somewhere after summer

[jordanreallylikesrocks]

I’ve always known I’d cut you off

I knew you’d force me too

It was always in the back of my mind, actually

A truth I’d push away for the temporary comfort of illusion

An illusion I had to subscribe to for my safety

And now that the time is here

And you are no longer allowed to into my hemisphere

I can not say that I am surprised

And yet I’m still mourning

The hope,

The ghost

of who I always prayed you will be

And who you never became

[jordanreallylikesrocks]

So many feelings.

So many thoughts.

Today I wondered if I should reach out to you.

I quickly realized that would be a mistake.

It’s something I very much should not do.

And yet, I still wonder

Because although I’ve learned to fill the gaps

With the Holy Spirit, joy of life, this and that

I still miss you

And the echoes of your silence still remain in my heart.

No longer a visceral scream

But a silent whisper

Calling me forward

Beckoning me

In a dangerously sweet voice

To just reach out

But instead, this time, I will reach

Within.

[jordanreallylikesrocks]

The Pain of Never Seeing You Again

It’s quiet but it whispers from the shadows

Begging me to come closer

To hear it’s quiet song

And hum the same tune

I refuse

I know what lay there for me

The same old story

Everyone’s tired of hearing

The same old heartbreak

I’m tired of feeling

But I’ve been running for so long

Maybe I’ll rest my feet

Listen to the breeze instead of the music

Close my eyes and drift to sleep

Trying not to dream of you

That would surely be a nightmare

And yet

That’s the closest I’ll ever get to being close

There’s a scream that crafts itself inside of me every time I realize I will never be a kid in my mothers arms again

It gnaws at my belly

Trying its hardest to climb itself out of me

Find the nearest cliff

And jump off

Maybe then I won’t have to face

The pain

Of never seeing you again