j e l k a

I want to be untouchable and beautiful and completely dead inside. JELKA xix & bpd

[whitehillrp-blog]

Savannah was quietly minding her own business as she pushed around her food on the plate in front of her. She didn’t have much of an appetite. Surprised when a bowl was pushing in front of her she looked up in shock. “I’ll pass thanks, as if you couldn’t tell I wasn’t eating the shit they serve here.” she muttered.

[jclka]

"Is not so bad. You must eat something, no? If not the food they serve, then what?”

[oldassaccount-blog]

Kyle blinked, her change in expression confusing him for all of about seven seconds, before realization wound up its fist enough to clock him: She’d taken offense to something he’d said. It happened often enough with their kind, he’d found, and he didn’t spare it any real thought. “Wouldn’t surprise me,” he answered dully, her obvious failure to hide her emotional responses causing irritation to stir in its grave. He’d never been comfortable with others’ emotions, especially when they appeared to be even partially directed toward him. “Like I said, you’re naive. Nobody wants to help you in here; they’re just looking for their next paycheck.”

[jclka]

Jelka didn’t quite relax then, but she didn’t grow any more upset; maybe he wasn’t angry at her, just at the doctors that probed him. Maybe he was biting his tongue to avoid causing offence to her. The therapists always told her that nobody was laughing at her, nobody was trying to hurt her. Sometimes she nearly believed them. “Probably it’s just as you say,” she nodded, “So they’re just looking for their next paycheck, so they don’t really care. Makes it easier to fool them, because they’re not really looking, no?”

[ofsilversprings]

“ No. ” she replied. Her slender figure was difficult to maintain, Foster had inherited her mother’s genes. It took her months to lose the voluptuous figure that her mother had otherwise been incredibly proud of. “ If I don’t do this right now, I won’t be a slender bird anymore. ”  With no place to dance, and no place to work-out unsupervised, Foster desperately needed to take her chances before she digested the food she had consumed. “ Please? ”

[jclka]

Oh, interesting. A bulimic. There had been a few of those at the last place Jelka was at, but none of them liked her much. It was a shame, because she was interested; she’d tried before, to make herself sick - it was harder than she’d expected though. Maybe if she kept a look out, this girl would tell her more. It didn’t occur to Jelka to be worried for her health. “Yes, yes, I will make sure no one comes in,” she nodded, gesturing towards a toilet cubicle.

[oldassaccount-blog]

“You’re so naive. Do you really think talking to them gets people out of here? If anything, acknowledging them lengthens your stay, whether you lie or not.”

[jclka]

She flushed deeply, humiliated. She’d only been friendly, only been trying to help; why did everyone always shout at her when she was just trying to be nice? “Maybe is why I’ve been in places like this for so many years,” she said, trying (unsuccessfully) to hide the quiver in her voice. Jelka hated being embarrassed. “It’s not so bad here though, really. The doctors seem nice; they are only trying to help, I think.” As soon as she spoke, she regretted it. He’d only call her naïve again.

[jclka]

It wasn’t that the food was bad; it was quite nice, in fact. Jelka liked it. But she didn’t eat dessert any more; she was watching her weight. With a wistful look at the small bowl of rice pudding, spoonful of jam wobbling brightly at its centre, she pushed it towards the person opposite. “You would like some of my pudding?”

[oldassaccount-blog]

“I wish all those doctors would quit trying to talk to me. I mean, come on, do I look like I want people poking around in my head?”

[jclka]

“Sooner you talk to them, the sooner you get out of here. Nobody says you have to tell them truth.”

[softlikenoah-deactivated2020011]

A battle cry erupted from her lips as if it would give her a surge of strength. With one shoe off, and the other held high over her head, Fallon charged after the little pest crawling across her room floor; the centipede looked to be making for the open door. She didn’t know if noticing it was a good thing or not, but the moment her orbs detected the tiny movement, her brows pushed together and her mouth opened in utter disgust. It was just great, wasn’t it? First day here and there was a bug sharing her space. “Oh–get it, get it, get it!” The blonde yelled, only just noticing the figure standing by the threshold. Two against one–if she missed, the stranger would surely annihilate the creepy crawling insect.

[jclka]

Bugs never bothered Jelka; she’d just learned to get used to them, because the little flat she shared with her mother had never been clean enough to keep them out. What DID bother her was shrieking. It just seemed attention seeking, because when did pretty blonde girls ever shriek because of an actual threat? Never. They shrieked at little insects that couldn’t hurt you if they wanted to. One of her therapists had called her a misogynist before, and it was an ugly word. Jelka didn’t want to be one of those. So she flattened the bug beneath her shoe, bringing a smile to her lips. Maybe the woman really was just that afraid of bugs. Jelka would give her the benefit of the doubt. “Got it. He couldn’t hurt you, you know? Is England, none of the bugs can really hurt anyone.”

[ofsilversprings]

“ I’d ask if you were out of your mind, but I fear that may be inappropriate. Could you watch the door for me, please? I’m feeling a bit… queasy. ”

[jclka]

Jelka looked Foster up and down; over the years she’s shed so many pounds, but here is this girl that is so effortlessly slender that it hurts. She wanted to smile, because all of her doctors always said that she should try to be friends with other girls, because they understood her. It was difficult, though. She didn’t want to. “A little slender bird like you should try to keep all of her food down, no?”

[jclka]

        ☛ B I O G R A P H Y

When Jelena–  or, as she prefers, Jelka– moved to Ireland, she was only seven years old. It was to start over, as her mother said, to get away from the death of Jelka’s father. Russia wasn’t a kind place, and the winter had taken him. Jelka, however, didn’t see much difference in their lives. The weather was a little more pleasant, but strange men still came over each night and visited her mother, and little Jelka didn’t understand it. Her classmates helped her to: taunting her for her thick accent and tatty clothes, the worst of the bullying came because her mother was a prostitute.

The bullying took its toll on her, and Jelka found comfort in food. Now much more easy to come by, she would gorge herself on fish finger sandwiches and bacon butties, and over the years her weight ballooned. At ten she was chubby, at thirteen she was distinctly fat, and at fifteen, the kids would call her Jelly and make endless remarks over her size. All Jelka wanted was a friend, and in spite of the cruel taunts, she was enthusiastic in her offers of friendship– - she was a pleasant girl, really, well liked among her teachers.

As far as anyone was aware, that was how you could sum up Jelka’s high school experience. Soft spoken and keen, she was just the wrong size, with a habit of saying the wrong thing. When girls started going missing from her school, certainly nobody suspected Jelka. It came as a shock, therefore, when she was seventeen years old and found clutching an empty packet of paracetemol, with an incriminating suicide note beside her. She was rushed to the hospital in time to pump her stomach, but the letter, along with the detailed diaries that she had been keeping, were all the evidence the police needed. Envious of the pretty girls around her, Jelka had been abducting them, talking to them, getting to know them, and then slitting their throats. The expansive moors of Ireland were vast enough to hide their bodies with little risk of being found.

It was the stress that drove her to suicide, sick of the hiding and the lying. It was a relief, she said, to be taken into custody. And the court found her extremely agreeable, helping them locate the missing girls, and speaking eloquently on her reasoning and logic. Nobody was surprised when she was found guilty by reason of madness, and packed off to an asylum.

Over the two years there, Jelka was an extremely willing patient. Truthfully, she loved the attention. Finally people were paying attention to her, and they wanted to hear what she had to say. The restricted food, as well as plenty of free time to work out in, even saw her losing stone upon stone– now she is every bit as petite and slender as the girls she killed, though her self esteem has yet to catch up. It was a source of great upset for her to discover that, underfunded as it was, the facility she had been staying at was going to close. She would be transferred to Stonefield over in England– and, as she has reasoned to herself, the change might be a good thing. It’s a fresh start, a place where nobody knows how fat she used to be. The years under the government’s care haven’t dimmed her sunny enthusiasm one bit, and she is absolutely thrilled to continue her rehabilitation with what she is quite sure will be a talented and kind group of doctors and patients.

[xanis]

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[jclka]

        ...I’m wasting my young years         It doesn’t matter if I’m chasing                         old ideas...

[cordeliashea-deactivated2015062]