Goddammit, Isaac Crest!

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[isaassination]

Halryannell Heyerdahl: The Abominable Mess

Oh my God. This gon’ be a very long trip down memory lane (that I somehow avoid to remember).

 ORIGIN

Registrasi

Salah satu yang terkenal dari chara perdanaku di NIH ini adalah namanya yang susah, yang dikatain macem syahadat sekte sesat (cr. Tamara Winston). How did I get to pick such unspellable name, I’m not here to talk about, LOL.

Anyway, Halryannell Heyerdahl atau biasa dipanggil Ryan, sebenarnya adalah failed reborn-nya Brian X. Keith, anakku dulu waktu di IH. Hufflepuff. Ever-smiling. Kind and selfless. I wanted Halryannell to be exactly like him, terutama karena dari dulu aku udah perceived sang visu (Greyson Chance) sebagai bocah yang inosen dan tipe boy-next-door banget. Maka dengan tekad ke-newbie-an diri ini, aku pun regis Halryannell di term pertama NIH, 1795.

Background keluarga singkatnya, Halryannell lahir dari hasil incest. Bgst silsilahnya juga sulyd dijelaskan orz.

Dia punya nenek pureblood (Paulina Jose-Wellington) yang hamil di luar nikah sama seorang muggle (Felix Heyerdahl). Setelah Paulina ngelahirin Ferdinand, ayah Halryannell, Kakek Heyerdahl ini disingkirkan sama keluarga Paulina. Ferdinand juga diasingkan dan ga boleh tinggal bareng keluarga Jose-Wellington karena dia halfie. Udah gitu, Paulina dijodohin lagi sama pureblood, Alistair Avarest. Mereka nikah dan punya anak 1, Celeste Jose-Wellington Avarest, ibu Halryannell. Celeste dan Ferdinand ga tau kalau mereka punya adik/kakak. Terus mereka ga sengaja ketemu, jatuh cinta, ditentang, kabur, balik-balik dah punya bocah, disuruh pulang, bocahnya diambil, mereka disiksa sampe mati.

Halryannell akhirnya diurus sama kakeknya, Alistair. Setelah Alistair meninggal, dia diurus kakak Paulina, Hester, yang dia kira neneknya. Hester dan semua keluarga Jose-Wellington tuh love-hate relationship sama Halryannell, tapi dia seringnya diperlakukan ngga menyenangkan. Halryannell ngga tau apa-apa tentang silsilahnya sampai dia umur 12 tahun.

 Basic Traits

Ryan (sebenernya aku selalu manggil Halryannell dengan “Halryannell”, bukan “Ryan” wkwk, tapi mari kita panggil Ryan aja demi kemaslahatan umat manusia) …. Jadi, Ryan basically dibekali dengan personality sbb: sweet, kind, patient, tapi kadang curigaan dan agak pemalu. Tapi, mungkin karena ada andil dari feel-ku waktu terakhir main RP as Aracheilla (IH, Slyth, emo dan pemarah), jadi waktu aku nulis Surtama tuh si Ryan tiba-tiba jadi pemarah dan violent =)) But I didn’t dig deep into it, dan nerusin basic personalities dia yang di-bold itu.

Semuanya berjalan baik-baik saja sebelum masuk Hogwarts, dan karena aku awalnya beneran pengen reborn, aku juga udah nargetin dia buat masuk Hufflepuff. But something told me to try Slytherin, ga tau kenapa??? Di IH, aku emang punya masing-masing 1 chara di tiap asrama, tapi semuanya chara cowok, kecuali Slytherin. Aku jadi kepo aja sih, gimana rasanya mainin chara cowok Slytherin. Ya udah deh, banting setir.

Ternyata pas bersosialisasi, dikit-dikit kegali sifat stubborn-nya dia, terutama waktu main sama wife-to-be Cessiyvone Flanders di Diagon Alley. Dan karena I was no pro in sniffing any Slytherin trait except them being all moody/feisty/snarky/etc., aku kuatin sifat holier-than-thou-nya Halryannell, sampai bahkan waktu selesma juga aku nekenin “Slytherin trait”-nya di sana.

Kupikir Ryan ga bakal masuk Slytherin karena post selesma yang kesannya maksa, tapi akhirnya masuk juga. Kata-kata Topi Seleksi, hebatnya, jadi salah satu batu loncatan buat aku as PM ngembangin Halryannell. It was simple yet powerful enough to keep me going:

 Bukan dia tidak tahu apa yang sering dilakukan oleh bocah ini. Pembangkang, eh? Arogan? Lihat apa yang akan terjadi padamu di sekolah ini. Perjalanan masih panjang dan tidak ada yang tahu apa yang akan terjadi pada tahun-tahun berikutnya. Inilah kehidupan, terkadang kau sendiri tidak tahu apa yang terbaik untuk dirimu. Meski sang topi keberatan, dia akhirnya mengatakan: "SLYTHERIN!"

Whoo. I was SHOOK. Pokoknya satu paragraf dari ToSek itu mewakili perkembangan Halryannell as a whole deh. Bye.

 Sifat dasar Halryannell yang terpampang di Digest awalnya adalah:

Tertutup, hati-hati, tidak banyak bicara, dan sedikit dingin. Namun, pelajaran moral yang kakeknya berikan selama sepuluh tahun tidak hilang begitu saja. Di dalam, dia adalah seorang anak yang ramah, tulus, rendah hati, serta peduli, tetapi hanya menunjukkan kepribadian ini kepada orang-orang atau saat-saat tertentu saja. 

Yeah, okay. *rolls eyes*

Ya ampun kenapa esai ini terasa begitu sinis

   THE JOURNEY

Truth be told, aku sebagai PM waktu itu sangat-sangat struggling nulis Halryannell, dari awal sampai akhir =)) Perjalanan penulisan dia di awal tuh sangat sulit, karena aku sama sekali merasa incapable nulis chara Slytherin. Tapi berkat bimbingan para senpai di sana, I started to flourish (I guess). Waktu itu ada CF Akbar di … mana ya? =)) Yahoo atau mIRC gitu, lupa. Terus itu jadi ajang brainstorming perkembangan chara masing-masing. Seseorang floor ide chara playboy ke CF, dan aku pun tertarik. Tentu saja itu akan jadi challenge karena aku belum pernah bikin chara cowo Slytherin apalagi cowo pleboi. Maka aku berguru sama Kak Manda dan Kak Blek, minta petuah dan playlist asik buat gali feel wkwkwk.

Halryannell ngga ujug-ujug jadi womanizer, tapi. Pada tahun pertama, kerasa banget dia tuh masih meek as a lamb, dan serbatakut buat coba apa pun. Ini dia mirroring PM-nya sih wkwk. IRP, dia sering kali nge-cover kerendahdiriannya dengan amarah dan keangkuhan. Bertahun-tahun di-abuse sama keluarganya, dikata-katain bahwa dia ga lebih dari halfblood samvah, Halryannell memendam emosinya terus-terusan sampai numpuk. Jadinya dia mudah terpantik. Dia selalu nyari waktu atau situasi buat membuktikan diri, tapi di saat bersamaan juga takut buat ngambil tantangan itu.

Contohnya, waktu di tret “ospek” Opa Hamish Fuller (HM Slytherin). Halryannell dkk diperangkap di jaring Acromantula, dan Opa Hamish ngasih dagger penyelamat mereka ke dia. Di situ sebenernya pergolakan batinnya udah mulai kerasa. Dia ngerasa conflicted: antara pede banget dan insecure abis. Ngerasa, kenapa aku yang dipilih? Apa kelebihanku dibanding yang lain? Is this even a trick to fool me into thinking that I’m somewhat valuable? Terlebih di asramanya juga kan ada keluarga tersohor kayak Sutton. Pokoknya banyak banget yang dia pikirin, sebelum akhirnya memutuskan buat nyelamatin dirinya sendiri terlebih dahulu. Dia mentingin dirinya sendiri dulu, daripada nyelamatin teman-temannya yang masing tergantung-gantung di jaring. Little did I know, this self-centrist trait would carry on.

Terus, ketika ngetret privat sama Cessi dan Angelica Dawson, sifat lainnya ke-unlock: ketika udah capek ngeladenin orang, Halryannell bisa switch mode ke smooth-talking. Di sini aku nemuin start buat ngembangin dia buat jadi pleboi seperti wacana sebelumnya. Unexpectedly bisa latihan dulu sama Cessi dan Angel wkwk.

Di samping itu, dia tetap bertahan dengan sifat inosen kekanakannya dan keramahannya, yang nanti juga akan berkembang jadi lebih sinister #heh. Dia masih suka memperlakukan orang dengan baik, kayak waktu ngerayain ulang tahun Daisy Derington secara privat. He liked to see other people happy, because of him. Despite being unconsciously selfish, dan terlepas dari insiden jaring Acromantula, menurutnya dia harus mendahulukan orang lain daripada dirinya sendiri. Ini tuh ditanam sama keluarganya, bahwa Halryannell ga pernah dan ga boleh jadi prioritas. Makanya dia di luar seolah selalu ngutamain orang lain, treating mereka dengan sangat-sangat baik, padahal itu semua dilakukan buat dirinya sendiri juga, supaya dia meninggalkan impresi yang baik. Supaya, orang-orang itu merasa berutang budi sama dia. And once they think they owe him one, he’ll come back to claim it.

  THE AWAKENING

Pada musim dingin 1796, something snapped. Karena tugas Sejarah Sihir-nya, Halryannell jadi tahu sejarah kelam keluarganya, nasib kedua orang tuanya, dan silsilahnya. He’d awaken the monster buried within. Dia merasa tak bertempat, merasa semua orang ngga lebih dari pengkhianat, pembunuh, dan pembohong. Dia berusaha lari dari kenyataan, tapi malah berubah violent: physically and verbally. Halryannell menemukan cara buat menyalurkan kemarahannya, yaitu dengan menghancurkan/membakar sesuatu, supaya dia ga usah deal with it himself. Dan ketika dia ketahuan lagi emosional, dia ngamuk.

Kemampuannya buat smooth-talking itu berubah jadi negatif, ketika dia dengan sadar menyakiti orang dengan kata-katanya, tanpa merasa bersalah sama sekali. He developed this satisfaction to see people (esp women, lol) crumble because of what he said. He loved seeing them get hurt, and would even use it as his method of destruction. He laid out these layers of violence to avoid being seen as weak or even being seen as having emotion at all.

Beriring waktu, sebenarnya Halryannell juga sadar kalau ada beberapa cewek yang suka sama dia, and he took it to his advantage. Dia suka dengan perhatian-perhatian yang mereka kasih, soalnya dari kecil emang kurang kasih sayang #sad. But then again, he never took any of them seriously. Dia suka sama perhatian mereka, maka dia juga memperlakukan mereka dengan sangat baik, to keep the attention coming. Dia merasa superior, seolah dengan ditaksir cewek-cewek begitu, dia bisa membuktikan sesuatu. He even deemed the girls unworthy, just because they had these innocent feelings for him, hingga akhirnya dia beneran jatuh cinta.

Dari sekian crushes yang ada, cinta pertamanya tuh Marie Saint-Claire. Waktu itu Marie udah tunangan sama seorang Maitland. Jelas Halryannell merasa kerdil dan susah buat ngebuktiin kalau dirinya jauh lebih baik daripada klan besar itu. Dia ga punya pilihan selain tetap jadi temannya Marie, sambil diem-diem nyinyir dan marah-marah sendiri. Tapi akhirnya, karena sering bareng, mereka jadi saling jatuh cinta juga.

It was the happiest year of his life, ever, when they finally got together. Bahkan memorinya bareng Marie jadi pemantik patronusnya kelak. Meskipun gitu, Halryannell tetep ga bisa nurunin pride dan egonya, apalagi ketika dia dipilih jadi Prefek Slytherin. Whoo~ His pride took off, meskipun tetep ada insecurity yang nyempil. Walaupun di satu sisi bagus sih, dia jadi lebih bisa menghargai dirinya sendiri karena at least now he meant something, di sisi lain egonya dikipasin terus karena seolah dia megang segala kuasa. He wouldn’t stop playing around, sama sekali ngga mengindahkan perasaan Marie yang waktu itu udah jadi pacarnya. He kept playing the single man, selalu menghindar kalau Marie atau siapa pun udah ngungkit-ngungkit tentang hubungan mereka.

Owing everything to his family, and basically letting them own him, bikin Halryannell melihat suatu hubungan sebagai rantai pengekang. Ngga cuma romantically, tapi socially. Waktu itu dia ngga pernah benar-benar menganggap teman-temannya teman, tapi cuma alat buat mencapai tujuannya buat dilihat, diakui. Soalnya dia berpikir kalau it’s a matter of owing someone something, by being in any relationship, dan dia ga mau begitu.

Sampai akhirnya, Halryannell terlalu terlena dengan perasaan superiornya; dia ga sadar bahwa “aset-asetnya” pada melepaskan diri satu persatu. He was left by the people who paid him attention and fed his ego, dan semuanya terjadi karena kesalahannya sendiri. Ketika sadar, dia jadi mikir bahwa dia beneran ga pantes buat merasa lebih baik, buat ada di spotlight. Dia mikir bahwa emang harusnya dia diem aja melungker di pojok, ga terkenali, ga berarti. It was his fault to take all the limelight, and let it consume him.

So, he thought, why not cut all the ropes at once? Sebelum orang-orang terdekatnya beneran ninggalin, dia semacam ngusir mereka duluan, dengan cara-cara yang jahat dan nyakitin (basically physical harassment, tbh). Setelah itu, dia bener-bener ngerasa kosong dan sendirian.

Pada tahun kelima, he finally lost himself and everything he believed in. Di sini Halryannell sempet losing grip beberapa lama (dan PM juga sempet kehilangan muse nulis, LOL), sampai akhirnya pelan-pelan dia mulai bangkit lagi. He took off his rose-coloured glasses and began to reconsider his surroundings. Dia jadi lebih menghargai orang lain, mulai melihat teman-temannya sebagai teman sungguhan, bahkan saudara. Dia mencoba nurunin pride dan berdamai dengan orang-orang yang pernah disakitinya, and even treated them as equals (kudos, Carmine Russet!), meskipun ada sebagian relasi yang udah telanjur terbakar dan ga bisa disulam ulang.

  THE DEPARTURE

Setelah field practice, Halryannell mulai merancang masa depannya. Dia ngga mau menetap di kediaman keluarganya, apalagi waktu Hester udah ngegadang-gadang acara perjodohan, setelah sebelumnya “ngga sengaja” ngebunuh Paulina. Semenjak kejadian itu, Halryannell udah merasa sama sekali bukan bagian dari Jose-Wellington yang udah membesarkannya, dan dia pengin hengkang. He thought he’d made too many damages, there’s no other way than to run away, far away. He was so consumed with learning manipulation (and other spells and curses), karena dia emang berusaha buat benar-benar mengamalkannya kelak.

Akhirnya, setelah kelulusan, Halryannell turned full evil when he massively Obliviated his family. Ini tuh sebenernya super god-mode ga sih, meskipun IRP juga aku ngerunutin kalau dia sebenernya udah sering praktik =)) to keep it subtle, however, aku ngga secara jelas deskrip kalau mantra Halryannell berhasil. Pokoknya dia cuma ngemantrain aja, terus pergi =))

Karmanya datang berwujud Cessiyvone Flanders, cewek yang dari dulu head over heels sama dia. Dari awal, Halryannell udah bersumpah ga bakal suka sama Cessi, tapi takdir berkata lain. Di setiap kesempatan, Cessi selalu ada, dan ga pernah benar-benar meninggalkan. Ketika Halryannell sadar kalau dia mulai suka sama Cessi, dia marahnya ga ketulungan. Mati-matian dia nyangkal, bahkan sampai main tangan waktu Cessi confront dia soal ini. Denial-nya parah abis sampai kayak kerasukan =)) In this case, he still thought himself too superior to fall for his most inferior (maafkan aq, Cessi). Tapi akhirnya, mau segimanapun ngelak, dia kalah juga.

Dia ngaku kalah dan berserah sama perasaannya di malam kepergiannya. Niatnya datang cuma buat cari ketenangan, ngakuin perasaan, terus pamit pergi, tapi tentu saja itu tidak berjalan semudah kelihatannya. Cessi freaked out karena lagi-lagi Halryannell harus pergi, tapi kali ini jauh. Mereka berantem hebat, tapi Halryannell masih egois dan nuntut Cessi buat ngerti keadaannya. Ketika Cessi ga mau nurut, he actually did something unforgiven; he Stupefy-ed her. Halryannell berniat buat Obliviate Cessi, kayak apa yang dilakukannya ke keluarganya. His selfishness was overbearing that he couldn’t even spare his loved one(s). Untungnya Cessi ga jadi kena Stupefy, dan mereka pun pergi ke Swedia bareng-bareng. TOXIC BANGET KALIAN HEH. *kemplang Ryan+Cessi*

Kenapa Swedia? Karena deket Norwegia, tanah kelahiran kakek Heyerdahl-nya. Halryannell ga mau langsung ke Norwegia, menurutnya itu bakal kayak “crossing the line”.

 Ryan dan Cessi menghabiskan 2 atau 3 tahun gitu di Swedia. Di sana, mereka hidup sebagai muggle. Cessi bercocok tanam di rumah, dan Ryan kerja jadi kaki tangan seorang pengusaha muggle, Bosse Månsson. Semuanya baik-baik aja sebelum egonya lagi-lagi kesentil waktu Ryan di-confront sama Månsson karena dia melakukan kesalahan fatal di kerjaannya, plus terus-terusan nolak buat dijodohin sama anak Månsson. Ryan selalu bilang kalau he’s promised to another girl (Cessi), tapi Månsson ga mau tau soalnya ga ada “collateral”. Månsson justru ngatain Cessi cewek ga bener karena mau-maunya tinggal berdua sama Ryan tanpa jaminan apa-apa.

Ryan flipped out. Dia mantrain Månsson, dan nyaris gagal melarikan diri dari hajaran anak buah-anak buah Månsson. Sampai di rumah, dia berantem hebat sama Cessi, sampai bahkan mereka nyaris memutuskan buat jalan masing-masing aja. This event transformed him so much more than he’d care to admit: gone was his pride, as he realized that he might never be good enough for Cessi. Halryannell bener-bener hancur waktu itu, ngerasa ga punya apa-apa (karena udah unemployed) dan ga punya siapa-siapa (karena Cessi bilang mau pulang sendiri aja).

Nyariiis … aja dia balik jahat lagi, nyaris beneran ngusir Cessi dengan kata-kata menyakitkannya (yang sebenernya cuma defense mechanism), tapi untungnya takdir berkata lain. They settled all of their problems in the Scandinavian Peninsula, dan akhirnya memutuskan buat balik dulu ke rumah, ke Inggris.

  THE “NEW” LIFE

Setelah insiden Bosse Månsson dan keributannya sama Cessi di Swedia, Halryannell mulai mempertanyakan prinsip-prinsipnya soal hubungan dan kepemilikan. Karena udah di Inggris, dia jadi bisa ketemu sama teman-teman lamanya, kayak Elizabeth Blanchett, Alexander Pascoe, dan Albert Collier. Dia jadi sering konsultasi, terutama sama Elizabeth.

Akhirnya, tahun berapa aku lupa, Halryannell memutuskan buat ngelamar Cessi. It was a nice proposal, tapi tetep aja pride-nya masih ada, karena bahkan dia ga berlutut ngelamarnya =)) He stood tall, handing out the ring. Hadeuh. Segitunya ya u, Yan.

Fast forward, Ryan nego-negolah ama keluarganya Cessi (yang tentu saja menentang), tapi karena tekad Yan-Cess udah bulet pengen kawin, mereka memutuskan buat nikah di kapel pribadi aja, cuma berdua, tanpa ngundang siapa-siapa. Udah deh, that struggling and toxic couple FINALLY united.

Terus, akun Halryannell kehapus. WAKAKAKAK.

  THE SPAWNS

Sesungguhnya waktu akun Halryannell kehapus, aku sama sekali ga sedih (…….). Soalnya aku udah merasa tutup buku, kayak dia udah mencapai kebahagian hqq bersama pasangannya, jadi ya udah ga usah diterusin lagi. Tapi ternyata Ryan dan Cessi memutuskan buat beranak, dan lahirlah Madeleine. Aku sebenernya masih sulit membayangkan Ryan sebagai seorang bapak. Dia ngurusin diri sendiri aja masih belum bener, apalagi ngurusin bocah? Tapi waktu Maddy lahir, something blossomed in him, and he fell in love with his little girl.

Mungkin fatherhood memang setransformatif itu, soalnya Halryannell beneran jadi selfless banget. Prioritasnya sekarang adalah keluarga kecilnya, bukan dirinya sendiri lagi. Dia mencoba membangun hidup dan kariernya lagi dari awal, mengesampingkan semua idealismenya cuma supaya keluarganya bisa bertahan. Halryannell yang dari dulu ga pernah suka jadi budak korporat, memutuskan buat jadi apprentice Obliviator sebelum akhirnya jadi Obliviator di Kementrian (ini sebenernya ngga ada bukti IRP, cuma dicantumin di Student Digest Maddy aja, LOL).

Awalnya Ryan-Cessi berencana cuma punya 1 anak aja, tapi kemudian lahirlah Solitaire, ketika Ryan-Cessi lagi mesra-mesranya. They fell madly in love with each other all over again, every day, kurang-lebih kayak bapak-ibu Willoughby di film The Willoughbys, lah. Kadang emang separah itu.

Kalau waktu sama Maddy, Ryan macem all-prepared buat jadi bapak, sama Solitaire dia kelabakan. Pasalnya, dia sama sekali ngga punya sosok father figure dalam hidupnya. Mungkin ada kakeknya, tapi mereka sama-sama cuma beberapa tahun, dan karena kakeknya adalah bagian dari masa lalunya, Ryan perlahan juga mulai lupa sama kenangan-kenangan mereka. Dia juga ngga punya banyak temen cowok buat dijadikan panutan atau konsultan (elah, waktu itu Angkatan 1795 yang aktif cuma berapa coba, wkwkwk). Dia langsung merasa inadequate ngurusin anak cowok. Dia takut anaknya bakal jadi kayak dia. Makanya yang ngurus Solitaire lebih banyak Cessi, karena Halryannell lebih sering insecure =))

Seiring kedua anaknya tumbuh, situasi keluarganya sebenernya baik-baik aja. Bahagia, justru, kek ga ada konflik-konfliknya. Tapi Halryannell jatuhnya jadi macem pilih kasih; dia lebih sering ngobrol dan akrab sama Maddy, sementara Solitaire dicuekin—justru dia kayak takut kalau mau involve lebih jauh sama anak laki-lakinya. He’d do anything to protect Maddy from the evil outside world, but he’d do anything to protect Solitaire from the evil within himself. Halryannell ngga takut buat cerita ini-itu ke Maddy tentang masa lalunya, tapi dia sama sekali ga berani buat ngobrol apa pun sama Solitaire. Idk, he sees the boy as a threat and as the judge for all of his sins, ngerasa semua kesalahannya di masa lalu bakal keekspos sepenuhnya kalau dia membuka diri ke anak laki-lakinya. In short, he’s terrified of his own little boy.

Maddy and Solitaire’s lives took off, mereka masuk Hogwarts taun 1818 dan 1820 (respectively), terus mereka pun punya konflik kehidupan masing-masing. Di sisi lain, Halryannell dan Cessi juga mulai ga kerasan sama kehidupan mereka di Inggris. Semenjak pulang dari Swedia, sebenernya, mereka udah mengasingkan diri sama dunia luar, seolah mereka tuh bukan pulang, tapi merantau. Halryannell mulai frustrasi sama pekerjaannya, dan lama-lama dia juga jadi sering melihat hantu-hantu masa lalu berkeliaran. He thought the land was cursed. Menurutnya dia ngga bakal bisa benar-benar bahagia kalau masih di Inggris, masih berbagi napas sama orang-orang yang seharusnya udah ditinggalkannya. Dia jadi mikir, kalau selama ini tuh dia ngga memulai hidup baru, tapi mencoba menghidupi ulang kehidupannya yang lama.

The thought messed with his head, sampai sifatnya yang kasar dan meledak-ledak itu datang lagi dan jadi teror di keluarganya sendiri. Selama nyaris 20 tahun “sober”, Halryannell ngamuk lagi waktu ribut sama Cessi, mecahin barang-barang pake sihir di depan anak-anaknya, and basically fucked up. Dia mangkir dari rumah.

Tapi balik lagi, sih. Dia akhirnya ngusulin ke Cessi supaya mereka sekeluarga bener-bener pindah ke Norwegia. Iya, Norway, bukan Swedia. Menurutnya dia harus bayar dosa ke sana, semacam ngebalikin nama keluarga Heyerdahl yang udah astray ke tempat asalnya. Dia kasih tahu semua unek-uneknya ke Cessi, minta maaf karena udah meledak, blablabla. Tentu saja Cessi yang berjiwa besar itu memaafkan dan setuju buat pindah. Maddy juga setuju dan justru seneng karena ortunya udah ga bakal ribut lagi kalau mereka pindah, tapi Solitaire nolak dalam diamnya.

Di sini sebenernya Halryannell tahu bahwa amukannya waktu itu beneran ngerusak kesempatannya buat nge-restart hubungannya sama Solitaire, dan akhirnya dia memberanikan diri buat benar-benar ngobrol heart-to-heart sama Solitaire. Tentu saja itu cuma permulaan, dan “makrab” yang sebenernya bisa dinilai basa-basi doang, karena Halryannell punya banyak PR kalau mau restart semuanya. Tapi dia pikir itu bisa dilakukan nanti; mereka bakal punya banyak waktu kalau udah pindah ke Norwegia.

  DAH AH. BANYAK BENER.

  CONCLUSION

*menghela napas panjang*

 Yang kupelajari dari Halryannell adalah … abuse is the root to his character. Dalam kasus Halryannell, dia udah mengalami abuse dari kecil, dan sayangnya ga bisa melarikan diri dari bayang-bayang itu sehingga dia sendiri juga jadi abuser. This revelation just dawned on me, tbh, after all these years. Bertahun-tahun, kekerasan itu membuat dia merasa rendah diri, tapi ketika dia punya power buat memutar balik keadaan, he abused the power itself. Dia menjadikan kekerasan sebagai tamengnya buat berlindung ketika merasa terancam—paradoks banget ga sih?? Tapi wajar juga ya :-? Dia ngga mau disakitin orang, maka dia yang nyakitin duluan.

Bahkan ketika udah diberkahi kasih sayang yang seharusnya bisa bikin dia normal, he abused the love too -__- Hadeh. Pokoknya ngga pernah ada yang cukup buat dia, karena justru dia bakal mengubah apa pun jadi berlebihan. Gimana ya. Bingung. Ga tau aku juga. Udah sebelas halaman Ms. Word nih.

POSITIFNYA APA WOI. Apa ya. He’s a fighter, I guess?? Dia selalu berjuang dan bertahan, ngga pernah bener-bener membiarkan dirinya jatuh ditimpa keadaan. Dia menganggap hidup itu permainan menang-kalah, dan dia bakal terus berusaha buat jadi pemenang.

Ya udahlah, gitu aja. ((((gitu aja))))

  Have you been tuning in this far? Wkwkwk. Thank you :*

[isaassination]

The Uncalled-For Incipiency

“Solitaire.”

It was his father.

Solitaire looked up from the spinning CD in front of him, anxious and curious at the same time. It was not long before he’d seen and heard his father break the mirror to pieces, stormed off the room and gone for hours. His mother kept herself at bay, smiling dismissively as if she’d just seen a very usual daily activity, like his father going out for work. Nothing in her eyes indicated that she’d minded his father’s actions, but Solitaire still could see the hurt and anger flashing. Although she continued to go through the day easily, the boy knew these conflicting, indecisive days would be their darkest times.

He wondered if his father had seen his mother first before him. Did they make up? What about Madeleine? Surely his father thought more of her, for she’s the one more attached to him. She was daddy’s little girl after all, and Solitaire was just … there. He’s last priority to his father, and he never minded.

The man in front of him was looking ghastly, messy and unfocused, so different than the father he’d known. Solitaire didn’t dare to wonder where he’d gone, but something in the way his father was carrying himself made his stomach churn. He’d never thought he’d be this intimidated by the man that helped brought him to life.

Nobody said anything for what seemed like eternity; Halryannell was standing on the doorframe, eyes darted on the floor but wandered somewhere else, while Solitaire was absentmindedly flipping through his muggle book. The silence was deafening, and he didn’t feel anywhere comfortable around his father. Every second made his anxiety burn in his chest; sweat started to prick his neck, but he didn’t dare to start speaking before his father did. So, he had no choice but to wait.

And in this case, waiting was the worst.

Slowly—though the movement still made Solitaire flinch slightly—his father walked into the room and closed the door behind him. His tall figure was nothing like his son; Solitaire was very slim and timid, although he always stood straight and confident, something in him made him look unmistakably forgettable. His father, on the other hand, was rising with elegance and pride; his shoulder was broad, eyes always looking so sure, and everything screamed intimidating. Solitaire quietly wondered to himself if he’d ever made anybody feel intimidated by his presence, and thought that it’d be very unlikely. He’s merely a shadow, while his father was a stubborn cliff on the sea.

“I hate to make you feel this way, you and Maddy.” Halryannell started, now sitting beside his son on the other side of the bed. “I want you to know that your mum and I have been in a … rocky place, and I’m very sorry that you both had to see what we did.” This time, Halryannell turned to his son and looked him in the eye. It’s as if he’s almost pleading. “I’m very, very sorry.”

Solitaire felt his throat dry. It was so strange to hear his father talk to him like this. It was so alien, that he couldn’t say or do anything as a response. He just stared at his father blankly.

Halryannell ran a hand through his hair, chuckled sadly. “Truth be told, I felt like I was the 16-year-old prick I used to be. I reckon you knew about your mother and my little … ventures, to be together?”

Solitaire nodded at this, and truth be told, the story was actually what shaped him into he was today.

“I have to admit, Solitaire, that I was never very good to your mother. I even purposely did many things to hurt her, to push her away from me.”

Why is he telling me this? Solitaire thought, puzzled.

“I did many unspeakable things to hurt her, yet—” he choked at the last word, looking really frustrated before closing his eyes and buried his face on his hands.

Solitaire felt odd. Obviously, he was not used to seeing this version of the man he’d conjured as untouchable and strong and very proud and everything that his father was—or should have been.

Beyond those hurtful words and actions, however, Solitaire did believe that his father loved his mother so very much. It was unquestionably clear as day and he’s sure the whole world agreed with him. So, if his father came to say what he thought he’d say, Solitaire really didn’t want to be there when he did.

“It’s okay,” he spoke up, surprising his father to look up. “You both are frustrated, and it’s okay. I don’t really want to push on the matter, on where we’re actually going or when. I don’t know, and that’s okay. I’ll just go back to school as usual. Nothing’s changed.”

Before Halryannell opened his mouth, his son cut him off. “And I know that no matter what you did to mum, you did it because you loved her.”

The words left his mouth with something felt like … acid. It stung and was bitter at the same time, and he didn’t want it to be so. He wanted himself to be sure that everything would be okay eventually, that this was how his parents dealt with disagreements and conflicts and negative energies. It’s going to be okay, no matter how many times he had to see his father break more things at home or his mother curse and hold grudges.

Halryannell looked at him meticulously, and Solitaire didn’t cower under his gaze. It’s the first time he did that, and the boy felt an odd pride pulsing underneath his shirt.

“What did you feel when you see us fighting?” asked his father, rewarding a quizzical look from the son. “I just want to know how you feel about it, son.”

Solitaire thought his answer for more than needed, because his mind was scrambled by the fact that his father had asked him about how he felt. What’s really going on here? What’s the scheme? Is this my birthday, and somehow this is Maddy’s sick way of surprising me?

Halryannell waited patiently as his son fidgeted a little when asked. He couldn’t possibly know or even realize that it was actually the first time he’d asked it. It still slipped as trivial little thing for a man with many things.

“I … I felt … weird,” Solitaire finally spoke, in a whispered sound. “I guess, the image of you and mum shattered with the mirror.” He wasn’t totally lying, though, because he actually believed it did.

He’s given a look of hurt and horror in his father’s eyes that mirrored his own, but it was gone as soon as it came. Solitaire sighed.

“I’m very sorry,” Halryannell repeated. “Would you forgive me?”

Solitaire thought for a moment. Suddenly, the image of him throwing his CDs off and breaking   his own mirror into pieces pierced him like a thunder. It came to him: he was his father. He also got angry, became violent when tickled by anger. He’d never actually thrown harsh and hurtful words to a person, or at least he thought so, and he’s sure it’s far less mean than his father’s words. He’d never even touch a person violently—he hated physical contact; surely it made him better than his father, right …? Regardless, once this realization dawned on him, his heart sunk, and he wanted to scream so loudly until he’s voiceless.

“Yeah, it’s okay, Dad.” He swallowed hard and returned to the book he’d been reading. “I already know you’re a fire—or a ticking bomb, perhaps—and someday, it will explode.”

“No, son. I just, sometimes I—” Solitaire cut him off again. He was actually really surprised that he could do that.

“I know, Dad. I said it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything more to change my mind.“ He sighed heavily. Thoughts filling his head like a buzzing bee, and he felt electricity running through his veins, and chest, and stomach. It’s making him sick. “Would you please leave me alone?”

Was that an outburst? Solitaire couldn’t even tell anymore.

Halryannell looked at his son thoughtfully, and although Solitaire might have missed it, he looked longing, as if wanted to prolong the conversation just because it’s the longest one they had. The older man’s insides were aching, realizing that whatever had happened was partly (or greatly?) due to his own carelessness and uncontrollable rage. They’d never actually been in this position, so perhaps it was his defence mechanism that ruined everything.

Glancing sideways and finding that his father didn’t move, Solitaire gritted his teeth as to keep his composure. It was hard enough to deal with the man when everything was perfectly fine; he didn’t need more difficulties to prove otherwise. The boy shifted uncomfortably and refused to ask his father one more time, as it would require him to speak more, and he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to sound demanding or angry, yet it’s the only language he could speak right now.

He just wished somebody would barge in and take that man away.

“May I ask you a question?” His father spoke again, softly this time, without looking at him.

Solitaire nodded slightly.

“What happened, Solitaire?” Halryannell turned to him.

“What do you mean?”

“What happened to you and me?”

He didn’t understand the question right away, because nothing actually ever happened.

“Nothing.”

His father smiled sadly. “Exactly,” he said, then sighed. “I always feel like you’re distancing yourself especially from me. Is that really what you do?”

Solitaire looked away. Was this really necessary, a heart-to-heart conversation with the man he’d been keeping himself away for a very long time? Why had he, though, exactly? Why was it so hard to just be still, listen, speak, or do anything when his father was around—to act normally?

His chest suddenly tightened; his mouth dry. He couldn’t deal with this right now. However, as expectant as he was to the anxiety or panic that might overcome (he’s used to it by now, and was pretty sure that this was one of the situations that could trigger the attack), he couldn’t feel anything coming. Apart from his chest and mouth, everything inside him was perfectly in place. He didn’t sweat acid, his stomach didn’t churn, his head was spinning all right, but only due to the surprise question. His heart beat louder, but constantly. What’s actually happening?

A hand rested on his shoulder, making him jump slightly in surprise. When he looked up, he saw a very tired man, looking at him sadly yet understandingly. Those hazel eyes reflected his own, and Solitaire could very well see himself swimming in it. An odd rush ran through his veins, so strangely intimate.

“I want you to know that I’m very sorry, and that I love you just as much as I love your sister. Please don’t forget that, okay?”

Solitaire nodded blankly; eyes still consumed by his father’s.

With a stroke on his son’s hair, Halryannell smiled once more and got up to leave.

What on earth just happened?

[isaassination]

The Color of a Faraway Ending

"Well? Where have you been?" asked Madeleine.

Solitaire didn't answer at first. He kept his eyes on the door, as if it had all the answers he was looking for. He felt hollow in his chest, as if there's a big part inside that had been taken away from him, that he could not get back, that would forever leave him incomplete. He felt light as a feather, apart from the burden that had been lifted off his shoulders, thank God, but what came with it was not what he had expected at all. He was very late to understand, or even to let himself admit to feeling things that he'd thought he couldn't.

"Well?" Madeleine repeated her question, more demandingly. "Mum and dad were worried sick and almost cancelled everything, you know."

He looked up at his sister, and what she saw in front of her was not the little brother that she'd been living with for almost all her life. She was caught off guard, but even so, maintained her composure just a tad better.

"What happened?" she asked.

"No need to cancel anything, really." Solitaire answered. "I've taken care of everything, like I should have had at the first place. It's finished."

"What's finished?"

"My business here," he answered again, more matter-of-factly yet coldly. "My business with everything and everyone."

Maddy's expression dropped as she set herself straight from leaning on the door side. Nevertheless, Solitaire didn't elaborate on his reasoning and walked past through his sister to deal with his maddened parents in the living room.

"Solitaire ...."

"Solitaire, what happened?! We thought you've run away!" His mother cried while hugging him tightly. "Why did you do that? Don't ever do that again, promise me!"

"You could've at least written us a note or something," said his father. "What were you thinking?"

"'Mum, Dad ..." Maddy called, sending them a warning look. She nodded at her defeated brother. "It's been a night for him. We could talk tomorrow, or never, perhaps?"

That immediately shut his parents up; instead he got three pairs of eyes set on him, hammering holes on his head with a rough and deafening silence. He couldn't deal with this rubbish. He couldn't deal with anything emotional anymore. It was draining, it was devastating!

"We've got train to catch, haven't we?!" His trembling voice surprised even him, but he didn't care. He just wanted to get out of this godforsaken country merrily, immediately. "What are we waiting for, then?"

He walked out of the room to the portkey outside, before everything was spiraling. His head was throbbing, ripped by the stormy thoughts he couldn't get rid of, and it was so overwhelming that he wanted nothing more than to drown himself in the seas that would deliver them all from the evils in this land, from the unwanted memories and damned feelings, from the wicked seduction of the so-called friendships or any other human relations. It had cursed him. It had turned him into someone mushy and destructible, into someone powerless.

Along the way, his mum kept pestering on the matter, but that didn't crack him. He'd shut down everything. He'd let them all go. He'd set himself free. He was detached, and it's the most perfect thing to be.

He let go the last painful sigh, and welcomed himself to the familiar sanctuary of his own company; to the uninviting yet safe environment of solitude. He was himself once again, albeit incompletely.

[isaassination]

A Penny for Your Thoughts

Do you ever feel lonely? I sometimes hear the question buzzing up around me like a busy bee which, in that case, never has sufficient portion of rest. It’s not a very hard question to answer, to be honest, as I have already prepared the answer myself: no. A simple no. Why would anyone be lonely in solitude? It is the most perfect sanctuary that captivates my every interest. Nothing can ever beat the inner peace that you will experience every time you open that door – the door to the effervescent solitary harmony. It does not require anybody to participate, and that’s not the best of it. I can explain in more than a hundred words why I have never thought of leaving solitude, and that’s not because of the similarities that we have in the name only.

But to feel lonely in such state, how have I ever? I always think that loneliness is a matter of one’s need of a company, and in solitude, we do not have that. We will not have that as the main course. So, loneliness shouldn’t occur in solitude, because when one feels solitary enough to accept oneself, one’s desire is to be left alone by one’s own company. No one else. Therefore, if one feels in need of a company, other than oneself – a company that summons certain fulfilment that one does not experience while being alone – it is not solitude of which one is in state. It is something that does not belong to anyone, as loneliness is a severe case of desperation, I believe.

Sometimes I, too, feel eyes on me since I have never afflicted myself to involve in social situations that, not only feels suffocating enough for me to breathe, I perceive to be unbeneficial for my well-being. Well, mother always taunts me about it, and I daresay she might be half true. She does not think that my solitary principles will benefit me in any way, as we are human and humans are social beings that always need a hand, in any way. Not only mother, my sister and my father, moreover, have always given me advices on how it is okay not to like everybody, which means that I am not to think anyone in a good way if I don’t want to. But I must have the time and place to consider the other side of the coin, one that might come in handy in case I can’t help myself. It is very understandable, and it does make sense, but it’s still too heavy for me to think about.

Why do you always feel the need to be alone? Never in my entire life have I ever asked myself that question, yet the answer is still as plain as day: because I don’t trust people. I’ve heard so many facts and tales that reveal that you should never trust a soul. Trust is a very expensive thing to give away to anybody; it’s like handing a key to your very soul, and who says it’s a wise thing to do? Don’t hand out your keys. Never. Well, nobody ever proves me wrong – and I do not wish otherwise, let me clear that out – but God favors the prepared, no?

I have, indeed, felt like I’m slowly taking off the bricks to my fort one by one when talking to anyone other than my thoughts. It’s something that has been bugging me lately, and keeping me at bay, although luring me at the same time. It seems like a loose web of kind welcome has easily grabbed me by the hand, offered me the promising sanctity that I would soon … find out if it benefits or dooms me eventually. I couldn’t shake the thought of finding out how she does it – how easily does she do it. And sometimes, I cannot shake it off. I would love to, but somehow the grip tightens and caresses me with sweet-nothings just like my father’s own words. I might regret it later, but alas, it stays with me. I need not take the time to think thoroughly and most likely just go with the flow, as I have never before. It is very strange and unsettling, to think about, but what would I so carelessly lose?

[isaassination]

This Kingdom by the Sea

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary

over a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—

(The Raven, E.A. Poe)

  The 3rd of August

1:35 a.m

 My last piece of candle just melted and crumbled as I struggled to write again. It has taken me some time to revisit the frozen memories of my youth, until everything that has been occurring turned to nothing but misery. Although one might suggest that in times of misery, a light from the once euphoric and melodic past could heal the soul temporarily, I found none of it true. My body just as well aches every time I recall the specific times of our encounter, and I cannot risk bartering another part of my soul anymore for mere seconds of reunion.

The above paragraph alone reflects what I wanted to deliver: torture. It was torture. Everything about her was torture. Even I was surprised to have found the willingness to sit down, put aside the current events of my life and recollect the timepiece one by one.

Have you ever shuddered by excitement and wretchedness at the exact same time? The emotion is not at all comparable, is it? And now I’m finding myself getting angrier, letter by letter.

It was very easy and nice, when I wrote about my friend Mallory. I found my own warmth and consolation of the reminiscent, and I missed her even more but without the bitterness. But this one slashed me with an axe, ripped me apart until I was no longer recognizable for my figure alone. Everything about it is pitch black, like a ludicrously never-ending hurricane that threatens my very existence to this day. I think I will have to take another break and rest the deafening sounds in my head, or else I’ll go even madder than I have become. Goodnight.

  The 20th of October

10 p.m

 In this excerpt I will begin to tell you about my personal, undisclosed contentment—or at least, she used to be, right before I drifted away and disappeared from the face of the earth that she’d known. She was not my friend to begin with. I had never found her compilation of behaviours towards me enticing, let alone respectable. When we first met, she threw her dinner up on me. The embarrassment didn’t consume me that much, however, as I was barely out of my mother’s horrible nest, and what she did was nothing compared to what I had to put up with every day. My confidence and everything didn’t shake, because I knew I would thrive, each and every year, to become what I’d dreamt: the conqueror of the world—which was pretty much silly, and got a perfectly matched probability with the death of magic.

She and I never went along that well; in fact, I was ruthlessly mean to her. She was an anomaly of the girls I’d known, and never once had I wanted to look more into it, and just dismissed it every time I had the chance. Annabel Leigh—that was her name—was just another stupid face I saw every day. She mostly stood out because of her presence (or persona) of a seemingly adorable, harmless dimwit in the crowd of poised and eloquent boys and girls.

Annabel was unapologetic for anything she did. Her head was on another planet, yet it couldn’t even reach the top drawer in the room. The amount of energy and silliness she offered never ceased to annoy me, as if her breath alone made me suffer to exist.

Chronologically—and emphasis on logically—it was unthinkable of me to ever feel what I did. Some people might romanticize it as having butterflies flying around in their stomach, as if it was the one happy feeling to recognize that you’ve experienced some say as ‘the strongest feeling there ever was’: love. I’m going to stain my journal here, but holy fuck. I was far from the happiest I’d ever been, truth be told.

I knew my feelings for her through agony, through a jolt in my chest, a turmoil in my head and pain in every inch of my body. You would think that for a lad like me, it would take some long time to even notice that the feeling was there. If there were an offer for me to switch the all-knowing mind I might have had with, say, the dullness of a ditch, I would take it in a heartbeat. For in that instance, I knew that something was wrong. The moment she took her attention away from me, to being the all-caring little girl she was born to be, I became furious. I was furious because I knew that something had surely stirred, without any reluctance at all, as if she’d sprinkled all dust of sensibility down my head when she’d patted it with her tiny hand. I never had the chance to brush it off, and so I was overcome with apprehension and a barrage of feelings in a blink of an eye.

Annabel Leigh was never one with very cautious mind or eye, but she was not as thick-headed as she presented herself to be. What angered me the most was her habit of taking care of other people; how she tended to feel like she had to be the mother of them all, but now I know that it angered me because I couldn’t just take that role away from her to get her eyes averted to me alone. I was simply envious of other people that she’d taken care of; I simply felt excluded from the crowd, and therefore I detached myself for some time.

However, in the following insufferable years, I learnt to make peace with my feelings. It took some grand effort, and I can tell you that it was not at all easy to let down the fort of my defence brick by brick, until it was enough for her to see me uncovered. She was a ray of sunshine that chased away my hurricane. She was my light, the sound of my heartbeat.

I know now that what made it difficult to reminisce was the unfinished business we had. The building could’ve taken a long time before it could stand its ground, yet it had to be washed away by the cold, unforgiving wave of fate that struck our paths. We fell apart like a castle in the sand.

It was a sure thing to stick around and grow with her, to bind myself to her, and I found myself simultaneously buried in the sand of regret that I can’t seem to dismiss, before the end of our quills are put down to rest on a full stop. In this sentence, I start to shiver as the pain is slowly crippling me down to the point that I can’t feel anything anymore. My words are silenced, right after I once again succumb to the haunting fortress of Annabel Leigh. Lock me in anyway, for I might not even try to get out, and be the immortal entity of what I might as well claim as my forever residence.

[isaassination]

A Romance for Mallory

a quotidian story as told by a lackadaisical, tiresome young man from her past

What’s in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.*

In my 23 years of age, I cannot claim that I have experienced all sort of things an old man would be but proud to tell. It is in these short years of my life that I have smelled all things grand, of the beauty of the grotesque violet-painted sky, the very resemblance of any cotton candy, reminding me of my older brother’s common sense. It is in these short years of my life I have been exposed to the very tenderness of sensibility, of its curses and maladies, that almost tore me apart—by bones and my soul. It is in these short years of my life that I have admitted such despicable and infuriating feelings in the depth of my heart to someone I, with all my senses, had refused to acknowledge in my sobriety. And it is in these short years of my life that I have learnt that there are people out there, that are not of my blood, that I can proudly call my kin; I have learnt that there are greater attachment, fondness, pride, and affinity that one could bear towards others, that one could feel and reflect, every second of it, and that one could feel no more passionate yet desperate when torn apart.

I would firstly introduce one thing of all, that inspired me to write this excerpt from anything that I would ever write if I ever have; the one of whom I introduced first and foremost, without whom I might lose a part of myself. It is actually an act of romance, in which I will indeed romanticize some aspects of our lives that I wouldn’t even dare to write or even speak at the first place, in this very manner that does not speak of my own. It will be an overview of our friendship, a gentleman and a lady of very different backgrounds, not any resemblance in character if I might say so myself, which will be quizzical if one does not spare their time to read all of the reasons and stories. In this case, I would only spare a few reasons and stories, hopefully chronologically if I am not too distracted with other things, as I am one distracted gentleman for all that matter. My life began as soon as the letter arrived. I don’t think I will retell all of the things from beginning, however, as it will change the sound of this excerpt to anything but how I want to deliver. All in all, in my eleven years of age, I had not so very many remarkable encounters, for every encounter with other people was only due to my mum’s not very assuring pleas, most of it was forceful, to be honest. My journal would have been nothing of fashion, it’d been bored to death with all of the repetitive activities required of such gentlemen like my brother and myself. The words, if I had ever been too humble to spell them one by one, would have wilted and died at the end of my quill. I somehow think that in these early years I had developed a sense of melancholy, that actually still surprises me even if I have grown along with it. My soul was purely that of a child, dreaming and beaming at every culinary parade and shenanigans that my innocence would not have, if I was ever innocent to begin with. I couldn’t keep up to the calmness within the house once I got ahold of the letter, once I realized that everything would never be the same again, once I recognized the glimpse of mischief and chaos that I had only imagined in my head, and once I acknowledged the letter as my own personal breaker of chains. And there I met her. Mallory and I—that’s her name, Mallory Rose—were never really the closest of friends. I had acknowledged every one of my housemate as my best friend, and Mallory was simply included. How do I begin to describe her? She was not like any of the girls you would glance once and for all. There was some depth in every inch of her appearance and presence, some heavy vibes that was not likely to wash off if you would ever take a look at her for more than one second. If you would ever dare to breathe her in, to comprehend the meaning of her existence. I think in my youthful years I would acknowledge Mallory as a daunting girl. Her presence was pretty much eerie for my cup of tea, and somehow I knew that she absorbed energy from people—much, much energy—and I was never known as having too little energy, so I was wary with the thoughts that she would wear me down to the bones. In my youthful years, there was nothing more scary than living lifelessly. Then, somehow I traced down the path altogether: down the nightly forest and down the nightly robe she wore to her core. In this sentence, I admit to being very dramatic for my own taste, but one is indeed required to be dramatic in order to grasp the worrisome nightingale. In this sentence, I laugh, imagining how blown away she would be if she conjured up my own image in this unspeakable writing tone. And then I would protest, that I have always been this way, that I’ve matured and not really been kicking my heels off to every beanfest there’d ever be, that I am now merely an old lad with very little income and plentiful memories. We’d speak about the past like it is our friend; we’d speak of it in such tenderness that bursts out into firecrackers, warms us up like in the winter, where the fires burn the wood in the hearth. But I will always speak about the past like it is my friend, for it is mine, and I have carved every inch of my skin with it until it became a part of me. Yet for now, I will speak of her, my dear friend of whom I’m fairly fond. Mallory never said much about the things that bothered her while she was a child, and I would not dare to tick her off with any problematic questions that would enrage the Ukrainian Ironbelly inside her. I understand that it is not easy to admit the flaws inherited by our families; mine is almost unspeakable as the sickness in my belly, as ugly as sin. I only knew that she was once a nightingale stripped out of her wing. She compromised with the pain of her early years, which she preferred to transform into ashes so she could easily forget. I admired her ability to lash out, for even though I’d declared myself as pretty much an open book, acting as expressive as I could be, now anger always consumes me more yet rests me in its own limbo. My mind will spit out violence, my body and everything, yet I’ll always be too tired to throw a fit. In my early years, yes, it is true that I was once a fiery lad. I lashed out at everything until I got it all out. But as I’ve stated earlier, I have grown. Time changed me and I have grown to be what I am right now. If anything, I’ve grown more composed. Forgiving was not her nature. I remember how she’d told me about every little  thing she’d do to avenge herself. Not once did it shake me, for I have seen the daunting lady as she was. The little girl I was cautious about was no more fragile than a rose without its thorns; she’s living up to her name. What made her so unmistakably dangerous was her own thorns, the ones she cultivated herself, the ones that hurt yet protected her altogether. I was proud of my girl; I was proud of what she had been, what she had become, what she would be. There were times where nobody believes that a gentleman and a lady could become such intense friends, without any romantic feelings towards each other. I believe that’s true, for I am fond of Mallory; I could never find any word to describe her unromantically. To write her is to conduct a romantic story, as I have been, right to this moment. I remember her, every tiny bit of her, in my spare times; when my chair is creaking and my roof leaking; when I look down the road as I go home; when things go wrong and I sing a song; when I wave to the old lady in the upper town; when my glasses are tainted with silly finger prints and dust, dampening as I take a sip of my English breakfast; when the postman knocks on my door; when the stairs just won’t stop screaming for repair; when the light goes down and I am on my own, busy with everything and everyone I could only reminisce. I remember her as the ghosty curtain in my chamber, and I cherish her. I’ve always cherished her, for as long as I can remember.

[isaassination]

Ernest Schmithson: The Experiment

ORIGIN

Registrasi

Ernest diregis ketika aku lagi break RP, setelah Isaac dan sekian chara cewe yang gagal kumainin. I thought, I’ve had enough of this incapability (of writing a new chara/of moving on, lol). Tapi waktu itu aku ditawarin ama Kakdin buat mainin sepupu charanya, dan ketika dikasih tau sedikit latar belakangnya, I was sold.

Lahirlah Ernest Schmithson.

Basic Traits

Karena aku sedang dalam proses moving on, seperti halnya Isaac, Ernest juga sempet jadi korban recycle chara-charaku yang lain. AKU SEMAGER ITU BUAT BIKIN TIPE CHARA BARU. Ernest was heavily influenced by Isaac, as some of you might notice already, dan sebenarnya aku pengin jadiin James Potter HIMSELF sebagai landasan teori buat karakter Ernest. The thing is, James Potter has his Marauders, jadi aku pun bikin Marauders-nya Ernest: The Little Rascals.

Mereka adalah NPC, temen-temen Ernest di rumah yang secara garis besar aku plot buat bantu ngembangin karakternya Ernest, in case di Hogwarts dia ga punya geng kayak di rumah (dan pada akhirnya emang ga punya, HUHUHU).

Basic traits Ernest (aku kopas dari postnya di blog) adalah sbb:

Adrenaline junkie. He won’t stop accepting challenges like his life depends on it. It’s nothing about the pride, it’s about the good times and feels that he will attain, though in a way it helps shape his arrogance.

A lazy competitor. No, you cannot win anything or be better than him, but it will take some real time for him to come forward and claim his glory. Therefore, in order to overcome his failing to compete and win, he turns malicious, bitter and vengeful.

His curiosity only hurts the cat. He’s got enough passion to figure out things he doesn’t understand, but not quite willing to risk himself over it. He doesn’t act on demand, so curiosity kids kills the thrill.

Actually struggles with his self-worth. Doesn’t like being invisible; he needs to be in the limelight, yet still doubtfully deems himself worthy to take the throne on top.

Once you got into his black list, he’ll probably lure you slowly with his smooth spider-y web that can entangle you without knowing it. He’s mischievous and slick, anyway.

Despises being treated as inferior. He loathes people who look down on other people (hypocritically speaking), thus it will tickle his almost-indulging pride. He realizes where he resides, therefore this concerns him quite greatly.

Pretty loyal for a friend. Though he might act a little too bossy and arrogant, he still has a good heart and a soul of a good friend who’s willing to fight for you (not die; he loves himself more than he loves you).

Smooth criminal. Knowing that his action can get him into trouble, Ernest never puts on a too-crowd-inviting act. He always makes sure that the room fits for the people, let the rest listen.

 THE JOURNEY

Di luar dugaan, pas masuk Hogwarts, Ernest lebih suka take charge sendiri. Dia emang sering banget “ngerekrut” orang-orang buat ngikutin “acaranya”, kayak main Dark Box, ngebuktiin misteri Kappa di Hogwarts (atau apalah itu), dll. Tapi setelah acaranya beres, he went back to being independent.

Dia lebih sering loncat-loncat dari satu komplotan ke komplotan lain, alih-alih bikin komplotan sendiri dan jadi pemimpin. Ga jarang Ernest ngumpul-ngumpul sama cowo-cowo Durjana Ravenclaw, atau sama Zagan Azra dan Dino Whiskey (yang selalu dia bully). Zagan sebenernya yang lebih sering nemenin dia, dan sangat berpotensi buat jadi Peter Pettigrew-nya, wkwkwk *ditakol PM-nya*

Yeah, he basically spent two or three years being lone criminal #halah, tapi pada akhirnya Ernest ngerasa Hogwarts mulai membosankan. Ini sebenernya salah PM-nya sih, yang telat ngegali karakter dan tidak aktif, hehehe. Jadinya ketinggalan 2 taun deh. Everybody’d been experiencing things here and there, while Ernest stayed the same. Di sinilah sebenernya titik stuck karakter Ernest, huft.

Aku udah ngerasa Ernest ketinggalan jauh buat mulai bikin komplotan; tau-tau dia udah remaja aja. Entah kenapa setiap chara udah masuk kelas empat tuh aku bawaannya suka ikut jadi angsty, like my conscious knows that they’ve become a teenager, meskipun mainku ga gitu aktif dan jadi lebih sering privat.

Pada taun ketiga atau keempat, Ernest ngga sengaja terlibat deep talk sama Lina Poitou. Bocah yang sukanya main-main dan berbuat onar itu ternyata bisa juga diajak mikir jauh, dari hal receh sampai filosofis. (Even I didn’t know that he’s capable of thinking that big, wkwkwk.) Ga lama kemudian, Ernest jadi lebih suka mikir lebih dulu daripada impulsif ngelakuin banyak hal (though in some occasions, it couldn’t be helped).

Pertemuan itu juga menimbulkan spark baru dalam diri Ernest, yang memotivasi dia buat ngejar semua kelas yang dia tinggalin dan ikut JunApp. Tiba-tiba Ernest jadi visioner: dia udah tahu mau jadi apa setelah lulus nanti, dan dia tahu gimana cara ngewujudinnya. Selama perjuangannya nge-JunApp, Ernest juga mulai patched things up sama temen-temen Gryffindor-nya. Dia jadi lebih menghargai persahabatan sama orang-orang di luar The Little Rascals.

 THE TURN OF EVENTS

Sisi rebellious Ernest sebenernya makin triggered ketika dia dijodohkan paksa pada tahun keenam. Ernest sempat merasa kalau dunianya gelap sebentar, dan tiba-tiba bayangannya buat masa depan lenyap gitu aja. But he’d turned the pain into revenge, janji sama diri sendiri buat ngelempar bukti kesuksesannya ke muka orang tuanya. Dia jadi lebih ambisius dalam hidup, meski pada akhirnya harus ninggalin komplotannya di rumah dan benar-benar berusaha sendirian; lepas dari orang-orang yang udah membesarkan dia.

 CONCLUSION

Karakter Ernest sebenernya statis dan ga banyak perubahan, karena akunya sendiri ga sempet eksplor jauh dan sampai selesai. Here’s the possibilities of what he could’ve been or done:

-          Lulus dengan spesialisasi Evocation, then tossed that away to train for quidditch.

-          Jadi pemain quidditch Inggris.

-          Once he thought himself worthy, ngelamar Lina Poitou, terus nikah dan Bahagia selamanya, huehuehue~

 Thanks for tuning in!

[isaassination]

Isaac Crest: The Essence of Beings

ORIGIN

Registrasi

Isaac diregis pada term Halryannell lulus banget, tanpa ada jeda wkwk. Jadi aku emang udah punya goal buat bikin karakter baru setelah Halryannell lulus, cuma awalnya pengen jeda satu term aja jadi masih bisa nerusin Halryannell pra-kelulusan, mana plotnya juga sebenernya belum beres kan. Taunya, entah kenapa waktu itu opreg 1802 hype banget, and I couldn’t help but get hyped??? Aku yang asalnya tetep bersikeras buat regis term depan pun goyah, terlebih ketika SEMUA NAMAKU UDAH DIAMBIL.

Isaac Crest should’ve been Isaac Frost atau Isaac Foster, tapi udah ada TIGA KARAKTER yang embodied each name: Isaac Hughes, Hyperion Frost, dan Penelope Foster. Panas lah w. Tapi aku tetap teguh dengan pendirianku.

 Hingga aku menemukan nama temenku di registered member—beneran nama RW temenku. Aku tau dia mau regis NIH setelah IH keburu tutup pas dia baru main, dan namanya juga ngga pasaran. Godaan itu pun datang. Aku buru-buru ngontak temenku dan tanya apa itu akunnya dia.

 Ternyata dia udah bikin chara, dan itu akun adiknya IRL yang sengaja ngetroll pake namanya, tanpa berniat mainin.

 I was like:

  Larilah aku ke tret Penggantian Nama Karakter. Lahirlah Isaac Crest.

Penamaan

Namanya terdiri dari 4 kata: Isaac Solange Foster Crest.

- Isaac, karena aku pengen hijrah ke nama yang simpel-simpel (setelah nama macem Halryannell Heyerdahl yang sesungguhnya tak berarti apa-apa, I became wiser). Been eyeing the name, too, dari dulu-dulu, kesannya bagus aja gitu.

 - Solange, diambil dari karakter numpang-regisku di IO, Solange Ciar (AKA Soul). IRP Solange tuh nama cewe pilihan ibunya, yang emang ngidam anak cewe tapi ga dapet-dapet.

 - Foster, surname yang tak sampai. Tapi karena aku suka, jadi tetep dipake sebagai nama tengah.

 - Crest, surname dadakan yang filosofinya juga cocoklogi. Crest berarti puncak, yang bisa dimaknai sebagai puncak kejayaan, puncak hierarki, atau puncak kebekuan. Kenapa kebekuan? Karena seharusnya karakter Isaac adalah a killing machine yang ga punya hati nurani, HAHAHA.

  Killua Zoldyck and Other Characters Dump

Jadi sebenernya Isaac adalah Voldemort dari horcrux-horcruxnya yang berupa karakter fiksi lain. Dia dibuat dengan berbasis karakter-karakterku di forum-forum lain yang ngga pernah beres dimainin, ditambah unsur beberapa karakter manga yang jadi inspirasi juga.

 Ada 5 karakterku yang jadi basic Isaac WAKAKAK: Chandler Louis (IO), Viorel Vercingetorix (IH), Daryl Peacakes (IS), Justice Charlton (IH), dan Halryannell Heyerdahl (NIH). Hadeh. Esensi karakter mereka aku ambil dan satuin di Isaac: kasar, easy going, optimis, bully, semena-mene, nyeleneh, suka meremehkan orang, seksis, ambisius, pinter, dll. Ya gitulah. Jadi kalau dibilang original, sebenernya dia ngga original banget.

On the other hand, Isaac awalnya juga mau dibuat kayak Killua Zoldyck (Hunter X Hunter) beserta seluruh keluarganya. But that ain’t working since the beginning, lol. Killua dan The Zoldycks masih terlalu dewa untuk aku proyeksikan sendiri orz

 Tapi aku tetep ambil intinya dari The Zoldycks. Ortu Killua sama-sama powerful, dan ibunya lebih western-ish, centil-centil, plus kejam. Killua punya kakak cowo dan adik cowo (yang didandanin dan dianggap cewe); ga deket sama kakaknya, tapi saling sayang banget sama adiknya. Perbedaannya, Isaac deket banget sama kakak cowoknya, Cornelius. Dia justru benci-sayang sama adiknya, Alice, karena ngerasa ibunya paling sayang sama Alice, sementara Alice sendiri sayang banget sama Isaac dan Cornelius.

 Selain Killua, ada juga Kajiwara Umi dari manga Nosatsu Junkie dan Yuzuriha Kanade dari manga/anime Fukumenkei Noise. Dari mereka aku ngambil tsundere, passion, dan gentleness-nya.

 Jadi intinya Isaac Crest itu tempat sampah, guys ‘ ‘b

The end.

 Bercanda.

  THE JOURNEY

Karena Isaac diregis pada term yang sama kayak Halryannell, tentu saja tulisanku masih Halryannell banget. Jadi ngga heran kalau di term pertama Isaac lebih kalem dan suave. He could still handle things smoothly, tanpa heboh sana-sini like he’d become huehuehue.

 Isaac mulai aktif di term kedua, dan dia juga mulai berbaur sama temen-temen seangkatannya. Sadly, he totally lost his Halryannell-side dan suaveness dan class dan coolness—INTINYA, out of my control, dia perlahan berubah agak, to quote some people, alay. Anak-anak S1802 bantu ngebangun sisi easy going, heboh, dan barbar Isaac. Selama di rumah, temennya cuma Cornelius, guys, wkwkwk. He acted all gentlemanly ke semua kolega orang tuanya, termasuk anak-anak mereka. Ga pernah Isaac nyeletuk sana-sini atau bahkan ngomong di luar apa yang ibunya suruh ngomong. When he met his Slytherin pals, he kinda found his breaker of chains. Dramatis kali kamu, Nak Saac. Temen-temennya di Slytherin bikin dia jadi sangat-sangat menghargai persahabatan, dan dia beneran nganggep mereka kayak keluarga. He valued the friendship more than anything.

 Awalnya aku sama sekali ga berencana buat bikin karakter pinter, ha ha ha, kapan aku se-dedicated itu buat masuk kelas hah?!?!?!?! Tapi entah kenapa, waktu ngeliat temen-temennya (terutama Penelope dan Floute), dia jadi merasa iri sama kerajinan mereka. And as his father was a bright chemist, aku memutuskan buat ngikutin feel dan bikin dia jadi kompetitif abis dan rajin ngelas. Kudos for my one and only budak poin wakakak.

 Isaac di tahun pertama sampai ketiga masih childish banget, ngambek cuma karena hal-hal remeh, suka ngajak ribut ga jelas, cerewet banget mulutnya minta dicimu dilakban. But he eventually found his gentle side—the true one, ketika mulai bergaul sama temen-temen ceweknya, the girls he had looked down on and shrugged off like they didn’t matter.

 Boy, was he a sensitive ass, wkwkwk. Si bocah cablak, ga mau diem itu pun menjadi lebih kalem ketika dia sering ngobrol sama mereka, mulai membuka diri dan pikiran. It turned out GIRLS HAD MORE POWER THAN HE’D EXPECTED!!! Isaac was flipped.

Slytherin trait-nya dia juga pelan-pelan mulai keluar, terlebih ketika punya semacam “musuh” cewe yang ga sengaja mancing sisi gelapnya. Isaac yang dulu cuma bisa menyelesaikan masalah dengan marah-marah ga jelas, mulai lebih tactical. He’d do anything to achieve his ends. Pride-nya juga emang setinggi itu sampe ga mau kalah dalam hal apa pun sama cewe.

Sayangnya sensibilitas adalah kelemahan terbesarnya :( He couldn’t even stand on his two feet when he found out he’d fallen in love with a girl. Selain tsundere, dia denialnya cuma satu level di bawah Halryannell (and that’s superbad). Bedanya, Isaac kalau denial ngga violent, tapi justru lembek alay minta digeprek. Dulu dia tipikal anak-anak yang jijik kalau ngebayangin suka-sukaan sama lawan jenis, kayak ga mungkin banget dia bisa suka sama cewek, iyuhhh. Gitu. Taunya, sekalinya suka langsung ambyar.

 Pokoknya dia tipe yang selalu menyangkal perasaan dengan akal sehat, tapi justru jatuhnya jadi overwhelmed sama perasaan atau emosi itu sendiri. It’d gotten so bad that he couldn’t even function socially at all, and that’s saying something for a kid like him. He failed classes because of it! BRUH.

 THE CLIFFHANGER

Apalah cliffhanger. Intinya plot dia masih belum beres sampe sekarang huehuehue. Saya ikut overwhelmed sama kelemahan dia =))

 Tapi, Isaac yang “terpuruk” akhirnya dipaksa bangkit karena tragedi keluarganya. Bapaknya meninggal karena kecelakaan di lab; kakaknya jatuh bangkrut dan hancur karena perceraian; ibunya nikah lagi ga lama setelah bapaknya meninggal, ngeboyong adiknya ke tempat baru.

 Isaac yang dulu dimanja kemewahan mau ga mau harus keluar dari Hogwarts buat kerja ngebangun reputasi keluarganya lagi. Dia udah ga punya siapa-siapa buat diandalkan, justru kakak yang biasanya nimang-nimang dia lagi hancur begitu, harus gantian dibantu. Gone was the spoiled, rich brat he used to be, dan tahu-tahu di umur kelimabelas dia dipaksa buat jadi dewasa sebelum waktunya.

 CONCLUSION

Alhamdulillah Isaac Crest sudah tumbuh dengan baik, meski tidak terselesaikan *menangis di pojokan* Bocah yang asalnya barbar dan alay itu sudah berkembang menjadi pemuda independen yang gentle dan lebih open-minded.

 I think I’ve rambled enough, lol. Thanks for tuning in!

[isaassination]

[isaassination]

Reminiscing

Tangannya mengusap kaca bening yang menutupi sebuah kaktus kecil yang berpendar di kegelapan. Boleh dikatakan, itu adalah hasil percobaan terakhir sang ayah untuknya. Ia ingat, waktu itu pagi buta, dua minggu sebelum Hogwarts, dan Isaac terbangun karena mimpinya dihantui Annabel Leigh yang murka sebab ia ingkar janji. Maka Isaac bergegas ke laboratorium ayahnya, menggedor-gedor pintu tanpa ampun dan dengan napas yang terengah-engah. Dan ayahnya membukakan, dengan sepasang kacamata bertengger seperti biasa di hidungnya, baru bangun dan lelah. Isaac Crest yang dulu, yang terburu, tidak menyadari detail kontur muka ayahnya, pula tidak mensyukuri bahwa di atas kesibukannya yang menggila, meski tak nampak di permukaan, sang ayah masih mengutamakan anaknya.

 Kaktus itu menyala dengan sempurna di atas meja; berkilauan—campuran biru, ungu, hijau, dan merah. Ia mengingat, waktu itu ia takut lupa membawa apa yang dijanjikannya. Tentu saja, masih berpegang teguh pada prinsip Isaac Crest is a man of his words, jadi ia tidak mungkin melanggar janji. Meski pada awalnya ‘janji’ itu hanya dikutip dan terkesan tak sungguh-sungguh, well, Isaac ingin mengejutkan Annabel Leigh.

 Ah, Annabel Leigh. Kadang ia merindukannya.

  Sebenarnya, Isaac bisa saja mengirim surat kepada gadis itu, tapi ia takut Annabel melapor kepada teman-teman mereka, dan ia nanti dinilai pilih kasih. Tentu saja Isaac tidak pilih kasih! Ia menyayangi semua temannya secara adil (walau mungkin kasih sayangnya ada yang sedikit berbeda dan keluar jalur ‘teman’, ahem). Hanya saja, ia tidak merasa benar. Entahlah, mungkin Isaac tidak siap dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan retoris (dalam artian benar-benar tidak membutuhkan jawaban) layaknya KAU KEMANA?! KENAPA TIDAK BALIK HOGWARTS?!

 Hhhh…. Dunia remaja itu begitu melelahkan.

 Isaac menengadah, memandang ke depan dengan harapan dapat melihat lagi perapian di kediaman lamanya dan Annabel Leigh yang pergi bersama api—malam dimana ia akhirnya mau mengakui perasaannya terhadap gadis itu.

 Well, sudah dua atau tiga tahun, ternyata. (Sebenarnya dia lupa kapan tepatnya ia drop out dari Hogwarts—kalau kapan resminya sih ya tidak pernah.) Hah. Membanggakan sekali, uh, Valerie? Isaac Crest, Slytherin 1802, keluaran Hogwarts.

 Ia tertawa garing

  Annabel Leigh. Kadang ia merindukannya.

  Bagaimana kalau gadis itu sudah menikah?!

  Kau tahu, dia bukan forecaster—yup, impian masa kecilnya telah hancur bersamaan dengan titel ‘Hogwarts Drop Out’ yang kini menempel di jidatnya; ia tidak dapat memvisualisasikan masa depan, meski hanya seutas angan-angan. Isaac tidak dapat melihat kemana ia akan menetap. Annabel Leigh mungkin telah melupakannya. Well. Tak masalah. Isaac tidak keberatan untuk memulai dari awal—hanya jika gadis itu memang masih bisa diajak kerjasama. Hah. Dalam artian, belum menikah.

 It’s going to be tough if she’s married. Masalah yang pertama, Isaac bukan tipikal cowok ganteng-ganjen tukang tikung; ia tidak mungkin merusak hubungan keluarga orang. (MERLIN, dalam hal ini, dia santo sekali!) Yang kedua, bagaimana jika Annabel sudah punya anak? Tentu saja Isaac tidak bisa main ketuk pintu rumah orang dan bilang pada anak mereka bahwa, “Hei, nak. Ibumu nyeleweng. Tenang saja, aku tidak akan jadi ayah barumu. Justru, kau akan memiliki ayahmu sepenuhnya karena IBUMU MILIKKU, HAHAHA!”

 Psychotic.

 Lagi pula, ia jadi plus-plus memfitnah Annabel juga.

  Hhhh…. Dunia dewasa itu begitu melelahkan.

  Well, yang diketahuinya sejauh ini, perasaannya terhadap Annabel Leigh belum hilang. Menyedihkan, memang—YA SUDAH! Hhhhh…. Sudah dibilang, kan, salah satu kelemahannya adalah perasaan.

 Sampah.

  Ah, Annabel Leigh. Isaac Crest masih merindukannya.

[isaassination]

After Hogwarts (Isaac Crest)

“I’m not going to start my life with a brand new name, Cornelius. There is not and has never been a disgrace that lies in the name. I am a proud Crest descendant, and I am not and will never go down on my knees—or even lower my gaze and take a bow to whoever caused this mess, because what’s happening now is what’s been written in the Book, and there is no power in this world could have unchanged it. I’m only needed to have faith and move on with what is in the present, because it is a gift and I have to cherish it in the name of my and your deceased father.”

“But I am unemployed, brother! Look around you! There is nothing to cherish. We are doomed, and left, and basically damned!”

“You’re a bloody respected gentleman, and so am I; we are but two well-respected bastards! Get the bloody hell up and act like one!” Kedua tangannya terlempar di udara, sebelum kemudian menarik kedua kerah kakaknya dengan paksa dan menatapnya liar. “We are not giving up, Cornelius.”

“I’ve lost my wife, Isaac… I’ve lost my wife—and my daughter. They abandoned me just because I cannot make a living out of this fucking mess!”

Isaac menghela napas, menjatuhkan kakaknya ke atas lantai dengan air mata yang masih bercucuran di wajahnya—belepotan; hasil karya sampah seorang pengangguran yang ditinggal cerai. Demi Tuhan. Bukankah seharusnya ia yang dijaga dan ditimang-timang?

“And you suppose whining about it will rewind the clock and bring back what you had lost?”

Pemuda tujuh belas tahun itu mendengus dalam sebuah ejekan kentara. Di waktu yang singkat, ia mengingat bahwa dahulu, ketika jam itu belum membawanya ke saat ini, posisi mereka tidaklah seperti ini. Dia bukanlah Isaac yang sekarang, dan Cornelius bukanlah Cornelius yang sekarang. Jika manusia memang tidak berubah, seharusnya ialah yang tersungkur di atas lantai dengan air mata bercucuran. Dan ia masih mencari tahu, apakah tepatnya yang membuat kakaknya, pengusaha kaya dan bermartabat itu, begitu tergila-gila dan akan hancur tanpa istrinya?

Cornelius tersedu.

“Women are disaster.” Dan Isaac mengutuk lantaran menyuarakan pikirannya—lantaran mengakui apa yang tidak ingin diakuinya. Lantaran, malu akan kenyataan.

“It may not change anything, but now I wish humans don’t breed.” Ia mendudukkan diri di sebelah kakaknya, bersila. “In that case, who needs women?”

Tenang saja, kesadaran akan dirinya yang tak hanya patriarkal tapi juga misoginis sudah ia ketahui sejak lama. Meski kenyataan itu tidak bisa melawan perasaan dan sensibilitasnya yang sempat membawanya ke arah sebaliknya. Tapi itu sudah lama terjadi…

Itu sudah lama terjadi.

“It’s just so pathetic, seeing two people that you love the most getting destroyed by none other than the slaves of patriarchy itself. You heard me right, brother: women are the slaves of patriarchy, and you—you have reversed the law. You have been enslaved by the slave.”

Pandangannya berubah kosong dan sendu, dengan redup penyesalan yang perlahan membentuk genangan di pelupuk.

“And our father… I’d like to believe that I was born without a so-called mother.”

Hamish, kenangnya, Hamish Crest yang malang. Anak lelakinya yang ini tidak tahu-menahu mengenai cintanya yang ternyata sungguhan terhadap istrinya yang pendusta. Valerie Crest dan affairs-nya sudah  merupakan rahasia umum, dan Isaac tahu Hamish selalu tidak berkomentar mengenai hal itu. Namun dia tidak tahu bahwa ayahnya bukan tidak peduli, melainkan mencoba untuk tidak peduli, dan itu menyakitkan. Dan itu terlalu menyakitkan jika dilihat dengan mata kepalanya sendiri.

“Alice knew, and that flamboyant thing never told a soul,” ujarnya dengan seringai. “And she thought she was being heroic.”

Isaac mengusap wajah, kemudian mengedip-ngedipkan matanya untuk mengenyahkan kilasan masa lalu.

“I still can hear the explosion. It was just like yesterday.”

Ketika berpaling, ia mendapati Cornelius tengah memeluk kedua lututnya, dan sesuatu seolah menusuknya tepat di jantung. Menyakitkan—seperti yang sudah dikatakannya. Pria itu dulu duduk tegap di atas kuda mereka, Lord, dengan tatapan tegas dan begitu dewasa—sifat yang tak pernah dianggap Isaac akan tumbuh secepat ini di dirinya sendiri, dan akan lenyap di diri kakaknya.

Ia tahu Cornelius tengah tumbang beberapa waktu ke belakang, entah itu bisnis maupun pernikahannya, hingga akhirnya hancur karena pernikahannya, di musim dingin ketika Isaac masih menjabat sebagai prefek Slytherin di Hogwarts, tahun kelima. Liburannya dihabiskan untuk membantu memulihkan mental kakaknya, sebelum musim semi datang. Sebelum tragedi Hamish Crest terjadi. Hingga ia akhirnya meninggalkan Hogwarts dan segalanya di belakang untuk mempertahankan satu-satunya alasan tertinggal untuknya melanjutkan hidup: kakaknya.

Dan saat datang, Isaac yang masih bodoh jelas mengharapkan pemberian yang setimpal dengan apa yang didapatkannya saat masih di rumah—tapi, kenyataannya, ia tidak dapat mengharapkan apa-apa. Usaha Cornelius, ditambah bantuannya, masih dapat bertahan hingga satu tahun lebih lama, tapi tidak ada perpanjangan. Mereka kehabisan biaya, kehilangan pelanggan, dan, melihat keadaan Cornelius yang sangat tidak stabil, kehilangan kerja sama. Sementara Isaac tidak tahu cara untuk memulai bisnis baru.

Ungrateful, talentless bastard! Cornelius waktu itu pernah mengutukinya. Kau seharusnya lebih memilih untuk tinggal dan melanjutkan hidup bersama ibumu, bukan denganku!

Jika dia masih Isaac Crest yang mementingkan kepuasan diri serta harta dan status di atas segalanya, tidak akan sekalipun dia menginjakkan kaki di kediaman Cornelius waktu itu.

“I can’t help you, Isaac.” Cornelius menyahut dengan wajah yang kini telah terbenam seluruhnya di balik lutut. “I am not able to. You should move on alone, because I am not able to. I can’t make the clock reverse, but I’d rather wait for it to magically do—wait for it to my last days.”

Isaac berpikir sejenak, kemudian menoleh untuk menatap kakaknya. “Would you rather mourn your tragedies to death or would you rather someone erase it?”

Cornelius terbelalak sedikit. “You wouldn’t perform the enchantment on me, would you…?”

“No, but I could hire someone to do it.” Isaac berdiri, kemudian menyambar selimut dan melemparkannya kepada Cornelius. “Sleep. Tomorrow’s a brighter day, or I’ll kill the sun.”

Cornelius merangkak dengan selimutnya menuju tempat tidur, masih memandangi Isaac dengan tatapan mengawang-awang. “I’m starting to think that you’re taking interest in taking care of me… which is curious…”

“Because I love you, is that what you want to hear?” tanyanya, mengenakan mantel. “I sure as hell do not. What have I been staying here for?”

Cornelius tersenyum. “I’m glad.”

 -

 “Ma’am, I do not need anyone’s agreement, let alone baptism, to do it.”

Wanita tua itu, dengan rambut bergelombang sebahu dan jubah musim dingin tebal hitam, terus menarik mantel Isaac, memohon.

“Mrs. Breckenridge, I assure you, it’s nothing of a big deal.”

Mrs. Breckenridge menatap Isaac lama. “All right, lad. Your choice.” Cengkeramannya dilepaskan sebelum ia berjalan ke seberang dapur.

Isaac menghela napas, lalu mendudukkan dirinya lebih dekat ke perapian. Matanya mengedar sejenak, dan terdiam kala mendapati jendela dan pemandangan salju di luarnya. Inverness. Breckenridge. Ia ingat: Velouette dan dia pernah berjalan-jalan di daerah ini.

“Did she get a proper burial?”

Mrs. Breckenridge, yang sedang menyiapkan sup hangat untuk jamuan makan malam, menengok tanpa membalikkan wajahnya, bertanya-tanya sejenak. Ketika pemahaman sudah ditemukannya, wanita itu mengangguk-angguk pada dirinya sendiri.

“Maksudmu, anak gadis Parkin?”

Tidak yakin bahwa itu adalah nama belakangnya, tapi sepertinya begitu…

“Well…”

“She’s fine, all right. It was a colossal error, so they had to make sure everything is fine.”

“Colossal error, huh…”

“The World Quidditch Cup, they said,” ujar Mrs. Breckenridge, membawa dua mangkuk sup panas ke meja makan. “Has never been quite a party, if you ask me.”

Isaac mengerling pada sup jagung di depannya, lalu tersadarkan. “Oh, right, Mr. Breckenridge…”

“Ah…”

“I’m so sorry, Ma’am.”

“That’s all right, lad, that’s all right.” Mrs. Breckenridge mengibaskan tangan kanannya di udara. Kedua mata abu-abu itu terangkat, menatap silver di depannya. “We all have to lose something somehow.”

Isaac mengerti, dan kepalanya ditundukkan sedikit setelah tersenyum singkat.

Ada keheningan yang cukup tajam, sebenarnya, namun untunglah Mrs. Breckenridge mencairkannya.

“So, Hogwarts’s all history now, son?”

“It seems to be…”

“And what is it that you prefer yourself to be called in the present?”

Isaac menengadah. Ada keengganan yang mengambang sejenak di matanya, dan ia tidak yakin lidahnya akan fasih melafalkan kebohongan yang tidak diinginkannya. Akan tetapi, tanpa bisa memberi tahu Mrs. Breckenridge, nama belakang yang dibanggakannya tidak bisa lagi diandalkan—ambil Cornelius, sebagai alasan. Ia tidak akan dipercaya jika mengaku masih satu darah dengan pengusaha anggur yang hancur itu.

“It’s all right, son. It’s merely an alias; it doesn’t define who you are.”

Untuk beberapa detik, Isaac cukup menyesal baru menemukan wanita tua ini sekarang.

“Lysander Erhard, ma’am. But I refuse to be called thus outside the business.”

Mrs. Breckenridge tersenyum, mengangguk. “I understand, son.”

[isaassination]

Lysander Erhard

Nama: Lysander Erhard

Status Darah: Pureblood

Tempat/Tgl Lahir: Abergavenny, 26 Desember 1790

Tempat Tinggal: Glocestershire

Tinggi Badan/Berat Badan/Warna Rambut/Warna Mata/Tanda lain: 184cm/61kg/Hitam legam/Keperakan

Sifat Karakter: Tidak suka diatur, agak [i]slengean[/i], agak semena-mena. Mudah mengakrabkan diri dengan sekitar, kepercayaan dirinya cukup tinggi, memiliki pendengaran yang sensitif, memiliki daya juang yang tinggi.

Sikap Politik: Netral

Tongkat Sihir: Cedar dengan inti rambut ekor Unicorn, 29cm, lentur

Riwayat Pekerjaan:

- Tahun 1807 bekerja sebagai bartender part-time di sebuah kedai di Glocestershire

- Tahun 1808 bekerja serabutan

- Tahun 1809 menjadi pembantu sementara seorang healer St. Mungo

- Tahun 1810 mulai bekerja sebagai healer magang

Riwayat Pendidikan: Durmstrang Institute (1802-1806)

Anggota Keluarga:

Nama Ayah: Hamish Caulfield

Pekerjaan Ayah: deceased

Nama Ibu: Valeriya Caulfield (nee Denisova)

Pekerjaan Ibu: Penyanyi opera/hairdresser/sosialita

Nama Saudara:

- Kornelius Caulfield (kakak kandung, 31 tahun)

- Alice Caulfield (adik kandung, 18 tahun)

Pekerjaan Saudara: Bartender part-time di Leaky Cauldron (kakak)

Nama Pasangan -

Riwayat Hidup:

Lysander Erhard dahulu dikenal dengan nama lain: Isaiah Caulfield, dengan latar belakang keluarga biasa yang kebetulan memiliki rezeki di atas rata-rata. Ayahnya Hamish Caulfield adalah seorang alkemis Inggris terpercaya yang bekerja di Rusia, mengikuti istrinya Valeriya Caulfield, penyanyi opera yang merangkap sebagai penata rias mahir di Rusia. Kakaknya Kornelius Caulfield adalah seorang pengusaha wine di Inggris, sementara Isaiah dan Alice Caulfield adalah pelajar Durmstrang Institute. Itu [i]dulu[/i], sebelum Hamish mengalami kecelakaan di laboratoriumnya yang menyebabkan kematian. Kematian Hamish Caulfield memberi dampak besar pada Keluarga Caulfield; Kornelius dan Isaiah yang sedari dulu tidak pernah berpihak kepada ibu dan adik mereka serta-merta menyalahkan Valeriya Caulfield yang kedapatan memiliki banyak affair dengan koleganya. Keluarga itu pun pecah, dengan Isaiah yang memutuskan untuk berpisah dari ibu dan adiknya.

Berbekal cukup optimisme terhadap Kornelius yang seorang pengusaha, Isaiah memutuskan untuk ikut tinggal di kediaman kakaknya di Inggris. Namun, karena usaha Kornelius yang telah mengalami kemunduran sejak dua tahun ke belakang akhirnya bangkrut pada tahun 1806, ditambah dengan rumah tangga Kornelius yang akhirnya hancur pada tahun 1807, Isaiah tidak bisa lagi mengandalkan kakaknya. Hal ini membuatnya terpaksa memutuskan untuk menghentikan pendidikannya di Durmstrang demi mencari pekerjaan lain untuk terus bertahan hidup plus mengurusi kakaknya yang depresi berkelanjutan.

Keterangan Tambahan: Lahir dengan nama Isaiah Caulfield. Ia mengganti namanya untuk menghindari risiko dikenal berasosiasi dengan Kornelius Caulfield si pengusaha bangkrut yang depresi dan Hamish Caulfield si alkemis nyentrik yang mati oleh percobaannya sendiri, karena ia menilai bahwa nama keluarganya akan berpengaruh terhadap pekerjaannya nanti. Maka dari itu, ia mulai memperkenalkan diri sebagai Lysander Erhard dari Glocestershire.

[isaassination]

original image credit to Ithan Slade.

[isaassination]

Own

Kau pernah tahu bagaimana rasanya menyukai seseorang begitu dalam hingga tersiksa karenanya?

Salam, Isaac Crest, 1806.

Sudah kutahu sedari dulu bahwa apa yang dinamakan cinta (dan yang semacamnya) hanya akan berujung pada kiamat kecil untuk diri sendiri. Bicara soal bukti, aku punya banyak referensi. Aku pernah percaya bahwa kedua orang tuaku dahulu pernah diliputi rasa cinta satu sama lain yang sama banyak, hingga akhirnya perasaan itu surut dan menghilang; menjadikan mereka seumpama robot karatan yang hanya tinggal menikmati hidup dan menunggu mati. Cornelius sudah tergila-gila pada Honoria semenjak dia baru pertama mengenal kata cinta, dan kakakku itu rela memberikan apapun untuk istrinya—dan apapun. Dia kehilangan arah ketika pernikahan mereka nyaris menepi di ambang batas, dan itu sinting.

Jadi aku tahu satu: mencintai berarti mengiris urat nadimu sendiri. Orang waras mana yang mau ambil risiko itu?

Jika disebutkan bahwa remaja kadang sok tahu bahkan terhadap dirinya sendiri, sebenarnya, mate, aku sudah mengerti diriku sendiri sejak umurku masih delapan, mungkin. Yah, bukan salahku jika sifat ataupun karakterku stagnan tanpa mengalami perubahan yang signifikan—atau begitulah asumsiku. Aku selalu berjuang untuk diriku sendiri yang paling utama; cari aman, cari keuntungan. Bisa dikatakan bahwa aku memang oportunis, tapi jarang terhadap orang, alih-alih situasi. Jatuh cinta kuanggap sebagai bencana, dan selagi aku punya kesempatan untuk menghindarinya (maksudku, hidup itu pilihan, dan jatuh cinta adalah salah satu fase kehidupan, jadi jatuh cinta pun adalah pilihan), mengapa tidak memanfaatkannya?

Blah blah blah, terus saja berpaling dari ini-itu sampai akhirnya kau baru tahu setelah kena batu, Isaac.

Ya. Itu terjadi padaku.

Gadis ini tidak pernah memberikan kesan baik padaku. Demi Merlin. Sedari dulu aku tidak pernah menganggapnya teman, meski aku juga tidak menganggapnya musuh. Entah apa perannya di kehidupanku—mungkin sebagai bumbu penyedap. Semua tata kramaku lenyap begitu saja tiap kali berhadapan dengannya (well, kautahulah bagaimana terpujinya sikapku—ini sarkasme—lalu kali dua sikapku ini).

Aku tidak ingat kapan sikap/sifat menyebalkannya menggeser pola pikirku dan malah menilainya positif. Well, aku bisa bilang bahwa aku bukanlah orang yang suka berbagi. Yaaahh, egois, bisa kaubilang. Tapi aku ingat bahwa kekesalan tidak wajar itu muncul pertama kali di meja Slytherin, antara tahun 1803 dan 1804, ketika perhatiannya yang di awal tertuju penuh padaku, teralihkan. Saat itu pesta awal tahun. Slytherin sedang berpesta merayakan kelulusan senior kami, dan aku dibuat kesal dan marah hanya karena seorang gadis tidak penting mengalihkan perhatiannya dariku. Aku begitu kesal dan marah hingga memutuskan untuk pergi ketika pesta baru saja dimulai.

Demi Merlin, memalukan.

Dari sana, aku memutuskan untuk menjauh perlahan-lahan—tidak begitu banyak menghabiskan waktu dengan gadis itu lagi atau bahkan dekat-dekat dengannya. Aku tahu ada perubahan yang terjadi, dan aku tahu aku tidak akan menyukainya. Well, aku tidak salah. Lama kelamaan, hal itu menjadi begitu nyata, dan aku menderita karenanya.

Kemudian di tanggal 26 Desember yang sepi, gadis itu datang untuk membalas kedatangan kueku (balasan untuk kue ulang tahunnya yang kuhancurkan lantaran iri) dengan kedatangannya (dan kembang api nyasar yang membakar tempat tidurku). Gadis itu datang dengan polosnya, tanpa tahu-menahu tentang usahaku menghindari dan mencegah sesuatu yang tak diinginkan namun semakin lama semakin berkembang. Gadis itu datang... dan dia mencium keningku sebagai hadiah.

Aku lebih memilih untuk menukarkan penderitaanku setelah itu dengan penderitaan karena kelaparan.

Mate, I was suffering. Entah karena apa, sebenarnya—kata orang-orang, jatuh cinta itu menyenangkan. Babi buncit. Tidak ada menyenangkannya sama sekali, aku bersumpah. Hingga pada akhirnya, aku mengatakan perasaanku pada gadis itu secara tiba-tiba dan tanpa rencana apa-apa.

Annabel Leigh. Annabel Bodoh Leigh.

Aku menghargai prinsipnya yang lebih memilih untuk berjalan bersama waktu. Aku juga tidak berharap apa-apa saat itu.

Hingga sekarang.

Hingga saat ini.

Kau pernah tahu bagaimana rasanya menyukai seseorang begitu dalam hingga tersiksa karenanya?

Merlin Yang Maha Agung, aku sekarang tidak tahu apa lagi yang terjadi padaku. Rasanya seperti mendapati seseorang mengambil alih ragamu dan melakukannya semena-mena, sementara jiwamu disiksa di dalam sebuah penjara yang tidak bisa dibobol sama sekali. Merlin, Merlin, Merlin... Apa yang salah denganku? Aku tidak tahu kapan sosok Annabel Leigh yang tambun, jelek, konyol itu bisa menjadi begitu mengagumkan. Jika dulu aku berkata padanya bahwa aku bisa hanya duduk diam, memperhatikannya dari kejauhan seraya bertanya mengapa aku bisa menyukainya sebesar ini, perasaan itu dilipatgandakan berkali-kali untuk bisa menyamai perasaanku saat ini. Setiap kali aku melihatnya, demi Merlin, ada dorongan kuat entah dari mana yang berbisik terus-menerus untukku mengulurkan tangan dan meraih wajahnya, menariknya mendekat... Aku tidak tahu dari mana fantasi gila ini muncul. Hanya saja... ada dorongan kuat yang membuatku begitu ingin memilikinya, mendekapnya, menjaganya, membuatnya merasa bahagia. Barangkali dulu perasaanku belum sebesar ini sehingga aku tidak pernah membayangkan atau memikirkannya. Barangkali dulu aku masih seorang bocah ingusan yang baru pertama kali jatuh cinta dan selalu sepenuh hati menyangkalnya, sementara sekarang, aku sudah bisa menerima.

Tapi, lagi-lagi, ini menyiksaku.

Aku tidak bisa menatapnya terlalu lama, atau berada dekat dengannya tanpa berpikir untuk menyentuhnya. Maksudku—bukan menyentuh dalam artian buruk, tapi hanya menggenggam tangannya, atau melarikan jemari menelusuri wajahnya, atau melingkarkan kedua lengan ke tubuhnya. Banyak, banyak sekali yang kupikirkan di detik aku tengah menatapnya, dan itu tidak sehat. Dia pernah bertanya ada apa denganku, tapi aku tidak bisa memberitahunya. Aku khawatir dia akan menjauh, tidak lagi memandangku sama, atau apapun yang seburuk itu.

Aku tidak mau kehilangannya.

Aku tidak mau dia pergi.

Aku ingin memilikinya.

Demi Merlin, aku ingin memilikinya.

[isaassination]

After-Birthday Incident

“Hey. Hey. Hey! Bangun, Pemalas.”

Anak lelaki empat belas tahun itu masih bertahan di posisinya. Lengannya diturunkan, ekspresinya cukup tersiksa, sementara matanya masih memandang langit-langit dengan begitu putus asa. Cornelius berdiri di belakangnya.

“Hey.” Cornelius meminta perhatian. Isaac mengalihkan pandangan, memandang kakaknya yang kini tersenyum. “Selamat ulang tahun.”

Sebuah kotak kecil berbungkus merah diulurkan di atas kepalanya. Isaac tersenyum, mengambil bingkisan itu dan menaruhnya di pangkuan. “Terima kasih, Corn. Maaf telah merepotkanmu.”

Sang kakak tertawa, menyiratkan bahwa insiden kasur terbakar, teriakan-teriakan, serta pelariannya bersama seorang anak perempuan di tengah malam adalah bukan apa-apa. Mungkin Isaac bisa bersyukur saat itu juga, sekaligus berharap kalau Cornelius mau berbaik hati untuk tidak mengejeknya saat ini. Matanya masih tetap memaku pada pria itu, melihatnya duduk di sebelah dan turut menyandarkan diri di sandaran sofa.

Rasa syukurnya terlupakan begitu saja bersamaan dengan matanya yang tidak sengaja mengerling lagi pada perapian yang sunyi dan habis terlalap api hijau yang nyaris imajinatif. Sesuatu seolah memberatkan dadanya, membuat jantungnya bertalu beberapa milidetik lebih cepat; memberatkan dadanya, membuatnya sedikit sesak. Jam saku itu ia taruh di atas dada, mencoba metode menaruh sesuatu di atas jantung agar detakannya melambat. Tapi tidak ada yang berhasil.

“Jadi, yang tadi itu apa?”

Pada akhirnya, Cornelius mengangkat topik yang dihindari sekaligus ingin dibahasnya.

Isaac menundukkan kepala. Telunjuknya mengelus-elus permukaan jam saku dengan pandangan tidak di tempat, melayang-layang. Dia tidak sedang ingin membicarakannya dan lebih suka menyimpannya sendiri, untuk diketahui sendiri ataupun dibinasakan sendiri. Hal ini pernah juga dirasakannya beberapa waktu yang lalu, dan dia benar-benar tidak bersyukur karenanya. Tapi saat ini... Saat ini mungkin berbeda. Dia sudah bisa menerima?

“Gadis itu datang untuk merayakan ulang tahunku setelah aku mengirimkannya kue untuk ulang tahunnya yang kemarin.” Ia mengetuk jam itu sebanyak satu kali.

“Hmm...” Cornelius mengangguk-angguk.

Isaac menghela napas, kemudian menyandarkan kembali kepalanya pada sofa. Kini dia benar-benar putus asa dan merasa terbebani.

“Merlin. Apa yang harus kulakukan.”

“Aku menyukainya, Corn.” Kepalanya menggeleng-geleng, lelah. “Aku benar-benar menyukainya. Dia membuatku menyukainya. Awalnya aku tidak bisa menerima kenyataan, tapi dia mengubahnya.”

Demi Merlin, Annabel Leigh? Berisik. Menyebalkan. Tidak tahu aturan sebagai perempuan. Tidak bisa diatur. Selalu membuatnya geram. Tidak dapat dimengerti. Pendek. Tambun. Menyebalkan.

Dia tidak bisa menerimanya, tapi mau bagaimana lagi...

“Damn.” Isaac berdecak lagi, benar-benar terdengar putus asa. Ia menidurkan diri ke atas sofa dengan posisi tengkurap dan wajah tenggelam di dalamnya, sementara kaki diluruskan ke atas pangkuan Cornelius. “I do like her a lot.”

[isaassination]

forewords

Nama Chara: Isaac Solange Foster Crest

Jenis Kelamin: Laki-laki

Status Darah: Pureblood Tempat/tanggal Lahir: Abergavenny, 26 Desember 1790 Tempat Tinggal: Abergavenny

Sifat Karakter: Tidak suka diatur, egois, slengean[/i], bersikap semaunya (ini bisa kaukatakan sebagai [i]mood swing[/i], dia dapat mengatakan A lalu menggantinya dengan B dalam hitungan menit—atau itu termasuk bipolar?), [i]playful[/i]; hampir menganggap semuanya adalah lelucon. Mudah mengakrabkan diri dengan sekitar (dalam artian, sok kenal sok dekat), semena-mena (ia menganggap ini sebagai 'senang-senang'), senang ditinggikan/dipuja-puji, [i]over-confident[/i], memiliki pendengaran yang sensitif, boros, tidak begitu berminat dalam apapun selain menghabiskan waktu dan bersenang-senang. Intinya, ia berbakat untuk membuat hal manis seumpama puffskein merah muda menjadi blue pixie; menyebalkan.

Nama Ayah: Hamish Crest Pekerjaan Ayah: Alkemis Nama Ibu: Valerie Crest Pekerjaan Ibu: Penyanyi opera/hairdresser Nama Saudara: - Cornelius Crest (kakak kandung, 21 tahun) - Alice Crest (adik kandung, 8 tahun) Pekerjaan Saudara: Pengusaha wine di Inggris (kakak)