☽ blurry eyes, lonely skin.

Your tell tale heart, beating like a drum, pounding out your chest, repeating on the one. T e a r the floorboards, do it for fun. Because you buried it once, now you're digging it up, and going down with the s u n.

[realitytvshow]

[classyvirgx]

[tsuinchocoreto]

[lavenderism-blog1]

i’m gonna copy hayley and do a like-this-for-a-starter thing too!

[lavenderism-blog1]

f r e d:

    “Ah, the ladies love me,” Fred replied absently, waving his hand dismissively. He was not too worried about women; Fred had always done well with meeting one when he wanted to.

     Fred’s brows knit together as she spoke, a look of concern clouding his expression. “That sounds a lot like depression, Lavender. You alright?”

“Yeah, they do, and I can’t fathom why,” she told him, pursing her lips to try and hide the smile she was fighting. Of course, she could fathom why: he was good looking and he was funny. 

Lavender frowned. It wasn’t depression. She just had trouble sleeping, that was all. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just–––it really is just hard to sleep these days, that’s all.” She shrugged, holding her hands up in a what-can-you-do-about-it type gesture. 

[fishtrology]

clingy but pretends they’re not: capricorn, scorpio, taurus, leo

not clingy, not fronting: aquarius, virgo, gemini, sagittarius

not clingy but pretends to be: libra

clingy and doesn’t give a fuck: cancer, pisces, aries

[plumkat]

[jadeamelia]

[roleplayermemes]

“The Strokes” - Sentence Starters [Part 1]

Send a sentence in my inbox for my muses reaction to yours saying that to them.

“Can’t you see I’m trying?”

“I can’t think ‘cause I’m just way too tired.”

“Is this it?”

“Oh dear, can’t you see? It’s them, it’s not me.”

“We’re not enemies, we just disagree.”

“I don’t even like it. ”

“It seems this game is simply never-ending.”

“It’s in my blood - I just can’t help it.”

“Do it just to please me.”

“Tomorrow will be different.”

“I wish you hadn’t stayed.”

“Let’s go.”

“I’ve been doing this 25 years.”

“I didn’t take no shortcuts.”

“I spent the money that I saved up.”

“I should’ve just not bothered.”

“Then she said, “Oh, you’re a freak”.”

“Together again, like the beginning.”

“It all works somehow in the end.”

“For the record, it’s between you and I.”

“To me, my life– it just don’t make any sense.”

“I just want to misbehave.”

“You ain’t never had nothing I wanted, but… I want it all.”

“When we was young, oh man, did we have fun.”

“Promises, they break before they’re made.”

“See, alone we stand.. Together, we fall apart.”

“Tables, they turn sometimes..”

“You say the strangest things…”

“I gave up.”

“Take me away.”

“Can we go back to your place?”

“Life seems unreal.”

“The world is over, but I don’t care.”

“We all like it a little different… ”

“See, people, they don’t understand.”

[lavenderism-blog1]

f r e d.

     “Hey! Some girls like that look, right? Don’t they like– put eyeliner and shit on to give them that exhausted appearance? You’re just achieving it naturally!” Fred exclaimed, waving his hands around as though he was offering her a compliment while remaining completely oblivious to his own rude comments. “We’re all pretty tired lately, though, yes. That’s why you take sleep potions, right?”

“I think you’ll find that’s not the effect girls are going for,” she said, exasperated, and completely missing the fact that he had no idea how rude he was being. Sometimes, Lavender could get way too caught up in herself and her own emotions to notice how other people were acting, and think about why that could be. That was one of her biggest flaws ––– not her eye bags. 

At his question, she shrugged. “Yeah, you know the cycle. Vicious nightmares, so you don’t sleep well, then all you seem to be able to do during the day is battle exhaustion.”

[kcmph-deactivated20210105]

&&. ambedo.

[lavenderism-blog1]

t r a c e y.

Tracey didn’t know what she expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that. Immobile, she felt like oxygen was being sucked out of her body when Lavender reciprocated her touch. She fought hard against shivering under the familiar grazes, because this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Lavender was supposed to hug her, maybe give her a kiss on the forehead, and they’d either stay like that for a few more hours or they’d let this conversation fall back, and carry on with their night. 

Instead, Tracey was certain she was hallucinating when Lavender spoke those seven words, but she wasn’t – that was certain when Lavender’s touch drifted from her collarbone, up to her jaw. Perhaps this was the moment she snapped, because Tracey Davis was not stupid. She may be in an ever-lasting battle with her own emotions, but she’s given a shoulder to cry on to far too many cousins and Hufflepuff’s to know how to read between the lines. Reeling from shock, she snapped back to the present as a barely audible “what?” escaped her lips.

“Lavender,” her voice thick with confusion and longing, Tracey pulled away from her best friend and looked at her with a puzzled expression. Deep down, she knew she wanted something like this to happen. She always has, but the constant reminder of what happened last time made her stay quiet, keep to herself. And she was under the impression that she was the only one thinking such things, that Lavender had no intention of revisiting the past. Clearly, she was wrong. And if Tracey was confused when she found out Ron Weasley was dating Lavender, then what the hell was she now, when Lavender sent her mixed signals?

Removing her hands from Lavender’s bare skin, she momentarily blanked when that meant she’d be losing her touch as well. Brushing it off, Tracey tilted her head at the girl who held her heart in the very palm of her hand. She didn’t speak for several seconds, merely staring at Lavender openly while a million thoughts clouded her mind. It was then she realized, that there was a lot she didn’t know. “What are you hiding from me?”

Lavender’s heart sunk when Tracey pulled away, and she found herself wondering whether or not she had misread the entire situation. She’d thought, from the touches and the conversation topic that they were on the same page ––– or the same book, at the very least ––– but now it seemed as though she had been horribly, horribly, wrong. Her chest tightened, and she felt the familiar feeling of tears welling in her eyes, always occurring at the most inopportune moments. She blinked a few times, ridding herself of them: this was not the time for waterworks. For a brief moment, she found herself glad that she’d had so much practice at stopping herself from crying that she seemed to have been able to manage it. Lavender refused to make this about herself, to derail this important conversation by bursting into tears. It was just the sort of thing she’d do. 

It wasn’t a foreign thought, the idea that what she’d done by dating Ron had ruined any chance of anything between them, but now it was hitting harder than ever. Was this how she had to pay for her cowardice? ( Some Gryffindor she was. That hat should have put her somewhere else. )

Watching Tracey stare at her and say nothing was difficult; Lavender wanted nothing more, in that moment, than to look away. It was too hard, looking into her eyes right now. Not knowing what Tracey was thinking or feeling while Lavender was about to lay her heart before her. Or was she? Was it such a good idea after all? Maybe she should keep quiet, pretend it was just the alcohol getting to her ( she wasn’t a big drinker, it wouldn’t be a surprise that it was affecting her this way ) because if she didn’t then their friendship might be ruined, too. 

Her dilemma was banished from her mind, though, when Tracey spoke again.

❛  What are you hiding from me? ❜

Did Tracey really want to know? Was she hoping that Lavender would speak the truth, or was she hoping that she would keep her big mouth shut for once in her life? It was impossible for Lavender to get a feel for her emotions right now, when she was so preoccupied with her own.

After what seemed like a thousand years, Lavender broke the eye contact, staring down at her hands, which were now furled in her lap. Was she really about to risk everything right now? Yes. Yes she was. How could she not when she thought of what she had to gain. 

With a deep breath, she looked back up at her. 

“I...” she trailed off. Her hands were shaking. She was shaking. 

“I love you.” 

Her words were barely a whisper, barely audible, but in the silence of the room, she knew that Tracey would be able to hear. It took everything she had not to stand up and run out of the room right there and then. 

[lavenderism-blog1]

starter: open. date & time: february 18th, 17:08.

Lavender sat down in a chair outside of Florian Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour with her large bowl of ice cream, ready to dig in after her day of shopping. She’d found herself with another day off, and had wanted to make the most of it. It was when she’d shovelled her last scoop of the ice cream into her mouth, savouring the taste, that she heard footsteps coming up behind her. “’Ello,” she greeted, mouth too full to form words properly.

[lavenderism-blog1]

f r e d.

    “Ohhh,” Fred replied, smacking her playfully and gently on the shoulder. “Thanks for clarifying. Was just about to get into those bags under your eyes. We got some great creams at the shop that could help with that, but since now I know you’d prefer to ask for advice, I won’t tell you about all that.”

“Fred!” She exclaimed, her eyes narrowing further. He could be so rude. But Lavender knew the Weasley twins, and knew that Fred was ( most likely ) only messing with her. It still stung though ––– no girl liked to her her flaws pointed out to her. “It’s because... well, you know I’ve not been sleeping well, I told you that when I was buying the dream stuff from your shop!” She told him, though a waver had entered her voice, as though she might begin to cry soon. “I don’t know how anyone gets a decent night’s sleep anymore, with everything that’s going on.” A note of sadness could be detected, now that the anger had disappeared.  ❛ It’s a trying time for everyone ❜, she thought to herself. It was why she was even more emotional than usual these days. How could she not be?

[lavenderism-blog1]

f r e d.

     “Duh,” Fred replied as though it were obvious that he was the one person anyone in the entire Wizarding community should go to should they need advice. “I’ll always be there, Brown. Dishing out advice whenever need be.”

      “Speaking of advice, you really ought to get a haircut! Talk about split ends!”

Her mouth dropped, and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Let me rephrase what I said before: next time I need advice, I know exactly who to come to, but I only want said advice when I ask for it.” She couldn’t help being tetchy ––– it was just part of who she was.

[kcmph-deactivated20210105]

&&. ambedo.

[lavenderism-blog1]

t r a c e y.

The silence was maddening, but Tracey wasn’t too anxious for anything to happen – this was intense, and so tragically beautiful because there was nobody else she’d rather be vulnerable in front of. There was nobody else she wanted to pour her heart out to, and despite the part of her that was awaiting a reply, she was content she finally opened up a little about what had been eating her heart out for the last few years. At the thought, she realized it would be hypocritical of her to shut down their lingering past; what did it say about her, that she would give Lavender a glimpse of her hidden feelings but wouldn’t let her friend do the same as well?

She released the smallest sigh of relief when she felt her arm enclose around her. Tracey wondered if Lavender would drag on the conversation, wanting to know more about her bloody feelings. But to her satisfaction, she didn’t. “I don’t deserve you, you’re too good for me,” she laughed quietly and slid her arm around her waist, nuzzling her face into her neck. She could feel Lavender’s heart beating against her cheek, and she couldn’t recall the last time she had felt this peaceful. “It goes both ways, you know. I’d do anything for you.”

Tracey remembered all the times Lavender had seen her at worst and somehow knew exactly what she needed each time. She wanted to be able to do the same for her, but being somebody’s source of comfort was a challenge for her. Still, Lavender deserved it. Drumming her fingers against Lavender’s hip to distract her from her thoughts, she finally gave her a chance. “So, if there’s something you want to say… I’m here. And I won’t tell you to stop talking about it, or push you away. I promise.” She spoke slowly, like she couldn’t believe the words coming out her mouth. In a way, she couldn’t – three years ago, Tracey would’ve slapped anyone who told her that she’d be the one urging Lavender to talk about their secret. 

Hesitating before continuing, she briefly wondered if somebody slipped Veritaserum in that bottle of vodka – she was being far too emotional tonight. “I want to know,” she swallowed a lump in her throat, vaguely aware that she had caused Lavender’s shirt to slightly ride up and reveal a bit of skin from her incessant finger-tapping. Tracey’s breath caught in her throat, and she knew that she didn’t have enough self-control to stop herself.Her dainty fingers disappeared underneath the hem of Lavender’s shirt, and she brushed her fingertips against her skin before letting her hand fall limp, pressed against her bare hip. “If there’s anything at all, I want to know.”

 ❛ Too good for me. ❜ 

Lavender thought those words were ridiculous; Tracey was too good for her; she had always been there for her through thick and thin, and what had Lavender done to thank her for it? Nothing ––– l e s s  than nothing, she’d done the opposite of thanking her. And then she felt her face against her neck, and heard the that Tracey, too, would do anything for her, and her heart skipped a beat, as it always did when Tracey said things like this. When she made Lavender feel as though she was special, as if maybe there was a chance for them after all. 

The permission Tracey gave her to talk about whatever she wanted, without the worry of Tracey pushing her away, was maddening, because Lavender was sure that if she said what was on her mind, that it would only  s h a t t e r  what they had fixed. If she told her, right now, that she was in love with her, Lavender wouldn’t be able to take it back. Tracey might decide she’d had enough, she might think Lavender was toying with her emotions, the way she’d accidentally done before.

But Tracey was reiterating her words, telling her she wanted to know, her fingers slipping under Lavender’s shirt, brushing against her bare skin, and Lavender couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath that came with being touched like that by Tracey Davis. Lavender let her hand, which had been resting on Tracey’s shoulder, dip under her shirt and caress her collarbone; Tracey had instigated the first touch, and Lavender couldn’t help but touch her back.

“Are you sure you want to know ?” she asked, a little breathlessly. But by saying that, she had already told her; why else would she be saying that, if it wasn’t to confess her feelings? Damn that vodka, making her want nothing more than to touch her, to spill her deepest desires which she had vowed to herself to keep hidden. Her fingers ceased touching her collarbone, only because Lavender had lifted them to stroke across Tracey’s jawline instead.

[lavenderism-blog1]

t r a c e y.

She had seen Lavender in many emotions before, but nothing compared to the flustered look splayed across her face. Tracey, on the other hand, didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Her gaze lingered on the girl’s fumbling hands and darting eyes, and she couldn’t help but feel amused at her reaction. However, she was itching to know why it seemed as if seeing her topless – not even fully naked, just merely topless – would be so surprising. The thought made Tracey wince (would it really be that foreign to see her without clothing?), but she brushed it off whilst Lavender looked at everything but her. 

“Relax,” she soothed, stepping behind her and tentatively reaching out to rub her shoulders. Tracey massaged her neck for a few seconds, caught off guard at how tense Lavender felt but said nothing of it. “I was in the bath, that’s why it took me longer than usual. Sorry ‘bout that, I didn’t know you’d come over.” She slipped her hands away to head to her bathroom and clean up the mess she made , giving Lavender a moment to herself. “Take off your shirt and we’ll call it even,” she called out, grateful that she couldn’t see the half-serious expression on Tracey’s face. She walked out back to her friend, with a small smile on her lips. “Joking again. I’m only teasing because this is quite funny.”

Lavender wouldn’t feel so awkward about this if things were different between them. If she’d walked in on Parvati shirtless, they would laugh it off and carry on like nothing was amiss. But because it was Tracey, Lavender couldn’t ––– what with their history, and with Lavender’s feelings that weren’t quite history, yet. ( Would they ever be ? She doubted it ).

The touch of Tracey’s fingers on her shoulders, then her neck, sent tingles down Lavender’s spine. Tracey touching her had always had this affect, even if it was as innocent as this. She was so distracted by her touch, that she only caught part of what Tracey had been saying; something about a bath. Right, that made sense: she’d been having a bath. Lavender felt her cheeks heating up at her stupidity ––– why hadn’t that crossed her mind? Why had she jumped straight to Tracey being attacked ? 

“Oh,” was the only thing she could say to that. Thankfully, Tracey was already heading over to her bathroom, but when she was inside and called to Lavender to take off her shirt, Lavender’s brain stopped working for a moment. Did she ––– was she really ––– but then she heard Tracey clarify that it had been a joke, and she felt even more stupid than she had already. Why did Tracey still make her act like a silly little teenage girl? 

“That was mean, Trace, I thought you were being serious,” she said at last, but seeing the smile on her face made Lavender smile too, and she felt herself settling into their usual routine: jokes, teasing, regular ole’ friendship.

[lavenderism-blog1]

f r e d.

    “They are strong, Ms. Brown, and they come with quite a warning label!” Fred replied defensively. “But what I mean is, old Dumblydore is quite a wise ol’ man who’d pick up on any funny business all too quickly. So if you want him to love you back, you ought to ask him on a date!”

“Thanks, Fred; next time I need advice, I know exactly who to come to.” She teased. Although, to be fair to him, she thought that if she actually, genuinely, needed advice, he might not be so bad at it.