☆•~“Empty thoughts fill my head.”~•☆
((Yaaayy olive angst!!))
WARNING: mentions of d3@th, $uicid@! thoughts, and other sensitive subjects.
The morning was cold and grouchy. It had rained all of last night. The water had seeped in through the leaky roof, causing a few damp spots to appear overnight. That’s not really why Olive was upset, however. I’ll let you in on a little secret..
Olive never liked themselves. Sure, there were moments where they felt proud and confident, but those quickly fade once the phrase is over. Why do you think they’re so damn loud? Though, the thoughts were definitely imprinted into their head, as well. By all kinds of people in their lives. Mother, Father, Strangers outside. Always telling them “don’t be so upset, let it roll off your back” or “relax, it’s not a big deal”. It had never been that easy for them. For as long as they could remember.
It seemed like almost everyday, they’d be pissed off, yelling at the nearest person who fucked with them. But today, however, was a bit different. The only anger that was inflicted was- well,
Was on themselves. It wasn’t all self rage, though. A bit of insecurity and lack of actual confidence was mashed in there. Especially since- well, since their eye was sorta..
..not..working, anymore? Yeaahhh, it’s safe to say they went blind in one of their eyes. Which, actually- really fuckin’ sucked.
Olive was balled up, hidden under their blanket. Like usual, I suppose. A couple muffled sniffles can be heard. along with a pathetically cracked voice. A couple of sad hiccups follow. It wasn’t hard to tell, Olive wasn’t accepting this fact easily.
And this certainly wasn’t helping with their self hatred problem.
They so desperately just wanted to disappear. Vanish, go missing. They didn’t wanna be here anymore. Olive hopes every day, someone would just- end their suffering. Cut their throat, suffocate them to death. Toss them off a Cliff, push them in-front of a moving car.
They wanted to die.
So, so badly.
Life has no point if the people they love and care about aren’t apart of it. Olive hadn’t heard from anyone in weeks. Did they even care about them? Or were the visits out of pity?
That’s what they started believing. No one could even care about them. They weren’t capable of having a real family. Real friends.
…they didn’t deserve it.
And Skipp. Why hadn’t he come visit? Olive couldn’t blame him, though. Who would ever find interesting in a blood- covered murderer?
They knew they deserved this. I mean, obviously. Anyone with common sense would agree.
But-..they couldn’t help but wonder..
What would it be like if none of this would have happened..?
After a couple more minutes of pathetically weeping under a blanket, they emerged. Messy bed head hair, red puffy eyes, it was the definition of sad, really. How embarrassing.
They sniffled, using their one good eye to look down at their ends. They remembered how they were covered in blood, once.
…sometimes, they wished it were their own.
Olive stands up. Their legs weak from all the sitting and lying down. They limp to the wall, sliding down it. Olive let their head rest against the cold brick, letting out a long and shaky sigh.
They knew they’d escape, soon.
..at least, in some sort of way.
So..all they could do was wait. Wait, wait, wait, and wait some more. Before their time had come. Sooner or later, anyway. They had a feeling mercy wasn’t in option, so..
..i guess they were waiting for death to come take them. And if they are being honest?
I hate waking up in the morning. I hate waking up at all. I wish I could have my childhood wish come true and just sleep forever. Please, let it come true
gummygunk
jimmyeatworldofficial
blakekathryn
pixelskylines
