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“This human body that we have been conditioned to see as a system of chemicals, pulleys, pumps, and plumbing is an expressive entity of great subtlety and nuance. This subtle body is alive, diaphanous, full of meanings, poetic, expressive in every organ and part, intimately connected to emotion and feeling, and, by no means least, beautiful.”

- Moore, “The Soul of Sex” pg. 5

#kaitlin reads the soul of sex #kaitlin reads #the soul of sex #I just… so true and needed this recontextualization of my body

Taking a day or so to reflect on The Fat Girl, there are a lot of interesting things happening from a writing standpoint. This book was excellent in its word choice and the way Jeff, the narrator, fixates on Ellen - the fat girl. We see his attitude change from resulsion to a sort of ownership. Ellen is not who she is without him. He created her. There are some truths to these statements; however, that does not give leniency to the manipulation and control he exhibits.

Ellen begins as bumbling, unable to carry her weight without knocking ceramics over or causing a scene. She stares at her attractive classmates, envious and vicarious. As her relationship with Jeff grows, there is still that “worship” or idealization she has for him. He gives her social capital and she’s thankful. He encourages her to lose weight and especially how to dress and wear make-up. The former being something she initialized and the latter being something that she repeatedly expresses discomfort. Ellen doesn’t like the make-up he requires to wear, doesn’t like the perm, doesn’t like the bright colors of the clothing at the plus size shop. She is disregarded in how she wants to present herself, but cannot risk losing Jeff.

She pursues private ceramics lessons and meets friends at Weight Watchers meetings and even applies to colleges at Jeff’s suggestion. When she finds enjoyment and comfort in her skills, even deciding she wanted to pursue pottery seriously, he wants to pull her away. He tells her to quit her lessons, stop seeing her friend and decline party invitations, and tells her to go to college and figure out a career along the way like he will. He wants to isolate and mold her into his image. He wants her to be reliant on him.

It all turns at prom when she picks a white dress that she spent time with her mother and Weight Watchers friend to buy rather than the gold cafgan Jeff expected her to wear. Jeff is disgusted by her choice of dress, upset that she isn’t going to stand out as his statue; his successful project. She looks like an ordinary, chubby pretty girl to him. And he sulks all night.

In the end, Jeff is concerned with how his girlfriend makes his look at society and he was fixated on making Ellen an attractive person that no longer wanted to kill her because of him. He is self-absorbed and miserable in his expectations in a partner and those around him. There’s a lot to unpack around this bitter twisting in his relation to his mother, but that’s another post.

Here’s the Power and Control wheel: I’ve highlighted the slices that I believe Jeff showcases. Potential quotes to go into another post.

#kaitlin reads #the fat girl #kaitlin reads the fat girl #Marilyn Sachs #long post #this isn’t particularly eloquent but #tw suicide mention

The first time Jeff isn’t actively repulsed by Ellen on page 111. Perhaps there are moments earlier where he’s more lenient. Even the page before he talks about her “purpling face” and “lumbering” and “barreling” to her family members. He says he wouldn’t have minded if she kissed him, but still doesn’t see her as a “normal, pretty girl.”

And when Ellen talks about her devoting herself to losing weight, Jeff has this self-satisfaction, this internalized notion of being a “nice guy” and that he is the reason she’ll be ‘pretty’ and have a future. To some extent, perhaps he’s right to feel this way, but not long ago he was an active tormenter of her. So, it poses the question: Does he actually have a genuine interest in Ellen or does he thrived off the attention and “worship” she provides him?

#kaitlin reads the fat girl #kaitlin reads #the fat girl #marilyn sachs #Jeff Lyons #Ellen de Luca

Jeff Lyons: *dates and pursues objectively beautiful girls and considers personality secondary*

Also Jeff Lyons: *gets upset and jealous when his girlfriend’s objective attractiveness garners others’ attention*

#the fat girl #Marilyn Sachs #this man is a lot #Jeff Lyons #kaitlin reads #kaitlin reads the fat girl

“We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with out previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come.”

Kundera, “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” pg. 8

#kaitlin reads #Kundera #kaitlin reads unbearable lightness #the unbearable lightness of being

Reading Kundera is like getting suckerpunched every other paragraph.

There’s always some theme or philosophy he’s addressing.

#kaitlin reads #Kundera #the unbearable lightness of being #kaitlin reads unbearable lightness

So, I finished reading Dumplin’ last week (after a year of stalling and school), and I had overall positive things to say about the book. I think it was true in its portrayal of female friendship and the strains and self-consciousness that comes with living in a fat body.

There’s also a really nice scene where Ellen talks about Tim touching her, and how that felt uncomfortable or invasive because it made her so self-aware of her body, and I think it was nice for the reader and Willowdean to know that this is not necessarily exclusively a fat women experience, but a women experience as a whole.

#I know there’s gotta be a text post or quote about being a woman in a woman’s body #kaitlin reads dumplin #kaitlin reads #dumplin

I’m not sure why they didn’t cast Lee with an asian actor in Dumplin’. The original character in the book was asian; a confident, chubby asian man. With the conversation around asian representation, especially with the release of Crazy Rich Asians, it seems odd that Netflix would erase/replace the character’s original identity.

Moreover, there are other representations of black drag queens (Kinky Boots, Ru Paul, etc.). And this is not saying that there shouldn’t be more or the actor didn’t do a good job, but I think it was a missed opportunity not to leave Lee as Lee Wei

#kaitlin reads dumplin #kaitlin reads #dumplin #discourse #Lee Wei #this isn’t particularly eloquent but

“I want to touch him. It seems inevitable. He’s a negative and I’m a positive and all that stands between us is a matter of time.”

- Dumplin’ (pg. 250)

#this is spectacular #kaitlin reads dumplin #kaitlin reads #dumplin

“When you love someone enough, you accept their flaws. You make sacrifices to keep them sane. I need her to keep me sane. I need her to sacrifice this for me.”

- Dumplin’ (pg. 167)

[insert ‘we don’t have time to unpack all of that’ john mulaney gif]

#kaitlin reads dumplin #kaitlin reads #dumplin

“No matter how much I tell myself that the fat and stretch marks don’t matter, they do... Then there are days when I really give zero flying fucks, and I am totally satisfied with this body of mine. How can I be both of those people at once?”

- Dumplin’ (pg. 174)

#this does a great job of summing up #body image #kaitlin reads dumplin #kaitlin reads #dumplin

“... I think maybe his biceps and my hips have a lot in common.”

- Dumplin’ (pg. 7)

#idk I just like this #Dumplin #kaitlin reads #kaitlin reads dumplin

It’s also cool that Murphy has it so Bo and Will kiss in the ‘prologue’ or teaser so you know it’s a story where the fat girl is going to be genuinely liked and romanced

#dumplin #kaitlin reads #kaitlin reads dumplin

We were robbed that El wasn’t taller than Tim in the movie

#Dumplin #Kaitlin reads Dumplin #Kaitlin reads #I have zero qualms with the actress tho

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