hello friends

they/them send me screaming birds and writing promptsI go on tumblr about 2 times a year fyi

[stability]

i literally can’t stop thinking about this video and i lose it every time

[respectfulmemes]

[illuminatigoats]

what about rat movie 2: the movie

[extrajordinary]

GUYS. THERE WAS DRIVE-THROUGH IN ANCIENT ROME. FINDING OUT THIS ALONE IS WORTH THE COST OF MY MASTERS IN HISTORY.

[From Daily Life of the Ancient Romans by David Matz]

[thatdangerous-deactivated202112]

*rolls up to the window* yeah gimme a number V combo

[revedas]

“I’ll have two number IXs, a number IX large, a number VI with extra ambrosia, a number VIII, two number XLVs, one with cheese, and a large goblet of wine.”

[fortooate]

hail, I am Gaius Furius, welcome to Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives

[vonisv]

“YEAH CAN I GET A FVCKIN VVVVHHH….VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVHHHHHHHHH…BVRGER?”

[picdescbot]

a bird standing on a beach

about this bot | picture source

the text in this post is 100% computer-generated, including tags

[illuminatigoats]

blasted outta that test room like fred lorz, grinning as he zigzagged across the finish line

[illuminatigoats]

me: UwU

some dipshit: wake up

me: OwO

[thecommonchick]

when ur life is a mess so you just sit there thinking about all the things you’ve done:

[affectionsuggestion]

Concept: slow dancing in the kitchen on a summer night with all of the windows open and a soft breeze drifting throughout the house. You leave soft kisses on my left ear and I can’t stop smiling, this is all I could ever need

[sweetnsaltycorn]

SCREAMS THIS IS SO CUTE @pizzamyroll @xmelancholymelodysx @shitshit01 @mutha-twee-senpai @illuminatigoats EEEEEEEEEEE IM DYING

[illuminatigoats]

thats gay

[dongstomper-deactivated20161230]

He drinks Piss. He drinks Piss. He drinks Piss. He drinks Piss. He sings the songs that remind him of the Piss

[badlydrawnyuurikatsuki]

I can tell you what I don’t like

[sweetnsaltycorn]

@illuminatigoats Ik u don’t watch Yuri on ice but this is you

[illuminatigoats]

thanks ur right

[aquariushawty]

[bellaxiao]

proud of Nat Geo

[canthinkofaurl-deactivated20221]

YES

[illuminatigoats]

you have been lied to throughout your entire middle school education

"the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" my ass. mitochondria is plural. instead, try: "the mitochondria are the powerhouses of the cell" or "the mitochondrion is the powerhouse of the cell." I'm NOT gonna say it again thank you for reading this psa

[12345notactive12345]

Headfirst Slide By Fall Out Boy

Wish I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t

[12345notactive12345]

I don’t

[12345notactive12345]

Headfirst Slide By Fall Out Boy

Wish I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t i didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t

[12345notactive12345]

I don’t

[chlororplastsnotevenonce]

*If you cant read it, it goes as such*

One day in the cell world…

Mom: Honey, I think there’s something wrong with Mito… Something is different with him, and I’m scared of what it might be… I think he might be on…CHLOROPLASTS.

Chloroplasts. Not even once.

[today-ifuckedup]

Today, I fucked up... by being John Cena

This FU happened within the last 24 hours! I live with my girlfriend in London about 500 miles from my family home, and my sisters graduating today so we decided we’d travel the 8 hours down and surprise them, as we’d previously thought we wouldn’t make it but a change in holiday schedule at work made it possible. Anyway - last Christmas my dad got a Sonos sound system, which is controlled from smartphones connected to the houses wifi, so everyone has access to it including myself. My parents tend to sit and relax to Classic FM and read their kindles together, bless them. So we turned up outside and I connected to the Sonos and thought it’d be a good idea to announce our arrival with some music. I promptly interrupted their string quartet listening with JOHN CENA’s entrance song with the volume up very loud. I thought it was perfect until I entered the house to find it had caused my dad to spill boiling tea onto his lap, scalding his manhood.

tl;dr - John Cena burned my dads crotch