Diana. +21.
Writer. Fan fics and RP. I'd love to dedicate more time on that.
Lover. Movies, actors, musicians. Inspiration is everywhere.
Semi goddess. With flaws. I am in a recovering path.
More? Check the tags
Disclaimer: I speak spanish, you will find a lot of grammar mistakes. Sorry in advance.
I have to admit I am trying to do my best in this. In this moment, try to make plans seems as an impossible task and hurts a little. Still, I want to try. I want to do it because a year is a long plan and I am not sure what can happen in the next 12 months. I want to have some optimism about what I can achieve and maybe the change I want to do to my life.
Then... the song of the year. I swear I had only one song, really. And I wrote this before, but just today I listened other song and was like a punch in the soul. Is so beautiful. Then, I believed maybe I needed two song like the las year, because... Because I am still light and darkness. Why not? Why not embrace it.
And with everything, this is it. This is it.
This is the year to find the destination.
Even when took me my time, I could see easily this first song but I always try to be sure about it. Then, one morning, I just listened and I cried. I knew. The song of my love, the representation of water, Oasis by EXO.
I liked the idea to put a name to a years. The last one was the year of love. What I really like of Oasis is the idea to find a place through the circumstances. The desert, the sun, the thirst, everything is in the song, but also the hope you can find what you need, your final destination and purpose.
The last two years were really hard. Maybe 2017 was worst than 2018. I appreciate the lessons I could learn and I know now I am on the road in this moment.
You go in your own way
you don’t have to stop
Running’ I’m running’
Chasing the sun
Yeah I’m on the road
This is my hope. Finally I feel I am on my road and I need to arrive to my destination. Is all what I want, I really believe in the oasis. Also, Suho is here. Why? Specially today when I am writing this, I thought on him, in his effort, in his 7 years of wait, in his own path. I imagine how hard he could suffer, but also he found strength. He is part of my path, is my inspiration.
And in the other hand... is City Lights by U-Know from TVXQ and Taeyong from NCT.
I just felt I belong to that song. So simple. I know is a love/sex song, but is exactly what I felt I am, what I feel I am searching. When I discussed in the beginning why I liked NCT, somebody talked about the darkness what they have. Then, I believed this can be the song of the year, not because what I want, Oasis represents it very well. Is more like who I am. I am nocturne, I am a city, I am full of light. And I really... I need to travel. Seriously.
Like a dirty joke, it’s a night in which I can’t sleep
You shine even more radiantly
It’s a night twisting* in seduction
Like an instant, you spread inside me
So... with all these ideas I think these could be my plans for this year.
We go further, even further. In the area I feel more progress is in the personal. But I think I need to work more on this. Is easy to forget the first is yourself.
I want to be active. Yoga. I know is what I really want to do. Life can’t be only work.
I want to return to psychologist. Maybe not immediately, but I believe I have some pending issues.
I want to know what to do with love. I know this is so abstract, but I fell in love twice last year. I know I am capable to love now. But what to do with this. I really need to find my road.
Finding a road you never take before. I always have personal projects in my hands. The lesson of the last year was: maybe is no good have so much. How many can I handle? Is what I want to see.
My blog. The blog is the way to be free, I am completely sure about it. So, I need to work more on it, be stable, and I need to write more.
Corea en tu cara. This is it. No more group projects. This is mine and I will put my energy on it. I know I have a great idea for this.
Creative space. I want to do something only for the pleasure to do it. I will see what I will do with edits and other things.
I am thirsting for somewhere. I need vacations. I want vacations. Is not like I am not dreaming with NY, but I am tired to put names and dates to something I can’t control. But, I need to travel. Where? I have no idea. Even if is my country, I want an adventure, maybe alone, maybe searching love, I am not sure. But I will do it this year, for sure. In this moment the idea of a city is appealing (Las Vegas, New York, Buenos Aires...) but I need to see.
If you see, my goals are similar to 2018. I found this interesting, more because I feel I am really on the road, I am really focused. Isn’t the same plans, is a step forward, that is different.
The last year the list about movies and books was shameful. This year I want to read and see more. I will go to my standard again: 100 movies, 12 books. Is like to be in shape again. I did it before, I can do it again.
I will move. Everything will be fine. I only need to be strong and believe it.
I really believe the songs tells a lot about the year, and the life.
Been Through, the most listened song this year, for me, is the consequence of the songs what I picked for this year, Monster and Serendipity. I was asking so many things to life in the beginning of the year, and life gave me the answer. That doesn’t mean was easy. In fact was a painful process I had to live. Nothing like 2017 what was a year in complete darkness, but really, wasn’t easy at all.
I found these beautiful gifs what aren’t mine, with the principal phrase of the song:
You shine like the stars
You light up my heart
I believe the real change this year is believe what the phrase says. I can’t deny. I listened the song so many nights and just imagined Suho (yes, Kim Junmyeon, EXO’s leader, I will talk about it later) was close to me telling the words. I like the song doesn’t talk about leave behind the hard things, what the song says is, will happen, will happen more hard things than you believe, but you will recover, you will stand up, and you will shine.
Is close like I felt last year with Sign of the Times. But deeper. Deeper because I feel I am so close to who I am and who I want to be. Maybe this is the moment to start the review of this year, because I believe, will be long.
This was the year of love.
Yes, I was so scared when I chose Serendipity as the song of the year. And after was Monster. Now, I understand deeply what happened. Both songs helped me to move on and accept the light and the darkness what I have. And I can say, really, I love myself. Of course. Exist moments when still have my issues, still have anxiety problems, still think the life is hard and has moments of darkness. But I feel free in the name of love... just like U2.
First... now I am EXO-L. Is funny write this. I believe part of embrace myself is embrace the teenager inside. And I can’t deny, I found in EXO what I really missed, what I really wanted to have in some point and the strength to be myself on them. They what are so authentic in my eyes. I never will have words or actions to thank Suho for be in my life. Even in the distance, so present. His story, his past, his attitudes, everything. I really asked: “how he survived? If he could, I can”. Is amazing have somebody to love, and admire.
Two works, one promotion, one of my biggest problems. If I see this in the light side, well, I discovered what I am capable and why really I don’t want to continue in advertising. I am good on it, really, but is time to move on. I really believe I deserve a work when I can be myself and be a better person. I had a lot of problems and darkness for this, but I rescue the determination to find other path and also, I am better in money matter. I am seeing the light on that side.
I was in love. That was surprising because I didn’t notice how happened. Hurt, a lot. Because my heart chose the wrong person, in the wrong time. Took time recover from that and yes, still hurts a little, but I discovered something really, really, really important: I am capable to love again. I really believed my heart died long time ago. This helped me to see I am still capable to love. Now... I believe I like a person, and this time I am conscious about it. I don’t want make the same mistakes or rush anything. Is just the moment and I happy to have somebody to love.
My personal projects. Even when could see the thing as a failure, the reality is this year I was really, really productive. I have my blog and with a lot of effort but is on and has a lot of articles. I did the program until I could. I did the radio capsules about videos. And now I have a little makeup and beauty korean store. Even when I am writing this, I am not sure exactly what I will do, because I always have ideas but one of the lessons this year is: I can’t do it all. Is one of the things I have to plan really good.
I am in peace with my body and my skin. For first time I feel pretty. Real pretty. I won’t lose weight. Is not in my plans. Just... with time, with help, I found the clothes, the color of the hair, the accessories, the style. How? I have no idea... But what I can tell is, people notices when you are secure about yourself. The only what I know now is I want to do yoga again, but is more because I feel my body need it, than other thing.
If I see in perspective I didn’t accomplished what I wanted. No manual project, no New York, New York, and oh god... the movies and books list is a shame. It was hard read and do everything when I was trying to handle what was happening to me and going on. But know what? I feel fine. I really feel fine. I feel fine because I felt I learnt a lot this year. I found myself.
I am not sure what will happen. I am not sure how write the goals for 2019 (at least I have the song). I am not sure if I can achieve what I want, but believe me, for first time I feel on the road. This year was the year of love, and if is like this, believe me, everything is a win, even the darkness.
Is the first time I have two motto songs for the next year, but is the perfect representation about what I want to say, what I want to happen and specially about who I am. Is like the two sides of the same coin, or the light and the dark side of the moon. (Even the reason why I like BTS and EXO, both bands without problems, hehehehe).
This will be the year of love.
The first in arrive is Intro: Serendipity by BTS. And was weird for me, because is a love song, and I try to never choose a love song as a motto. But this song talked deeply to my soul. Showed me the desire I have to love, be loved. Is just I want to sing this song to myself, and also, I want to sing to other person. Without fears or pain. It was hard to admit this is what I really want, but is the truth, I want the universe surprises me and do my part. I want to love with all my heart, to myself, to friends, to a partner, everybody.
Just let me love you
When the universe was first made
Everything has been decided
This was a little slower. I knew I love Monster by EXO but I couldn’t understand exactly why. When I saw the lyrics I felt the attraction but until yesterday I could see it: I like my dark side. I have a dark side what I never felt afraid but I never confessed in public. That song showed my dark side. I want to embrace the dark side and love it. Love it because is part of the path, there is love and acceptation.
Don’t be afraid, Love is the way,
Shawty I got it. You can call me monster.
With this long introduction (but I need it, I needed understand everything what is in these songs first), there is what I want to do in 2018.
Love Myself, Love Yourself. This is the real challenge of this year. I know I am in the right path for who I want to be, but I have a lot to work to do. I am still fighting with insecurities and fears. But this year I want be who I want, with freedom and peace. In this area I want to work in:
My body. I won’t put lose weight. I want to accept and love my body. I don’t want feel bad with others or compare with people. I want to feel good with it, dress well, be active. I have few ideas about what I want to do: dance and yoga. Also I want to return to the coach.
My mind. I am not sure how I will manage in this moment, but I need to think how work with the therapy. Maybe the only what I have in mind is find balance between be extrovert and the need to internalize and be in the unconscious.
My heart. I want a partner. But this is the only part of the plan what I can’t do a plan (weird, right?). So, I’ll let it in a simple phrase: I want dates, see what happens.
Untouchable woman. I want this year be the personal brand year. I know I can do it better and also, I want to create something what lets me do what I know without a job. So, personal brand strategy will be really important. The goal: become in an authority in artistic expressions and pop culture.
The platform is my blog in Medium. I need to continue working on that and establish it as a reference.
Happy Pop Talk. I need to decide exactly how I will work it, but even if something happens, I need to find how continue with the idea.
Manual creativity. I have no idea what exactly this will be, but I need to make some creativity with hands and part of the personal brand, to focus.
New York, New York. This is the only real goal. This year is New York year no matter what. The frustration to not do that travel is a pain in the ass but I will do it. I can’t deny I am afraid because nothing is sure, but I will do it. What I have in mind right now.
I will buy the airplane tickets in the end of January. Period.
And I will buy Harry Styles’ concert ticket to June 21th.
After, I will organize a plan, I will put it here after to buy this.
As usual, my goals in movies and books: 120 movies and 10 books. I can do it, but 2017 was hard and lost few months without do anything.
I feel happy, really. I am sure 2018 can be my year, but also, I am aware if I really want to happen, I will need hard work and just remember this, all the time. Nothing is easy, nothing is free.
