THE MILFS ARE UNIONIZING @heartblown - Tumblr Blog

well if mhy won’t give us an unhinged woman with no tragic backstory or woob/waifu ication then. I Will.

#actually im cleaning today lol #/ out of character.

#cries... happy birthday klee #/. character: klee

alice is visiting mondstadt tomorrow for her baby’s birthday ... generally she’s not good at the passage of time and reliably misses other milestones but she remembers this always

#/ out of character.

just watched the cutscene again and damn alice really blew up mondstadt’s main gate with klee ,,, queen. legend. knights Hate her.

#/ out of character.#i mean in general. the order of favonius has a collective ulcer named after her. between wanting to flatten mondstadt and stormterror's lair #and the fact they cant really Do anything about her because. omnipotent sorceress ancient elf - witch.

“ July 17: What A Night !! ”

#remembered my klee is a mamma mia situation bit and tonights the night baby

astrumaa

A race blessed by longevity

#tbt #hold on. im soggy.

electing 2 delete klee’s dad from the narrative btw. its a mamma mia situation w klee and good for her

#/ out of character.#alice made up klee's dad for notes

alice is a horrible mother who needs to be taken out, etc etc all that, this is my disclaimer unless you think this slightly-positive headcanon is me endorsing ... anything. yeah.

alice is incredibly encouraging of klee, her penchant for explosives and destruction, and everything that makes her klee. her excitability and love of bombings are just another part of her daughter being perfect, precocious, and an incredibly smart and talented child who she’s so proud of. anyone who discourages her / calls her bad may face the wrath of a near-omnipotent sorceress.

#/ headcanons.

(i refuse to shut up about alice) there was an inside joke a few generations back of people who knew alice of who could create the wildest rumour about her and now she’s the subject of several key pieces of mondstadt folklore, no thanks to the way a certain bard spread the stories around.

#/ headcanons.

a ‘cute’ thing that did happen when klee was a baby is that, in an effort to stop alice taking her infant blowing shit up, a fellow adventurer explained that since explosions are very loud, it must be hard on klee’s baby-elf ears to be exposed to them all the time. alice took this into account made klee some high-tech slightly magical baby earmuffs for mom and daughter bonding (she also made herself a pair. for matchies).

#/ out of character.#/ headcanons.

alice doesn’t actually know how many elf traits klee has and how many human. physically, klee’s ears are just a bit less floppy & expressive than alice’s, but that could always be attributed to age. since most elves have left mondstadt in particular in favor cooler, rockier, and more isolated places like snezhnaya, she doesn’t really have the time or energy to consult on elf-children. for now, it seems like her genes are strong, but the real meat of this headcanon is alice has to consider that she might also outlive her daughter.

#/ headcanons.

tbh against the typical immortal trope alice thinks the most fun part of mortals is that they die eventually! a real ‘if we were vampires’ situation. flowers are beautiful because they’re temporary and so are humans.

#/ headcanons.#'is that they die eventually' listen i have a headache english bad

i think it’d be funny if alice was alive during the archon war and she was just like eh. i don’t wanna deal with this (stays in her rock house discovering alchemy for a millennia)

#/ out of character.

diona

Note to self : brush up on sign with Klee so you can threaten them directly. “Don’t sign down to me. I’m not kicking your shit in until Klee’s older. She still likes you for some reason and I don’t wanna make a baby cry.”

“ don’t worry d-i-o-n-a, i’m not signing down to anyone. one day you might be stronger than all of us !! ” wouldn’t that be fun ?? she’s certainly got the hexenzirkel spirit. “ and don’t let my klee hear you calling her a baby; she’s a big girl. six years old, you know. ”

#/ in character.#when i say i hate alice i do mean it unironically #devolusion #devolusion: diona #please imagine poor wicker is interpreting this with such little inflection and enthusiasm

i think i should start blaming alice for more things. we’ve already got cursing bennett’s bloodline to bad luck. what if this ‘certain someone’ was alice.

#/ out of character.

diona

“Alice is omnipotent?” A beat. The surprise fades from the child’s face. “GOOD. I hope she knows I’m gonna kick her ass someday.”

“ that will be so fun !! i can’t wait. ” they don’t even seem to be sarcastic! “ just let me know when you’re ready. ”

#/ in character.#devolusion #devolusion: diona #(does not tag this as goofs)#also diona (shake) barbara

what alice DOES have is a little cottage in mondstadt because while klee can enter and exit her rock-home as she sees fit, as a fellow elf, albedo cannot. so they have a house that’s basically a kitchen that’s just been turned into a lab and you should not light a match in there because there’s probably gunpowder on all surfaces. bedrooms are not a gunpowder free zone but klee’s bed IS. sometimes.

#/ headcanons.

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THE MILFS ARE UNIONIZING