ems

sorry for hijacking everyone’s post i am incapable of shutting the fuck up

[gurlsrool]

Ilya circa 2017 retweeting a post that says “all the hottest bitches can’t see shit.” His mentions are immediately flooded with women sharing pictures of them wearing glasses because no one knows he’s ShanePosting

Shane sees this and gets territorial enough to send a selfie of him wearing nothing but his glasses. Ilya drops his phone so hard the screen shatters

[moonlightsonatah]

i need ilya to be the little spoon so bad. i need shane to be so curled up around him. i need him nuzzling into shane’s chest. i need his curls to be pet and played with. i need him tucked into shane’s neck. i need his back scratched. i need shane cooing in his ear. i need him to have so many soothing kisses. i need him to wake up so wrapped up and loved up, he forgets for a moment that he ever felt lonely.

[bitchass97]

My Shane is an enabler. He’s gonna roll his eyes and tell ilya to fuck himself, but he loves that shit. He’s icing Ilya injuries after a fight barely hiding the fact that he found it funny. He’s providing information for chirps. He’s joining in on the fun cause he loves his husband. Idk man I just don’t think Shane, who fell in love with the NHLs biggest asshole is gonna be annoyed when he’s being an asshole.

[hmmbarkbark]

[tarawitht]

Shane “baby” Hollander is so dear to me.

even though this may contradict a lot of my headcanons about these two being hyper mature and media trained, i love to imagine shane accidentally slipping up just once in front of the press and calling ilya “baby.” they’re doing post game press together, standing side by side both exhausted and ilya casually hands shane a water bottle, and shane just murmurs, “thank you baby.” ilya just says “of course,” without noticing what just happened because that’s just how they talk at home. meanwhile, the entire media room goes DEAD silent. the reporters are frozen because they’ve never seen this side of them. shane looks around completely confused as to why the room suddenly went quiet, until one of the reporters finally finds their voice and tells him exactly what he just said. And now he’s blushing furiously, trying to excuse himself from the room. while ilya is just standing right there losing it and laughing his head off.

[aeligsido]

AU where Ilya's father dies before Irina can commit suicide, so she ends up not doing it and Ilya grows up with his mother instead of his father. He still goes into hockey and professional but less because he needs to escape Russia and more because he really really likes it and wants to have fun with it (and there's a kid in Canada who can keep up with him.....)

(also his brother never becomes an asshole and addicted bc he didn't need to deal with their father + depression + their mom's death and his feelings about it)

Anyway ofc Ilya still pursues Shane with all he has and ofc Shane kind of fold for him (in every ways ehehehheheh i'm hilarious)

But also I have this scene in mind where Yuna and Irina talk during the draft after party and Yuna is internally grinding her teeth bc this woman's son took her baby's spot and victory but she is still being Polite so she's making small talk and.

Yuna: And what about your husband? He must be proud of your son too, right?

Irina, unfazed: Oh, he died a few years ago.

Yuna, assuming Ilya's parents were about the same age: Oh, I'm sorry! Was it an accident, sickness?

Irina, very obviously still in her thirties-not-yet-forty: Oh, no. Old age :)

Yuna, Who Knows How To Do Math: Ah. I see.

Anyway they became friends and it becomes a meme in the hockey fandom that rivals Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander are forced to interact bc their moms are besties.

[lilylikeswords]

@heatonice I have no self restraint and too much free time. I apologise... (there's also a baby Ilya and an adult Ilya now)

[jewelcoatfish]

STOP THIS IS SO CUTE

[ok-notgood-probablybad]

I know that when Ilya finally finds out that Shane had put on a suit before their first hook up he's gonna be insufferable about it he'll be like "Shane, kotenok, it's time to suit up we're gonna have sex"

[hyvnknows]

*dissociating at work* Ilya rozanov deserves to be babied and worshipped and its a really good thing he found a freak like shane hollander bc he does that shit unprompted

[jewelcoatfish]

hollanov vacation where they book a room with 2 shower heads next to each other (unknowingly) and ilya drags shane in and says omg shane it’s just like our first time 😍😍😍 and shane shakes his head while laughing and then gives his husband a very passionate blow job while the shower’s running because that’s what he always wanted to do. he also lets his husband fuck the living brain out of him because, again, that’s what they both wanted to happen

[jewelcoatfish]

ilya “i thought i was your best friend” rozanov and shane “hayden’s my best friend that i don’t kiss” hollander you will always be dear to me

[shaneposting]

shane is literally a Boyfriend guys he’s stocking the cottage full of stuff he’d never eat bc they’re ilya’s favourite snacks and he’s driving his passenger princess around and carrying ilya’s bags and asking what he wants for dinner and waking him up in the middle of the night to be like ‘hey here’s how we can be together forever until we are old and wrinkly. do u agree yes or yes’

and even before that he’s constantly checking if his baby is okay and he’s sitting in that stairwell cuddling ilya’s jacket and he’s so desperate to hold ilya’s hand when he’s off his head on painkillers. he’s rereading old texts. he’s got his phone in his hand and he’s texting ilya when he’s literally just got off the ice after winning the cup again and that’s years before they’re even together. he’s inviting ilya to the cottage because he gets two weeks off a year and he wants to spend them both with his favourite person

he’s a loverboy! he’s spent so so long wanting to be able to connect with ilya like this and now he finally can! he was born to play hockey but also to be ilya’s boyfriend!

[vesnuszki]

i just KNOW ilya has one of those lockscreens that feeds from your gallery and changes the picture every hour and it’s like

cottage lake view. shane on ice. food. svetlana doing a shot hands free. can of ginger ale next to a can of coke. hole (shit fuck this was not supposed to be in the main folder). picture of a game schedule. shane with tousled hair in a raiders hoodie with a green smoothie moustache. thirst trap shirtless selfie. a picture of a dog in a sweater. a picture of anya in a sweater. picture of a city skyline from a rooftop of a skyscraper. shane bent over picking up something off the floor. blurry group selfie of the centaurs night out. dick pick (god dammit ilya). two pairs of skates. tangled hands with wedding rings on. anya covered in mud looking like a swamp goblin. close up of shane’s belly button.

[angel-mistakes]

I so understand the vision of Shane going on a hot-girl hookup era after his breakup with Rose (possibly from Rose's encouragement to get over the Unnamed Guy), but I'm gonna be honest-- I think any hookup Shane has during their breakup would leave him unsatisfied and realize Ilya has had feelings from the fucking start. Any casual encounter Shane would have would leave him feeling not great because like... where are the slow kisses??? where is the fun and the smiles??? where is the passion???? where is the banter???? why are we rushing through prep???? where is the praise???? where is the gentle but firm possessiveness????

He leaves the encounters feeling like just a body. Ilya has never made him feel that way (maybe once in Vegas, but that was only After-- not during the whole fucking thing and has never happened since) I fully believe Shane would just need one or two casual hookups outside of Ilya to realize 2 major things: 1. What he and Ilya do is NOT the standard for hookup culture and 2. Ilya is definitely in love with him too.

[jewelcoatfish]

hollanov bedtime relaxing where shane reads and ilya plays one of his games. at one point ilya puts his phone away and turns to shane who had fallen asleep with his book on his lap and glasses only a little bit askew. he takes a photo of shane the put the book away for him, turns off the lights and pulls shane down with him. shane immediately wraps himself around ilya and hums happily.

[lovelandfrogmansupporter]

we should all kill [remembers it’s bad to joke about suicide] [remembers what’s going to happen in the next season of Heated Rivalry] the Montreal Metros

[shanehollandergirl]

if rozanov fucks you tonight, i'm gonna fuck him back