simon ‘ghost’ riley x fem!reader
Summary: It has been 13 months since Simon has been properly home. The day before he left, the two of you got into an agonizing argument. Not knowing whether or not you will be there when he gets home, he silently walks up to the house.
Contains: SFW, angst to fluff, ooc Ghost (he is a cold man out on the field, but he is mostly a softie for you), descriptions of yelling, arguments, anxiety, abandonment, swearing, crying, anger, and also a bit of kissing, hints of alcoholism but its mentioned briefly
A/N: This is my first time writing a fanfic on tumblr so i apologize if this is shite 🤭 Let me know if there is anything i should improve on. Enjoy this long asf oneshot of our babygirl ghosty 🫶💞 Also!! based on the song ‘when you wash your hair’ by Matt Maltese
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This all started out with you voicing your concerns about your relationship. The feelings of abandonment you felt every time he left for a job and the worry and anxieties that followed after, not knowing whether he was going to come home safe or in a hearse. It scared you, you loved him, but the lack of communication during the time he was away was killing you.
You cried trying to tell him how it felt. You sobbed on the floor of your shared bedroom, telling him that you were growing apart. You never wanted to stop loving him, you didn’t think it was possible. But you could not do this to yourself by staying. It was painful.
It started to get heated when he shut down. He stopped looking at you as he sat further onto the once warm bed you two had slept in together. He grunted, and pushed himself up. Without looking back at you, he slowly marched to the other side of the room. He swiftly opened a drawer on one of two dressers you owned, this one specifically for his SAS attire. It carried his weapons, his private files, obviously his clothes, and some other miscellaneous items he kept hidden. He grabbed the black duffle that sat next to it and started packing. You sat on the floor in quiet disbelief as Simon started carefully folding and stuffing clothes into the bag.
“Simon, you can’t be serious right now.” Your once sad and lonely voice slowly drifted into an angry yelp.
Furious you felt as he continued not responding to you, you stood up and stomped over to him, grabbing what he was holding and tossing it to the side.
“What is your problem!?” You squealed as he stared at you. His face devoid of any kind of expression.
He softly moved from his kneeling position into a standing one. Keeping eye contact with you as you searched his body language for anything you could use to answer your question.
“My problem? What is your problem Y/N? You knew what you were getting into when you got with me, and now all of a sudden its a surprise i have to leave? Get a hold of yourself.” He said, starting to raise his voice.
He pushed past you to grab the pants you had thrown to the other side of the room. Stiffly walking back to the duffle and kneeling down once again. The truth is, he hated fighting with you. He hated seeing you so devastated at the fact he had to leave. He didn’t want to leave, but long ago he had gotten numb to the feeling of homesickness. Of course he missed you, but he clearly prioritized his job over you. Everyone knew this.
Not knowing how to respond to your husbands words, you walked out of the bedroom and practically ran down the stairs to the living room. Sitting down on the couch and putting your hands onto your face, covering it. Thinking over the situation and gathering the proper words to say, you decided when he came back down you would speak to him again.
A couple minutes later he descended the stairs, duffle and work boots in hand and passed your frame on the couch to go straight to the door. All the words you wanted to say were forgotten and what came out of your mouth shocked the both of you.
“If you leave right now Simon, i can’t promise i will be home when you get back.” You said, sternly. Eyes widening ever so slightly at your own sentence.
“This is my bloody job Y/N!” He bellowed. “I have to go, regardless of how you feel. If you leave that is not my fault. Do whatever the hell you want!”
Dropping his packed bag back onto the floor, He twists around to look across the room at your form. You were shaking at his response. Not from fear or sadness, but from what only one could describe as poisonous rage.
“Get out.” The calmness of your voice made the silence that came after it more deafening.
Wordlessly, he tied up his boots, grabbed all of his things he had previously collected and left by the front door, and walked out.
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He was finally home. Taking a taxi from the airport to what he used to call he private safe house, he sat silent the whole drive. He was nervous. Walking up to his own house feels surreal. The nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach begins to feel painful. Anxiety fills his body, nonetheless he continues on.
The red light of the evening
They cover up your neck this way
Adjusting his baklava and swinging his duffle further onto his shoulder, he digs in his pockets for his keys. Nearly dropping them as he pulls them out, he unlocks the door. He quickly notices that the sound of water running is most prominent in his ears. Thin walls.
“Y/N.” He says quietly. “Thank god.”
Placing his stuff down and removing the rest of his heavy gear, including his mask, he walks towards the sound of what he assumes to be the shower. He starts to sweat as he ascends the stairs. The bathroom door is slightly ajar as he creeps up to it, pushing it open slowly.
Your calm and naked crying
From the edges of your neck this way
You don’t hear the door open, too concentrated on lathering your loofa in soap and scrubbing yourself down. Simon bought you this bath set. It had been such a wonderful surprise when he brought it home to you. Your tears flowing even more as you thought of him. You didn’t leave the house after the argument, but you did call your mom. She told you that it was completely your decision if you wanted to leave and that her advice would not have mattered anyways. So you followed the direction of your heart and stayed.
Paying back attention to your surroundings, you see a large burly figure through the slight transparency of the shower curtain. Adrenaline rushes through your veins as you yelp and pull the curtain back clumsily, enough to see this figure but not enough for them to see anything but your face.
You did some things that you forgot
Drinking wine and smoking pot
You tried to be someone you are not
Simon’s eyes soften at the sight of your surprised but tired gaze. Before he had walked up to see you, he noted the amount of empty bottles of wine laying on the floor of the living room. You had been drinking, quite a bit. This concerned him as you were not a person who drank often. Only having a shot or two when going out and certainly not drinking at home.
“Simon?” You whispered dropping the curtain and snatching the towel you had left next to the sink.
Wrapping yourself up, you step out of the shower. Not speaking a word after that. You stared at him, hard. Searching for potential wounds or new found scars on his face and arms. He doesn’t move. Your tears begin flowing again, faster than last time.
“I am so sorry, my love.” He states, taking a few steps forward and finally actually entering the bathroom.
You don’t know what to say at all. You didn’t want to forgive him. Fuck that. But deep down you knew you had already forgiven him the second he walked out the door in the first place. Covering your mouth as you began sobbing, you look to your side and back to him.
“You are a fucking asshole.” You say, nothing but sadness laced in between your words.
Marching forward you grab your husband and pull him into a tight hug, him returning it immediately. You wrap your arms around his waist and hold his shoulder from behind. He grabs your water soaked head and brings it into his chest, breathing in the scent of your shampoo.
The apology comes out easier than he expected it to. He apologized for everything you thought he wasn’t aware of. He apologized for leaving you alone. He apologized for prioritizing his job over his wife. He apologized for constantly leaving socks on the floor of your bedroom and everything else in between. Swaying you back and forth as you sobbed in his arms.
“Its okay, its okay.” You whispered over and over again as he held you. Interrupting his apologies quietly over and over again until he was done.
Pulling yourself off of him slightly you grab his face with your hands and look up into his eyes. Moving your hands up his face, you eventually run your fingers through his hair and return back down to his cheeks.
Now the morning sweeps you up
You take your evening outfit off
“Join me?” You question, quickly gazing back at the still running shower and then back to his pretty eyes. dropping the towel as you do so.
“Of course.” He whispers lovingly. Silently taking off his clothes as he follows you back into the shower.
You run your shower and lean back your head
He kisses your lips as you close the curtain. Kissing him back with everything you have, you equally as fast pull away. Muttering a quick ‘you smell’ as you move to stand behind him, grabbing the shampoo bottle and squirting some into your hand. He hums blissfully as you begin massaging his scalp. When it’s scrubbed enough, you turn him around and back him into the flowing water of the shower head. Letting the soap wash away from his hair.
“Thank you for staying. Fucking hell, i wouldn’t know what to do with myself if you left.” He smiles a bit as he says this and you are quick to lock your lips once again. More passionately this time, him knowing in his heart that you are his forever. He will always be grateful for you.
I love when you wash your hair
