just got done with a stressful meeting at work and so to recuperate I'm ranking the Doctor Who Doctors on, would I?
1. The Fourteenth Doctor - ofc. omg. have you seen him? The beard scruff, the glasses, he's so smart and just the way he's so confident and. aaaa. he's absolutely a top too which is absolutely a requirement and consideration on this list. this is specifically the 14th Doctor, not 10, who's not nearly at the same level. David Tennant aged like fine wine. Absolutely would.
2. The Eighth Doctor - okay, so!! most people know him for the TV movie, where, he's ok. he's fine. but not finnnneee. fast forward 17 years, Night of the Doctor, Paul McGann is back!! and look, just like David Tennant, age turned him into literally the hottest man ever. And his voice? and his composure?? he's the only Doctor to have a canonical erotica written about him, for good reason. absolutely would.
3. The Seventh Doctor - okay. Is it conventional? No. Is he attractive? Not really.
But imagine the psychological play that could happen. Imagine the dirty talk. Imagine a dynamic with this man. His entire character arc is 90s writers wanting to make Doctor Who soo edgy and adult and make him a manipulative mastermind, and omg I'd let him play his little mind games and manipulate me and, would a relationship with him be traumatizing? yes. but if we just keep it to the bedroom? literally amazing. absolutely would
"It Depends On How They Flirt With Me" Tier
4. The Fifth Doctor - Peter Davison. this man is so pretty. look at him. he's so cute. I'm just scared he's a bottom, but if the mood was right we could have a night of really sweet vanilla and I'd like that a lot, he'd probably light candles and be all nervous and he'd be cute.
5. The Ninth Doctor - he's not specifically calling out to me as my type, but he's also not -not- my type? and his personality easily meets the energy I want to be brought to me. I'd just be scared he'd end up having war flashbacks and crying in the middle, but I'd be happy to hold and comfort him. would.
6. The Fifteenth Doctor - he's cute. Same as Nine, he's not like, I look at him and instantly go omg, but he's a cute man. and if he said the right words? would
7. The Tenth Doctor - so. he's not quite daddy, as David Tennant would later evolve into. but obviously the potential is there, and he's cute. so, would.
8. The Twelfth Doctor - yes, he's old. but he's also the best Doctor, and professors do something for me. I'd attend a lecture, and then who knows what might happen? would.
"Would Kiss at a Party" Tier
9. The Thirteenth Doctor - she's pretty. I'm not super attracted to women unfortch, but like I'm flexible and. if she made moves? would
10. The Fugitive Doctor - love her energy. frankly makes me a little gay. total top. I'd have her higher but I don't feel like redoing the image. would
11. The Sixth Doctor - look. he becomes SO SWEET in the expanded universe. is he super attractive to me? no. would i be his best friend? yes. and sometimes, you just kiss your friends at a party.
12. The Fourth Doctor - he's silly. a little deranged even. but i kind of like that. would after a few shots.
"Probably Not But He Can Be My Grandpa" Tier
13. The First Doctor - the sweetest most cuddly Doctor. people think he's mean because of how he's stereotyped, but he's so sweet after his first season. I'd love him to be my grandpa. I would love to listen to his stories and bake him cookies. would let him adopt me as a granddaughter
14. The War Doctor - a disappointment because writers are cowards who don't let us see him do war crimes. if we saw him in his younger years being all stoic and distant and committing atrocities, he might have even reached daddy status. but as an old man hours away from death, I'd still let him be my grandpa.
15. The Third Doctor - such a gentleman. so composed. he's just a little old for me, and doesn't have the acting chops of Peter Capaldi to overcome that for me. but would I let him be my grandpa? yes.
16. The Second Doctor - I'd prefer him as an uncle actually, but I didn't want another tier, and grandpa isn't too bad. he's funny. he's sweet. I'd be happy to be his granddaughter tbh
"Somehow the Least Sexy Doctor" Tier
17. The Eleventh Doctor - something about Eleven just makes me want to get a restraining order. would not.
"Doesn't Even Count and Also Wouldn't" Tier
18. The Valeyard - is not the Doctor. he's explicitly like, the dark side of the doctor, but absolutely a different being and not literally a future doctor. and also he's literally boring. it would be like having sex with my tax returns. would not.
that took so long I don't know why I'm like this have a good day ♥️