In Lily's Honour, a Banquet @lillibethmandus - Tumblr Blog

Favourite Royal Gowns {1- ∞}

G r a n d D u c h e s s E l i z a b e t h F e o d o r o v n a

1887 | Queen Victoria’s Golden Jubilee

Her loveliness was of what used to be called the “angelic” kind. Her eyes, her lips, her smile, her hands, the way she looked at you, the way she talked, the way she moved, all was exquisite beyond words; it almost brought tears to your eyes.

#inspiration #dress

abifurcatedheart-a

What was this familiar warmth? It was different than that found in the objects around the room. It was energy, it was … alive. There, the faintest of touches could be felt upon his back; lasting only a fleeting moment, then it was gone again, leaving Oswald to look about him.

Could it be, all of the seances they had held over the years had indeed summoned his darling wife back? Or was it purely delusion, the want of a desperate man creating some false proof? Of course, the skeptic in him insisted not to get his hopes up, that it was completely irrational. But that small sliver of a spiritualist, combined with his yearning for that contact, begged for it to be true. Was Lily an angel, come to watch over the family she had been forced to leave behind?

Or perhaps it was neither, and this was but a dream – the most logical of answers, to be sure. And yet he still gave in.

“Lillibeth.” The name was whispered not in sorrow, but in that most hopeful of tones, and the reward was a familiar, beautiful humming. A distinct song, created by noneother than the woman herself, and oft hummed to their little ones – and to him – while the twins were still nestled in her womb. Yes, this must have been a dream, a pleasant and wonderful dream. She was here, without a doubt, with her song to fill the otherwise somber silence.

The butcher’s eyes began to water again, and he trembled ever so slightly with emotion. He quietly brushed these tears away, too, and after a moment’s pause, he laid back on the bed to continue listening to the humming, while eyes fixated upon the canopy above. Maybe it was in his head… and the stress of these recent events was getting to him. But the thought held little weight to it – just an offhanded musing as he was slowly lulled into a state of peace.

Even if the unfoldings hadn’t taken their toll on him mentally, the long work hours and little sleep certainly were, and the exhaustion bade him to close his eyes, just for a little while…

lillibethmandus

At first, it once again seemed as though her efforts would go unnoticed. The poor man would be left to cry by himself, alone and worried in this dark place. Yet as her hand made contact with his back, he took a quick glance about the room, as if expecting her to materialize out of the air. And how badly she wished to. The thought certainly had crossed his mind, but would he believe it? Such subtleties were often considered another part of the grieving process, as the brain creates the feeling of touch and sound when we are at our lowest points.

She knew so little about being a ghost, and honestly hadn’t the slightest idea of why she was still earth-bound, but if there was a possibility to give Oswald a small feeling of respite, well…then it was worth it. Even if it was for a fleeting moment, a moment of weakness where he wasn’t even sure if she was truly there or not. He had been through so much these past few years. If only there was a means to direct communicate with him, but unsurprisingly, her spoken words fell away.

Yet her humming appeared to have gotten his attention once more. She could clearly distinguish the recognition it in his dark, wet gaze. A tune she held near and dear to them, sung and sometimes even played on the piano in the parlor while she was pregnant - eliciting all the memories that came with it.

As she watched her husband fall back onto the bed and close his eyes, Lily slowly followed suit. She lay on her side facing him, hand resting on his chest, briefly pausing to press a soft kiss to his cheek and whisper his name. Upon withdrawing the humming resumed again, pulling together what little peace the house had to offer in the quiet space of her bedroom.

It was obvious how much Oswald missed her, and yet she wondered if he knew how much she felt the same.

#abifurcatedheart

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It never should have come to this, for dear Lily shouldn’t have died on that day – a day which should have been a joyous one. Her time had come far too soon, and it was cruel. And surely, Oswald thought, surely things would be different were she still alive; the boys would not be without a parent in his absence, and his hopelessness would instead be the hope that the light of his life had always given to him.

Damn it, he cursed mentally. Damn it all to Hell.

Most of all, Lillibeth would have been able to see their beautiful boys as they grew, from infants to toddlers to the little gentlemen they were now. Edwin and Enoch were the most remarkable pair. One balanced out the other, as if they were really one mind and heart split into two identical bodies, making them so strikingly similar yet vastly different. Every time their father gazed upon them, he could see traces of Lily, in their eyes and smiles, and in their adventurous spirits.

But lately, it would have been painful to look at them, even if he had the time to. Knowing that their finances were dwindling… He’d already started selling valuables, discussing letting go of some of his workers and servants, and the nanny and cook had (thankfully) agreed to take less pay. Hiding all of this from the boys was imperative, because how could he possibly explain to them about the factory and its grave cost? How could he explain to them that the Mandus family’s reputation, and their future, was slipping through his fingers?

There was something comforting here in this room, however. At least at this moment. A sort of warmth, that seeped into the loneliness and grief and lifted it ever so slightly. After a final sniff, he wiped at his eyes, brushing away the tears and returning his attention to that candle.

“Please… Please come back to me, my love. I need you now more than ever.”

lillibethmandus

There was indeed a great deal of change happening to the family business. Even from the highest windows in the mansion, she could look out and see the peaks of the factory being built. Such places of business never came without extensive fare, in fact, they usually cost a small fortune. The naysayers be damned. They were all too short-sighted to see that people-drived, manual labour was eventually going to be on its way out, especially come the new century. Anything that was mindless enough to be done by machine, would eventually be replaced that way, and her husband knew that. It was unfortunate he was oft looked down upon for a man of his class, when he had the vision of a genius. Lily knew he would go on to do great things. It was miraculous to watch him finally bring his magnificence to life, of which he had spoken to her about many times before her death.

Yes, her undoing had come far too soon. She had longed to be a mother and raise a family alongside the man who captured her heart, but to watch on was her only choice now. Of course, she helped in what small way a maternal ghost could. The bedrooms were tidied up when the servants were too scattered and busy, the boys sung to when they could not manage to sleep, and the piano played a soft melody when tensions felt high. Amidst other small things here and there, Lily tried her best to make herself known - at least to the boys and her husband, yet the deeds were written off as the work of the servants.

Here in this room, Oswald and herself had spent so much time, and fell deeper in love because of it. Now it held nostalgic pain, and still she ever tried to reach out when he entered this room. He usually allowed himself entry into this room when matters were serious and overbearing. She could only hope he could feel her presence, if nothing else.

“My darling Oswald…I have never left. I have watched you and our babies grow, and I couldn’t be more proud of what you are doing. It will be worth it, I promise.” Her hand moved to his back and began to rub it in a circular motion, knowing he likely felt nothing. After her spoken words passed her lips, they set upon a new task - music. She hummed as her hand circled about, a familiar tune she wrote long ago.

#abifurcatedheart #everything hurts

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@lillibethmandus

Continued from here

Another night, another candle left for Lillibeth. It’s in vain, he knew perfectly well. Yet something continued to urge him to do it; anything to call her back home again, where she belonged, even after all of these years. Russet eyes remained fixed on that small, gentle flame, and its glow reflected in their depths, illuminating the unending sorrow within them.

By the time morning arrived it will have burnt out, and he would be alone, as he always was. Surrounded by memories, by his departed wife’s belongings, and the scents that still lingered even now. He will lay next to the spot where she once laid, and he will dream of her, of her gentle touch and lilting voice, and he will pray not to wake up to the reality of her loss.

And he will know that there is no happy end to this cycle, yet he would repeat it again and again, and he would hope.

“My love.”

Of course it was only Oswald’s imagination. He didn’t dare look to his side, out of fear of disappointment. But something about it tugged at his heart all the same – because of course he wanted her to be there, he wanted Lily to call him that just one more time. Or, maybe it was stress from the Mandus family’s ongoing financial burdens, and having so little time to see Edwin and Enoch, that was leaving him vulnerable tonight. He lowered his head. While one hand clenched around part of the bedspread, the other moved to cover his face, and he began to weep.

“..Oh Lillibeth… I cannot do this without you…”

lillibethmandus

It was torture to watch him unfold like this. Had she been whisked away to the afterlife as she had expected, then it would have been a different story, yet here she remained - to watch the love of her life lose himself to grief.

Torn between the world of the living and the dead, at least she had the chance to see her sons. What beauties they were. Had she lived, she was sure the couple would have debated who they took after most. Lily had even tried singing to them when they were fussy in their cribs, hoping they might hear her; not to mention give her husband a little more time to rest in the mornings. To watch them grow so handsomely, even without her presence, was all she could ever ask to see.

But now Oswald needed her more than ever, and all she could do was whisper on the wind. Her hand squeezed his shoulder, heart breaking at the sight of his tears.

“Yes you can, darling. You’re the strongest man I know.”

#abifurcatedheart

-He wordlessly places a lit candle on the windowsill of Lillibeth's bedroom, then sits on the edge of her bed to wait.-

Unbeknownst to her grieving husband, the woman for whom the candle is lit is actually in the room. She watches his movements and the solemn way he sits on the edge of the bed, hands clasped in front of her.

“Every night I shall light a new candle, to guide your way home should the battle rage long.“

She had said that, a long time ago. Oswald remembered, and so did she. Now instead of calling her husband home with such lights, he was doing the same for her. It was so beautiful, yet so somber.

Lily took her place beside her husband on the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder. She didn’t expect a reaction. There never was one, not since she felt the pain of birthing her second boy until everything went black. She seemingly awoke later and begged to hold the newborn babes in her arms, to no avail. She could only watch Oswald hold them and weep for her. Only when she saw her own body lower into the ground did she finally understand.

“My love.” She whispered, hoping beyond hope he’ll hear her this time.

#abifurcatedheart #throws heart out the window #ask box