Lauren tumbles

Outfit of the Day // Food Logs

[songsforgorgons]

“Almost every women I have ever met has a secret belief that she is just on the edge of madness, that there is some deep, crazy part within her, that she must be on guard constantly against ‘losing control’ — of her temper, of her appetite, of her sexuality, of her feelings, of her ambition, of her secret fantasies, of her mind.

Elana Dykewomon, “Notes for a Magazine,” Sinister Wisdom #36 (Winter 1988/89). (via songsforgorgons)

From the late-’80s and still so true.

(via live-to-the-point-of-tears)

[laurentumbles]

My job is so draining that I feel like Saturday is spent recovering ...like from a hangover. 

[laurentumbles]

Last week was a trip...and the beginning of my grad program.

Monday: Worked 11 hours Tuesday: Worked 13 hours + was on call overnight, but luckily no calls after I got done working at 10:30pm.... Wednesday: Worked 12 hours & my mom had surgery to remove a brain tumor 5 hours away... Thursday: Grad school orientation/intensive 9am-5:30pm Friday: Grad school orientation/intensive 9am-5:30pm, worked at the wine bar 6pm-10pm Saturday: Grad school orientation/intensive 9am-5:30pm, then went to dinner with some people from my cohort Sunday: got my mom’s dogs from boarding so they would be home when she got home, built an Ikea dresser and did laundry all before noon. Went on a hike with a friend. Monday: my first real off day thank god.

Today: got a text message from a classmate about an assignment due tonight that I was somehow already unaware of.

This is going to be one helluva five years. I am grappling with how I will balance working more than full time, spending 20 hours a week on school (thats what the program director said we would be spending about), working at my bf’s bar and then trying to be a human/keep my apartment clean/go to yoga once a week/have a social life. 

Also my neighbors are loud AF at night. 

[laurentumbles]

New year, new apartment

(Still unpacking to the point that my rug has a tag on and my pillows are in their bags still)

[laurentumbles]

After spending the majority of the day moving, my NYE will consist of this and frozen pizza. Exactly how I want to spend it. Also perks of bf owning a wine bar = I am now spoiled when it comes to champagne.

[laurentumbles]

New apartment! 😍 New view! (If you ignore that I’m flanked by hundreds of apartments on either side of me... it’s pretty nice)

[laurentumbles]

Don’t feel horribly ugly for once

[laurentumbles]

I am starting to panic over this program, my life and my relationship which I feel is going to end at any moment.

[laurentumbles]

Anxiety = my brain attacking itself

[laurentumbles]

I haven’t owned a functional laptop in almost seven years, but I'm typing this from my new MacBook Air and I couldn’t be happier. I should've purchased one years ago. 

2018 = New year, new school, new apartment, new laptop

in other news, I am still quite nervous for the next five years. Yesterday I was writing a court report and I told my coworkers that I really dread working on this case when I have to because it is just so terrible to read and write about. There are certain things I have to write over and over for various sections of the report, so I’ve just been copying and pasting so I don’t have to keep typing and seeing those words. I told my coworkers this and one commented, “secondary trauma.” My current role is fairly easy. I just write the petitions, reports and warrants, I only occasionally meet with families/parents/kids. But, for my internship hours I will have to do something different which will inevitably be more face-to-face and for that I am becoming very nervous. I’m worried about secondary trauma, burning out and not being able to complete my contract. And then being on the hook for over $40,000..... 

[laurentumbles]

Yesterday I signed a lease and the contract for my tuition grant which basically dictates what I’m doing with my life for the next 5 years.

#scary.

[laurentumbles]

I. Can. Not. Wait. To. Move. Out.

Im honestly surprised I lasted this long. I feel bad leaving my mom alone here with my dad but that’s not really my problem or responsibility.

[saying]

[laurentumbles]

OOTD

[laurentumbles]

I think I found an apartment! It’s not perfect, but I think it’ll be good for now.

I had applied for a one bedroom with a property management company two weeks ago. I didn’t get that apartment, but they offered me a two bedroom with $350 off the rent (so it’s in my budget) and in exchange I am responsible to getting all the rent money from the complex (I have a slot in my door, tenants just drop it in, I don’t have to go around asking) and dropping it off at the office, reporting any suspicious activity and tenants can drop off maintenance requests into my door slot and I just call or email that to the property management company. I really don’t understand why they can’t just collect people’s rent online or why people can’t just submit requests themselves but, whatever. The current tenant said it’s super easy, she also works full time and is in grad school and doesn’t feel it’s a hassle. 

The apartment is beautiful inside. It’s the cleanest apartment I’ve seen since I’ve been looking...which isn’t saying much since pretty much everything has been a dump or teeny tiny. It has new granite counter tops, new cabinets and a brand new dishwasher. I’d have a reserved parking space. The inside walls are white with light lavender trim. 

The cons are that it’s a high-density area. It’s basically just apartment complexes on complexes on complexes. It’s near the university, so mostly students. It’s not the exact location I want to be in, but it’s also not the worst. The current tenant said it does get loud on weekends, which I would expect. The town I want to be in is a college town. I’ve lived there before and even when I had a house, I would call in noise complaints for neighbors down the street. So I’m hoping it’s not any worse than that and hopefully it’s just weekends because I’m at the wine bar on weekend nights anyway.

It’s a ten min drive to work. A fifteen minute walk to the wine bar. A ten minute walk to the nearest grocery store (which is a really nice one). And a five minute walk to my favorite soup restaurant. 

The lease is only six months so I think I’m going to give it a shot.

[laurentumbles]

Partial OOTD

[laurentumbles]

I applied. It’s not perfect but I’m tired of living at home or being 30 and telling people I live at home.

[laurentumbles]

I qualified for the apartment... but now they want me to sign a lease that ends in May 2019.

It was advertised that it would end June 2018.

So yea... no thanks. No interest in a 17 month lease. That is ridiculous.