Seeking Joy @learningtobejoy-blog - Tumblr Blog

21 and Unworthy

This time last year, I remember freaking out about turning 20 and how adult that sounded. I would never be a teenager again... Thankfully, I’ve moved past that semi-midlife crisis and am content with this stage of life, and even growing up as fast as it is happening.

The age of 21 is different for me. Not because of the age, not because I am a legal adult now, and not because I have more freedoms than I used to. The difference comes in the years before 21, but especially the past year or so.

For so many birthdays, I would have enjoyed and even asked for all sorts of gifts so that I could enjoy the pleasure of material wealth and satisfaction. Even two years ago I would be analyzing my life and asking myself, “What else can I have that will make me happy?” But for the first time on my birthday, the thought of really, any gift, disgusted me. I look at my life and see so much abundance; all my needs have been met, but even the desire for something new or nice was not there.

“You don’t deserve anything. You are not worthy of gifts or appreciation or love.” My thoughts swirled in a vicious cycle of self-condemnation and acknowledgment of my shortcomings.

The thing is, I’m right.

I am totally unworthy. I am a failure. I have messed up so many times. I am so so selfish. I do not deserve the love or appreciation of anyone.

The past year or so of my life, I have come to see myself, my dirt, my sin, my selfishness in ways that I have never seen before. God has brought me to my knees and has shown me the darkness that is my flesh. He has revealed that the evil residing within my heart has deep roots.

Because I now see myself for who I really am, I don’t feel like I deserve anything this birthday. My view of myself has radically changed the past few years and has left me feeling unworthy. I cried when my parents gave me gifts because I didn’t think I should have them.

The fact remains, I should not be given anything. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve good, to deserve gifts, to deserve love. And as odd as it may sound, I am thankful that I can see that clearly now.

BUT... wisdom from my mother has given me a new perspective on my life and the gifts given to me. Truly, I see more clearly the picture of salvation the older I get and the more life I experience.

You see, as a sinner, I deserve hell, I deserve death, and I deserve punishment for the sins I have committed against the Holy King of the universe. And now that I can see that a little more clearly, now that I can see myself more accurately, I can see the GREAT GIFT that salvation from my messiah, Jesus the Son of God, truly is.

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, lived a perfect life, and then died as the sacrifice for the sins of humanity. He rose again as the victor over sin and death and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God. He offered me salvation, reconciliation with a Perfect Father, and I accepted it many years ago. As his daughter, I am free from the power of sin and shame and stand before him in robes of righteousness.

“He redeems your life from the pit; He CROWNS you with steadfast love and mercy” - Psalm 103:4

The good father that he is, he lavishes gifts of love and mercy. He has given the ultimate gift of salvation, and though I am COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY UNWORTHY, that makes the gift that much sweeter, that much more beautiful, that much more full of grace. A gift is given, not because of merit earned by the recipient, but out of a desire to show love by the giver.

I could never deserve salvation. I could never do enough good to stand in the presence of a Holy Creator. However, I will accept his gift of excessive love and grace and mercy day after day after day. Additionally, I will accept the gifts and kindness and love of my family and friends this birthday and every day that they are given to me as they remind me of the love of my Jesus.

Not because I am worthy, but because Christ is in me, and he is worthy. He is the name above all names, and I will declare my great dependency on Him and my great need for him.

So thank you to my parents, who on my 21st birthday, are probably without a doubt, the biggest contributors to my understanding of the steadfast love of a Savior.

Today, I turn 21. I cherish the abundant life I have lived, but even more than that, I cherish the life given to me in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and I will accept it, though I am unworthy, 21 and still unworthy.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.” - Ephesians 1:3-10 -

The Beauty of Being Led Into the Wilderness

Looking back, I can see it all. I can see the preparation of my heart for a season of bewilderment and confusion.

I walk amidst a dry and lonely wilderness, there is nothing in sight. No hope. No deliverance. I don’t understand why or for what purpose. The sand burns my feet. The wind rushes, piercing my skin and threatening to knock me over. And then I hear the still, small voice, “I am with you.”

“But I am in pain... don’t you know that? I was better off where I was. I was more comfortable. Things were good. I understood what was going on.”

^ Those would have been my thoughts had not the gracious, loving God I serve prepared my heart for this season and continue to speak truth into my life through abiding in His word - the living and active word that pierces to the division of soul and of spirit. This is just a small testament of His faithfulness in my life that I could not help but share.

“When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, “Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.” But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle” - Exodus 13:17-18

After reading this passage, I understood that God led His people BY WAY OF THE WILDERNESS for a reason, for the good of His people. AND He also equipped His people for the battle. Sometimes being led through the wilderness is the way that God chooses for us... but why, why the wilderness? Why this scorching, blistering place where all seems lost and no life is living?

“And the Lord hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt, and he pursued the people of Israel while the people of Israel were going out defiantly. The Egyptians pursued them, all Pharaoh's horses and chariots and his horsemen and his army, and overtook them encamped at the sea, by Pi-hahiroth, in front of Baal-zephon. When Pharaoh drew near, the people of Israel lifted up their eyes, and behold, the Egyptians were marching after them, and they feared greatly. And the people of Israel cried out to the Lord. They said to Moses, “Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” - Exodus 14:8-14

“Thus the Lord saved Israel that day from the hand of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians dead on the seashore. Israel saw the great power that the Lord used against the Egyptians, so the people feared the Lord, and they believed in the Lord and in his servant Moses.“ - Exodus 14:30-31

When I finished the story, I could only come to one conclusion: the Lord led through the wilderness to display His glory, His power, and His salvation. And when the Lord brought deliverance despite the pain of the wilderness, the Israelites saw His power and BELIEVED in the Lord.

My gracious God is teaching me to have faith in HIS power and HIS glory and to BELIEVE in Him, despite the heat that threatens to overtake me, despite the endless stretches of wilderness that appear before me. I stand firm in the strength of my God who led his people through the wilderness and defeated a great, unconquerable enemy.

Then I see a bright light in the distance. It grows brighter and brighter, expanding to fill the sky. It overtakes everything. There is no more desert, no more wilderness. There is pure light. I am surrounded by it. I am surrounded by Him.

“The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5

All of Me

You know that song by John Legend called All of Me? Yeah who doesn’t. Anyways, there’s this one line that keeps running through my mind... “cause all of me loves all of you.” I can’t get away from the beauty of those words! This is something we all long for, to love and be loved FULLY. It’s natural, it’s a God-given desire and we are only capable of loving because of Jesus. “We love because He first loved us.” - 1 John 4:19.

I think that one of the easiest things to say with our mouths but the hardest things to live out in our lives is “Jesus is the most important person in my life” or “I love Jesus” or “Jesus is everything to me”... you get my point. All I can do is keep thinking about how I say things like this all the time, BUT THEY ARE NOT TRUE. That’s right, I said it. Jesus has not been everything to me nor has he been the love of my life in every season. And that’s a hard realization to come to. To look in the mirror, and say to yourself, “Wow Sam, you do not love Jesus like you claim to.” And to be completely honest, God has had to take some blessings away from me in order for my eyes to be opened to that burdensome truth.

I keep seeing these blogs circulating about “Praying for My Future Husband” or “Waiting for True Love” etc. etc. and I am always like “Yes Amen. Pray for them, wait for them.” There is wisdom in what they have to say, but why are we SO caught up in relationships and finding the perfect christian guy? Why do we act like everything in life is so hard up until we are FINALLY blessed with that 10/10 Christian fella who made all of our dreams come true? I know why. It’s because we haven’t given our all to the only Love that will satisfy us for all of eternity. We haven’t fallen in love with the man who died a grueling death in order to save us into his family. Let me ask you something... what if you marry that dream guy who loves Jesus, and two years later he dies? Will you be torn completely apart because your true love has been taken from you? Or will you still be clinging with every ounce of your being to your First Love who never left your side and never will? I’m not there yet.

But I want to be. And I believe we can be. We have to be.

Jesus said the greatest commandment of all of them was, “Love the Lord your God with ALL of your heart, ALL of your soul, and with ALL of your mind” - Matthew 22:37. He never said it would be easy, but He always provides the strength and power to obey His commands.

I guess what I’m trying to say in all of this is the dire need to be aware of our hearts, they may not be as in love with the Creator of the universe as we thought they were. I am so thankful that I am not left to sit in this deep hole of sin and inability of my own, but that the Holy Spirit does whatever it takes to convict me of my sin, my shortcomings and then works in my heart to make me into the Samantha Joy Stewart that my Jesus, my Love, has saved me to one day be.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that THE POWER OF CHRIST may rest upon me.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9.

I am not able, but He is, and I am SO FREAKING EXCITED to be romanced by the Prince of Peace. Jesus I want to fall in love with you every day. Thank You for giving me your life, I want to give you me too, all of me.

Falling In Love With Cake

Cake has got to be one of my all time favorite desserts, I mean, let’s be honest... if you don’t like cake, you’re probably a weirdy. And then there’s the timeless debate over which is best - the cake, or the icing. Personally, I am a HUGE fan of icing. It’s so sweet and creamy and filling and delicious; that is, until I have absolutely eaten myself sick because of a tad too much icing...

Here’s the dilemma: icing is great, and yummy, but it is something that is extra, super special, and only meant to be a little bit because otherwise we get sick. The cake is the main event, the masterpiece of the dessert, what fills us up... AND THEN we also get some icing on top! Crazy right? Lots of yummy things go into cake; I love it.

So this post isn’t actually about me eating cake (even though I’ve definitely had a fair share of it here in Spain and Portugal lately); it’s an analogy for the sweet satisfaction that Christ brings to my life and all the blessings he pours out on me.

You see, I can get so easily caught up in the icing in my life, the extra blessings that I don’t deserve, but that I have so graciously been given such as my wonderful family and friends, an awesome boyfriend, a study abroad trip in Europe, my dog, plenty of shoes and clothes, college and so so so much more. The problem is, when my focus is turned to the icing, the blessings, I become so inwardly focused and selfish as I continue to desire to consume the sweet, sticky icing. But the icing doesn’t actually fill me up, it ends up making me sick when I’m too obsessed with it and consumed by it.

The cake - this is the good stuff. Some might call it the bread of life, ya know, like Jesus called himself... It sustains, it satisfies. Christ and Christ alone is my contentment, my life, my purpose. He fills me up, even when I don’t have any icing at all. I struggle with remembering that. Thankfully, I have beautiful people in my life, godly people, who continually remind me of Truth. And when I am not satisfied by people, places, or things, I am brought back to the cake, the heart of the matter... and I am reminded of the surest truth that I have found in my life, that Jesus Christ is my life.

Icing is not a problem, it’s a blessing; however, it cannot satisfy like the cake can. Like Christ can. But yet, not only does God provide eternal satisfaction, he also gives more and more and gives icing as well.. How unworthy am I, yet how good is He?

And so, I am learning to fall in love with cake again and again. I am realizing that every day I have to fall in love with cake, and let me tell you, it’s the best cake I’ve ever had (and I’ve had some good cake).

“Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.” - John 6:35

Color Me Blind

A people proud of their ways

Proud of their society

Proud of their unity

Proud of the colors that fill the street.

“We are one” they say

As they point to the love

That they have always shared,

Of all the colors that mix.

As time goes back

To the years before,

The past points to a country

That has always been

Blind to the colors

That blend into one,

Or so it seems.

It takes deep courage

To open the eyes

That want to see

A place that is

And was always welcoming.

Fingers start pointing,

And claims are made

That this utopia was not

As many thought it to be.

The same place that

Thinks their people is

A people blind to

Color is a people

That have a different reality.

One color forced to leave

Then another in order to please the best color,

The color of the people.

Colors flooded in and out;

Some expelled, but

Others were brought in and

Made to be with the better color

But not a part of the better color.

So as the years went by,

A story was told.

There was a story to tell,

A story of blindness;

This much is true.

Blind to the truth

As a people chose to

Paint a picture

That showed one color,

A unique hue of a vibrant mixture.

But they were not color blind,

Rather blind to the bleeding

Of colors forced to paint

A story not their own.

Now the “better” color

Sees the lies painted

When they chose to be colored blind

Instead of color blind.

Storms of Joy

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:1-5‬ ‭ Rejoice in suffering? Rejoice in pain? How could a loving God make bad things happen to good people, much less ask them to rejoice in the trial? Because He is good. And no matter where we are in life, He is who He is. He is never changing. He is constant. He is faithful. His love endures to all generations. He is just. He is savior. He is sanctifier. To be made into the likeness of his son is no quick fix, no easy task, and no small thing. Why should we be rejoicing when God brings us into times of trouble? Because he is giving us endurance, which produces character, which gives us hope because of God's love for us. We are given the opportunity to look more like Jesus because of our suffering as we enter into it with him! Does that change the pain? No. It hurts, a whole lot. But Jesus knows my pain, your pain, and the pain of the entire world, and he stands by his bride and carries her through it every step of the way. “Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:14-16‬ ‭ What an honor to be counted worthy of suffering for the Holy One! Jesus I beg that you would remind your people that our perfect lives are not a privilege or a right, but abundant blessings and good gifts from you. You give and take away as you see fit, and I pray that we would choose to praise you no matter what. As these storms come, as the waves knock us over, let your joy come, let your peace catch us as we fall into you, our Deliverer, our only Hope as we live in this fallen world, awaiting eternity in Your presence.

Come and See

Easter and Christmas services always tend to be so full of people, people who may have grown up in church and feel an obligation to continue in some religious tradition at least twice a year. Or maybe it's a family tradition that all the cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles gather at a church service once or twice a year before the Easter egg hunt or gourmet lunch. It's so easy to grumble and whine and wish these people came to church every week because that's what a Christian is supposed to do right? Why do they even come once or twice a year, what's the point? I do also desire that these people would come and experience the living God every Sunday and every day in between, but I'm overjoyed that they come on Easter, Resurrection Day, if no other day of the year. Why is this day any more special than any other Sunday? Well chocolate bunnies are pretty cool, but why is Easter so important? There's an empty tomb. There's nothing to see in an empty tomb... So why do we care to look or remember? On this day, two thousand years ago, God in flesh, Jesus Christ, defeated the last enemy Death! He conquered sin and hell and provided the way once and for all for fellowship with a Holy God, both now and for all eternity. The empty tomb reminds us that Jesus left to reclaim his throne in heaven. As Mary stooped to gaze into the tomb where her beloved Savior once lay, so should we stop and gaze into the depth of emptiness of the tomb. We do not mourn the death of Christ. We do not remember a good man who lost his life. No. Today, we celebrate the living Savior, the Hope of all mankind, the Light of the World. So for those who come and experience the living word of God every week, for those who come once a year, and for those who have never stepped foot in a church, come today and experience the Spirit of God as he cuts people to the heart and draws them closer to Him. Come and see the empty tomb. Come all you who are thirsty and drink of the living water. Come and be filled all you who hunger for something more. Come and see. “I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the earth brings forth its bud, As the garden causes the things that are sown in it to spring forth, So the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭61:10-11‬ ‭

The Secrets of a Whitewashed Tomb

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. 28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.“ Matthew 23:27-28

I’ve read these verses a thousand times. I’ve always pointed my finger at them and thought,’Wow those hypocrites, those people don’t have it right. They need a heart check.’ And I was right. But what I hadn’t realized until lately was that one finger pointed out had three others pointed back at me.

Now for me, these verses don’t mean I don’t know the Lord and am just playing a game with my Christianity. HOWEVER, they do relate to me, and I believe all Christians at one point or another. When I see these verses, I see a peek into the life of a Christian who has forgotten what Grace is, what Grace has done, and what Grace is needed for daily.

At least in my life, I see the danger of having everything together on the outside, but not having a heart that matches the purity and cleanliness of the outside actions. I have found that I can get so caught up in the routine of church, daily devotions, prayers before meals, and weekly Bible studies, that I miss the depth and love of the sweetness I can experience in every activity I do, including my routines. Kind of like 1 Corinthians 13 (well more like exactly like 1 Corinthians 13) that tells us without love, all of our actions are meaningless. It’s one thing to say you love, but it’s a completely different thing to have love.

The real dilemma is that I cannot have love of myself; I am not able to generate love. “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? But thanks be to God who DELIVERS me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” - Romans 7:24-25.

Thankfully, there is someone who can renew that love in me daily. THAT is Grace. And that is what I have to remember on the daily. The blood of the Lamb has ransomed me and will provide the love that I am in so desperate need of if I come to His throne.

There is hope daily. Don’t give in to the lies of Satan that there is not something more, something more precious. God is never finished with us, and he will meet us exactly where we are. That I can promise as he has proved faithful in my life time and time again.

You don’t have to be committing murder or watching porn or cheating to look like a whitewashed tomb. You could just be going about life and not actually living. You could be caught in the routine of good things and not be experiencing the love of the Prince of Peace, the Slain Lamb of God. Do not fret or become worried, but simply ... come. Come and be redeemed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With breath that brings the dead to life, With words that pierce the dark with light Only by the blood are we set free. With mercy strong to carry shame And nail it to a tree You alone Hold the power to redeem. No guilt competes With innocence crucified. No grave can hold what your grace has justified. With breath that brings the dead to life, With words that pierce the dark with light Only by the blood are we set free. With mercy strong to carry shame And nail it to a tree You alone Hold the power to redeem.

Drowning in Good Intentions

New Year’s Resolutions?

Many people pick out something they want to change about themselves at the beginning of the year in order to improve themselves in some way; such as losing weight, cutting out bad habits, or maybe even cooking more and eating out less.

I chose this year not to live by a set of goals or ambitions, but rather a word that could branch out and sustain any plans I would form this year.

My word is Intentional.

Intentional means deliberate, calculated, conscience, intended, planned.

I want to live this year intentionally. Whether I am walking to class, eating lunch with friends, or doing homework, I desire to have a purpose and deliberateness to my actions. In my relationships, in my studies, in my lifestyle, I yearn to get stuff done and have it mean something. This sounds all good and jolly, but there’s a problem.

Me.

I kind of suck. And that’s a BIG problem. My intentions can all be good, purposed, deliberate, and planned, but that is not the point. I can accomplish things that I set out to accomplish; I can get things done. What of it?

It’s only week two of the spring semester at Georgia Tech and I can already feel myself slipping... drowning in the things... losing focus... drudging through life day to day without being purpose-driven. When I lose sight of my purpose, I become apathetic, and that is my worst fear.

There is nothing worse than looking at your life, seeing all you have done in the day, and feeling like none of it, not one thing had any weight or significance. If you’re feeling this way as you read this, or can relate to it in any way, I want to share some encouragement that I have been granted this morning.

Life is hard. Life is a struggle. Life is busy. Life is life. It’s not easy, and sometimes its not fun, BUT GOD.

For the one who has been granted new life in the Son, in the bread of life, there is PURPOSE in every activity, every thought, every action, every relationship. We have been granted hope, even in the despair of this life. The drudgery can so easily threaten to take over, but RESIST brothers and sisters. We have more than this world offers, so let’s take hold of our promises this morning.

“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” - 1 Timothy 6:12

“Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” - Hebrews 10:22-23

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 3:13-14

If you’re getting lost in your goals, drowning in good intentions today, do not fret, do not despair, but be encouraged. You are not alone. Today I choose to take hold of the assurance of faith I have been granted, seeking not what I can do, but what He can do through me.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” - 2 Corinthians 12:9

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” - 2 Corinthians 4:7

He is faithful.

Just the Beginning?

As I sit here at my desk in my cozy (cozy sounds better than cramped) dorm room at the Georgia Institute of Technology where I have spent 90% of my last four months living, I can’t help but look back at the semester and reflect over all that has happened.

You’re probably reading this and thinking.. four months? That’s not even that long. How much could have *POSSIBLY* occurred in four short months? Well I would love to tell you everything, but unfortunately I don’t want to bore you nor can I remember everything (Dory probz). But I would like to share a few important things I have learned through five key words.

~FAMILY~

I think that I have never appreciated my family more so than this first semester at college. I have realized how much my parents have done for me my whole life, to what extent they have sacrificed and continue to sacrifice for me, and the great depth of their love for me. Also, my brother has been a solid rock in my life here in Atlanta, I don’t know how I could have possibly kept sane without him here living life near me. Let me share a quick story about my family. Being sick sucks no matter what. HOWEVER, being sick at COLLEGE sucks soooooo much more than being sick at home. You have to go get your own medicine, take yourself to the doctor, and still go to class even when you feel like crap and just hacked up your lung for the millionth time during class. I have never wanted my mom to take care of me more than at this time. She called me all the time and told me she or my dad were willing to come pick me up even just for a day to rest at home; her baby was sick and she was going to do whatever it took to try and make me better. Even though I didn’t go home, or I couldn’t physically be with my parents, I felt their love and concern in a very deep way. Also, my brother checked up on me nearly every day and drove me to get medicine and some good ole chicken noodle soup. Thank you Mom, Dad, and Ben for loving the mess out of me, I most definitely would not have made it through my first semester at Tech without the support and love that you all have provided for me.

~FELLOWSHIP~

Whether it be through my Augustinian friends, new friends at Tech, or the church family of M28, I have been overwhelmed with love, support, encouragement, and just plain old fun this semester. I am an extrovert to the very core, and I absolutely adore being around people. If you don’t believe me, ask my roomie Abby how often she had to put up with me so that I didn’t have a panic attack from being alone too long (thanks for being by my side basically 24/7 Abby <3). The new friendships I have gained this semester have blessed me in so many ways and I am so excited to be spending the next 4 (5 or 6) years with these simply wonderful people. Thank you to all you people who put up with me, laugh at my jokes (or is it me you’re laughing at?), push me closer to Christ, go on random adventures, dance with me, sing with me, repel down waterfalls with me, and many, many more. ″By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.” - 1 John 3:16 I only hope and pray I can serve and love you all in the ways that you have done for me!

~CONTENTMENT~

Wowzer this is a hard one. Being satisfied right where you are, in any situation, is probably one of the hardest things to do. Getting into Tech makes you feel smart, kind of important actually. Well let me tell you, that as soon as the first round of test grades come back... you don’t feel that important anymore. Let’s just say that Tech is extremely humbling. Not to mention life still goes on outside of college life... friends go through tough times, family sicknesses, and my own struggles. It is very easy to become caught up in myself and the momentary dissatisfaction waiting for me to wallow in. God has taught me and continues to teach me to be content in who He is, a Good, Good Father and my identity that depends on nothing but Him because I am loved by Him and its who I am.

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” - Philippians 4:11

~OBEDIENCE~

There have been countless opportunities and situations this semester that God has provided for me and asked me to follow Him. I have messed up and followed my own desires many times, but by God’s grace and his power at work within me, I am very thankful to say that I have been allowed to be in the midst of His will and watch as He worked in hearts and lives through me. There is no better place to be than walking with God, and I have seen some amazing things this semester as He has continued to teach me and transform me. One of my favorite things though, is getting to see God surprise the socks off of me as he reminds me that it is SOLELY His Spirit that changes hearts.. even the most unlikely of people. Even when it is hard, I pray that God would push me to obey in every situation that I may see and partake in His perfect plan for my life. To Him be Glory forever and ever!

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” - Philippians 1:6

AND THEN...

So what’s next? Life. I tend to plan ahead and always look for the next step in life, where will I be in five years? What will I do next summer? When will I be able to do this or that? But this isn’t how we should be living. Each and every day is the journey of life. Daily experiencing the grace of God in immeasurably new ways is always an adventure and no matter where I am, who I am with, or what I am doing, I know that I have one purpose. And that is to glorify my God and Savior Jesus Christ in all things, living in such a way to point others to the Hope of the world.

and so the journey may look like it is just beginning, but in reality, the journey began before time, when my Father planned my existence.

Here’s not to the next four years of college, or month of Christmas break, or freshman year...

Here’s to this day, this hour, this minute that God has blessed me with.

And so, the journey continues.

“In the path of your judgments, O Lord, we wait for you; your name and remembrance are the desire of our soul.” - Isaiah 26:8

Ever Be

You will be praised

With angels and saints we sing Worthy are You Lord

This is one of m favorite songs at the moment, “Ever Be” by Bethel. The truth of these lyrics resonate so deeply within me. Listening to this song always makes me think about how incredible my God is.

How often do I go about my life like I am my own god? I lose sight of my purpose too easily. I give myself glory and seek out my own desires. I run after things that I want, things that will never satisfy my soul’s deepest longings. My heart is so prone to wander, prone to lose its way. It is so easy to feel worthless and just give up hope... but child of the Most High King, remember this, God is greater than our failures! My sin, my mistakes, my wanderings will never be enough to separate me from my Savior!

“Come let us return to the Lord, for He has torn us, that He may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him. Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.” - Hosea 6:1-3 -

How beautiful is this promise? The Gospel illuminates every part of the Word of God. I love the way that Hosea points forward to the cross, the resurrection of Christ, and the defeat of death. He has provided a way for all of us, and He is waiting for us with open arms no matter how far we’ve fallen. He is going to pick me up because grace from the cross covers me. And you, if you choose to lay down your life and follow Him.

My Jesus is big enough. period.

So whether you’ve lost your way, you’ve followed your flesh, or you’ve never laid down your life, I encourage, no, I BEG you to listen to His call on your heart this day. There is so much more waiting for you because you are CHOSEN and LOVED.

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” - Ephesians 2:4-7 -

and that is why

Your praise will EVER BE on my lips.

Forgotten God

It’s funny how much pride can get in the way of learning more about the Holy God of the universe.

About six or seven months ago, I felt I was a “good Christian”. I thought that spending some time reading the Bible, and not doing the bad things that everyone else did somehow made me better. OH BOY was I wrong.

Having a mindset that we’ve somehow reached a plateau or peak in our relationship with God is one of the worst places we can be spiritually.

The Spirit definitely convicted me of my pride, and I asked to be humbled. I want to always learn more about my Savior and grow daily. Shortly after, I started seeing references to the Holy Spirit all over Scripture. Verses I had read many times suddenly came to life with the power of the Comforter sprinkled all over them. God started opening my eyes to the necessity of the work of the Spirit in the body of Christ.

I don’t know how I had never realized how essential and prevalent the Spirit is not only in Scripture, but in the life of a Christian and in the church. Maybe it was just God’s timing and him showing me knowledge is not a relationship, but his revealing through His word IS. A confirmation to my soul that I know him and am known by Him; as well as a reminder that this relationship I have is not of my own accord, but solely through the grace and mercy that the cross has brought me. Either way, I started focusing on the importance and power of the Holy Spirit, on pursuing and seeking the will of God and relying on his power alone.

The past few months have been an incredible testimony in my life to the active work of the Spirit in this world and in the church of Christ. I have several stories from this summer that have rocked my life and assured me of his presence. I also picked up a book called “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan, and God used this book in confirmation with Scripture I studied to transform my view of the Holy Spirit, truly realizing my dependence on him for everything in my life.

I think it is so very easy to forget about the Holy Spirit or to write him off as some mystic power that only came in old times and worked in the lives of the 12 disciples of Christ. This is not the case. The Spirit of the Living God is our EVERYTHING. Without the Spirit, we are unable to grow, to learn more about God, to even accept Christ as Savior, to produce fruit in the Christian life, to love our enemies, to give to the needy, to crucify our flesh. We are DEPENDENT on the Spirit. And it’s time we as the church of Christ remembered that, and seek his presence so that our lives can be changed and through our lives, those of the world who do not yet know Christ.

“As for me, I am tired of talking about what we are going to do. I am sick of talking about helping people, of brainstorming and conferencing about ways we can be radical and make sacrifices. I don’t want to merely talk anymore. Life is too short. I don’t want to speak about Jesus; I want to know Jesus. I want to be Jesus to people. I don’t want just to write about the Holy Spirit; I want to experience His presence in my life in a profound way.” - Forgotten God by Francis Chan

“For through the Spirit, by faith, we ourselves eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness.” Galatians 5:5

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses to Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth.” -Acts 1:8

-Holy Spirit you are welcome here-

Freedom Calling

She ran and ran and ran She had no reason to, But freedom kept on calling Calling, calling, calling. So she followed the call Forgetting all she knew Until she found herself Surrounded by freedom. She spent her days well; for She did what she desired, But she never found it Never found happiness. This wasn't true freedom She thought as tears flowed. "I never should have left," She murmured to herself. A still, small voice replied "Come home, my beloved." "You found me!" She whispered. "I will always find you." She ran and ran and ran. She had a reason to True freedom was calling Calling, calling, calling.

Good read. Highly recommend it, even if you don't agree with everything he says, great encouragement and advice.

Live, laugh, love 💙

To Date or Not To Date

If you're up at midnight wondering whether or not dating is for you, or if you're in a healthy relationship, maybe this is for you. I just finished reading a book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris. The book had some really good points and advice about relationships. Don't worry, I'm not going to start preaching that dating is evil, because I don't believe it is. Some people may need to throw dating out the back door, if that's what God calls them to. But for me, it's not whether or not you're dating that shows how "good" you are. The real heart of the matter is what are you doing with the time you have been given •NOW• There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity (Ecclesiastes 3:1) God has granted each of us a special time in life, and where he has you now is where he needs you now. For those of us who are not married, we have a huge opportunity as single (and I mean not married) people. While we are single, we are not devoting our time to pleasing our spouse or any other responsibilities that come with marriage. Marriage is a beautiful blessing, and I hope to be married one day, but while we are single, let's make the most of the time we have been given. “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:32-35‬ ‭ Paul tells us this in Corinthians. He encourages us to use our time wisely. This is our time now to seek the Lord, to know him at a deeper level, to serve the Lord, to grow in our walk with Him. When else will we have as much time to truly seek him? To get to know his word? To soak in who He is? I think dating is a good thing when we do it in such a way that glorifies the Lord. But even in dating, our devotion at this point is only to God. We do not have a marital responsibility. Don't be sad about what time or season God has placed you in, but rather rejoice in the opportunity of singleness. Use your time wisely. God could be preparing you for your boyfriend or spouse in this time of singleness. So whether you date, or don't date, or want to date, or are scared of the opposite sex, spend your time wisely, seek the Lord, and you will be content in what is found. "So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do ALL for the glory of God." Colossians 3:23

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