A precipice and peace @hoover-katie - Tumblr Blog

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I write a little parent piece reviewing the lesson for the 4 and 5 year old’s at church. I learn so much from these big faith stories they are always reviewing; Abraham, Noah, David etc..

Isaac was the topic this week and this was my take away. To say that God gave Abraham and Sarah Isaac because they wanted a baby would be ridiculously underwhelming.

Many of us have deep longings that we are praying for and about and I do believe that God desires to have ‘just because I love you’ types of interactions with us.

I think we can also be guaranteed that His plan is always bigger than our ask.

Just as Abraham and Sarah were pleased with 1 when the promise was as numerous as the stars, God is guaranteeing us things that go so far beyond what we are imagining...always.

I catch myself asking the question, “how should I meet this bigger?” Like there is something in me that says I should rise to His expectations. Really, I don’t know what we are even called to do in response to this since, no matter what we imagine or ask, He will outdo.

For me, most recently, it has been about realizing that I am never going to comprehend all the pieces that are in play that include me. I can only respond to the things that are laid out in front of me.

Even Jesus was limited in His capacity to know everything. “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the son, but only the Father” Matthew 24:36

I came upon this verse that I love, “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” Deuteronomy 29:29

I can spend a lot of time on the secret things.

I'll point to my children first. Trying to surprise them with anything becomes a sort of torture to me. The moment they discover that there is something to know that they don’t know it is an endless source of questions, angst, whining, and general disintegration of life. It’s better if I just don’t say anything at all.

As I tell on my children, I must join in confessing that I’m not much better. At the moment, we sit at the door of Hurricane Irma’s and I struggle to put the articles down. I have a strong urgency to watch hours of weather forecasting like combing the beach for one lost piece of evidence that I might find, and help me know what it is I cannot know.

With God, there is always a mystery, an unknown, a bigger plan. Making my peace with this is critical to me being able to function in his plan. Focusing on knowing what I cannot know is crippling to me. It is the opposite of Faith!

Abraham and Sarah saw the stars and knew their numbers to be bigger than they could count. They also learned that their part in the bigger was to have the baby God would give them.

Be known

I have a strong desire to talk to you. Yes, I also have a strong desire to talk in general, but I think about who you are. I think about the things that trouble you or make you feel like growing up. I don’t know you, but I have this idea that we are not that different. And even if we found out that we were, really were different, wouldn’t that make our time together all the more interesting?

It’s strange to say it, but I genuinely love you and care about you. Because in the end I believe you are my brother or my sister. When push comes to shove, the truth is that I might resist making actual sacrifices for you, but that’s my own fault and has nothing to do with your worthiness of it. I’d like to think God’s working in me to improve that.

Why bother? I have plenty of people right in front of me to love and care for and I’ll do my best to do that, but there’s something about the unknown you that calls to me. I’ve heard so many stories and they all are like a precious gift to me. These stories do not all look like gifts but they truth of them is precious.

There are some of you that I remember. I don’t know you now, but I knew who you were then, and I think about the distance you’ve crossed and wonder where it has taken you. I wish I could still know the words you are putting out there.

Some of you are full of the love of others and live in that sweet place of gracious acceptance. Some of you are surrounded by it but can’t seem to get at it. And there are a few that haven’t known it. May that never be.

There is nothing better than being known.

All the world’s a stage

I watch golden buzzer moments on you tube. I cry and am touched by the tears that represent so many dreams. This has nothing to do with how I feel about the show, America’s Got Talent. I often feel sorry for those that want so badly to be known but probably don’t know the cost associated with becoming a household name for a moment. All that to say, I walk away from watching and think, yes, Americans (People) do have amazing talent.

One particular evening I watched a doctor’s first and last performance on a grand stage, a subway performer of 37 years in his best t-shirt, and a father with his contortionist son. Someone in the room commented that even the golden buzzer moments still face massive competition at the final show.

There’s only so much room at the top. Certainly not enough for all the talents contained in even one episode of that show. And think of the hoards of people left behind. What are they to do?

I recently attended a Women’s leadership event where the definition of leadership given by our women’s pastor was “a faithful, continual, intentionality to influence others through what God is already doing in your life.” I immediately thought of the man, who for 37 years has been singing in the subway for pennies. I thought of the doctor whose voice was stunning but whose greatest gift was in the daily work of caring for patients. Days later a car accident takes his life and his time here is complete. I thought of the father endlessly and tirelessly practicing in his living room with his son, flipping, twisting, throwing, playing.

“Lead where you are, lead how you are,” our pastor encouraged. The stage of fame and popularity is far to small to contain the gifts God has given us. All the world is a stage!

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” Colossians 3:23.

A thought for the day

My kids and I were heading out for the first day of a week of kids camp at church and I wanted to give them some kind of spiritual pep talk.

I found myself saying the classics like “put yourself aside and serve others” or “abandon yourself.”

These are the things I heard growing up and continued to say to myself but they never really worked to motivate me or make me prepared to abandon myself. Why would I do that? Where is the motivation?

The thought came to mind that there is always a reciprocal. God doesn’t say abandon yourself in isolation. Anything we do in Christ should be looked at in relationship to Christ.

I’ve been dwelling on Psalm 23 which in the NIV says,“The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing.”

What I realized I wanted to remind my kids of is that God has his face turned towards them and is both able and willing to meet their every need. He wants to do this. He longs to do this.

There is the kind of abandon which brings to mind a litter of kittens left to the side of the road, but there is the abandon that causes you to think of running free down a grassy hillside or letting loose on Karaoke. The second is what I think God has in mind for us. Not to leave ourselves out or behind but to embrace the freedom of knowing that everything is taken care of and all of our needs are met.

At this point there is nothing that feels more appropriate than to serve with abandon. Enjoy God and enjoy the you you find when you look at Him.

God’s Word

Someone I was talking to today used the phrase riding a verse like a horse. It caught my attention. The phrase was in reference to a verse that someone takes to prove their point or to accomplish what it is they want to accomplish. It makes me ask what God wants us to do with His word. If we can’t ride it like a horse then can we ride it like something else or maybe we shouldn’t ride it at all. Like taming a wild animal, maybe it shouldn’t be done. (Those of you that make your living in this way I understand my perspective is limited.)

This is what I think about God’s word. When we read it we tame it. We make it say about God or about others or about ourselves what we want it to say. Have you ever had a misconception of someone so that everytime they say something you think it means something different than they intend?

This guy comes to mind...

"Arrested Development: The One Where Michael Leaves (#2.1)" (2004)

Lindsay Bluth Fünke: [Tobias was run over by a car] How is he? The Literal Doctor: It looks like he's dead. [everyone gasps in shock] Michael Bluth: Wait, is he really dead or does it look like he's dead? The Literal Doctor: It looks like he's dead. He's covered in blue paint or something.

I think we have to come to God’s word ready and asking to understand God. If we don’t, all we are reading is our own opinion. If God seems unfair or scary at times (which I think he does) then we have to ask Him about that. The other option is to silently walk away with our feelings and try to solve the mystery of God without His help.

I don’t think God is anymore of one thing than we are. i used to say that my personality was made up from the part of my parents that fought. To read God’s word is to understand who He was in relationship to the people he was talking to. He doesn’t talk to the disobedient Israelites the same way he talked to David who knows his heart, or to Mary whom he is asking to give up a great deal for His sake. In the same way you speak differently to your co-worker you would rather not know, than you do to your bestie, than you do to the customer service guy at the cable company.

I think God is saying everything that needs to be said and I have this notion that every book contains every truth about Him. So that if it could be cut through like a tree at any point it would reveal all of what is and has been. And we all, in our different positions and modes, would receive what he intends for us to receive at any point that we enter in. Sounds kindof impossible and magical but that’s one way that I see Him. It helps me make sense of the person who is so unlike me and yet connects with the same God that I connect with.

I don’t think we will all like all of God. In the same way that we never expect to like every part of everyone around us. My husband is amazing but I have had my moments where I thought I’m not sure if I like what I see. And I know that he has felt the same about me.

I feel like I’ve been there with God too. He’s letting me into His private and personal conversations with people throughout time, inviting my thoughts and judgments. No matter what conclusions I come to, His transparency is humbling. Were I to open myself up in a similar way, I don’t doubt I would fail to live up to everyone’s expectations not to mention being crushed under the weight of all those opinions.

Expect to get a place in God’s word where you don’t like what you hear, and know that this is a good thing because it means you are really getting to know Him for who he is. Then when you want to ask “can I love a God like this?” ask it. Ask it while remembering the fullness of what you have learned about Him. Ask Him to really know if there is something worth hanging onto in spite of...Ask because his opinion of you is much better than your opinion of Him. If anyone is leaving this relationship it’s not Him.

If the finger of God’s word is pointing somewhere, it’s pointing at God and it’s pointing at us both collectively and individually. It is not pointing out at others or acting as a guidebook for becoming God. It is God words to us and for us.

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.

John 13:3-4

Fruit

Fruit grows naturally. Yes. Then why is it so hard to see the fruit of Spirit growing naturally in me? Natural is a poorly used word. There is nothing natural about the fruit of the Spirit growing in me. I have to take sides in the battle within. I must choose suffering. When I suffer it produces endurance in me. I gain an ability to continue through difficult things. I could use a running analogy here but I think more of *washing dishes. I hate it. But I have gained an endurance to get the dishes done as an act of service for my family. The more I have “suffered through” the more easily I am able to do it. Endurance is not something you do; it’s something that happens as you repeat.

Naturally, (ah there it is) as a result I have character. I have experience being this kind of person. This endurance distinguishes me. I have not done anything more noble than suffer and repeat. Choose suffering and repeat. Voila! Endurance. Character is not something you do, it is established over time (cornerstone).

Naturally, (again!) as you experience this character that wasn’t there before there is hope. You see the possibility of more. You see that real change has taken place out of the basic pattern of suffer and repeat. You find that suffer isn’t as difficult as it used to be and hope drives you to that place beyond yourself.

There are natural laws that govern the growing of fruit. “...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4

The successful man

Isaiah 2-3

“Stop trusting in man” Isaiah 2:22

Isaiah addresses, in so many ways, the arrogance of men and women. I find myself taking pride in the work of my hands. But then can I not be proud of anything? I find myself parading around in jingling anklets (not really) but I certainly don’t mind getting attention. I wonder where the place is for taking care of yourself and feeling beautiful?

But then that all seems to miss the point.

I remember having a conversation with my children about all the different steps involved in getting food on the table. The grocery store people, the trucks, the warehouses, the harvesters, the farmers, etc. At some point in any of these scenarios you get back to the beginning. Not the farmer or even the seed, but the creator.

God did not set the world in motion and walk away. He’s upset by us, he is weary, he is hiding his eyes, our ignorance of him is a burden he carries. Given the way he looked on earth as Jesus, my suspicion is that he’s not wanting a lot of glory and honor just so we can’t have it. If my child made herself a little doll then proceeded to look to that doll for her needs, I too would be hurt. Especially if I lovingly taught about my own care for her for years and she continued to ignore it.

God took the insane risk of making us like him; knowing full well that being like him could lead us to think too highly of ourselves. I mean, when you look at the work of our hands collectively it is really amazing! I can’t deny that the work of our hands is beautiful and awe inspiring. But I also can’t deny that the work of our hands is driven at it’s core by the original work of his hands.

Why do we need the most amazing telescopic tools? To look at what? Why do we have enormous and elaborate schools dedicated to developing some of the best intelligence, the best leadership, the best musicians. What is the study or use of the brain without the brain itself?

God is wise. He’s not looking for us to stop using wisdom. God is majestic. He’s not looking for us to stop seeking beauty. God is forgiving. He’s not looking for us to be perfect. God is real. He is looking for us to acknowledge His role in our world, in our lives.

Isaiah - God feels

”Why should you be beaten anymore? Why do you persist in rebellion? Your whole head is injured, your whole heart afflicted. From the sole of your foot to the top of your head there is no soundness— only wounds and welts and open sores, not cleansed or bandaged or soothed with olive oil.”

Isaiah 1:5-6

I’ve seen myself categorizing emotions. This one is holy but that deserves to be punished. I’ve seen so many criticize and be criticized for feeling a certain way. I’ve found myself playing judge even with God. He can’t feel that way...but he does.

When was the last time you were faced with a disrespectful and irate person that had no right to say what they were saying and you responded with complete calm. Okay, maybe if you work in customer service, but what if it was someone you know and love. Someone you once thought loved and understood you?

God deserves to be angry at Israel, at us. Our view of God’s anger depends on our view of him. Our own anger, against injustice, against the wrong we see makes sense to us because we understand our motives and our ideas. When we are wronged we feel it and we say it. When we see God’s anger it can seem like it’s too much, like he’s just not loving. We can assume it’s because there is something wrong with God. The other option is that we are not taking the time to understand God’s anger, where he comes from and what he believes. If we start with the possibility that God’s anger is justified then what else must be true? Can we trust that God knows himself well enough to speak up when he is wronged? Is it possible that his love is so real that he feels our rejection of that love and it pains him in ways that we can’t see?

As Isaiah says, we are wounded. Even now with the healing of God as close to us as the words are in our mouth we continue on in injury.

Lord help us to see our sin so that we can understand your anger against it. Not in fear that you will use is against us, but with the courage of faith that you can bring us the cleansing, the bandaging, the soothing.

“We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” Isaiah 53:6

Isaiah

Isaiah is my landing pad this year. I attend a Community Bible Study (CBS) nearby and being in God’s word over the past few years has brought me new life. I sound like scripture when I talk about it because those images ring true. Living water, trees with fruit, lush gardens. At least that’s what it has felt like recently.

I try to think back to how I felt about reading my bible before. I remember feeling obligated. I remember feeling conflicted by so much of what I read. Not a conflict of conviction but of misunderstanding. The idea of God that I held did not match the God I saw through scripture. There are so many ways for that to happen. I was reading to achieve my own salvation not to receive salvation.

That shift, for me at at least, all comes down to relationship. God is not who I thought he was. Let me try that again. God is who I always said he was, and now I know him to be. One more time. God is everything I ever wanted him to be except more.

Whenever I was dating my husband there was that point where I was getting nervous and just wanted out for the sake of getting out. Fear I guess. Over pizza one night I used the line “I’m not sure about us and I need some time to figure things out.” My husband’s infamous line was, “what are you going to figure out away from me that you can’t figure out with me?” There wasn’t any logic in my thinking. He called my bluff and he was right. There wasn’t anything I could figure out about us by tucking myself away in my own space.

Here’s my takeaway. Read scripture. All of it. Not just the verses you know or like but the ones you don’t like. Look at it with others. Scripture needs perspectives. Sometimes we are like Ralphie in the bathroom with our Little Orphan Annie secret decoder ring. There are places where the message of scripture is far from what you expect and it needs the open air of your conversations and your relationships for more thought and consideration. Be open minded for the possibility of God to be there. If you don’t connect with the author at all there are going to be many misunderstandings. Here’s what happens, we go in with no understanding for the author, and then blame the author for our misunderstandings.

I’ll be in Isaiah this year if you want to join me. I plan to bring some of my questions and thoughts here.

And let us consider...

The Feeding of the 5,000 story literally seems to be as endless as the portions of food served.

I was looking at it again today and saw that the disciples didn’t really have anything. Jesus asked them how many loaves they had and told them to go and see.

Sometimes it’s not even about bringing our own talents as much as it is about acknowledging gifts in others. Encouraging the body to rise up and do it’s work.

I know I often have blinders to my own gifts. I want someone to seek me out and say, “we need you, are you willing?” I may not stand up on my own and say, “look what I can do,” but if asked to help, or if called to meet a need, I’d be more than happy.

The body works because the need is identified. The oxygen deprived cells cry out, the nerves speak pain, and oxygen, and blood, and emotion meet the needs of the body.

So it is with us. We need one another. Not only do we need one another to do our job but we need one another to communicate what is required. To call one another again and again to the laying down of our stuff.

“You give them something to eat,” he says. “Bring them here to me,” he says (Mt 14:16;18).

God does not need our talents but he wants us to be a part. Similar to the way you let your child “cook” with you, or “read” to you. You invite them to participate because you love them, not because you think they are going to be really great at it.

He’s inviting us all to participate. Let’s encourage one another to participate on any level and in every way!

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.

Philippians 2:14-18

This is personal

The message of Christ is clear. He cares about our heart. He comes to bring us salvation through love. It is for all people for all time. One size fits all. But, one size fits all is far from how I would describe Jesus’ in-person application of God’s love. There are the people he forgives and then heals, the people he touches, the people who touch his coat, and people he calls forth. Some people’s lives are laid bare, some are spoken to in cryptic hidden language. The talents are given in varied amounts. The soil differs. Workers are called at all hours of the day and the sacrifice of some is great while others give little. The thieves hanging at Jesus sides both begin with mocking but one ends his story in paradise. With the religious leaders we hear, “you brood of vipers” and tables are turned before silence becomes the response. We turn the page again to see some of those very leaders with spices and cloth in hand to claim, and wrap, and bury the dead and broken body of Jesus.

This is personal. A one size fits all response doesn’t fit a God who says he made us, formed us, and knows the hairs on our head. The things he asks us to do are no less personal. This is my work given to me and for me. I have one God, one Father that I answer to. There is no chain of command. The curtain was torn. This is an all access event.

Love is like water. It fills in all the spaces and takes on all the necessary forms. This is not one size fits all. This is a love that rises to meet you exactly where you are in the way that you need it. Fairness and equality are not to be found. The types of words that seem appropriate are sacrifice and pouring out.

Where were you?

The help

Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

No one wants to be the helper. No one wants to think they need help.

This puts us in a bit of a quandary. It’s not good to be alone but who will admit it? And what kind of help can be offered to the one who does not see a need for it? There is no top dog in this scenario.

I’ve seen enough Downton Abbey to understand that our concept of help is low. Yet, I love how in this drama, as the help begin to move on, those that have been the recipients of the help realize their need. How will we survive without the under butler? In the movie The Help it’s the undermined position that holds the power of understanding and love for the child. The child’s mother is lost without the help. It seems as though the one who helps is actually the one with the knowledge and expertise to make it happen.

Our view of needing help is low as well. We are supposed to be self-made, without too much attachment to what will change. The burden of righteousness or an attachment to ideals is thought to be heavy and restricting when, if left alone we can move freely between righteousness and sin without concern. This thought needs further investigation.

So my husband and I live a life together. One in need of help, the other a helper. Our view of leadership is overinflated. Our view of help is too low. I know things and so I share what I know, wanting my help to be applauded. My help is received as unhelpful because most of the time it is. Not that it’s not needed, but my desire to be seen as helpful comes ahead of my desire to be actually helpful. Then the leadership makes decisions without help. He forgets that he needs help or fails to acknowledge his need for it. It makes so much sense to blame. Nobody wants the help.

Where to go from here? As the helper I have to remember that my help is most helpful when it’s given without strings attached. No expectations for acknowledgement, no insistence that it be used a certain way. As the leader, having a desire for help, seeking out help, giving value to the help by using it, these are all good places to start. Also, no strings attached. No demands that the help look a certain way in order to be accepted.

If both the helper and the helped are to be given honor it must be given by the other and not sought from within.

Space between

Where is the space between I’ll never change and God’s power can change me? Both of those statements at times have felt like truth and like a lie to me. In word, I lean towards God’s power can change. In deed, I yam what I yam and I doubt I’ll ever be different.

I know the truth is that God’s power can change because when I look at the course of my life I have seen his changes. They are never as dramatic as I want them to be. That thorn remains, that weakening thorn.

I’ve heard all my life that the promises of God are coming. The fullness of my healing will come. I am more interested in what I can expect now. I become easily unsatisfied with what and how much. Is that a result of my own inability to claim it? Maybe it’s my western ideals about success and progress? What if it’s my resistance to discipline? If I could just get up and read my bible in the morning then maybe God would… No, I’m done with that kind of thinking.

So, find me that tight space between grace and power. In that space, the acceptance fills and overflows every lack, every dark place. The place for God’s power is a wide open expanse without limits.

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A precipice and peace