Therapy city again, at the train station. Was in a hurry today, train was late, got therr on time anyway.
Therapy was good. Didnt dissociate like last time! We talked about various things, how my life is drama free, and how i would like to , like they say, ”live a little”. How ive been reading romance novels and watching hallmark movies just to state that my own life is lacking.
And about one friendship, were we never see esch other due to the distance, but talk to each other 50 times a day. A friendship, that I couldnt have if i was dating- a friendship, that scarily resembles something else.
Was a good therapy. At the last minutes, i asked my therapist to tell me something about her i dont yet know, but she would be okay to tell me about. That was a very adult way of my child parts asking, who are you really, and what are we?
Last time I dissociated badly, and my therapist asked me what song fits that. Now, dissociation fits no song. Or no song fits dissociation. But when mu dissociation crumbled, the first song i remembered was one by Emma salokoski that i heard 8 years ago, when i was inpatient and ver broken. It made me think of my therapist. Heres a loose translation that I made up on the spot
Yes i know the surface of the water is far
Cant see to the bottom, cant see whether theres fish or sharks underneath that could easily eat me
But you see further than the surface, you take me with and make me dare go with you, ive never dived in so dangerously
So you lead me with your sure grip
Further from the safety of the shore
And im scared but there, youre voice it calms me
It reminds me how i had a deathgrip on my therapist 8 years ago when I met her, when I was so broken into pieces and I just knew if someone she could put me back together.
8 years later I know thats not quite how it works but Im glad my grip has only tightened.
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