I donāt know who to say this to.
To be honest, Iām scared.Ā
Iām scared of dying young.Ā
My bodyās been feeling really off for the past half year and itās been a huge struggle. When things go back toĀ ānormalā I donāt think they will for me.Ā
Iām scared that my health condition will keep impacting my life.Ā
I know the objective solution is just to go to a doctor, hear what they need to say, do what I need do, change my life style as I need to, take medication if I need to.Ā
But thatās the exact hurdle Iām struggling to get over right now.Ā
Fear, anxiety and depression is crippling me. And this is all ON TOP of theĀ ācurrent situationā going on in the world.Ā
If I have an underlying medical condition, doesnāt this make me even more vulnerable if I leave the house just to find out what that is? To get blood work done, etc?Ā
Iām scared of the now and Iām scared of the future.Ā
It took me a while to realize whatās been going on because back in February I had just come back from a trip, thinking maybe I was just extremely fatigued. Possibly had some sinus issues before during and after the trip, so attributed that to the winter season. Consulted a doctor twice about different things. One concluded may pains were likely from typing at a keyboard with poor posture... one said I hadĀ āspring allergiesā (even though my sinus stuff started way beforeĀ āspringā).
It is now May. I can conclude that...Ā
1) My feet are notĀ ājust tiredā.Ā
2) Pressure behind my nose/eyes may or may not have been due to sinus issues - and if so - could have been part of an underlying medical condition this whole time.
3) I do have bad posture and a bad chair but - probably not why I was experiencing chest pain.Ā
4) I could have had carpal tunnel syndrome, but my nerve issues are affecting me everywhere now and I really really donāt think thatās it.Ā
I really wish and hope that I can tackle this head on.
But Iām shrinking away. Iām scared.