no tears left to cry.
δΈΒ detail a time you almost gave up.
JANUARY 2017.Β
jimin considers herself strong. sheβs endured abandonment twice, fought kids twice her size, and made it through bullying without a second thought. but this, this was so much harder.Β
she never wanted this but she still fought harder than anyone for it, no matter the choreo or rap or song. she did it all to her what ability. she was a winner, and she never doubted sheβd come out on top. but not this time. jimin was not a singer. she was always a rapper, since the beginning, but they pushed her to sing. she had to sing her heart out if she wanted to debut and make enough to pay back the ever growing debt. but it was so hard.Β
the time she spent focusing on the lyric sheet and trying to force her voice to hit the high note went from minutes to hours to days. each session ended in angry tears threatening to spill from her red eyes, her hand holding the sheet music trembling from anger, sadness and embarrassment. this wasnβt like jimin. she never failed. it wasnβt her just being egotisticalβshe just didnβt. not because she was the most talented, but because she was the hardest worker, the most confident of the bunch. even if she wasnβt the best, she still left an impression. she wasnβt used to failure, not like this.Β
the more she practiced, the harder it seemed and the harder she cried. it always seemed just out of reach. even if she managed to make it, it was never good enough to satisfy the vocal trainers. it seemed like everyone was against her, hearing the way the other female trainees snickered and gossiped about her. itβs what she deserves, they said to each other, smirking. maybe so. maybe karma had caught up to her and sheβd finally have to deal with the consequences. it hurt. not because what they said pierced her, sheβd heard worse, but because she felt like sheβd let her family down. theyβd leave her all alone. who would want to say they raised a failure?Β
maybe it was just time for her to give up. she never wanted to be an idol and she clearly wasnβt up for the challenge like she thought she was. sheβd get a job, eventually pay them back. itβd be hard, yes, but it would be better than this. the constant ridicule, constantly feeling lesser, constantly failing and falling behind everyone else. sheβd had enough. she was done. it hurt her pride to admit that she would give up, but it was never what made her happy anyway. but she couldnβt. she couldnβt look her brother in the eye if she left, let alone her grandmother.
theyβd helped her get here, motivated her when she was sure that she should leave in the beginning, hyped her from the very start of her rapping career. they were her biggest fans. she could picture the way their faces would fall when she told them she terminated the contract and was coming home. it stabbed at her heart. she couldnβt. she couldnβt do that to them. sheβd already disappointed them before, she couldnβt do it again out of fear of them leaving her for good. so she stayed. she forced herself to work harder and harder until she got it right. she wouldnβt let the everything she hated break her.Β
jimin was not a vocalist, she knew that and so did everyone else. she was a rapper through and through, but she still did what she had to, to ensure she wasnβt left behind and came out victorious. even if she fell, sheβd always get back up. thatβs what made her who she was. it was in her veins.Β
