This post is not just about my tattoo, but rather a look into why I would want to get ink in the first place. Tattoos are still controversial, mainly amongst older generations. While tattoos are more common nowadays there is still some stigma placed on those who get tattoos. And while the world is more accepting of self of expression, there are still limitations set in our society.
So why then would I want a tattoo?
The simple answer is the art form.
The more complicated answer is to express myself. When I was 18-months years old, we had a faulty hot water tank in the basement which had been newly installed by the previous homeowner. While my parents had set the temperature to the appropriate temperature on the thermostat, the actual heater was wrong resulted in 2nd and 3rd degree burns on 20-30% of my body. While I am grateful to be alive and have had the opportunity to receive great treatment, the mental scars associated with the physical ones have left me in my teens and into my early 20's with an unhealthy perception of my body.
Many will say why would you want a tattoo then? Won't it make it worse?
But my answer to that, is when you go through a traumatic experience, it doesn't matter what you may look like, the mental aspect will always play games unless you try to change your perception. You can go to therapy to deal with the problems, but when you are constantly reminded by looking n the mirror, the demons you repress keep coming back. So instead of hiding away, and suffering, I want to battle my insecurities and allow myself to heal.
While I don't believe that tattoo's need a particular meaning, my tattoo is an ode to a new future. In the past, my scars resembled a thorny past, something I couldn't control and let myself go as a result. I let my own body dysmorphia and PTSD control me. My tattoo is a garden to show that while nature is beautiful, it's not necessarily bad to not be able to control everything. I have peonies, which symbolize to me home and personal growth, but also a wealth of knowledge and healing. The rabbit grounds me as it brings me back to my childhood days and my mother's nickname for me.
I know that this post is heavy, and I will probably receive some hate, but I think its important for me to open up and talk about the reality that people with severe injuries feel. For myself, I have lived in fear and pain of how I look, and I have received hateful comments from people since I was young. This is not a by-product of hatred, it is a product of ignorance and the more people open up and try to share their stories hopefully there will be tolerance. As we as a society become more accepting of those with scars, disabilities, illness, etc. we open the doors for a beautiful future much like a garden.
This journey has been long won, and I only have the courage to do this because of my support system, the Shriner's and the doctors and nurses at the Shriner's Hospital in Boston. Because of them, I am a strong independent woman who has taken all that life has given me and risen to the challenge. I'd also to special thank Ashley, my lovely tattoo artist, who has helped me begin this road to a new life!
Thank you for reading!
P.S. I encourage anyone who has faced trauma, depressive or suicidal thoughts, or feel trapped, to seek the support of a family member, friend and/or a medical professional, as we should not face our demons alone.
