Not today Justin
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Celebrating my 21st birthday at Vikings. Yay! Forget about th fats, kaen lang ng kaen. 👌 I'm so blessed to have a family like this super saya lang. I love you all from the bottom of my hypothalamus. 😘😊💜 (at Vikings SM Megamall)
Fried cornettos served with thick hazelnut hot chocolate. #nomnom😋 (at Wildflour Cafe + Bakery Rada St., Legaspi Village, Makati)
November 23, 2016
I am so fucked up today. Ewan. Di ako pumasok sa trabaho ngayon because of some personal issues. Napagalitan pa ng boss (may point naman sya kaya naiintidihan ko sya). Ewan, I'm so stressed today. I feel unmotivated in everything. I started to lose hope. Feeling ko ngayon ang tanga ko at napaka walang kwenta ko. Wala manlang ako mapagkwentuhan about this. About my feelings. Lagi nalang akong umiiyak mag isa. Umiiyak ng palihim. Pinipilit kong walang makarinig o walang makakita. Hindi ako makapag share sa family ko dahil ayokong magworry sila sakin. I don't feel like sharing this to my friends kase they have their own problems. May isa akong pinag sasabihan ng mga problema ko yung baby ko pero minsan nahihiya nalang din ako magshare sa kanya kase parang lagi nalang akong malungkot kaya minsan kahit na gustong gusto ko na umiyak sa kanya. Kahit umiyak nalang d ko magawa. Pinipilit kong ngumiti kahit na minsan ang hirap na pero wala eh. Hindi rin naman nila maiintindihan kung anong nararamdaman ko. Kagaya ngayon habang tinatype ko to, patuloy na tumutulo yung luha ko. Ang hirap. Ayoko nang maging malungkot. Napapagod na kong umiyak. Tulungan nyo naman ako.
Tell me where did I go wrong? 🎶 #kaleidoscope #GreenfieldDistrict (at Greenfield District Central Park Mandaluyong)
November 15, 2016 P.S : I wrote this while I my on my way home.
I promised myself not to write anymore about how my day goes out but I couldn’t contain this anymore. I have no one to share about this so I am going to let this out so I could breathe.
Today is the second day of my monthly visit. Most of the time I don’t feel well on its second day. Sobrang lakas. I don’t feel like doing anything. I easily get irritated. I always crave for food. I eat too much and regret afterwards. So ayun na nga, kaninang umaga ang bigat ng katawan ko. Ang hirap bumangon. So I decided to text my boss na mag half day nalang ako dahil masakit ang puson ko. Well, honestly I am still sleepy that time. And I feel less motivated. Pero bumangon din naman ako agad because I have to prepare since matraffic which is lagi naman. I left the house at 10:30am and get in the office at 12:11pm. Mag lalunch palang yung mga ka department ko and they were a bit surprised because they thought na hindi na ko papasok. Kumain na yung iba at naiwan ako at yung isa ko pang kaofficemate. Since break time pa naman. We had a chance na mag chit chat. Naglabas sya ng sama ng loob. Pinagalitan na naman kase sya ng A.M namin. She told me the whole story and I could say that her reason is valid. I would no longer tell here the whole story but I am on her side kase alam ko yung feeling. Anyway, sinumulan ko na ung mga dapat kong gawin. I even stay in office today hanggang 10pm. And would you believe me its, its for free. OTY lang yun kase ayokong matambakan ng trabaho and gusto ko matapos na ung dapat matapos which is very imposible dahil hindi naman natatapos ang trabaho. Nung nakita kong 10pm na. I decided to continue my stuff tomorrow. Ewan. Pero napakabigat ng energy doon sa department namin. Nagpaalam na ako na aalis na ko. Pero alam mo yun ang bigat. Kahit na wala syang sabihin you will feel it na she’s not happy na umalis ka. Hindi ko alam. Pagka labas ko ng office sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. It feels like that all negative energy kumapit sakin. When I ride the bus. Hindi ko na mapigilang hindi umiyak. I have to let it out. Parang may hollow blocks na nakadagan sa dibdib ko. I really feel tired physically, mentally, emotionally. Parang kahit na your are doing your best, alloting your extra time, give all your energy pero wala pa rin. My job? It’s really stressful. Not only my job but the system itself. Sobrang nakakastress yung sistema dun. Even if its not your fault halos ikaw na aako at mag aadjust. And some people are like energy vampires. They reall good in sucking energy. It will left you feel drain. Very toxic. Everyday, I always find more reasons to motivate me but there is none. The only reason as to why I am staying is because of my parents. I don’t want them to worry about me so they were clueless about this. They thought that everything is fine. Aside from it, I am saving money because I want to study again for higher degree. Want to pursue my forte. Nakakalungkot and it makes me even more emotional. I don’t know. Ang hirap makisama sa mga taong ang napakaraming issues at kung saan saan nalang nilabito binabato. I feel sad for them because they are not aware. Or even if they are I just wanna slap them hard para maovercome nila ung realidad. I swear, I’m the type of person who would try to understand you as long as I can but you are really testing my patience.
There were times I wander to wonder things I couldn't understand Like how simple things seems to have its own meaning And can make you stay late up night thinking how it could be There were times I wonder the right words to say but, It just came out naturally the moment you utter words I couldn't fathom how such like you made me feel how I should treat myself It seems so foreign but the way you bring up things seems so familiar to me There were times I keep on reading the words we shared Trying to feel again the feeling of seeing it first Making myself comfortable As if like we've known each other for so long But I don't want to romanticize every words, Every actions, Everything that you showed I don't wang to get used I don't want the feeling of missing someone Where all you can do is to wait Cause you're not sure of what it is.
Since the super moon is the talk of the town for tonight, I'm also going to post this photo that I took around 09:45 pm. It still look the same size but I was able to witness the rainbow around the moon. It makes the moon even more brighter but it fades after a few minutes. Actually, I am a bit excited to see the moon tonight not just because its the biggest in 68 years and it wont happen again until 2034 but because I want to witness it together with my family. I already see the picture that we will be staying at the rooftop watching the moon as the cold wind touches our skin, sharing stories to each other, laughing with each other and such. Bonding. Family bonding. I am after family bonding. So what I did is that I get out of the office early hoping that I would be able to watch the moon with my fam. Unfortunately, it took me more than 3 hours before I was able to get home. I feel sad. I missed it. They were already going to sleep na when I got home. So, I just go upstairs alone and watch the moon. It looks beautiful but it will be more beautiful if we are all together looking at it. I hate you so much traffic. :( #supermoonph #supermoon🌕 (at Brgy. San Andres, Cainta)