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@ironsuitedstark
I'm heading off for the night. Want to be up in time to catch my show tomorrow.
There's a lot of catching up I have to do on a couple of my other blogs. And if desired, here as well. I'll be on the computer for most of the day tomorrow, so hopefully I can get all caught up. If my ADD lets me.Ā Anyway, I'm off. Night.
āStop!ā It wasnāt Dummyās fault Tony had been pushed to fear commitment, to not want to trust anyone. āYou are not at fault here, okay? It wasnāt you! So justā¦stop.ā
Dummy had, quite frankly, lost it, whimpering that he was sorry over and over, like a broken record. He couldnāt even hear Tony now.Ā
Tony couldn't take it anymore. There was, of course, the option of him resetting Dummy's hardware, putting him back to the point before he'd developed these feelings. But there was no way Tony would be able to do that. He couldn't live with himself if he did. He needed to fix this somehow, but he wasn't sure how. He wanted to promise never to leave Dummy again, but he also didn't want to break that promise.
There was only so much of this he would be able to handle before he cracked. āDummy, no. You werenāt at fault here. Pleaseā¦donāt try and take the blame.ā
āItās my fault, itās all my fault.ā He whimpered, curling in on himself and burying his head in his knees.Ā
He never thought it would be this hard. āItās not Dummy. Please. It wasnāt your fault.ā
āYeah it is. I should have done better. I should have done more, but I didnāt. Iām so sorry Tony, Iām so sorry you every had to put up with me.ā He whispered, voice almost gone as he shook his head. āYou deserve so much better.ā
"Stop!" It wasn't Dummy's fault Tony had been pushed to fear commitment, to not want to trust anyone. "You are not at fault here, okay? It wasn't you! So just...stop."
There was only so much of this he would be able to handle before he cracked. āDummy, no. You werenāt at fault here. Pleaseā¦donāt try and take the blame.ā
āItās my fault, itās all my fault.ā He whimpered, curling in on himself and burying his head in his knees.Ā
He never thought it would be this hard. "It's not Dummy. Please. It wasn't your fault."
āIs there any way I can answer that that will have you not hating me?ā Any way he tried to explain would surely just sound like a weak excuse. āDummyā¦ā Was it worth it to try and apologize? āIām sorry. I really am.ā
He just shook his head as he sunk to the floor, his back to the wall. He couldnāt say anything, the sobs wracking his body as he tried to keep what littleĀ semblanceĀ of together he had.
Things would be better for Dummy without him. He would be better off.
Thatās what he had to tell himself in order to make it through this. That Dummy would be happier without him. That he would move on and find someone who treated him right.
Still, as Dummy sank to the floor, Tony wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and carry him off. To make his pain go away. To make everything better. But how long before he did it again? Left Dummy alone, waiting for him?
āW-What did I do wrong? Why wasnāt I ever enough to keep you around? I would Ā have done better, you know I would have.ā He sobbed, hands tearing at his hair. He wanted to understand. But he didnāt right now.
āDummy, it wasnāt your fault.ā It wasnāt. It wasnāt Dummyās fault Tony was the way he was. āI messed up.ā He always messed up. āI should have been better. I should have done better.ā
He shook his head, sobbing even more. āI-If I had been better, d-done betterā¦ You w-would have stayed. Y-You would h-have been around m-more. Iām sorry. Iām so sorry.ā
There was only so much of this he would be able to handle before he cracked. "Dummy, no. You weren't at fault here. Please...don't try and take the blame."
āIs there any way I can answer that that will have you not hating me?ā Any way he tried to explain would surely just sound like a weak excuse. āDummyā¦ā Was it worth it to try and apologize? āIām sorry. I really am.ā
He just shook his head as he sunk to the floor, his back to the wall. He couldnāt say anything, the sobs wracking his body as he tried to keep what littleĀ semblanceĀ of together he had.
Things would be better for Dummy without him. He would be better off.
Thatās what he had to tell himself in order to make it through this. That Dummy would be happier without him. That he would move on and find someone who treated him right.
Still, as Dummy sank to the floor, Tony wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and carry him off. To make his pain go away. To make everything better. But how long before he did it again? Left Dummy alone, waiting for him?
āW-What did I do wrong? Why wasnāt I ever enough to keep you around? I would Ā have done better, you know I would have.ā He sobbed, hands tearing at his hair. He wanted to understand. But he didnāt right now.
"Dummy, it wasn't your fault." It wasn't. It wasn't Dummy's fault Tony was the way he was. "I messed up." He always messed up. "I should have been better. I should have done better."
āIs there any way I can answer that that will have you not hating me?ā Any way he tried to explain would surely just sound like a weak excuse. āDummyā¦ā Was it worth it to try and apologize? āIām sorry. I really am.ā
He just shook his head as he sunk to the floor, his back to the wall. He couldnāt say anything, the sobs wracking his body as he tried to keep what littleĀ semblanceĀ of together he had.
Things would be better for Dummy without him. He would be better off.
That's what he had to tell himself in order to make it through this. That Dummy would be happier without him. That he would move on and find someone who treated him right.
Still, as Dummy sank to the floor, Tony wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and carry him off. To make his pain go away. To make everything better. But how long before he did it again? Left Dummy alone, waiting for him?
āI..I donāt want you wasting your life waiting for me Dummy.ā
āā¦. Youāre all Iāve got Tonyā¦. What else am I suppose to do?ā
āThere are a lot of people in this world who will treat you better than I have been.ā
It took him a long moment before he could speak, and when he did his voice was broken. āFine. I can tell when Iām not wanted, stupid as I am. Iām sorry I wasted your time, Tony.ā
If only Dummy knew how impossible it was for him to give him away. Dummy was his. He didnāt want anyone else to touch him. He wanted to be the only one who could call Dummy his, but he was hurting him. He wanted Dummy to be happy, even if that meant he had to suffer instead. āDummyā¦Iām sorryā¦you never wasted my time. I loved every minute I got to spend with you.ā
āThen why werenāt you ever here? How could you have spent time with me if you were gone for weeks on end? I donātā¦ I donāt understandā¦ā He sobbed, burying his head in his hands.
"Is there any way I can answer that that will have you not hating me?" Any way he tried to explain would surely just sound like a weak excuse. "Dummy..." Was it worth it to try and apologize? "I'm sorry. I really am."
Remember what happened the last time I said I was giving Tony up?
āI..I donāt want you wasting your life waiting for me Dummy.ā
āā¦. Youāre all Iāve got Tonyā¦. What else am I suppose to do?ā
āThere are a lot of people in this world who will treat you better than I have been.ā
It took him a long moment before he could speak, and when he did his voice was broken. āFine. I can tell when Iām not wanted, stupid as I am. Iām sorry I wasted your time, Tony.ā
If only Dummy knew how impossible it was for him to give him away. Dummy was his. He didn't want anyone else to touch him. He wanted to be the only one who could call Dummy his, but he was hurting him. He wanted Dummy to be happy, even if that meant he had to suffer instead. "Dummy...I'm sorry...you never wasted my time. I loved every minute I got to spend with you."
āI..I donāt want you wasting your life waiting for me Dummy.ā
āā¦. Youāre all Iāve got Tonyā¦. What else am I suppose to do?ā
"There are a lot of people in this world who will treat you better than I have been."
ironsuitedstark replied to your post: I miss you so much. But I guess you donāt miss meā¦.
Really canāt help but feel like this is directed at me.
There are a lot of people this could apply to. Iām not going to say it is, but if you feel like it is, then maybe. Thatās up to you.
Dummyā¦I hate that Iām doing this to you.
Dummy shifted uncomfortably, looking down as he tried to hide his tears. āThen why do you?ā
āIā¦I donāt know.ā
āA-Anymore when youāre here itās just apologies for the time that youāve been gone. I donāt know what to do anymore.ā
"I..I don't want you wasting your life waiting for me Dummy."
ironsuitedstark replied to your post: I miss you so much. But I guess you donāt miss meā¦.
Really canāt help but feel like this is directed at me.
There are a lot of people this could apply to. Iām not going to say it is, but if you feel like it is, then maybe. Thatās up to you.
Dummyā¦I hate that Iām doing this to you.
Dummy shifted uncomfortably, looking down as he tried to hide his tears. āThen why do you?ā
"I...I don't know."
ironsuitedstark replied to your post: I miss you so much. But I guess you donāt miss meā¦.
Really canāt help but feel like this is directed at me.
There are a lot of people this could apply to. Iām not going to say it is, but if you feel like it is, then maybe. Thatās up to you.
Dummy...I hate that I'm doing this to you.
āYou are enough Dummy. Iām the one whoās not enough for you. I canāt give you what you want.ā
Dummy looked up at him, confused. āAnd what do I want, Tony? I just want you, thatās all. Iāve never asked for anything else.ā
"Exactly. That's all you want, but I can't even be around for you."
āAnd Iām keeping you from being happy.ā
Dummy started tearing up again, shaking. āYou are my happiness. Donāt take that away from me, please.ā He begged.
āIām not going to make you do anything you donāt want to Dummy. And if you want to stay, then you stay.ā
Dummy held tighter to Tony, silently sobbing into his shoulder. āDonāt make me go.ā He begged.
āShh Iām not making you go anywhere. I want you here.ā
āI love you Tony, I love you so much.ā He whispered, whimpering into his shoulder.Ā
He didnāt say anything. Why were those words so hard to speak? He held him tighter, closing his eyes again.
Dummy went half limp in his arms, another sob escaping him. āIām sorry. Iām so sorry. I wish I were enough.ā He whispered weakly, trying not to sob again.
"You are enough Dummy. I'm the one who's not enough for you. I can't give you what you want."
āAnd Iām keeping you from being happy.ā
Dummy started tearing up again, shaking. āYou are my happiness. Donāt take that away from me, please.ā He begged.
āIām not going to make you do anything you donāt want to Dummy. And if you want to stay, then you stay.ā
Dummy held tighter to Tony, silently sobbing into his shoulder. āDonāt make me go.ā He begged.
āShh Iām not making you go anywhere. I want you here.ā
āI love you Tony, I love you so much.ā He whispered, whimpering into his shoulder.Ā
He didn't say anything. Why were those words so hard to speak? He held him tighter, closing his eyes again.
