this will be a lot of tea...
have you ever wondered what it is like for a black fan to be at a concert and try to enjoy a space filled with people who don't look like them? uncomfortable.
since 2022, i have gone to approximately nine shows so far, a majority of which i have enjoyed but still felt out of place at. the artists i have seen were billie eilish, justin bieber, harry styles, joshua bassett, inhaler, and pauli the psm. out of those, i saw harry like four times and i have been the most uncomfortable at his shows, as well as inhaler's.
of course, we all know that most of the fans at these shows are white, but there are always a few that are POC or black. i am the black one.
i have been a fan of one direction since what makes you beautiful was released and i still consider myself a fan. i didn't immediately jump on harry's solo career because at the time, i was kind of finding myself and had begun going to a predominantly black school, having come from a pretty diverse school at the beginning of 2014. however, when before the release of harry's second album fine line, i tuned in and begin to consider myself a fan, a "harrie." i started listening to all of his solo music (i did listen to sign of the times and knew of the release but still drifted towards trying to fit in with my black friends at the time) and i caught up. i didn't go to love on tour 2021 because i was a broke college student and found out last minute he would be in chicago, but i was still a true fan.
fast forward, the fine line era ends and harry's house era begins and i was truly excited because this was actually an era that i was fully here for from the beginning. his album announcement came, then the single and video announcement. there was the love on tour residencies announcement and the pop-up shops. i went to the chicago popup shop and i had gotten tickets to a chicago show (which ended up turning into three shows).
Harry's House Popup, May 2022
i was truly happy during this time and made a few friends. months go by, and i streamed the album when it releases and prepared for my show to come. my first show outfit slayed and no one can tell me otherwise. my show comes up on october 9th, and i was elated. i get ready earlier than i ever would and get to the arena a few hours before the show to take pictures and all of that, but remembered i was alone. i get to the united center and i am surrounded by white faces, i see no black people, maybe a couple of brown people, but mainly white. i get in line to take pictures at the phone booth and record my message to harry, i feel awkward. people have mean looks on their faces and socialize with the people they came with, and that's when i realized that these shows are better when you come with a clique. i always heard you'll make friends, but i made none because no one would talk to me. i got a compliment on my heels and had to ask a white girl behind me to take my pictures at the phone booth which i was scared to do because what if she said no.
Love On Tour, October 2022
overall, i had a good time, but the stares and mean faces made me really uncomfortable. i hadn't felt bad previously at a show because the energy at billie show wasn't mean girlish and i had my two other black friends who also loved justin bieber at his show. i ended up experiencing the same thing the last two nights of the residency, but night 6 was the icing on the cake. i had come before harry went on because someone sold me a ticket at last min and the united center handed out puzzle pieces for each show, i didn't end up getting one. i got my poster harry gifted everyone and spotted a puzzle piece on the ground. i was going to get it but had to walk down the stairs cause of my heels, but this white girl jumped down three rows over the seats and grabbed it before i could reach it even though i was clearly going for it and if you know the united center then you know how wide that is. i was upset, i told her i was getting it and she just looked at me like i was crazy, i'm sure she had one because she had been there seated comfortably before i got there. after that experience, i was put off but seeing harry live and hearing medicine overpowered that.
still, i would hear about and see the racism towards black fans because i was now on stan twitter and seeing what really goes down. every month, there were several white fans getting exposed for racist things they said about not only black people but POC, or misgendering of individuals. when it comes to harries, it seems like nobody can truly be a fan or in those spaces, if they're black or poc; however with asthmatics/inhaler fans, it seems like you just can't be black.
Inhaler, Rivera Theatre Chicago, March 2023
now, inhaler was formed in 2012 but had their big debut in 2019 when they got a lil stamina. they did tours from 2019-2020 before the pandemic happened, they even did lollapalooza which occurs in the city i'm from. i don't know how i had never heard of them because their music is so good. i began seeing stuff about them on twitter, not knowing that they would be opening for harry this year at his ireland show. but even anyways, i still started listening to them and eventually purchasing a ticket to their chicago show. i was also happy to hear that a few of my other friends would be coming, so i felt even better about going. i met one of my friends online in person for the first time and loved her and the other friends i met. a couple of my friends ended up being 50-something in line and i and my other friend were further back, which was fine. when we got inside, we wanted to be by our other friends, who were towards the front, so we made our way to her. most of those people we went past were friendly and let us through, but then this one girl seemed like she had an attitude. she was a POC, and looked hispanic. she gave me a nasty good and acted like i couldn't be by my friend and there was space. i still got by my friend, but we ended up moving back one row to be in front of our other friend. throughout the entire show, the girl who had an attitude talked shit to her friend and didn't even sing or dance, she just recorded and stood like a statue.
how is this racism you may ask? this girl friendly conversed with everyone around her besides me and my friends, who were about the only black people at the show. besides experiencing rude people, my friends and i had the best time. sunroom and inhaler was the loudest show i had been to, so i will definitely need earplugs. i just want people who aren't POC, especially black, to acknowledge that racism in fandoms occurs even if it's not happening to you and take action to make others feel welcomed in these spaces cause there will be people who don't look like you that enjoy the same music or artists that you do.
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