shhhhhhh @kosmonautka-blog - Tumblr Blog

me: a hunk of junk

this is my best post in all my time on tumblr

ppl talking abt socialisation is weird bc I feel like basically my mother put all her hopes for All Potential Children into me and as a result i was told a lot of things that are supposed to be ~Male Socialisation like suppressing emotions and not letting anyone help you/needing to always know best etc etc. like I was both her daughter and her son I guess this is part of my gender to me. I was raised complete isolated from anyone my age until I went to school and even then nobody liked me much quite literally until I graduated high school. i lived in the ass end of nowhere with no tv, radio, or people and like socially I feel I was raised without a gender? or not "differentiated"? i was also too spacey to internalise a lot of sexist shit imo like. I read adventure books featuring all men eg mysterious island which was a big fave of mine as a kid but it didn't occur to me it might imply only men are capable surviving on a deserted island or idk some other thing. it taught me different people working together can help each other overcome certain death instead and people from all backgrounds etc are good and can contribute to society? Idk where I'm going with this other than when ppl talk about socialisation like there's always a strict division between how small boys are treated and small girls are treated it just. feels inaccurate to me

#obviously it's impossible to be completely free from exposure to raceism sexism etc as a child but #I'd say I came please close #anyway feel free to talk to me abt this

im so andro

#im too andro #me in 2012: y can't i b more androgynoussss cut off boobs remove hips #me now: none of that even happened but im super andro and i don't like it. fucking ok thanks

guys help

i think im growing as a person

@eyfura thank u...... im home from work and in bed watching tv already so im feeling way better than like an hour ago lol

#taggings not working for me so I hope u see this on ur dash!#replies #eyfura #also I hope ur having an ok time yourself #it feels like for some reason everyone's having an off day today

to reiterate: im not having a great time

#whatever when I'm home I'll watch some Jane the Virgin and eat pizza and maybe feel better

this is not what I'm upset about today but it was the reason I was upset yesterday: Enough of this I wanna go back to being repressed lmao this is not even a little bit easier. its just a different flavour of feeling guilty for bullshit I can barely influence

actually that post about being upset for no reason isn't true I love being upset for a specific reason and pretending I don't know what it is because I had to learn to do that to survive in an abusive environment anyway yeah I love being upset and not knowing how to articulate how I feel and repressing what the actual reason is to make absolutely sure I can't do anything about it

#tumblr ate this post and I had to rewrite it

when everyone keeps their phone on vibrate on their desks and every time anyone's phone goes off everybody checks their phone bc u can't tell if it's ur phone or not

#also every time I'm like #attention? gf?#and today it's just like. no. fuck off asa no attention for u

when u say something n ppl laugh and u don't know if it's bc what u said was funny or if they're laughing at you or what is going on or why they reacted the way they did or if you said something wrong or¿¿¿¿¿

I love feeling bad for no reason

when ur having a bad time: *has a bad time that is not fun or enjoyable*

when u have an issue: *feels bad* *talks it out w gf* *everything is ok* :+) when u have a different issue: *feels bad* *can't talk it out with gf bc it will probably make them feel very uncomfortable* *everything is bad and feels bad forever* :((((((

#Bad

I put some gravel and water and two plants in the aquarium part of the noot house and mania is so offended i would put This Thing, Full Of Water, on Her Windowsill,,,

#noot=newt btw lol #she'll just have to live w it im afraid it's the best place for the tank

tfw u rly love ur gf n u wouldn't b where u r in ur life (a p Good place) without them n they r ur biggest fan n supporter in ur day to day life n give u motivation to try ur best every day n a reason to keep ur head up n keep going even when u feel bad n give u faith that ur future (together n individually) will b great n every day uve been together has been the best day ever n ur writing this post and crying a lil :')

so that compulsive shopping thing i mentioned

im gonna get newts n i bought this aquarium terrarium thing for them to live in and its in the mail to mine................................ im hap

#the leftmost part will be land and the rightmost will b water w plants

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