You know what? Since heterosexual people are called straight, I’m starting a petition for homosexuals to be called curved. All bi folks can be flamberge.
Straight.
Curved.
Flamberge.
I admit I’m not familiar with all the orientations, but feel free to educate me and I’ll try to find something that fits. Be a weapon. Fuck the system.
Pansexual people don’t discriminate, as far as I know. So basically they’re all over the place. The first thing that popped into my mind was the urumi, which is a cool ass fucking sword whip and I love it to little pieces.
I didn’t even have to think about asexuals. I’ve been using swords for sexual folks, and asexuals aren’t always into that. They can be, but aren’t always. So, I picked something that hacks and cuts and slices but ain’t a sword. Ace people, you are now axes.
Demiromantic people only fall for people whom they know intimately (I mean really well, you degenerates). So, I picked this thing because it takes a fuckton of practice to get good. Demis, take a bow.
Transgender means you are born one thing but identify as another. Well. Sounds like a confusing time, tbh. That reminds me of the pata, which is a gauntlet and sword all rolled into one.
Cisgender means that you’re born one thing and stick to it. This is a bamboo stick. You cut a piece of bamboo and then hit things with it. You get what you see, really. We even have a sport/martial art based on the activity.
Okay so genderfluid means your gender ain’t fixed and can be anything at any time. That… sounds even more all over the place than pansexuality but hey who cares. You people get the lantern shield (why the Italians made this idk), as it is JUST as all-over-the-place.
Intergender means someone whose gender lies between male and female. You get the sidesword, which was a transitional weapon between the regular arming sword and the rapier. Note the development of a complex hilt, which gets cranked up to eleven in rapiers.
Androgyny refers to peeps who are simultaneously masculine and feminine, as far as I can tell. Folks, this is a matchlock rifle combined with an axe. Because it’s badass. So are you.
This thing has 100 notes. Why does it have 100 notes. This has no business getting 100 notes.
Dude, I made this silly little thing to help me remember all the different kindsa stuff. I keep forgetting them but the swords help.
Well, I hope this helps y’all choose your D&D weapon, if nothing else.
I’m writing this as there are 743 notes. You guys seem to really like this for some reason. I should tell you that I have little to no knowledge about all the different sexual orientations and gender identities there are. So if you identify with something and it’s not here, you know why. I do know weapons, though, so I’ll try my best to accommodate as many as I can.
That being said, let’s do this.
Polysexual refers to people who are attracted to more than one gender. Unlike pansexuals, they don’t like everything. So, something that does many things but not everything and no at all-over-the-place. This is a kukri, a multi-purpose survival tool used by the Gurkhas. They’re used in war, hunting, chopping wood, and come with little tools to sharpen your blade, start fires etc.
Genderflux is a gender identity in which the gender intensity varies over time. So sometimes you’re all ‘HELL YEAH’ about it and sometimes you’re ‘meh‘. Katanas are like that. They’re hyped up to the moon but really, they’re not all that special. It’s a sword that does what it’s designed to do, and does it well, but it doesn’t cut through tanks and boulders. Which broke my heart, tbvh.
Greyromantics are those who can experience romantic attraction, but do so infrequently. This is a chakram, a flying frisbee of death. The outer edge is sharp and will slice well into exposed skin. You won’t land a hit all the time, so the Sikh warriors carried multiple on them. But if they land, hoo boy.
Also, a bonus.
^ Just know that I cackled. Satan is happy.
So, seeing as how this thing just blew the fuck up, I feel the need to clarify something.
Flamberge refers to the shape of the blade. It is not the name of the sword.
Flamberge means flame-shaped sword. It’s weird and cool-looking and exists because some smith probably went “Because I CAN” one day. These things existed over a wide geographical area. From Germany’s flammenschwert zweihander:
To rapiers
The Persian shamshir
The Indian talwar
And, as pictured above, the Indonesian kris
So, all you raging bi people, you’re practically firebenders. Form a fire nation and change everything.
2403 notes guys you need to Stop This
That being said, another update.
For everyone who has yet to come out, you get the cane sword. Walk around with it and nobody will know. Unless you stab them.
And for those who don’t yet know what they are, I’m calling you all Rogues. So stealthy that not even you know what’s going on. As such, you get the bagh nakh, meaning tiger claw (tiger nail is the literal translation). You slip it on, putting the hoops through your index and pinkie, and voila, you can stealth slice stuff off people. Hidden blade whom’st?
Well. 6,500 notes. I didn’t know so many people liked swords and shit. Seriously, I’m glad you guys liked it so much, but this is the last update. I hope you enjoy it.
Maverique refers to a non-binary gender that exists outside of the orthodox social bounds of gender. This is a man-catcher, and it basically does what it says on the tin. It is a polearm, and was in use till as late as the 1700s. you stuck them around the waist or neck of people and caught them. It’s like Pokemon Go but for soldiers and city guards. From transporting prisoners to catching and pushing off people trying to climb the walls of a castle, this was a very… unorthodox but versatile weapon.
Novigender refers to a gender that is super complex and impossible to describe in a single term. This is a balestrino. Also called an assassin’s crossbow. Nobody fucking knows whether these were toys or actual weapons. Knowing the Italians, it was probably both. It’s about the size of a very large cucumber, if that. Certainly fits the bill.
Autosexual refers to people who aren’t usually sexually attracted to others and prefer touching themselves instead. Well, this one was hard, I won’t lie. Something that can be used by itself without an aid… there are many things like that, but then I remembered the gada. It’s a kind of mace, very Indian, and you swing it around and hit shit with it. Sometimes they have nails or spikes at the end. Usually quite heavy, these ones seem to be in the 40 kilogram range.
So there you go. Joe bless you all.
If I got 1 USD for every note on this dumb post, it’d equal 133 years of my monthly salary.
Guys, let this post go. It’s been months and I wake up to a random 500 notes.
Or at least reblog the full version. Sigh.
20,129 notes.
You crazy bastards. You absolutely mental fartblossoms. Twenty thousand, one hundred and twenty nine. Fuck me, I don’t even have as many strands of hair on my head! You utter assholes, d’you know what happens when you take this kinda shit and run with it? Do you? Huh? Do you know what happens when you create demand this lustily?
SUPPLY FOLLOWS, YOU SORRY LOT OF OOMPA LOOMPAS.
SO SADDLE UP, AMIGOS, WE’RE GOIN’ FOR THIS RIDE AGAIN! AND FIRST ON THE LIST ARE AROMANTICS!
It’s the most often asked question in the notes (yeah, I read them all, you degenerates), and now I shall answer it. Aro people, embrace the most OP weapon of all time: the spear.
The spear has always gotten the shaft (hehe) and has been in the shadow of the sword. Why? Well, compare the number of magic swords you’ve heard about against the number of magic spears. Try to imagine a knight saving a princess or slaying a dragon… with a spear. Exactly. It’s easier to romanticise the sword. And since the spear isn’t looked at in a romantic light, it’s perfect for aromantic folk. Don’t worry, the reach advantage ensures that you’ll pwn sword-wielders most of the time. Poke away!
@petermorwood asked me what these things might represent. For those who don’t know, this a triple-bladed katar. I’d say this represents multigender people rather nicely. Multigender folk have more than one gender identity (bi, tri, quad, quint, poly, pan). Why bother having one when you can catch ‘em all?
Agender is basically not identifying as any gender, period. While all the entries so far have been cutty, stabby, hacky and smashy types, this particular weapon ain’t about that life. Shields are boss (hehe) because while they don’t do any of that, they can still fuck you up. Perfect to have for a neutral party. Or even home defence.
That’s it from me, Tumblr. I’m glad you’ve kept this dumbass thing alive for as long as you have, and I’m very, very grateful. Please don’t take this to 30k. Ok?
