I don't think there is anyone under my skin @justagrin - Tumblr Blog

i really made a mashup representing the me who was sick vs the me who was watching myself be sick and went yeah thats normal. no pluralness here

robertfagden

do you ever care about something really really hard for three seconds and then stop caring completely. like ok im fine now actually. dont know what came over me

Low-key thought this would be hee hoo :o)

Forgot uuyghhhh this originated from trauma

Need 2 make a bullet point list of my system coded bullshit at some point

Idek who I am. Lol. Names and pronouns keep feeling weird. Very foggy.

Right right I'm still out here going well it couldn't have been HIM he's literally my dad and he's so chill now as if I wasn't terrified of him from age 11-21 for some unknown reason. As if he hasn't said absolutely rancid things to me that I do remember. As if he doesn't flash into my mind whenever any tactile flashbacks are triggered. Fuck.

Fuck I was gonna say something and completely fucking forgot

Hmm. This is terrifying actually. Idk. If I am a system that almost definitely means the Trauma I Will Probably Never Even Fully Remember And Will Never Be Able To Prove actually happened. Like. Bruh.

#D

still not entirely over being mid sex w my ex and him being like "ur in pain arent u" and me being like "eh. yeah. but i have vaginismus im always in pain idc i factored that in and sorta like it anyways" and then he just thrusts like as hard as he can to prove?? a point???? and im like WELL NOW IM NOT FUCKING ENJOYING IT AM I

#h

ghostwiriting for myself at this point honestly,

have 2 wonder if this bullshit is why

i sometimes feel like im doing admin on behalf of someone else when im just doing my own chores/errands

i can never seem to make up my mind on what name/pronoun set feels right. i keep trying to assign contexts to when a certain one feels good but :/

sometimes look at my "friends" and im like "literally who are these people" and other times im like. i would die for these guys.

The amount of times my friends bering up something that happened and im like "?????? was i even there for that" "yeah" "oh"

THE AMOUNT OF TIMES MY FRIENDS INSIST IVE DIED ON A HILL I WOULD NEVER DIE ON (FRIDGE CHOCOLATE??)

i get sorta into moods where i cant really formulate sentences in conversation bc i know what id normally respond with but ugh god that doesnt SOUND like me. so i just emoji reply it.

#back to swimming in the nile!!!

Love that this was triggered by me (read: cas) being terrified my meds won't work lol

Also correction. Lottie does not cope w IBD they just don't have breakdown about it every 3 seconds. I, on the other hand,

Also under cas

"probably still pops up for Starkid stuff but for the sake of killing you off completely I'm gonna make u pretend to be x"

ANYWAY I PROBABLY DONT HAVE A DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER

NO BUT WHY IS THERE STILL. ONE GUY I LIKE CALLING ME CAS FML

trying to make sense of different fragments and

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I don't think there is anyone under my skin