Dealing with Toxic People, Islamically ♥ Part Two
This is a continuation of Part One: Dealing With Toxic People, Islamically ♥
To read Part One, please open the link below:
http://islam-for-girls.tumblr.com/post/176799750425/dealing-with-toxic-people-islamically
Using the Power of Observation
Bandura, another leader in the field of Behavioural Psychology, stipulated the need to recognise the clout of information and importance behind observational learning of humans. He suggested that most learning and acquired behaviours happens through watching other people take part (or not take part) in certain actions. Meaning that in essence, we tend to ‘copy’ people, depending on the ‘status’ of the person and the appeal of the action.
The more this particular observed person is cherished or admired, the more we ‘copy’ them; or as Bandura would phrase it, “observationally learn” from them. This behaviour is most true with babies and children who copy their parents actions and words, and mostly out of adoration.
This occurrence is proven by the existence of ‘mirror neurons’ in the brain. These mirror neurons fire to allow us to vicariously experience activities of others and experience them as our own, just by watching them. This ‘vicarious experience’ aids the learning process of the action, especially if we feel enriched or uplifted in the process of watching.
But how can we use this Islamically in dealing with toxic people?
When we recognise behaviour that is unethical or disturbing towards us, we experience stress and dislike towards that behaviour, leading us to want to change the behaviour to eradicate or lessen the stress received. Many times we try the basic moves to change the behaviour like talking to the person about their distressing actions, and/or simply getting into a fight with them to show them the emotional severity they are causing. Many times, due to other perhaps unseen issues, it never helps and actually aggravates the issue.
In order to truly help change a behaviour we need to act in accordance to what we want to see and experience from other people. For example: if we are spoken to rudely but we respond in a kind way, the person who spoke to us rudely will observe our response of speaking nicely, and whether they like it or not, their mirror neurons will fire. The more you respond nicely, on different occasions and times to the same person, the more ingrained the actions will become in their mind, especially if they feel relief from your calm response.
This works just as well in the reverse, the things we do not do are also received and learnt by people. So if we refrain from doing the bad, and enjoin the good, people will learn in shaa Allah, and all in all, create a better community, in shaa Allah ♥
What does Allah SWT say about this in the Quran?
“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better, then verily! He between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.”
What does the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) say about this?
“All of my ummah (nation of followers) will be excused, except for the Mujahirin (those who make their sins known). And verily it is a kind of Mujahirin (exposing one’s sins) that a man does something (sinful) at night, and then in the morning, when Allah has screened his sin for him, he says, ‘Hey So-and-So! I did such-and-such last night…’ And the night passed with His Lord screening him, and he wakes up casting aside the screen of Allah from himself.”
Abu Huraira reported The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) as saying:
The servant (whose fault) Allah conceals in this world, Allah would also conceal (his faults) on the Day of Resurrection.
So as you can see from this Quran verse and Hadith, we need to conceal our flaws so other people don’t copy them, and we need to be kind, good and righteous to others in our actions and intentions, to spread peace and love.
This is Part Two of this write-up on some Islamic Manners ♥
I hope it was useful to you, in shaa Allah ♥
If it was, please look out for Part Three on Islam For Girls, In shaa Allah ♥
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