whoops, here's my internet legacy @im-driving-myself-crazy - Tumblr Blog

I need to tell myself every day and remind myself every night that I need to be the strong one. I want to be taken care of, but right now it’s my turn to take care. I need to choose love even when feeling unloved. Even when I’m not taking my Sertraline.

7/7/2026 1:43am

I’m miserable I’m miserable I’m miserable

We’re about to leave town, the U-Haul is packed up, and Christopher is getting us lunch before we head out

This godforsaken town has decided to give us the hottest, most humid day to leave on. We had movers pack our U-Haul and it took three hours and everything barely fit. The front office closes at 1:15 today for whatever reason (they’re supposed to close at 4) and we have to turn the key in during office hours, so we’re in a crunch. We have some things left to put somewhere and things to throw away but I’m suffering suffering suffering

6/23/2036 12:20pm

A month ago, I accidentally skipped a day of birth control, which caused my period to start. I paused the pills so my period could end quickly, and then I just never started taking them again. That means that yesterday, for the first time in years, I started a period that’s completely unaffected by birth control. I feel like I’m in middle school again.

I’ve badly stained two pair of underwear and both couch cushions. I’ve dripped on the floor and bled though a towel. I’m using both tampons and pads and I’m going crazy. How do people cope with this??

5/4/2026 5:14pm

Christopher’s side of the mattress developed a dip in it, and a spring started to dig into his shoulder when he laid on his side, so we flipped the mattress around; my feet obviously weigh less so the spring wouldn’t be a problem.

Tell me why, for like a week afterwards, I would come to bed after him and he’d be sleeping diagonally? Head in his place, feet in the hole. He never slept like that before, but perhaps the dip called to him. Did he miss it? Did it help him sleep?

4/26/2026 1:40am

One day we’ll be in a good place again

4/10/2026 6:06am

so-much-for-subtlety

We’re at the parents place for the week and I’m reverting back to high school methods of self-harm

4/8/2026 1:53a

Christopher’s side of the bed was starting to have a divot such that the springs would press into his shoulders, so we turned the mattress around. Christopher must miss his side of the mattress, as every time since that I have come to bed after he’s asleep, his legs are all the way over on my side.

3/23/2026 1:38am

We’re doing ballot counting/auditing yesterday and today for $10/hr. The person I’m counting with is unbearable to work with and the person Christopher is counting with is unbearable to talk to

Also she keeps shushing me. Should I kill her?

3/17/2026 1:33am

I played my first game of golf today! Christopher and I did a work golf game and it was surprisingly fun even though we sucked. None of us were super good so it took 4 hours to play 8 holes (we skipped one)

11/06/2025 10:53pm

Christopher left to Atlanta on the 16th. Well, he flew to El Paso on the 16th, and then Atlanta on the 17th.

I drove him to the airport myself. Well, he drove himself to the airport and I drove the car back home.

Before he left, he filled up our water jugs so I would not dehydrate, he went grocery shopping so I would not starve, he filled up the car with gas so I would not be stranded, and bought me conditioner so that I could shower.

I feel his love.

9/21/2025 5:43pm

im-driving-myself-crazy

I’m at the Firestone getting my wheels rotated and balanced. When I was driving down the highway, the car felt wobbly, which I think is a wheel problem. I have lifetime rotation and alignment, so I took her in. When getting the nuts off, they broke two of the studs and have to replace those. This added an hour, but there’s no charge as it’s their fault. Then, they looked at the brake pads and showed me that they were too thin. Because the labour is already covered with the work they were already doing, I would just have to pay for the brake pads. Doing this later would mean that I also have to pay for labour, so I told them to go ahead and do it now. This also added more time. I’ve been sitting here two hours so far. Alejandra was an hour west of this Firestone, but was going home, which is east. I asked if she would pick me up for dinner and drop me off again, so hopefully she’ll be here in 20 minutes and it’ll all work out

Oh, also I signed and emailed my new work contract today. I start Monday!

9/18/2025 5:49pm Firestone

im-driving-myself-crazy

Update: it looks like she had to stop by her sister’s first, so she’s still 20 minutes away. I’m not sure when she’s going to leave and I believe my car is about to be done, so I’ll probably tell her nvm. Trying not to cry for some reason

9/18/2025 6:59pm

I was let go on August 26. The boss put a “Check-in” meeting on my calendar and told me to come into the office. About an hour before, he messaged me to meet the HR lady at that time at the front desk. She led me to her office and she had the boss on a teams meeting. And then he went into this obviously scripted spiel about budget cuts and the current state of the market, etc etc and let me go. He let go of four people from the Permian that day.

It strikes me that he didn’t have the respect to do it in person. (Perhaps he was letting people go from multiple areas, okay). But he didn’t even turn his camera on for the teams call. Yeah, letting people go is hard, but it’s harder for them, so at least look them in the face as you do it

Anyways, I was sad, I teared up, but, honestly? I also felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Being pushed out of the nest was good because the job was slowly driving me into insanity and it showed in my work output. Being let go now, elegible for rehire, is so much better than being fired later because I stopped working entirely

My last ‘official’ work day was 2 September, so I get my benefits through the end of September

I realized I was being released when I was told to meet the HR lady in the front office. I spent the rest of that hour emailing myself anything that I wanted to keep. And then afterwards, I had Christopher pick me up so I could take everything possible from the work truck. I forgot the wheel cover, though :( and two separate mouse dongles on my laptop :(

09/18/2025 6:05pm

I’m at the Firestone getting my wheels rotated and balanced. When I was driving down the highway, the car felt wobbly, which I think is a wheel problem. I have lifetime rotation and alignment, so I took her in. When getting the nuts off, they broke two of the studs and have to replace those. This added an hour, but there’s no charge as it’s their fault. Then, they looked at the brake pads and showed me that they were too thin. Because the labour is already covered with the work they were already doing, I would just have to pay for the brake pads. Doing this later would mean that I also have to pay for labour, so I told them to go ahead and do it now. This also added more time. I’ve been sitting here two hours so far. Alejandra was an hour west of this Firestone, but was going home, which is east. I asked if she would pick me up for dinner and drop me off again, so hopefully she’ll be here in 20 minutes and it’ll all work out

Oh, also I signed and emailed my new work contract today. I start Monday!

9/18/2025 5:49pm Firestone

We’re at the doctor for Christopher’s six-month check up, and the nurse asked us about our summer break plans… is it because we look youthful and lame in our baseball caps and shorts?

5/22/2025 2:16pm

im-driving-myself-crazy

Ecuador Opportunity

Last week, Boss Leiah gave my name to somebody looking for people able to work in Ecuador. Today, I got a message from somebody interested in me going. The only issue, currently, is that two days ago, we got a new boss, so now I need his approval as well. He's here for our monthly meeting (currently happening) and I'm going to ask him in person afterwards. I'm so nervous. Wish me luck!

5/7/2025 2:20pm

im-driving-myself-crazy

So he said he’s okay with me learning more about the position and now I have to tell that to the first guy but I’m scared and paralyzed

5/8/2025 8:47pm

sacred-portal

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whoops, here's my internet legacy