These days, before we talk about misogyny, women are increasingly being asked to modify our language so we donāt hurt menās feelings. Donāt say, āMen oppress womenā ā thatās sexism, as bad as any sexism women ever have to handle, possibly worse. Instead, say, āSome men oppress women.ā Whatever you do, donāt generalise. Thatās something men do. Not all men ā just some men.
This type of semantic squabbling is a very effective way of getting women to shut up. After all, most of us grew up learning that being a good girl was all about putting other peopleās feelings ahead of our own. We arenāt supposed to say what we think if thereās a chance it might upset somebody else or, worse, make them angry. So we stifle our speech with apologies, caveats and soothing sounds. We reassure our friends and loved ones that āyouāre not one of those men who hate womenā.
What we donāt say is: of course not all men hate women. But culture hates women, so men who grow up in a sexist culture have a tendency to do and say sexist things, often without meaning to. We arenāt judging you for who you are but that doesnāt mean weāre not asking you to change your behaviour. What you feel about women in your heart is of less immediate importance than how you treat them on a daily basis.
You can be the gentlest, sweetest man in the world yet still benefit from sexism. Thatās how oppression works.
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