@fixated_f

[jours-noirs]

in a chaotic place

despite order

the calm facade conceals

churning seas

feet firm on the ground

yet gravity tugs

from different directions.

[jours-noirs]

If i caught fire this very instant, i woudnt have the energy to even attempt to put it out.

[jours-noirs]

As one incapable of her owne distresse, Or like a creature Natiue, and indued Vnto that Element but long it could not be, Till that her garments, heauy with her drinke, Pul'd the poore wretch from her melodious lay, To muddy death.

[jours-noirs]

I know everything will be ok eventually but its going to take time energy effort and a strong will but i am tired. I really cant.

[jours-noirs]

there’s a willow that leans over the brook, dangling its white leaves over the glassy water

[jours-noirs]

and among them was a moon.

[jours-noirs]

8 years ago when i started self harming it was different. I was still highly motivated highly functioning. Id put on a high energy facade and kept myself busy with goals and aims and alone i would punish myself for not attaining them. I would starve. Cut. Drink. Run. Self medicate. Cross at red lights without looking. Drive fast in storms. Anything that could induce some sort of feeling, a reminder to keep going. But now i dont even have the energy to lift a blade. I just want to lay here and sleep. There's no point in anything.

[jours-noirs]

I feel like ive lost my drive motivation passion. Slowly from the things i would force myself to do that took huge amounts of effort to the things that i used to love doing. Nothing makes me happy anymore and nothing is enjoyable. I feel like a waste of space time money. There is nothing i want. Whats the point of life if you feel numb.

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