𝐢𝐧 𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐨 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐬 @jlawx-blog - Tumblr Blog

crispratty‌:

I think you mean best Chris. It’s okay, I’ll let it slide this once but don’t let it happen again. I knew it. It was the best year of my life because you weren’t around and now I have to suffer again. I think you live to make me miserable. I bet you really hid just to think of new ways to torture me. No way. I’m not admitting it or admitting that you’re right by saying that. Ugh, I know. I have half the internet pointing out that I’ve gained weight so it’s only a matter of time before Marvel start cracking the whip and hiring people to drag me out of bed at 4am to go workout for a million hours. Oh, you’re not making it to the end of the week now. You insulted Marvel and they’re planning the best way to get rid of you without anyone noticing. I’ll say some really nice, fake things about how great you were, don’t worry. I’m calling you J-Daddy from now on until the end of time. I think you should legally change your name to it, to be honest.

You look nothing like Hemsworth, so I’m not mistaken. Dammit, you got me again. Am I really just that predictable? You were too out of line and your mom prayed something would come along to keep you in check, bring you back down to size. I am an answered prayer, Pratt. The blessing you need in your life. Don’t worry, you don’t have to. I already know the truth. 4am? Hell no. I’d pitch the idea that Star-Lord has been doing a lot of stress ‘n’ depress eating ever since Infinity War to keep me off a treadmill before the sun rises. I thought I left all the fitness bullshit behind the minute I put up the bow and arrow. I welcomed fries back into my life and canceled my gym membership faster than you could say ‘mockingjay.’ I mean, they’d be doing us all a favor, taking me out. Good, good. In addition, I request you sing Cher’s Believe as they wheel me out, and make sure channel me when you do it. That is my legal name, Chris. Jennifer is just a nickname. J-Daddy Shrader Lawrence, on the birth certificate and all.

#&. chris ;

emilyjstxnes‌:

2018 is the truly the dark ages because you weren’t in it nearly as much as you should have been. I mean, obviously you were in my life and I feel incredibly spoiled that you still gave me any attention at all, but the world misses you. I miss seeing you in the world. Come back out of hiding, please, for me. I need my main bitch around if I’m gonna make it out of this weird ass Hollywood machine thing alive. I don’t even bother with resolutions anymore. I lose motivation, or I just forget about them. I need to stick to easier shit like picking my pants off of the floor whenever I take them off. Something that’s realistic, you know? Hello, you beautiful human. I’m a human and I love you very much.

Don’t tell anyone, but you were the only person worth my time and energy in 2018. Does the world really miss me, though? I was scared they’d put me on the ‘do not let in’ list at award shows and shit, I was such a leech. A barnacle. I was a barnacle, impossible to rid yourself of. I mean, you know I’d do anything for you. Is this your way of finally saying you want to team up with this self-proclaimed disaster and breathe life into our own version of Thelma and Louise? I’m more of the former. I get real fuckin’ lazy and give up and realize that defeat is inevitable. That doesn’t sound like a bad resolution to have, though. I know I could stand to work on my ability to do laundry like a proper person. Hello, love of my life. How’ve you been?

#&. emma ;

wtfnatdormer‌:

Yes but I was busy kicking ass and taking names, Lawrence. It was very hard to visit anyone with all the press I was doing. Plus, I recorded stuff for Harry Potter games this year. That alone should’ve warranted a visit, but no. I think the kids still do that, I like Lawmer better than Natifer, though. You’ll always be relevant, the world isn’t dying to end you yet, just the haters. We don’t care about those haters, though. Please do come rescue me, I need it. Joy is my favorite film of yours, so this works perfectly. You should carry a copy of it around with you wherever you go for the rest of time. Force it on people. Isn’t it always time to chug liquor? It was a proposal, yes. Please say yes. I wouldn’t want either of us being sinful.

I was busy taking names too. Not kicking ass, because I have not been going to SoulCycle, but I’m taking the names. I’m basically Santa Claus without the beard. You recorded things for Harry Potter and you didn’t tell me? Oh, you are so on the naughty list. I will only revoke my decision if you take me on a date to Hogwarts. Natifer sounds like a mosquito’s long lost cousin, Lawmer sounds like the very Southern way of referencing your lawnmower. What a couple. There are lots of them out there, though. I figured maybe if I burrow underground for a little while, they’ll forget I exist and move on to someone else. Jennifer Lawrence, to the rescue. Of course. Just for you, I’ll autograph it and leave a kiss print, that way I’m always there in spirit. I greatly considered doing that with The Hunger Games, just walking around with a bow and arrow everywhere I went. Force people to acknowledge me. Believe it or not, I’ve been trying to be a good little girl lately. No liquor chugging on the regular. Wine is a different story. Well, since you asked nicely — in the words of my hero, Michelle Tanner, you got it, dude. Wedding of the century here we come.

#&. natalie ;

bvnso‌:

ugh fine, i’ll do brunch. but this night out has to be epic to make up for it. and i’m definitely gong to be turning up with a hangover and wearing my yoga pants. screw the dress code. mimosas sounds pretty good, i could be down for those…are you allowed to get messy at brunch? like is there a rule against it? red please! dirty! yes, you’re speaking my language.

You’ll be sad you won’t remember our night on the town, that’s how great we’re talking. Is there any other way to roll up to brunch? I’ve never been to brunch even remotely sobered up, always hungover. Yoga pants are a yes, and not the fancy, will-break-your-bank-account ones, either. Are you supposed to not get messy at brunch? Because if so...well, we might be on the banned list. Oh my god, you are my spirit animal. I think I might love you.

#&. ashley ;

mbencist‌:

With filming having started back up, and with the show coming back onto people’s screens next Sunday, I’m so excited to see what this New Year has in store for me and for others of course! I’m ready to meet more people, make new friends and all that jazz! If you don’t know me, hi! I’m Melissa Benoist, and you may recognize me as a Kryptonian on a little show called Supergirl!

How bad is it that I only remember you as Marley from Glee and how much I wanted to punch Kitty in your honor? And all I can picture Supergirl being is Marley in that superhero episode? Do you ever find yourself singing Holding Out For a Hero when in the cape? Was Edna Mode right about capes being dangerous. I’m sorry I’m so full of questions, you’re easily the most fascinating human being I’ve encountered. I’m Jennifer, it’s nice to meet you. I promise I’m not a stalker or anything.

#&. melissa ;

tvmmo‌:

yeah i know, shit innit? we have a takeaway delivery service thing called just eat. you can get some good shit on that. or just do an online shop with tescos or something. nowadays i tend to buy genuine stuff. mostly because if i try and browse a thrift store, i get a swarm before i can even look at the first item. shopping isn’t really that fun for me anymore. yeah exactly, always need a bit of time to chill. he’l be three on the 21st, crazy how quick time goes. doesn’t feel like that long ago that i found out about him. nice to meet you too jen, can i call you jen? eh yeah, it had its downsides.

Complete and utter garbage, I don’t know why you bother staying. At least you’ve got something to bring you food. Online shopping has revolutionized my life. Walmart delivering straight to your door? Are we sure we’re not in heaven? I sympathize, I do. Do you even have the chance to get out and get fresh air without it turning into a public spectacle? I was never a big shopper myself; I only ever liked going to flea markets or places where you could bargain a price out of the seller. My mom would just buy all my clothes when she was out and I’d try them on once she got back home. Much more foolproof. Oh my god, three?! He’s three? Jesus, time does go fast. Feels like just yesterday I remember someone telling me you were a dad. Please, call me Jen. Jennifer’s my father. Still working on the solo music?

#&. louis ;

akabennet‌:

So, code words around code words? Toucheee, that still seems like a lot to remember, i think my brain was only meant to take a little information and just roll with that, honestly. I try to be, and thank you that’s very kind of you to say. if you want me to be rough on you too, you just let me know i can change this nice appearance for you, girl. I’m blushing majorly over here, so thank you a lot for that. it is unfortunate for us i thought being away from parents meant more fun but boy was I so wrong. malitpoo and goldendoodle, that always sounds so funny to say.i will everyday, and youu’ll end up being like CHLOE, i’m going to bed damn it… but they are so cuteeeee!!!!

It is a lot of code talk, but when you never properly learned the English language, you compensate wherever you can. That was very kinky of you to say. Honestly, I’ll probably never tell you to bring me back down to earth; I need someone to boost my ego. Ah, so two of the cutest dogs you could possibly ever own, then. Do they even look real or do they just look like stuffed animals? Joke’s on you, I don’t ever sleep. Send on the pictures.

#&. chloe ;

#hollywood rp #josh hutcherson #liam hemsworth #emma stone #celeb rp

akabennet‌:

I wish I had your ability to retain so much information but I’ve got to admit you’ve got some unique nicknames. I do and I’m very sure— the least i can do and i think you’re too harsh on yourself, you seem pretty awesome. Hm? I just might and totally procrastinate. My brother and mother use to get on my ass about it and now i love on my own its like HEHE, no responsibilities. which is a lie by the way. I love that name Pippi. i have Arthur and Wally and they are light of my life, so i relate so much.

The trick is to just say lots of other words around the things you do remember. It then sounds like you know everything. I was the Queen of the Nicknames in our household. Well then, you are very sweet. I’m going to have to keep you around. Gotta stay hard on myself, it keeps me in check. You are definitely my kind of person. I don’t see the harm in procrastination; if anything, I think it just makes us more productive people. We get shit done and we grind hard because we have no time left to waste, now that we’ve done it at the last second. Adulting is synonymous with responsibilities. One of the true misfortunes. Aw, thank you! Yes, I pride myself on her name, one of the few moments of genius I’ve had. Arthur, Wally, both sound precious. What kind of dogs are they? Will you send me endless pictures of them? I love all the dog content I can get my hands on.

#&. chloe ;

brielarsondlhq‌:

I missed you though, how did you give us a favor? Hey Jen how are you?

The world needed a break from me. I’m a handful. A plague, even, for some. I was everywhere, like God. I figure when you reach the point of being tired of seeing your own face all over the place, it’s time to go incognito. It’s very good for my ego to know I’ve been missed — I missed you too, Captain. I’m doing good, Brie, doing good. Drinking more water, cuddling my dog more, living an all-around better life now that I feel somewhat like a human. How ‘bout you? How’s gearing up for the big movie going?

#&. brie ;

bvnso‌:

you know what i need? a good beat, a few glances of wine and a party to dance in. i miss the days of spending hours getting all dolled up, going down to the clubs and dancing without giving a damn who’s watching. i feel like i’m not at that age where people expect me to be having brunches and classy social parties, with a grand piano. not that i could ever really be described as completely classy.

It’s mighty fun, pretending to be invested in all the fru-fru shit. Tell you what, I’ll join in with you on this crusade of clubbing as long as we can have brunch at some point. I don’t know how to say no to things like French toast or mimosas. What’s your wine of choice? I’m right there with you. Classy is not my middle name, nor do I ever want it to be. Life’s way more enjoyable when you’re a little dirty.

#&. ashley ;

tvmmo‌:

the uk needs to get postmates, it just sounds so bloody convenient. but thrift stores ain’t that bad. back in the day, me and me mum used to rummage the thrift stores for some knock of clothes for me sisters. no shame. i’m taking the first couple of months to chill because last year was crazy busy and to be honest i’m fucking tired. plus, i wanna make time for me and my boy to chill and have a lot of time together. i’m louis and i’m not a huge fan of human interaction.

You guys don’t have Postmates? How do you survive, having to leave your house and get your own shit? Now I don’t have to leave the house in my pajamas. It’s greater than sliced bread. Surely you guys have one of those discount food-delivery services over there though, at the very least? No thrift store shaming on this end, either. I personally love a good knock-off. I also enjoy perusing the sketchy black markets with all the stolen-or-counterfeit items. Talk about deals and steals. Do it. Take the time. Sleep in, become a part of your couch, spend time with people. Best decision you can ever make for yourself, even if you are slightly in love with what you do. How old is your son now? Nice to meet you, Louis. Totally understand that — I feel like basically being one of the five leaders of planet Earth for years on end would turn you off to the whole people thing.

#&. louis ;

akabennet‌:

Sooo much information to retain but i love you anyways, that’s awkward but I’m a huge fan anyways. i don’t even know what’s on my new years list– i can’t even think of what i’m going to have for lunch let alone the whole year. so i never make those lists. though this is relatable. so Hi Jen, what’s your dog’s name?

Oh, god, sorry. One of my trillions of nicknames at home is Locomotive for that very reason, apparently. You do? Sure you don’t have me confused with Aniston? She’s the people’s Jennifer, after all. That’s so sweet, though, thank you for feeding my ego. And deeming me likeable. Wow, you sound exactly like my kind of person. Do you procrastinate as well? Because if you do, you’re basically my other half. Her name is Pippi Lawrence-Stocking, and she is the absolute light of my life.

#&. chloe ;

dudeismaroon5‌:

wow, well I mean, I clearly suck as a friend because I didn’t notice that at all, can I use the excuse that I am raising two daughters even if we both know Bee does most of the work? Probably not but is all I got right now, can I be forgiven is I sent you a box or two of pizza? sorry I made none of thsoe these yera, I was too drunk to think of anything, sorry, may try Bee.

Consider us both even, because for a split second there I forgot you had two daughters. If we’re both shit at friendships, then we cancel each other out, or something. Bee, how is the angel? Doing good, I hope? Planning to squeeze me in backstage at another VS show so I can put on the wings and pretend for a second I’m worthy of being an angel? If she isn’t, let her know this friendship is on shaky ground. Pizza will forgive you of your sins, yes.

#&. adam ;

crispratty‌:

I thought I was really happy for some reason and it’s because you weren’t around. Thank you for giving me the only thing I really wanted last year. Does this mean you’re back this year? Ugh. I guess I’m okay with it. I won’t admit that I missed you, though. You’ll never get it out of me. I don’t have a resolution because I’ll break it within two seconds of making it. I should start working out again but who’s gonna make me? Probably Marvel and my trainer but still. Oh, that’s right. Your name is Jen. This whole time I was trying to remember it but it just wouldn’t come to me. Thanks for reminding me. You’d think after doing a movie and spending months together I would remember it but nah.

Ah, if it isn’t the Irrelevant Chris. You caught me — I only hid for a year to finally be free of you. Especially after that movie we did together, I needed a Chris cleanse. By saying that you won’t admit you missed me, you inadvertently admit that you indeed miss me. The student outsmarts the teacher. Loopholes, bitch. At that point, why bother making that your resolution? It’s kind of a lazy way of saying, “hey look! I met my resolution!” because you know damn well Marvel’s going to have your ass on a treadmill, running and running and running and not even the thought of lunch can get you to take another step forward. Did I mention that I hate conditioning for superhero movies? I’m sure now that I’ve said that, they’ll have a sniper on me. Speak fondly of me at my funeral. Yes, it is I. Jen. Jennifer. J-Daddy. Queen Lawrence. Surely one of those rings a bell.

#&. chris ;

wtfnatdormer‌:

But you know who you did no favors to in 2018? Me. I’ve missed you terribly, my friend. Hopefully 2019 is the year of our reunion. I lay awake at night just wondering why you and Pippi have disappeared from my life and the lives of many, really. I don’t really have any resolutions, I’ve never much seen a point for them. We all tend to drop them after a few days anyway. Maybe your resolution can be to come to London and love me. That sounds like a good one since you clearly need the human interaction.

You know where I live, Dormer. There are no excuses. 2019 is the year of...Lawmer? Natifer? Whatever the kids these days would call us. Do the kids still do the whole Brangelina thing for people? I gotta stay young, stay hip. It is my only hope of relevancy. You do? That’s flattering and sad all in the same breath. We’ll come and rescue you from your state of misery, bring joy back into your life. And an actual copy of Joy — in the moments we’re apart, you can watch me in peak housewife form mopping away all your tears and sadness when you get to missing me. I guess I’m the only person who just braces the inevitable failure and finding it as its own holiday, of sorts. Gave up on my resolution? Oh well, I tried, time to chug liquor. Is this a proposal? I can’t be living in sin, Dormer, I’m saving myself.

#&. natalie ;

taylorxswiftxo‌:

Well it sounds like you had quite the year. 2019 sounds like it’s off to pretty much the same start. I pretty much did the opposite. I spent the majority of 2018 touring around the entire world and I’m in desperate need of some time alone with my couch so I can catch up on Netflix. As for resolutions, I feel like they’re a waste of time anymore and no one ever sticks to them. So what’s the point? It’s been a while though since we’ve seen each other. How is everything?

It was a year alright, but I don’t know that I’ll be able to duplicate it. I have workahol in my veins, a self-proclaimed workaholic at your service. Almost made someone cuff me to my couch to make sure I’d stick to my word. You, on the other hand, had an actual year worth talking about. Is your tour movie in 3D? 4D? I need to be prepared for what all’s going to hit me in the face. Will you leap through my TV screen and hit me in the face during Bad Blood? ‘Cause if that’s the case, I’m writing this bad boy in on my Oscar ballot. Your couch is calling your name, Swift. So is Bird Box. They are a waste of time, but that’s basically my middle name. It has been awhile! A long while. Surprised we don’t bump into each other much, do you not stay in New York as much anymore? Is the song now Farewell to New York? I feel like I’ve missed a lot while underneath my rock, a la Patrick Star. Things are good, surprisingly. Turns out you need time off and sleep in order to function properly. I’m as single as ever, continually hungry, and still falling into things, so not much different than the last time we spoke. How about you? Doing okay?

#&. taylor ;

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