a lot of text but i really wanna share this
so i'm a psychology student and toward the end of the year we were given an assignment to pick any topic for a research paper. and being queer, my friend and i did the predictable thing and decided to focus on queer people, but not in a broad sense, we narrowed it down a bit. we looked at it purely from a psychological angle because we were genuinely curious about one specific trait that shows up a lot in closeted queer people (and also religious ones/from religious backgrounds) - maintaining a high level of engagement across multiple hobbies and often achieving advanced proficiency in them
so in psychology this pattern can be understood through, first, an attempt to overcome feelings of inadequacy through achievements that function as a kind of symbolic “armour”. second, the channeling of suppressed emotional energy (including sexual and self directed aggression) into socially approved activities. third, the constant anticipation of rejection may push a person to stay one step ahead, continuously proving their worth through visible success and essentially such people work as if trying to fill an ‘inner void’ that only they can feel. that creates a chronic identity crisis where it becomes difficult to distinguish where the “self for others” ends and the authentic self begins. and that perceived flaw (only in their own understanding!!) is queerness.
and personally the combination of having so many different hobbies, a full professional career despite coming from wealthy family and having the option of living comfortably outside of it, a spotless reputation and exceptionally agreeable behaviour (we know and see how non‑confrontational and calm he is) sounds pretty familiar, right?
given that Will is also a practising catholic from a very conservative family, his sense of "otherness" and feeling of being "not right enough" is likely magnified. here we see internalised homophobia at play when external negative messages become an inner voice and the person genuinely believes that something is wrong with them. add religious trauma to that where his own faith tells him he is wrong, creating an irresolvable cognitive dissonance. such a person can literally experience an existential crisis, because their identity is torn between who they feel they are and who they are "supposed" to be
i know we often talk about "catholic guilt" mostly in fics, but it's very possible (and the probability is high) that it could be a completely real daily backdrop he lives with and that guilt isn't necessarily conscious bc it can show up as a constant feeling of anxiety, perfectionism, and fear of "being exposed" even in areas where there is no real threat. this is also why i find the pattern so interesting bc it’s not the hobbies themselves that matter nor ambition nor achievement, plenty of people are ambitious for entirely healthy reasons. what stands out is the intensity behind it - the feeling that a person must always be moving, improving, achieving, and proving something. sometimes that drive comes from passion, but sometimes it comes from fear. and in the case of many closeted queer people that fear can be rooted in the belief that who they are is somehow not enough on its own.
i'm not claiming anything, the truth belongs only to him and it’s not something we can access or define from the outside. i’m simply reflecting on a broader psychological pattern because i think it’s valid to think about these dynamics in general terms. this can apply to many queer people who are unable to fully accept themselves due to internal and external pressures, and who may, in turn, channel that tension into achievement and overperformance as a way of coping
turnnoffyourmind
jacobvanloon
vaporwave
theartofmadeline
tangentwithtanner
dededos
kianamaiart
baratheonpilled
