Hi! I'm a big fan of your work. I abd many others have loved the story you've told with 5ds and want you to know that we will wait however long it takes for you to finish Belladona. You take as muxh time as you need and know that we support you all the way. Good luck with all the crap going on in your life and I hope that things get better for you
how sweet is this 🥹 thank you for your support, truly means the world!
ending stories is always a difficult feat, and - esp for belladonna - i want to do it properly, in a way that i would've liked it, from purely a reader's perspective. and sometimes, this process of letting the story unfold naturally (even after the final duel) can't be rushed
"The guilt is mine to carry, there's no one else! And if you try and stop me, I shall take you all with me as I reset the world! Now, sink into the bottomless pit of despair..."
You know what's really funny about how Yu-Gi-Oh! Fans view Faithshipping (Aki x Yusei) is that they think Yusei is the one who tries to hide the fact that he's in love and Aki is all out like "I love Yusei Fudo!"
But that's simply not true is it?
Aki is the one always trying to push Yusei away and stubbornly refuses her crush on him BUT YUSEI FUDO reached out first, reassures her, wears his heart on his sleeve for her and his EQ is another level of high because he know she was good from the get go and also at the end with their little goodbye Aki is about to say she loves him but then backtracks, Yusei picked up on that and puts himself a little more out there, not that they then be together but they then both know and realise that they are and can be in fact more than friends, and that was all bc of Yusei.
I can't really explain my last point that well but I hope you guys get what I'm trying to say.
de-gotification of aki izayoi as a sign of "healing"
ft writing decisions i regret, and writing decision yugioh 5ds writers should regret.
from a perspective of jung enthusiast + some CBT recipient.
this whole debate has been brewing in my brain for a whole year - after several other people from the fandom pointed out that complete shift in aki's personal style/interests/personality by the end of the series showcased something that should've been benign, but ultimately told a layered, possibly harmful story:
once you let go of your true self, you will be accepted by the very society that ostracized you.
i long realized that i have not resolved this idea regarding her, in general.
now, my question is - who is aki's true self? who exactly did she let go of - if she did, at all?
is it on the right, a girl on a peaceful terms with anyone, without lingering grudges even for her parents, dedicated to becoming a doctor (another controversial writing decision), or is it on the left, a girl utilizing her anger to fuel her full dueling potential, her passion, the thing she was so good at that turned her into arcadia's literal poster child? the girl, no matter how lost, strong and dangerous, evoking respect out of fear? even if i dipped my toes in the waters of "romanticizing" here, there is a very good reason why aki is as beloved as she is, and generally considered the best yugioh female lead - unlike counterparts form other series, she had power, a real dueling skills, and was ultimately a badass, whether that was right for her or not.
now, thinking back, what writers did was a complete 180 on her personality - in theory. until the very last scene, in my opinion, when her true fire/a flash of her real temperament ("You really though that?!") peeked by the door. until then, she was conflict-averse, well-adjusted to her family/friendgroup, hardworking, hardly ever seen touching her deck again post dark signers arc, studious. a far cry from a girl who fled academy and ran away from her home to join a cult.
what i think was the writing decision™️that made almost every aki fan frustrated, was the lack of individuation.
the lack of aki finding herself, step by step, of aki digging into her past - or her unconscious - and bringing her full self to her new, seemingly peaceful life.
because, one does not need a psychology degree, but a mere life experience, to recognize that the answer to the question "who is the real aki" is - both of them. both "akis".
the writing mistake that could've prevented the total dissonance within the fanbase was not letting us see the process of her accepting (and owning) her past - her Shadow Self. and instead, bombed us - out of blue - with her brand new Persona, the one that is without the "backstory" of how aki ditched her garters, skirts and overall stunning accessorizes of her goth-inspired outfit as a symbolism of becoming "way less edgy and way more neutral". and it all made her "180" seem completely unnatural. forced - into the life we, the audience, couldn't clearly see (naturally) progress from point A to point B.
because, otherwise, if integrating her past self (and her reasons for her actions) didn't happen, what happened here amounts to a psychological amputation - aki abandoning her (validly) angry, expressive self, and choosing a safer personal style, "safer" (some say prestigious, but i disagree) career, while old aki remained buried as a bad memory, a teenage episode riddled with rebellion, dissatisfaction and feeling unwelcome even at her own family's house, what her parents (and, by an extent, yusei) gaslight her to believe wasn't the case at all. "old aki" was reduced to a bad memory, a self that didn't come to be because of a truly painful things: her father's rejection. her mother's passivity. her classmates rejecting and isolating her.
aki should've mourned her old self. aki should've mourned the self that had seen so much of the worst ways to duel - including hurting people - that she said, never again, and picked up a stethoscope. aki should've said, i see my past self, and i can't decide if i hate her - or if there are still aspects of her that i want in my current, peaceful life. or if i admire her raw power, her decisiveness, her respecting herself enough to walk away - however wrong that might've been. and if you want to go deeper (it's already a heavy lift to ask writers to give a female character a proper character development AND resolution), she could've even pulled parallels to Divine as her dark mirror - who she could've ended up as, if hadn't saved herself in time. she should've said, i'm thankful i got out, and i wouldn't have it any other way, but past aki had her reasons, and i love her - despite everything, because of everything. there are still things i can learn from her.
(a fic that touches on this, albeit through a lens of her powers, is Fields of Arcadia ofc)
aki's a complex woman. and show not treating her as such until the end, was the nail in the "a frustrating waste of potential" coffin.
now, part 2. the writing mistake i regret the most - from Corners of Your Mind, specifically - is aki's ultimate ease with herself from the get-go. if you didn't read my work, the premise of COYM is this: aki comes back to neo domino after her studies, is happy with herself after becoming a doctor, and therefore, helps yusei find himself after his nasty burnout at MIDS. now, this may tie back to the other problem i have with my own writing and a rare problem i have with faithshipping (a lack of balance in their earlier days, and a sense of "debt" aki may feel towards him, and now, as i am older, yusei's insistence towards her forgiving her father), but ultimate implication i actively dislike from my own pen (and what i tried to correct in my newest work) is how well-adjusted aki is. still. with no work done, with no much hints that her past was still haunting her, but a mere "i forgave myself, you should too".
also this very excerpt - ironically and unintentionally - showcases my general problem with post-canon faithshipping: off-balance, caused by aki putting yusei on a pedastal (because she has so much appreciation for him for essentially saving her life - more on that in belladonna). the other issue - fortune cup faithshipping - is the one that put me under a fire once for agreeing with a take, but it it also tied back to the "balance issue" of their dynamic - had the roles been reversed, if aki was a guy, and yusei a girl, the scene of her/him plummeting her/him to the ground with Thorn of Malice wouldn't have landed nearly as well (no pun intended). however, what i think 90% of tumblr users should realize: just because it is not perfect, does not mean it is not good pairing, the two are not mutually exclusive sentiments (also, what real life relationship is perfectly ideal?)
what i think the writers missed, was also the very same thing i myself overlooked - the process.
of forgiving yourself. of finding yourself - in your past self, because sometimes looking back can point you in the right direction forward.
of being angry, sad, hurt, mourning the life you might have had. and then, ultimately, saying "i love my life the way it is, and i love myself. fully. without editing imperfect parts of my past, without toning down, without holding back. trying to be better, but not forcing myself to be who i am not, in pursuit of validation i don't need."
because, the goal should not be the be accepted by the society, but by yourself. and that is a lot harder.
also, past Lilith, give her her old style back :) because "without toning down, holding back" refers to the expressions of self, too
There was no way to prevent it… I guess. Other than, perhaps, me stressing over -
“Aki,” her father halted her thoughts patiently, without a bite to his voice. He was wearing a tracksuit – Aki wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen him wearing one, much like how she’d have to wreck her brain to recall if she’d ever seen Setsuko without makeup in public.
“You really don’t have to say if you don’t want to, but,” Hideo gently put his palm on her cheek, caressing it, “what was going on? Where were you going after breakfast?”
Aki sighed, and the pain in her still recovering middle made her wince, turning her other cheek fully on one side of the pillow.
Hideo sighed too, and turned to just as worried Setsuko. They nodded to each other, and Hideo got up from his chair to fetch his jacket.
“Honey, rest as much as you can.” Setsuko said gently.
And somehow – without her herself knowing why - when Setsuko put her coat on, Aki’s heartbeat rang in her ears, her eyes welled with fresh tears.
Papa’s hand was already on the lock, but he turned around to the sound of her still developing whimpers. He gasped, then nearly sprinted to Aki’s side.
He hugged her firmly, then pressed a kiss to her cheek. Setsuko took her one hand, caressing it slowly, letting it communicate for her.
And despite herself, this time, Aki allowed herself to continue crying.
Until she dampened her father’s shirt with tears properly, until her mom bent over to press a kiss to her forehead, still caressing her knuckles with movements so soft that Aki only wanted to cry more.
“Whatever it is, we’ll solve it together.” Hideo whispered, and Setsuko -from her peripheral vision- nodded. He sighed again, then held Aki a little tighter. “I know I failed you in the past, Aki, but please, let me make up to you now.” He pulled back, looking his daughter in the eyes. She noticed that his beard now had some silver hairs in it, and that his wrinkles seemed a little deeper.
“Please.” He looked down, his hands still gripping Aki’s shoulders.
Her mom came to her side, and put her hand on Hideo’s. When Aki looked up at her, she smiled gently.
Then, against all odds, something in Aki cracked open, while laying down like this – wearing nothing, cut open just a few hours ago, nowhere near her usual strength that had been trying to keep it together for her in the past.
Another tear burned her eye. “I couldn’t save her, Papa.” She hiccupped.
Hideo looked up, confused. “Who?”
Aki took a breath in. “Divine’s daughter.”
Both her parents’ eyes widened. They looked at each other - in something she recongized as horror.
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