choi 'alex' jinyoung ∙ 091501 ∙ trainee since january 2018 I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over. If it happened now, would you take it how you left it? It's a give and take, so take your time, take me under. I wanna know, could you show me what I'm missing?
₊ ˟ the second season of masterchef has allie excited - it’s a season full of delicious desserts, and though she may have wanted to try her hand at baked alaska, she’s excited to show her take on a classic eclair as well. her partner is jin once again, and after their success and ease at working with each other the first season, allie finds herself excited to partner with him once more, her lips curving back into a smile as she stands next to him and listens to the directions of the challenge.
as soon as the staff finally finishes telling them their directions for the filming, she turns her head to ji with a friendly smile. " i’m so happy they decided to pair us again!“ she hums happily, turning her head around their little kitchen area. it’s a genuine sentiment, because she really did enjoy working with her partner the last season on the pizza and poached cherries they decided to make. though they may not have won the challenge, allie was happy to have had the chance to have a challenge at all - and to show off her cooking skills as well. ” it’s nice to have a sense of familiarity.“ the warmth in her voice is only muffled when she sticks her head in the cupboard to pull out the basic pots and pans. but as happy as she is, allie knows they have to get to work - they are on a time limit, after all. ” do you know anything about eclairs, jin?“
–––––––– &. @lgcjin
"i'm really happy too!" jin replies with the same amount of enthusiasm. after going through the stress of the first season and the unknown elements that come with it, he feels much more at ease now. the sense of familiarity, as allie so nicely puts it, helps a lot in that regard. he nods in agreement. they got along very nicely last time and jinyoung doesn't doubt it will be the same once again. he quickly comes to her aid when she starts getting pots and pans out; he's excited to get started. baking is definitely among the things he likes doing. he's a sweets person after all, but he's never made chocolate eclairs before.
"i'll be honest, i ate them a lot more than i've cooked them!" he admits with a small laugh. "but i know it's made of choux pastry, and i did make profiteroles a few times before." while the end result is different, the main technique is similar. choux pastry, cream filling and chocolate icing. nothing their powerful duo can't tackle! "i'll definitely study my classics more after this! how about you? have you made it before?"
jin is usually not this quiet, nor this dry or self-deprecating. at least not so flat out like this. it doesn’t sit right with jieun and has her press her lips into a thin line in objection. “they’re just stupid,” she counters childishly even if she knows they are probably waiting to push him that extra bit further before he will inevitably debut.
and he will. jieun would accept no other reality here.
“they will debut you,” she thus declares certainly, almost as if she personally tinkered behind the scenes and helped to handpick the line up for whatever other group was to come out of this show. hearing she’s been missed though makes her deflate a little, leaving her feeling soft. with how much jin has done for her she hates to see him so void of his usual spark.
not knowing how to really address the elephant in the room however, she decides to buy herself some time by taking a sip from her cup and is thankful when he instead takes the initiative to ask a question that could potentially get her on the right track. “probably. why?” it’s a bit of interrogative question with the way she looks at him expectantly over the edge of her cup but after all she came here to seek answers.
on any other day, jin would have snorted at jieun's comment. he just can't bring himself to find it as funny as he usually would right now. because as much as he'd like to believe her, he doesn't. what if they're not stupid and just realistic? hitting him with the harsh reality that he's just not made for this? with his best friends all doing incredibly well, it's difficult for jinyoung not to feel inadequate and lame. all these people rooting for him and he has nothing to show for it.
he's so thankful that she's trying to cheer him up, speaking so confidently like this. jin always take on the same attitude when it's time to pick his loved ones up. his faith in them is unwavering and profound. applying it to himself has proven almost impossible. "i wish that were true..." or does he? he feels so defeated he's not even sure he wants it anymore. not like this, at least.
one thing he certainly wishes, though, is that he never spoken the words that fall out of his mouth next. it brings up a subject he's carefully avoided talking about. he dodges jieun's gaze, instead focusing on his mug, fingers tapping on it nervously. "you don't have to act like you haven't noticed," jin suddenly blurts out. "that jun and i— well, i'm not even sure what happened. it's not really a fight. it's just..." he sighs. how can he even begin to explain when he doesn't understand the events that unfold. "i'm sorry, i don't wanna ruin our time."
these one on one sessions with producers are among jinyoung's favorite moments to spend as a legacy boy. perhaps it's because he's studying in music and very interested about the process of writing, composing and recording a song. it's very much something he'd enjoy doing professionally later. he doesn't always voice his ultimate goal out loud because he feels like it sounds almost arrogant. he's only a rookie after all. but he would give anything to become an artist capable of making his own songs. if only legacy could see and nurture that talent, his dreams would really come true. of course he's excited at the prospect of debuting in a group. he doesn't feel ready to be a solo artist either. it's still something that seems so far away into the future, but it never hurts to set goals for oneself.
recording is different than performing. he's allowed to falter, to try again. it's both challenging and forgiving and it's also where he gets the best advice about his singing. where he hears the most praise, too. they don't pester him about facial expressions or choreography in here. it's all about his voice and emotion. it's nice to work with a junior producer too. they're able to relate to each other, learn with each other. jin even finds it a bit less intimidating. the expectations are the same, though. he just feels more freedom to express himself than he would with a very experienced and much older producer.
he pours everything into these songs. of course they're not the most emotional or vocally challenging, but they provide the distraction he desperately needs these days. he's thankful more than ever to be so busy with future dreams. otherwise he would spend his days feeling pathetically sorry for himself. sorry that his best friend is debuting without him and leaving him behind. they promised each other it would never happen and yet, he feels jun so distant from him. like he's pulling away and hiding things. jin is tired of reaching out and too scared to find out the answer.
━━━ ❥ FUTURE DREAMS S3
CHALLENGING PERFORMANCE
song :: line distribution
how can jinyoung prove to them even further that he's challenging himself when it's already what he's been doing since the first season? nothing about this show is easy for him. nothing comes as naturally as it seems to be doing for some of his competitors. jinyoung has struggled through every step and, quite frankly, he can't remember the last time he's been praised for real. not a backhanded compliment he was given during the interview. no, real praise. being told he's done well. his friends always tell him, but it doesn't mean the same thing as it would if those who hold his future in their hands would. it's probably too much to ask for, right?
he's been obsessed about dancing recently. luckily for jinyoung, he's paired with three skilled dancers who are happy to help and guide him. in fact, it seems like they've become his older brothers, fighting not only for his attention but also looking out for him and making sure he's not missing out on proper meals and rest. while he's being pampered, jinyoung doesn't feel complacent. it instead has the opposite effect. in order to repay their kindness, he just can't let them down when they perform. he needs to be able to do the choreography with his eyes closed. timing perfect, moves sharp, transitions seamless. it's so hard. shinee are known to have challenging dances and vocals. a perfect package that only a well-rounded team can cover without looking like a pale imitation. but he also knows that the members worked really hard. he knows minho, onew and jonghyun worked really hard with their dancing. taemin became the powerful vocalist he now is through years of hard work and dedication. and if they could do it, then surely he can too.
to jinyoung, the challenge really isn't about his vocals or his rapping. he's shown them countless times that it's what he excels at. they also know he can dance, even though he's weaker. he knows his problem is that he blends too well in team. despite having blonde hair, he fades into the background and people don't really look twice at him. even in the rare times he's in the center. so the boys work hard with him so that he can be as endearing on stage as he is in real life. and that once the spotlight is on him, he looks bright and confident, able to draw people in. all that without losing on his dancing or singing.
She looks at him over the top of her cup, taking another sip of her coffee. Jieun has been friends long enough with both Jun and Jin to know that the two of them not talking was weird.
Very. Weird.
Never one to push or pry, she decided to merely reach out in worry. With Jun already in a confirmed line up and the promise to bring Jin back his favourite sweets, she decided to meet up with Jin first and see if she could find out anything about what was troubling her two high school friends.
“So..,” she begins, placing her cup down and picking up her fork instead. “How’s the show? Is it worse than the prior seasons?”
his mind is not in the same plane of existence anymore, floating about elsewhere, nowhere, everywhere. he hasn't been himself lately and most people who know him well can notice it. except most people don't, because those who are close to him are either physically far away right now or distancing themselves on purpose. when jieun speaks to him, it's like he's being abruptly sucked back into reality. he jumps a little at the sound, too. "huh? oh." he heard her, but his brain isn't fully processing the words quite yet.
he realizes he hasn't touched his cup yet, nor his cake, which is very unusual for him.
"you know, same old... being told i'm not ready yet and lack talent." although jin can be very self-deprecating, he usually doesn't voice it out loud so blatantly like this, instead choosing to focus on the positive side of things and spread joy around him. but he's empty right now. "other than that it's kind of fun i guess." it sounds more like he's trying to convince himself. honestly, he's been having an alright time on the show, but it's everything outside of it that's going incredibly wrong. he forces a smile, not wanting jieun to feel awkward. "i'm glad you could fly back, i've missed you." despite his dark mood, it's important that she knows that she has never once been a second choice. she's his best friend. jun... is also his best friend, but it's more complicated than that. he mumbles out what comes next. “areyougonnaseeotherfriendstoo—“
━━━ ❥ YEAR END SHOWS 2020
BEST NEW BOY GROUP AWARD
"and the award goes to..."
never in a million years would jinyoung have thought he would be walking up to the stage for anything other than a performance tonight. even in his wildest dreams, winning an award so early on in his career was not even in the real of possibility. so unreachable that he didn't dare think about it, even selfishly for no one other than him to see.
"legacy boys!"
his reaction is delayed. he hears the cheers, the applause. he hears the congratulatory music. notices some of the boys sitting near him starting to move. but it's not before someone, he can't remember who, helps him get up that jinyoung finally understands what's happening. his eyes shoot open, his jaw drops. he looks around him is complete and utter disbelief, and lets one of the guys grab his hand and pull him along until he's back to reality again and able to walk on his own.
standing there, with the crowd before them cheering so passionately, is when jinyoung feels his eyes water. the first emotion is guilt. does he even deserve to be here? after doing so badly during his mock interview? after being reminded time and time again that he's not enough, not ready? is it right to stand up here and accept such an honor? he doesn't know, he doesn't think so, but for now he has no choice but to stay there. he tries to hide behind the tallest guys, hoping to be forgotten and able to cry in peace. but after a moment, he's gently and encouragingly pushed to the front, near the microphone. eyes filled with tears, jinyoung knows that the second he opens his mouth he'll start sobbing. or at least until someone puts an arm around him.
the memory of that night is hazy at best. jinyoung doesn't remember who did it, but he's so thankful for their warmth and support. he doesn't feel so alone anymore. a few tears do come out, but not nearly as bad as he thought. "thank you... thank you so much everyone. i'll work hard to be deserving of this award." he doesn't want to take up too much time and frankly, any additional second puts him at risk of breaking down on national television. it's better to hide behind the giants again and hug someone. anyone.
“oh, well, um...” as he struggles to formulate words, jin looks away from the camera, cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “do you guys... think they are worth showing off?” he seems genuinely puzzled at the idea. of course, his close friends always compliment them, but friends usually compliment you, right? “other kids used to make fun of them...” he doesn’t want to repeat the hurtful words they said, because maybe some of the viewers have freckles. he should encourage them, not cause them pain. "since then i've always been embarrassed to show them. but recently, i think i've been wanting to be more accepting of myself. not many people have freckles! it's something that makes me unique, right? that's the kind of mindset i'd like to have."
"i really had a lot of fun!" it's the first thing jinyoung says when he sits in front of one of the producers and is asked what he thought of the experience. while he's still not the most comfortable speaking alone in front of a camera, it's become more of a habit this past year. if he's really meant to debut as a singer it's something he's going to face one way or another. unless he makes music and doesn't want to promote it, which in his case would be the opposite of what he wishes... he wants to share his passion with the world. for that to happen, he needs to confront the world as well.
"of course the twist was a little unsettling at first but both allie and i were comfortable with the change. we had good ideas for italian dishes! we formed a good team, didn't we?" he's remind of how natural his interactions with her were. he definitely would not have felt this comfortable with everyone, so he's glad he was paired with someone with the same point of view. "i'm proud of what we cooked. since we tried our best, we knew we would be at peace with any outcome. cooking has always been an activity that i enjoyed doing with my family. it feels like home even when i'm separated from them. i was happy just to be in the kitchen and seeing the judges smiles when they tasted it. if the show continues, i'd like to be on for a long time if you'll have me!"
“ they probably thought we’d panic for the camera.” allie muses in amusement, sharing in his laugh. “ i don’t think they expected us to have such a level head. do you think we’re terribly boring?” she tilts her head, still trying to soothe whatever worry it is that clouds his mind. “ margherita sounds perfect.” she replies as she starts to gather her ingredients in a bowl for the marscapone cream, settling it down on the stove to start the whisking. it seems as if they’re truly almost done.
allie lifts her head as the cream comes together on the low heat of the pan, nodding her head. “ i hope they didn’t struggle too terribly much.” she says with a sigh, lifting the pot off the stove to dip into the ice bath that she prepared so that the cream could stiffen. “ but it will be interesting to see what it is that they ended up making together.”
"mmm," jinyoung stops for a moment to think, then shakes his head promptly. "i don't think so! we've been cooking pretty well, right? i think viewers will like that! and even if we're boring, as long as we try our best~" he doesn't know where this sudden confidence comes from, but jinyoung will gladly use it while it lasts. maybe it stems from the fact that he feels no pressure like during a survival shows, or trainee evaluations. whether he wins or loses later won't change how much fun he had... and will not destroy him as it would if he were to be cut from future dreams.
their dishes are nearly ready. all that's left is waiting for the pizza to cook in the oven, assemble the dessert and plate them nicely for the judges. judging from the delicious aromas he doesn't doubt it'll be good. if not exceptional enough to win, the panel should at least have a good time tasting their food. isn't that the joy of cooking? he loves seeing people's expression light up when he serves them a good meal. "i hope so too!" and he's sincere. he wants everyone to do well, if possible. he hates seeing other people disappointed.
several minutes later, it's time for them to check on their pizza. jinyoung opens the door to the oven and peeks in. it looks cooked from the top, but a doubt remains. "let's get it out and check the crust underneath!" jinyoung says excitedly.
₊ ˟ allie laughs a little after hearing his happy addition, shaking her head. “ it’s good for a treat or for when you’re lazy, you’re right. but i still think there’s nothing better than something you’ve cooked yourself.” she pauses. “ do you like to go to convenience stores often? when i was living in the dorms, i remember cooking for the other girls a lot but i’m not sure if there’s always a cook in every little group or not ..”
humming, allie decides this is a fair assessment as she’d prefer a dish that had more flavour herself - and since they are on masterchef, it would make more sense to make a dish that seems a bit more memorable in terms of taste. “ you’re absolutely right.” she agrees with him, grabbing the final ingredients to make the cream to add to their cherries once they’ve finished simmering in their juices on the stovetop. after the cream, they should be able to work on rolling out the dough for the pizza and to put it all together before throwing it in the oven, and by that time the cherries should be finishing as well. “ i think we’re making good time together, actually.” allie mentions in a soothing tone just in case he was starting to get anxious. “ we’ll be done just as the clock runs out i should think.
"not often, just when i'm too tired or busy to cook," jinyoung explains. he hopes it doesn't sound lazy, because that wouldn't be accurate. in fact, cooking is one of his hobbies but he doesn't always get to practice it properly due to their hectic lifestyle. cooking requires ingredients, and ingredients require shopping. cookie also requires time and attention. when he has a class to study for or a routine to repeat, let's just say... he's not always in the mood. not to mention he's a growing young man and when his stomach decides it's time... "definitely isn't a cook in every dorm. i like to be in charge of breakfast though." he holds such precious memories of eating breakfast with his family before he left home. he misses it a lot, even now.
"yeah, i think so too! we chose our menu wisely but i just feel like i should be running around anyway... something in the air, maybe?" he laughs. their two dishes are starting to come along and jinyoung is excited to present them to the judges. a bit nervous, of course, but not the bad kind. his face might betray him, too, since allie attempts to reassure him. he's thankful that she would, even though despite the natural stress that comes with competing, jinyoung is having a lot of fun. "while you prepare the cream i'll get the rest of the ingredients ready for the pizza. margherita still sounds good, right?" the fresh mozzarella paired with fresh tomatoes and basil will mix perfectly with the flavorful tomato sauce that's been brewing for quite some time now. it'll give the dish a small quick while respecting the traditional italian flavors.
and as they're both about done with their tasks, they can focus on rolling the dough and get their pizza ready to bake in the oven. "i can't wait to see what the others are doing too, aren't you?"
On Monday, November 30, you are called by one of the staff members to a meeting with Kim Hyuncheol, head manager of the trainees; Park Jeongan, current CEO; Lee Iseul, head creative director; and Roe Kangdae, head manager of LGC Creatives. “Please take a seat.” The staff member spoke before giving a brief explanation of the interview process and how you will be asked two questions related to yourself and Future Dreams. Not a lot was revealed as to why the interview was conducted except for the fact that it was to help them understand their trainees on a more personal level.
The first question that was asked was, “Let’s start with the praises; your singing has improved a lot in a year. However, improving in one skill doesn’t mean you have to neglect another. While some could do better at dancing, considering your experience, you are our weakest dancer. Are you going to toss aside things you don’t care about even when you debut? Is this the attitude an idol should have?”
After hearing your response, another person from the panel followed up with a question. Their question was, “We’ve been curious about something for almost a year now. Why didn’t you participate in Future Dreams season 2? Do you have doubts about wanting to debut?” Once you finish answering the question, the staff ends the interview by thanking you and telling you to have a nice day.
jinyoung hasn't found himself in the presence of kim hyuncheol very often, let alone the ceo whose face he could have hardly recognized before today. sitting in front of them is so intimidating he feels like digging a hole in the ground and throwing himself in it. he doesn't know where to focus his eyes either, as if a single look from park jeongan could pulverize him. the risk seems too great to take. you just never know.
he greets them, voice quiet but always polite, and listens well as they explain the goal for today. they say it's to get to understand participants on a more personal level, so jinyoung naively expects questions about his childhood. his hopes and dreams. his family, maybe.
the first question feels like a punch in the guts. they might as well have just cut him from the show right there and then. jinyoung doesn't know how he can possibly form a coherent response that would satisfy or convince them. what is the attitude an idol should have? he's always tried his best... he's always worked hard. possibly the hardest among his peers. he's always known about his weakness. he even likes to think he improved his dancing a little bit this year. but it will never be enough, will it? to them, not achieving perfection like the other guys will always be regarded as laziness. as if he hasn't got enough sore muscles. not enough blisters. not enough sleepless nights. not enough tears, not enough sweat, not enough passion.
he's breathless. he can't even speak. jinyoung stares at the floor, incapable of looking at them in the eye. it takes him some time to gather enough courage to even lift his head up. and even then, he doesn't know what he's going to say. "i'm sorry," he says. the words come from the bottom of his heart. he is sorry. how could he not be? he let them down, as well as the other guys. for not being up to the company's high standards. he wants to tell them just how hard he's worked. but it's worthless if he has nothing to show for it. they want results, not good intentions. "i haven't worked hard enough. i'll do whatever it takes to catch up." he's been given so many opportunities, yet he failed at proving he deserved them. they must be so disappointed. "it's definitely not the attitude an idol should have. there's no excuse for my lack of skill." he bows deeply, hands clasped together in a desperate attempt to hide just how much they're shaking.
he doesn't know how to receive the second question either. does he have doubts on debuting? if he had, would he be here, sitting in silence while the most important people of this company are telling him he just doesn't have what it takes to reach his dreams? well, maybe now he's doubting... "i've always wanted to be an idol," he confesses, fighting back the inevitable tears, and hoping it can at least wait until he's done with the interview so he doesn't ruin his chances any further. "from back when i was a child and i've seen dbsd on television. i've always looked up to them. and i realized that it was possible to create such wonderful music and get to share it with the world... i want to stand on a stage as well, one day. give people happiness..." he sure doesn't feel any happiness right now, though. "during the first season, i realized just how much i was lacking compared to my peers. emotionally, i was also very weak." in many ways he still is, but at least he's become strong enough to not break down crying in front of them, as he certainly would have a year ago. "i felt like i needed to go back to being a regular trainee, and get better. but then i got offered this incredible thing... the tour..." his eyes light up as the memories come pouring in. "and i don't think i can ever live without it again. and i thought that i have to grab every opportunity i can."
the interview concludes, leaving jinyoung both clueless and shattered. he doesn't know if their goal was exactly that, or if he's the only one who's been spoken to like that. it's easy to feel like he's been singled out, like they just despise him. he's second guessing himself again, after swearing he never would again. he's crying, too, when he swore he would build a thicker shield. it's like any progress he's made over the past year amounts to nothing. he's been in there for about ten minutes. ten minutes to destroy a year's worth of growth.
jinyoung’s cheeks brighten — looking much warmer than anything else on either of their persons. ahin smiles instinctively when the younger thanks him, jamming his own hands into his jacket pockets and letting his gaze flit from jinyoung’s face, briefly, to the set-up for their showcase.
“nervous?” ahin echoes. he can relate to that. the nerves abate over the years but they never really go away. though maybe that’s a good thing. it keeps him on his toes, at the very least.
as jinyoung gets a little more worked up, ahin can’t help but let out a faint laugh. he’s endearing, after all. and having jinyoung around makes ahin miss his own brother more and less at the same time.
“we’ve all been practicing so much… i’ve been keeping my eye on you, you know. i have no doubts you’ll do great,” ahin says with a bob of his head. “ah, yeah. i’m cold too. being a winter baby doesn’t really do much for putting up with the weather…” he trails off. “unless you were asking how i’m feeling about the performance,” he teases — knowingly. “i’m nervous too,” ahin admits, the wider grin he’d been wearing softening into a smaller smile. “can’t be helped, i guess… but i’m okay. it’s nice knowing i have a bunch of talented people like you backing me up.”
if he thinks about it, while ahin wouldn’t have minded working and living with virtually any amalgamation of the boys that signed up for this season of future dreams, he has grown pretty fond of their dorm, as it is. and he’s not the type to be disingenuous — he means it when he says he’s confident with everyone else around.
conspiratorially, ahin leans in — like he’s about to share a secret with jinyoung. “i wasn’t kidding when i said i’ve been keeping my eye on you,” he says. “what’ll i do when the fans go crazy because you’re too cool onstage?” teasingly, ahin adds, as he straightens back up: “haaaah, you’re really giving me a run for my money, choi jinyoung.”
"you're just saying that..." he smiles shyly, now even more embarrassed than before. he wishes he could whole heartedly believe in the words coming out of ahin's mouth. he wishes he hadn't been so broken down by the company's words the other day. in fact, he just wishes he was built differently. then maybe none of that would affect him. the negativity would just roll off his back and he would just keep working hard. if there's a miraculous recipe to achieve such an attitude, he has yet to master it or even find it. if it hadn't been for those guys performing with him today, who lifted him up from the cold hard ground, he would have run away crying only to never return. moved back to france and changed his name.
but he's told himself he wouldn't give up. not this time. he's not doing it for revenge. that's just not the kind of person he is. if there was even one doubt in his mind that he's not passionate enough about music and performing, he wouldn't go through with it. is it so wrong to have a dream? a dream so powerful and so beautiful that he would be willing to lose himself to achieve it? if there's no music, then... is there really a choi jinyoung?
"but thank you, it... um... well, it means a lot. and i did work hard! right?" he doesn't mean to seek approval again, but it comes out on its own. like a small puppy waiting for a treat after doing something good. maybe that's what he needs after all. kind older brothers looking out for him, encouraging him. if defeating words can affect him so much, he should trust in the uplifting ones just as strongly. he wanted to hear it so much, but now that he has, his face is burning up. he's so embarrassed. jung ahin calling him cool? that can't be happening. "it's me who learned from watching you... but i'm not like... handsome or anything. to everyone, i'm just cute. and that's fine i guess? we can't all be cool like you! and like... you know..." he gestures towards ahin's body, awkwardly. "in shape... like that." if only he could just stop talking now, that would be great. “wow, these hand warmers are really strong huh?” is he sweating?
maybe winter isn’t the best time for a performance outdoors, but ahin hasn’t paid much attention to the cold since they got here. there are only about thirty minutes left until their performance starts, and while he’s checked in and chatted with a handful of his groupmates, ahin’s more or less settled into his own little space as he tries to rein in his energy.
his attention drifts, however, from himself to the youngest. there’s a faint, close-lipped smile on his face as he drifts toward @lgcjin, sneaking up from behind and placing two palms over the younger boy’s shoulders in a half-hearted attempt at surprising him. “how are you feeling?” ahin asks, dropping his hands to sidle up next to jinyoung instead. his gaze flits from the side of jinyoung’s face back to the street before them.
with the bustle of cameras around them, it’s too hard to pretend like they’re just here for a breath of fresh air. even ahin’s nerves are a little unfettered — he’s curious if jinyoung’s feeling the same.
december’s chill refuses to settle in ahin’s bone, and each passing second feels colder than the last, even as he’s standing in his long jacket. pulling his sleeve over his hand, he pauses. “do you have hand-warmers?” he turns to face jinyoung, reaching into his own pockets at the same time to procure two. “here, take these,” ahin urges, dropping them into jinyoung’s hands. even if the other already had some, there’s no harm in having more, after all. plus — ahin still has two left in his pocket and even if he didn’t, it’s hard not wanting to take care of their youngest.
everyone in the dorm seems to be getting along just fine, but he’d really prefer as much comfort as he can muster up for everyone else.
“let me know if you get cold —” ahin pauses. “-er. colder. i think there are some hand-warmers still hanging around… don’t want you to freeze before our performance!”
he likes the cold.
no, he liked the cold. past tense. over.
it's only nice to walk outside and enjoy the fresh winter air when he's able to wear a dozen layers and a scraf that covers eighty percent of his face. not while he's dressed in thin performance clothes. for a greater purpose, probably, but he forgot everything at this point. his mind is numb and for the first in his life he's actually excited to dance, if only to warm up a little. he bounces his feet from side to side, desperate for a little warmth.
it comes sooner than expected, in a surprising form. ahin appears before him, offering hand-warmers in his usual kindness. he wonders if ahin would act differently around him if they were closer in age. he doesn't know why, but there's mixed feelings when it comes to him in particular. he has no problem acting cute around the other guys of the team. but maybe he wishes ahin would find him... cool? jinyoung doesn't know. but it's a futile wish anyway, because it's never going to happen. he might as well give up. "ah, thank you for these!" he closes his fists and burries them inside his coat again. hopefully it'll help.
"i will, um... thanks," his cheeks were red before, from the cold, yet now they feel warm. jinyoung averts his eyes, his shoes suddenly of great interest. he almost forgets ahin asked him a question before. how he's feeling? like a dumb idiot trying to impress someone who's much better than he'll ever be, in every single aspect. "oh and... i'm nervous..." could he sound any more lame? get a grip, choi jinyoung. "i've practiced a lot but i feel like it's never enough. how do you guys even do it? it's like my body just won't move like i want it to!" the ceo, the head manager, all of them... they're probably right. maybe he doesn't quite have what it takes to be an idol. passion isn't everything. "i'm also really, really cold..." he lets out a small laugh, barely hiding his despair. "and you?" he's curious, actually. he's always thought ahin to be this super confident guy, always looking straight ahead, never doubting himself.
₊ ˟ allie nods her head in agreement, with a small smile gracing her lips. “ cooking is a little hard for some to master, but i think it’s rewarding in the end. that, and it’s so important to know how to cook at least a little …” she trails off, shrugging her shoulders. “ or at least knowing someone who can cook for you, i suppose. you don’t want to spend your entire life eating at convenience stores.” allie laughs lightly, turning back to her cherries finally as jin continues to work on his dough.
she nods her head, gently giving her cherries a stir before turning slightly to face him. “ herbs sometimes really help to bring out the flavour, but not everyone likes a lot of garlic or a lot of basil. that’s why i thought it was risky, but if you think it can do with it …” she smiles as he adds the touches to the sauce. “ mm .. i think the cherries just need to simmer a little more.” she backs away from the stovetop, but continues. “ we could work on the cream for the dessert as the dough rises before we have to put the pizza in the oven.”
jinyoung can't help but hum and nod at everything allie is saying, proving they're once again on the same wavelength. part of becoming an adult is learning to do things by himself. being a trainee living away from home for almost three years has certainly helped in doing that, but he tends to rely on the older trainees a lot. nothing wrong with that, of course. until recently, jinyoung was still a minor going through a lot of stressful events in his life. in more ways than one he still feels like a kid. does the feeling ever go away? he wonders... he'd like to know what allie thinks but again, it's not related to food and it might not be an appropriate discussion. "nothing like convenience store food after a long day when you feel too lazy to cook!" he adds. he holds fond memories of raiding the nearest store with his training group. they certainly made a fortune thanks to them. "but you're right... it's not very sustainable."
"i'm sure the judges will appreciate a more flavorful dish." while it's true that a lot of people are not fond of certain herbs or spices, as long as they don't overdo it they'll gain points for seasoning their food. nothing worse than eating something bland, in jinyoung's opinion. "we're on masterchef after all!" he smiles at allie, then nods. "right, let's wait a bit more. as he was talking, he got the mixer out from under the counter, placing it between them. they're not under too much pressure yet, but jinyoung can feel the minutes ticking away. "i don't know how real chefs do it... you always need to think three steps ahead!" his mind is spinning in multiple directions and he's starting to get dizzy.
“sure, that sounds like a great idea.” he looks over at the female, smiling once again. “can i see your phone?” he asks this, watching as she quickly nods and hands him the device, chuckling softly at her reaction before looking over at Jinyoung. “are you ready?”
jinyoung isn't doing this with any malicious intent. he just feels as though the fan will be happy to get a selfie with alex in particular, but also... he can't be the only one getting out of his comfort zone today, right? he's curious to see how alex will pose. if he's grumpy afterwards, jinyoung will make it up to him. he doesn't know how yet, but he'll find something. maybe just a smile would do? "of course!" he moves next to the other girl, leaving alex next to the owner of the phone.
he hovers his arm around her shoulders, making sure not to touch her. he has yet to have a lot of close interactions ith fans, since the fanmeeting tour didn't require proximity, but he knows he should avoid physical contact as much as possible. in this case, he does lean over to appear in the frame but stays mindful of everything else. jinyoung is all smiles, shaping his fingers into a peace sign that he brings up to his eyes. nothing more natural for him. one quick glance at the picture afterwards has jinyoung beaming. "see? you're so cute!" he says, pointing at alex's face on the picture. the girls laugh, making him laugh in turn. "cuter than me almost!"
jinyoung is, of course, nervous the entire day. it would be easy to feel inadequate while surrounded by all of these handsome and older guys. he could decide to focus on that and be consumed by fear and doubt as he were after his pd interview. he's not sure if their goal was to shake him up or break him, but they certainly succeeded in doing both. for three days after that, jinyoung was shattered into a million tiny pieces the members of his team had to sweep up. if not for them, he would have stayed in bed and cried the whole time. of course they had a job to do, so he tried to wire his brain so that he could function somewhat normally. then the guys helped him slowly get better. alex, too, was a bit shaken by his own interview. jinyoung would never be happy about someone else's bad experience, but it's always a bit comforting to realize you're not alone. he felt closer to him after that, but ignores if alex feels the same way.
facing a public always puts jinyoung in a weird, altered state of mind, but his passion always wins. he floats in a sort of limbo between the strong desire to run away screaming, and the need to just exist as a performer. to show the world what he's capable of. he dreams of being as confident as he is passionate one day. his friends and teammates keep encouraging him, telling him he's just as handsome and talented as everyone in legacy. but after having the ceo of the company sit before him and watching as another man questioned jinyoung's very existence... he's not certain they feel the same way. he needs to do well. he needs to dance well. he's lucky to have landed in a team full of dancers because of the help they provided, but it's a curse as well. they're so good they make him stand out in a bad way.
he tries to forget the multitude of thoughts running through his mind. he focuses on the precision of the steps, on the placement of his limbs, on the sharpness of his moves. their main goal is to promote the show, so he hopes he doesn't drive people away before they've given them a chance. thankfully, jinyoung is quite good at winning people's hearts when he's able to chat with them and smile. he's got this natural and boyish charm that one couldn't replicate if they tried. he walks over to a group of what appears to be women in their twenties. most likely older than him. older girls tend to like him a lot. like a younger brother of course. he's all smiles, and he hands them the heat packs and little letters they've prepared, asking them to support him on the show. he sees that one of the girls keeps looking at alex who's nearby, busy with someone else. when he's done, though, jinyoung is the first one to steal him away and bring him back with him. the girl looks happy even if she isn't saying anything. "hyung, should we take pictures? we could make cute poses!" he turns to alex, face innocent as ever, seeking his approval. “
jinyoung gets cold rather easily, but he still enjoys winter a lot. the bright and sunny days with the snow reflecting sunlight. the freezing air giving his nose and cheeks this adorable pink color whenever he steps out. he also likes bundling up under layers and layers of warm clothing. the oversized sweaters, the excuse to drink hot chocolate every day and bury himself under cozy and soft blankets. these days, he even has seven older guys who are taller and broader than him to cuddle with. it's the privilege of being the youngest, the one the team has vowed to protect and baby. and he's decided that from now on, he won't complain about it and just accept.
since they've moved into the dorm, jinyoung has been getting to know each of them a little more. the thing about being the youngest is that he doesn't have to go out of his way to be liked, either. he's sociable enough to approach them, sure, but they also seem to go to him first. they want to make sure he's doing alright, eating well, that he doesn't get injured during practice, and getting enough sleep. to be taken care of like that... jinyoung might just become spoiled if he's not careful. out of all the boys, he knew haneul the most because of future dreams, but he's never really lived with him on a daily basis, so he's discovering a lot of things. like how much the older likes to keep things clean and organized.
jinyoung has made it a priority to help haneul in the various chores. he assists in cleaning, in prepping food, in shopping. the main goal isn't really to look good in his eyes, no. jinyoung just wants to give back the affection he's been shown by all of them. he wants to prove himself useful. and that's how he ends up outside on this very cold day, walking alongside haneul as they make their way to the grocery store. it's right next to their dorm. "should we go over the list again?" he asks, forced to look up at him due to haneul being so tall. "as long as we don't forget the cakes though, we should be fine."
