moment she sat down in her seat she gave out a sigh of relief and mixed emotions, fiddling with her nails before checking her phone, nothing, not a single text or notification from her friends or family. she was in direct view of him. and her.
midway through the show, in the moments leading up to the big category he needed to win, she looked anywhere but where he was. the woman was rubbing soothing circles with her thumb over his palm while resting her head on his shoulder, and the worst part of it all? he was content.
the climax to the night came, and when his film was announced as the winner, he jumped up with the rest of the table, exclaiming in utter joy and radiance, all eyes on him. he was beaming, eyes twinkling. he curled his fingers on her cheeks and kissed her, passionately, proclaiming their love for the world to see.
they never were allowed to do that.
tears are free falling down her face now, no force could stop them. she hopes no cameras are on her now, but even if they were, she couldn’t find a space in her heart to care anymore.
then, just as he follows his fellow cast members up the stairs of the stage to accept their final award of the night, he catches her eye, holding their stare for what seems like an eternity. he nods towards her, a small smile on his upturned lips, before turning away to make his way onstage.
