I Go to Seek a Great Perhaps

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

I would've died for you in secret.

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

you can say what you want about me, but you now know i was right. you can take it out on me. you can use me to lie. you can let your friends say i'm crazy and make fun of me. that's okay. i'm not perfect, but i did nothing but support you, love you, and try to help you. i always rooted for you.

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

Fuck you. You don't give two shits about anyone other than yourself, you treat women that care about you like absolute fucking shit, and you'll fuck people with no regard to how other people feel when they're literally in the next room. I've beat myself up for YEARS thinking I didn't try hard enough, and I failed you, but I was never the problem. YOU were the problem. And it doesn't seem like you've learned SHIT. Everyone leaves because you don't have the common decency to treat them like they should be treated. Women that have always supported want you to give two shits about them, not fuck them. Especially when they're drunk and only when you're single and can't find anyone else to fuck. Hell, even when you're dating and make them suck you off because you were too horny but you didn't even ask me how I felt about it. One day you'll look back and regret how you've treated me. I loved you with my entire being, but there is no love for you in me anymore. I feel nothing for you anymore.

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

TW/SH

I saw someone on twitter today talk about how long they have been clean, which made me want to get back on here to see because I keep a draft of the last time I self harmed. It was 809 days ago. 

I still fight the urge every day, but at least it’s a battle I know I can win. 

[fairylilies]

i’m so sorry if someone made you think it’s hard to love you

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

I wish you saw what i have always seen in you.

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

It’s amazing how one mistake can make you slip right back into your depression after doing so well for months.

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

I am so alone.

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

why do i always fall in love with boys that live across the country from me?¿?

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

CA boys are very strange y’all. 

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

This website and it’s memories are not good for me. I can feel myself falling back to who I used to be and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I like who I am now and am becoming. I won’t delete this profile because it has too many memories, both bad and good. I’m letting myself learn from my mistakes, accepting what I can no longer change, and moving on. I can’t keep doing this to myself when I crave normalcy because it’s no longer here.

[imsorryforeverythingthativedone]

“The real challenge in my life, the real hardship is me. It’s always been me. As long as I can remember I’ve never not been afraid. Afraid of failure, of letting people down, hurting people, getting hurt. I thought if I kept my guard up and focused on other things, other people, if I couldn’t even feel it, well then no harm would come to me. I screwed up. When I shut out the pain, I shut out everything. The good and the bad. Until there was nothing. It’s fine to just live in the now, but the best part about ‘now’ is there’s another one tomorrow. And I’m gonna start making them count.”

Sutter -The Spectacular Now (via okayalwaysandforeverr)

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

ya ever feel like something really bad is going to happen even though you have no reason to feel it? bc I feel like a storm is coming and it’s going to end badly for me. 

[bnmxfld]

F. Scott Fitzgerald / Flappers and Philosophers

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

hey are you okay? i'm sorry your friends didnt ask

yeah, I’m good now! Thanks anon. :) 

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

also not a subplots or whatever but real friends check in on each other when they post they’ve had two panic attacks in one day.

[iseekagreat-perhaps]

ya ever get your grades back finally and feel like you can breath and all of the fucking anxiety you’ve felt for the past month has been for nothing? bc that’s how I feel right now.