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the pain of knowing you will probably hate me forever is setting in. it's something i never wanted. i'm so shitty like all the time - you know who's here. sorry

Hate is a strong word. I was immensely hurt, disappointed, let down, destroyed, however you want to put it by what transpired. I’m still trying to move on from it and repair the damage. It’s getting a lot better. You were such an important part of my life during one of my darkest periods. Truly a beam of sunlight that gave me hope, helped me out of the darkness. You’re what got me into rope and I’ll be forever grateful. I just absolutely hate that things ended the way they did. That my final idea of you was as this dark cloud, which is sadly how I still often see you. I see your confusion and pain still. Your grasp for identity. For attention and validation. I hope you find yourself soon. I hope you find that identity and happiness.

At least I can say a lot of lessons were taken away. I know how to set boundaries for myself now, to protect myself better, to be a stronger person. You learned things from me as well, and I can only hope you learned from the mistakes you made. It’s just sad in the end your toxicity prevailed. It’s true I’ll never forget the way you hurt me, but that’s how life goes. Lessons learned. And we move forward.