ℕ𝕖𝕨 𝕃𝕖𝕒𝕗 @lilac-avenue - Tumblr Blog

° ℙ𝕚𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕕 °

• jellyfish-soda/greentea •

• 32, pan/demi, she/her, far left •

• libra, INFP, poet-type, cats & ferrets ♡ •

° ℙ𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖 ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖 °

Currently just trying my best man.

[ I'm tired of hating myself but this shit is hard without a therapist. ]

This blog will talk about my attempts to grow & recover. Please block if this may be triggering to you.

Tw for venting about the following problems:

Diagnosed: mdd, gad, (c)ptsd, adhd, pcos, insomnia.

Suspected: ednos/osfed, agoraphobia, pmdd

#lilactalks #atp idk if Im relapsing or recovering

On this Utah trip I've tried guava, winter melon, and kiwano for the first time.

In first place:

Guava.

Delicious gravel.

In second place:

Kiwano.

Smells like peanuts? Mild sour/cucumber? taste.

Last place:

Winter melon.

This is a very bland cucumber that aspires to be honey dew and fails miserably.

#lilactalks

About to go to Dreamwalk Park with partner and cousin in law that is the insanely cool entrepreneur who's about to sell an app to Apple family member.

I feel way too lame to hang out with him lmaoooo but the place we're going to looks sick af

#lilactalks #he's like if a tech bro were actually a good person and decent to be around

Rare selfie. Excuse the dirty af mirror 💀

#lilactalks #ngl I feel massive but happy with my face today

Apparently we're having a big BBQ on saturday and a bunch of people will be here and its going to be 101 degrees. (38.3 for you Celsius weirdos)

Lots of people + insanely high temps + feeling insecure about my body + surrounded by junk food

🥲 its okay. I probably wont die at least.

#lilactalks

I think dinner gave me food poisoning.

Felt like an asshole for rushing away while everyone was saying goodbye still but I am hurting bad omfg it came on so fast

#lilactalks

Everyone in Utah is stick thin istg....

#lilactalks

So bloated. I feel so huge. Definitely been vacation eating. The difference in my stomach from the last four days is crazy...

Going to fast until dinner today.

#lilactalks

Tw: I'm throwing in the towel. Maybe the next recovery attempt will stick.

I think Im going to get worse again.

When I come home from Utah.

If I fail at 🍽 then I'll just start 🤮 again, fuck clear skin. I cant even get my skin to clear without pųrgʻing.

I dont care about being better when lying exists. I'll be better in every other area so why can't I just have this one thing? LOL addict mentality much?

Buuuut if I were thinner, people would be nicer to me. I know this to be true because I've lived it. And I miss it. I miss being treated nicely for no reason. I miss being fawned over. Ugh how pathetic...

#lilactalks

Whenever I'm put into a family setting, it truly makes me feel so unlikeable. I feel like an outcast no matter where I am.

#lilactalks #I shouldnt complain about the inlaws tbh #theyve helped us a lot and Im just really sensitive