everluv

💭❤️✍🏻🎀🍓🛩️

[herienta]

to be loved and to be truly seen, this is the deepest desire of the human heart. he already sees us, and he already loves us. hindi ko na kailangang magmakaawa para mahalin at tanggapin ako. we are already loved and accepted. from the very beginning, he looks at us not with judgment, he sees beyond our sins, failures and our wounds. he sees who we truly are and who we are becoming.

many of us struggle because we identify ourselves with what seems like “not lovable” our mistakes, past, and even our broken relationships. but these don’t define us. when we feel unloved, it is not because he has stopped loving us.

it is because we have forgotten how he sees us. he loves us so that we may change that is why we don’t beg for love, we receive it. we open our hearts to it. and then we allow that love to heal us, restore us, and teach us how to love others. we will live in freedom, of those who know they are loved by him.

[herienta]

2025 put me through so much, and somehow, i’m still here. i can say that proudly i survived everything i walked into. every situation and person, left me with a lesson. some hurt more than others, especially because i forgive easily, but i learned to let go for my own peace and for the people who truly understand me. nagawa ko ang mga dapat kong gawin. may inayos, may sinubukan, pero may mga bagay talagang hindi na kaya. and that’s okay. i did my best at being myself not anyone else, just me.

this year was heavy. it’s hard knowing it ends like this, but i’ve done all i could. i chose peace after the chaos, and through everything, i stayed still, grounded, unshaken. ang dami kong nawala, and that became my reason to finally let go of the pain this year brought me.

i went through heartbreaks, along with the grief of losing my baby angel who stayed with me for two and a half years, half of this year felt like learning how to breathe again. then another heartbreak came when the one i loved turned away once more. it wasn’t easy ang hirap, sobra.

i carried all the pain on my own, lahat ng sakit na naiwan buhat ko. i truly lost myself while trying to understand everything searching for answers, trying to make sense of all the pain. but i faced it. i processed everything, even when it felt too heavy to hold. i don’t blame anyone for the hurt, even during the moments i thought i wouldn’t make it through.

because of him, my faith grew stronger than i ever expected. all i did was pray with a whole heart, honest, sincere, and unafraid to face the truth. no one could push me to do something that would ruin me. i’m thankful for the people who never tolerated my vices, for the healthy space i’m in now, even if i once walked away from it.

despite the noise, everything happening around me,
i stayed okay. i was never tempted to become someone i wouldn’t be proud of. i know where i stand. know where i belong.

i choose my worth every day. i protect my self-value, now and always. because no one can love me the way i’ve learned to love myself. and this time, if someone chooses me again, i hope they stay this time. i’m ready now to be steady, to be whole, and to be at peace in a relationship.

[herienta]

i choose peace over negativity. i don’t throw pebbles at people and then blame them for reacting. i choose not to provoke or create nega in the first place. allow people to make their own decisions, and whatever happens, i protect my energy, take responsibility for my actions, and move forward with calm and self-respect.

if someone is meant to leave my life, i let them go without forcing or chasing because i’ve tried, given my all, and done everything i could. they will never find another me. i choose to keep myself out of situations that cost me.

i carry my words in my pocket. all my anger, hurt, and rage but i choose not to release them. i hold truths and secrets that could hurt others, and choose restraint over harm. my silence is not weakness, it is self-control, growth and respect for my own peace. at least i don’t depend on having someone with me.

[herienta]

today, the last sunday of december, i went to mass. i woke at 7:15 a.m. and i got up right away despite my usual pace. i prepared in silence and left without food or water and walked to the church, i went there on an empty stomach. the mass started at 8:00 a.m.

so it’s usually fine to take my time, but i don’t like being late. i also knew that the church wouldn’t be full since it was ordinary time.

during the homily, the father spoke about reframing the past. what has happened cannot be changed, what remains is surrender placing our doubts in God’s hands and allowing them to be shaped into something better. he reminded us to place it in his hands and to care for our families.

as i knelt and opened my palms, i felt called to receive the sacramental bread. having my faith is trusting without needing and showing up, even when i feel tired, and allowing grace to meet me where i am. it teaches me to carry them with trust. when i do not fully understand. it is believing without needing all the answers. it’s surrendering my doubts, my grief, and my hopes to him.

it also marks my mother’s death month anniversary. i honor her by remembering her each month. she remains in my prayers, in my thoughts, and in the spaces she once filled. i am someone who remembers and gives meaning even to moments of silence.

[herienta]

when i look back at my senior high school life, i remember a time when learning felt guided and structured. during that period, i was still adjusting to responsibilities as a teenager and slowly preparing for the future kahit malabo pa ang mga nagagawa kong plano. i took time for myself and focused on the things that bring me inner peace.

college brought major changes. i had to learn how to stand on my decisions, manage my time, and meet expectations without constant guidance. as the years passed, the workload became heavier. there were many moments when i felt overwhelmed, especially when requirements piled up and self-doubt began to grow.

one of the most difficult experiences in my college life was losing my mother. her absence affected me deeply, especially during times when i needed comfort and encouragement. continuing my studies without her physical presence was painful, but her values and support stays with me. remembering her strength helped me continue, even when i felt tired and unsure.

now that i am in my fourth year, preparing for graduation and on-the-job training, i can clearly see how much i have changed. i am more responsible, and aware of my own limits. i learned to move forward step by step, even during hard times.

this journey taught me that challenges are part of growth. struggles do not mean failure, they are signs of effort and learning. i learned the importance of patience, and asking for help when needed. most of all, i learned that continuing despite pain takes strength, and that progress comes from not giving up.

as i move toward the next chapter of my life, i carry these lessons with me. i am proud of how far i have come and ready to face the future. i realized that while emotional pain is natural, i have the ability to focus on what really matters my goals, my studies, and my personal growth. it reminded me that life continues even during difficult moments, and that taking care of myself comes first.

[herienta]

simbang gabi reminds us to stay strong in our values, in our love for our family, and in our dreams. life is not always easy, at ang paghihintay ay mahirap. but those who trust and believe know how to wait with hope.

do not be afraid to begin again and to love. everyone makes mistakes, but we are never alone he is always with us.

in the middle of our busy and noisy lives, we are invited to listen to our hearts. sometimes we forget who we truly are because of everything that is happening around us. simbang gabi helps me pause, reflect, and return to our true selves.

this season teaches me to trust, to hope, to remember who i truly am, and encourages me to move forward with trust and courage.

[herienta]

for a long time, i didn’t know i was being shaped. i thought i was only watching movies, only passing time, only escaping. but i carried those stories with me for decades. i stepped into characters without realizing it. i learned how to love, how to fight, how to endure, how to disappear by wearing their faces, choices, silences. it felt natural, unconscious. i never questioned it.

back then, i didn’t see the influence. i thought my perspectives were my own. i didn’t notice how scenes replayed inside me, how certain characters became reference points for who i should be or how the world worked. i was living with borrowed emotions and meanings, and i didn’t know i had a choice.

now, something is different. i can feel that it was alive inside me. those stories weren’t passive, they were active, breathing, shaping my inner world. i see how each film shifted my perspective, how each character left a mark. this awareness changes everything. it’s not regret, just recognition.

the difference is clarity. before, stories shaped me without my consent. now, i can see the shaping happening. i’m more present with what i take in. more careful and honest. i understand that what i watch, what i absorb, becomes part of how i think and feel. and now that i know this, i’m no longer just inheriting perspectives, i’m choosing them.

this realization feels like waking up. not to erase the past, but to finally understand it. and from here forward, i get to decide what stays alive inside me.

[herienta]

im getting better every day. i’m learning to breathe normally again without depending on anyone else to steady me. i’ve been through hurt and confusion, but i’m slowly finding peace in myself. my life feels clearer when i focus on my own steps. i don’t need to look back or wait for someone to validate me ‘cause i’m healing, and it feels real. i’m choosing myself now my growth, my stability and future. i deserve calm, loyalty, and people who show up with consistency. i’m moving forward, and i’m proud of how far i’ve come.

[herienta]

as i grew up, i was always with them, watching my parents’ love story. it has shown me what real love is steady, lasting, and unconditional. their love stayed strong through all of life’s ups and downs, even facing death. we can never really unlove someone, we just get used to not having them around or hindi talaga pagmamahal yon sa simula pa lang? ‘cause true love doesn’t fade with time, it continues through both happy and hard times. even though my mother may be gone, father’s love remains strong and overflowing. his devotion shows me that love doesn’t end with loss it endures, heals, and continues to inspire me. through his love, i’ve learned that love is not just about presence, but about the depth of care and commitment that lasts even in absence. he never looked for someone to take my mother’s place. it made me reflect on my own heartbreak. i see now that love isn’t about rushing or replacing what was lost. love that is real waits through life’s seasons.

[herienta]

being in the church feels different this time. i welcomed salubong and simbang gabi on my own. just like before but now, the night feels lighter, the air warmer, and it touches me in a way that fills me with quiet joy. i’m into him, and i truly meant it when my words flowed onto the paper. is this how others see me that my presence brings them home? i carry empathy in every part of me.

the last time i was at my worst, every day was a struggle. i didn’t have all the answers, but i faced each day as it came, holding on the best i could. i saw it coming, and i let it happen, knowing i wasn’t the one who wanted it first. i’m confrontational by nature, but i’ve learned that silence can speak louder than words. i won’t put myself in a situation where i was never considered. i’m not going to lift myself up for someone else’s game.

there’s one word i hold to, and i stand by it. he will give me what is rightfully mine. and i wait patiently for my time and turn. when love comes, i will meet it with an open heart. i will give deeply, but not at the cost of myself. i will love, hold my boundaries and consciously than i ever have.

[herienta]

at that age, people are more focused on short-term pleasures than on existential or life-defining choices. in that stage of life, people ask ‘sex or chocolate?’ rather than ‘success or happiness?’ our professor raised the point. it’s not meant literally. it’s a tongue-in-cheek way of saying that maturity changes the kinds of questions we ask. real success is easier to achieve and more meaningful when you are supported and happy.

[herienta]

my heart felt so happy when i saw different love stories unfolding at the same time. yet how sad it is to think that their endings might be tragic, another heavy stone they must carry to stay together. so many couples found their way back to each other, no matter how difficult the situation became. it amazed me to see love stories rekindled at the same time, each one carrying both joy and the weight of their past. jannah, a friend of mine, understands this deeply. she has her own perspective on love, one that comes from giving so much of herself to the person she loves. and the another former couple is quietly waiting for their turn, hoping the timing will finally be right. i’m wishing for them a new beginning, one that starts gently and ends beautifully. it gives me an eye-opener, a reminder that love has its own timing, its own way of returning to the people who are brave enough to choose it again.

[herienta]

i created my own happiness. i don’t compare my life to anyone else’s. i forgive easily because i understand people not to talk, but to connect. i hold countless thoughts in my heart, and i still choose to express them with kindness. my self-awareness moves me through life.

i know myself, what keeps me grounded, what helps me grow. even when life overwhelms me with school and responsibilities, i still show up. i strive to be the best student i can be, a good daughter to my father, a loving younger sister to my ates. even on my sleepy, exhausted nights, i do what needs to be done. i don’t let it stop me. i don’t let it break me.

no heartache. no tears. the future me, and the one i’m becoming today, stands above it all. achieving everything on my own again and again proves how capable i am. now, i rest from what has broken me.

i didn’t exist in anyone’s life, and i won’t be part of it. i was never included, and they don’t want a life with me. so i left the table for them, and i cleaned it up.

i long for the old days, when my thoughts were only on myself and my loved ones.

[herienta]

i’m drawn to romance movies and series that offer more than simple laughs or fleeting attraction. i love stories that carry lessons the kind that stay with you long after the screen fades. i want romances that explore growth, honesty, and the quiet beauty of choosing someone with intention, not lust. especially now, when so many shows promote things that feel empty or disconnected from true romance, i really crave stories that honor love as something purposeful, and real!!

[herienta]

i don’t want to ruin my perspective on love the real kind i imagined when i was young. and honestly, love doesn’t seem the same anymore with how people treat it today. i know every story has different sides, but i hate that others keep pulling me into questioning what love really is. what’s real? what’s fake? even so, i want to hold onto my own perspective. it just hurts that parts of it have been shaken because of the misconceptions of the people i’ve met and the things they’ve told me. i don’t want to judge their reasons for searching for love. maybe that’s simply how they were brought up, and they’re influenced by the behaviors of the people around them. and where they can make a life built on that love ? whatever.

[herienta]

grow in the middle of the darkness in your life, because that is what hope looks like. always remember that hope is a decision, not a feeling. when there is faith, there is hope.

hope is choosing to continue even in your brokenness. there will always come a time when you lose interest in everything when things feel heavy, when your view of yourself and of others becomes clouded. but even then, the beautiful memories you once held don’t disappear.

hold on to them. those memories remind you that joy existed, that peace was real, and that brighter days are possible again. they become small lights that guide you through the dark. so keep going. grow even when it hurts. choose hope again and again. one day, the light will return just as you keep trying to move toward it.

[herienta]

i don’t hand myself out easily, and i’m not the type to be gentle with. don’t give me apologies and thank-yous at once. i don’t hold on to the past especially not for people. i’m not a “one-call-away” person and i’m not meant for everyone. the realization hit deep, pulling that familiar remorse back to the surface. i owe it to myself to do better than wasting things that belong in my future. it’s not my fault if some people end up collecting memories and experiences at such a young age. i don’t need those experiences. i’d rather watch movies than make memories with real people it kinda makes it dirty.

i’m lucky enough to have learned something meaningful after everything that happened. what a sick mindset to crave love, get shattered, and keep repeating it as if none of the lessons from the people you’ve met ever mattered. do people tie the idea of a meaningful life to having someone by their side? no wonder everyone explores and makes terrible choices. they understand relationships, yet they’re lost about handling their own lives. i hope the universe keeps me away from anyone with that kind of thinking. i’m sincerely wishing for it.