Living the Dream in Twenty Fifteen

#livingthedreamin2015

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 364

I sit to write the last post of this one-year experience having all kind of emotions. Almost 365 days of consciously trying to live the life that a year ago, I set myself to live. 

Keeping a public log of your process isn’t easy. Especially when you are an amateur. I would like to have been more consistent, but it wasn’t always possible. I’ve done what I could, I guess.

I began day 1 equipped with just a sense/an intuition of what I needed to have and experience next in my life. I didn’t know HOW things would develop or where I would be living 364 days later. I didn’t care. It felt right not to know. to go with the flow. live the present. and trust.

I made myself a list of bullet points to keep me focused and to remind me of my basics. I knew that I would have ups and downs and moments of confusion. 

I didn’t plan much nor project into the future. Overall, I trusted. I took one day at a time. Followed the signs and listened to my heart. (Believe me, I don’t know how this happened. It felt very organic. Must be the universe). 

As part of this process of leaving behind the status quo and going after my dreams, I was pushed to learn who I am. To be able to articulate and identify my strengths and weaknesses, accept my own limitations, trust my potential, and be humble. Starting from scratch requires a lot of this, I have learned.

We are lured to believe that if you do tons of therapy, and check all those boxes that according to our societies make you a “normal” person, you will be happy. Well. Not the case. I am afraid. I have learned that it doesn’t matter where you are, what you do, and the therapy that you take, life is THIS: sucky days, dry days, glorious days, depressing days, bright days... (feel free to add to the list).

So, I have learned to simplify, which to me it means from lowering my expectations/sense of perfection and control, to needing less and being smart and creative with the resources (personal and material) that one has.

Over the year, I have felt immensely grateful and blessed. This has been by far one of the greatest gifts. Such an amazing way to live and feeling to have. Thank you. 

I have also learned to read myself better and interpret my emotions. Compartmentalize. Gain perspective. In other words, Simplify.

Tomorrow we say good-bye to 2015 and with it to a year of experimentation and expansion, in which many of my dreams have come true. I feel sad to say good-bye to this special year and everything that I lived and learned, and of course, to close this blog, which although at times is homework, is also therapeutic and a window to y’all. Luckily, life experiences and learnings can be easily packed into my suitcase and brought into the new year, which makes the good-bye somewhat easier.

I will continue to go after my dreams and live accordingly in 2016. However, I will no longer document these in this form. Today, I say good-bye to http://livingthedreamin2015.tumblr.com/. 

Thank you for being by my side and be part of it all.

Happy ending to 2015 and a great start to 2016!

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 344

This morning someone asked me: “do you miss NY?” He wasn’t the first person to ask, but was the first one to receive a more thoughtful answer.

I don’t miss NY as a whole. But I do miss certain concepts, certain attitudes, certain behaviors.

Spain is different. And this is not simply a tourism slogan.

After ten months living here, I am starting to feel like “fish out of water.” I don’t know if you know what I mean. The excitement of feeling neither from here nor from there, is vanishing, and it is turning into confusion and a sense of feeling lost. Now that I am no longer a semi-tourist in my own country, but an expat, who is trying to join the system and be “una mas,” it’s starting to ache.

Since this experience of #livingthedream is pushing me, among other things, to reinvent myself and be constantly looking for new possibilities, I am exploring how to build bridges between USA and Spain, and help both countries learn from and get the best of each other. And by default, help me be filled up with those “things” that I miss from that other side of the pond. New project in the works.

I have never been in a similar situation (and I have experienced quite a bit). My good friend, Noe, with whom I lived many experiences in NY, and who now lives in Madrid, always says to me: “when someone says NO, it’s not a rejection, but a step closer to what you want.” 

Let’s abide by that.

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 335

In exactly 30 days, #livingthedreamin2015 will reach its end. Wow. My head is spinning. I remember so clearly Dec. 31st 2014, when I closed the door of my office for good, and head home passing through Times Square, which was getting ready to welcome 2015.

Yesterday, probably as an urge to reconnect with my other self/my USA roots, I went to the American Institute in Madrid to close the month of November, Native American Heritage Month, by reflecting on the reality of the Native American community in the USA. Unknown to and forgotten by many. In light of this, the Institute projected “The Medicine Game,” a documentary on the life of two native american brothers, from upstate New York, going after their dreams. 

It was so human, powerful and insightful at some many levels. A real life lesson. Recommended.

The docu proved many things, but above all, it showed that when someone knows what s/he wants, s/he becomes unstoppable. Regardless of the external circumstances. These contribute to make things easier or more difficult. May make you do roundabouts/modify timelines and/or other lil aspects of your dream. But they don’t stop an individual from getting there. 

I went home with a new set of homework: life is not lineal, shit happens and thus, I am allowed to make adjustments and be flexible. But I do need to keep working on defining what my dream is. 

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 330

Happy Thanksgiving. An endearing holiday. Not ‘cause of its history/raison d'etre, but ‘cause of the idea of bringing people together, and all the memories that I built during my 15 years living in the USA.

Here I am. Back in the Monpassa. My second home. Having a latte, gathering my thoughts, and trying to finish another cover letter. This time “en español,” which ironically, takes me double the time and the effort. 

Since it’s Thanksgiving day in my adoptive country, and half of me is in celebratory mood, I will take a break from writing that letter, and will use this time to honor the day and show my gratitude. 

This time, besides thanking my parents/family/dog and friends for their love, support, friendship and generosity, I want to thank LIFE for all the surprises that it brings, and for guiding me/helping me give this new jump. So many wonderful things have happened thanks to that, and for that reason, I feel grateful.

A while ago, I read this quote, which by now is old news, that says:

“Happiness is a journey not a destination.” 

Sometimes I forget. And I get anxious and impatient, and feel that I am wasting my time and/or that I am not doing enough to make things happen. So, I want to take this halt in the day, to be thankful for this moment I am living NOW, and for the new beginnings. Be thankful. Be hopeful.

Have a good ThanksGiving day.

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 320

It’s been a while. I know. It’s not necessarily ‘cause I have forgotten, but rather, ‘cause I have been busy and trying to figure things out.

Over these weeks, I have been thinking quite a bit. Soon, it will be 1 year since all this started and #livingthedreamin2015 will turn into #livingthedreamin2016. I don’t know if I will continue sharing/reporting, but #livingthedream will for sure extend into the new year. I will not stop fighting for it.

I have been wondering how rigorous I have been in #livingthedream. Whether I have sold myself out at certain points and/or have gone out of the way/shift gears. It’s hard to say, and even harder to analyze it since it is almost like opening a pandora box. 

I have quite a few lessons learned. One is that it’s difficult to be a freelancer or an independent consultant in my field. Two, that it’s difficult to start a new career at the same time that you are staring a new life in a different country. Three (which is not new) rarely reality = the imaginary. Four, you cannot have it all (again, not a revelation).

I have applied to a few full time jobs, which, on one hand, goes against my commitment to not having a 9-5 job ever again, and to not loosing my freedom. On the other hand, both jobs fall into new areas that I would be interested in getting involved in, and are home-based, which gives me certain degree of freedom.  I interviewed for them but pending to hear back. Not easy.

I have also gone deeper into this exploration of the use of artistic means to have an impact on social change. I am co-developing two interesting projects on the topic, attended several conferences, and met a few initiatives grappling with these issues in Madrid. Not easy either.

Since the situation is “not easy,” I feel obliged to be continuously having to look for options/re-invent myself/be creative so as to maintain that balance between having to find $ options and being faithful to my #livingthedream. Not easy.

One thing that I do know is that I am living according to a set of values that are loyal to my #livingthedream.

I cannot close this post without making an acknowledgment to our current global socio-political situation. Increasingly worrying. I read this quote this am that I adhere to:

“You are personally responsible for becoming more ethical than the society you grew up in.” - Eliezer Yudkowsky 

[livingthedreamin2015]

Lady Gaga and the Life of Passion

Those who immerse themselves in their pursuits show courage in exploring their inner selves and in getting past worrying about what others think.

This morning, I read the above OP-Ed by David Brooks (his book, The Social Animal, was one of the first books I read when I started my personal inquire about living the dream, my mission in life or however you wanna call it). Anyway, the piece is on Living with Passion, and I would like to share with y’all here. Just an attempt to put words/relate/help to understand what some of us may struggle with. Peace out. BTW, an update is on its way. 

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 278

Happy Birthday to me! On day 278, I turn 38. Birth-days are somewhat bitter-sweet. That said, it has been a great year, life is good, and all my dreams (up to today) are set and geared towards the year to come. 

#livingthedream

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 273

Good morning. I write from one of my fave spots in the neighborhood, El Monpassa. It has become an extension of my living room. It’s owned by the sweetest couple and they serve the best coffee. (they are the reason why coffee has made a come back into my life). Pia is sat by me, and while I sip coffee and I share this moment with you, I am surrounded by all kind of travel books. Not bad for a Wednesday morning, huh?

Next week I will turn 38, and Pia will be10 in a few days. October is a month of celebrations. I like October. We are heading to Bilbao to recharge and celebrate by the sea this weekend. 

Next week, I will also have to set my alarm every night as I begin a new collaboration. One, that I am very excited about. I will be joining forces with Pista <34 to support an stellar project. For a week, I will join a community of artists to help bridge #art and #socialchange. Something that, as some of you know, I am passionate about. As I have been saying, I am #livingthedream. I will share reflections.

From now until then, un abrazo.

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 266

Autumn is here. Third season #livingthedream. 

I love the change of seasons. Different smells. Different colors. Different foods. Different wardrobe. A good wake up call: Nothing is permanent. Everything is in constant change. It is almost like when you begin to not pay attention to the weather, a change comes, hits you, and makes you realize that we are alive.

(this year, I am particularly excited to say good bye to summer. maybe the first time ever. it was extremely hot. #globalwarming)

As I (virtually) celebrated my friends’s one year wedding anniversary this weekend, and I placed myself for a few minutes (perhaps hrs) in upstate New York (where the wedding took place), I couldn’t not but reflect on where I am now. On all the changes that have occurred this year. 

In the last year, my life has done a 360.

I am still in awe. Crazy.

Life in Madrid is smooth. I feel pretty much settled in. My hood is the perfect nest to build a new life. 

Work is “there.” I am collaborating with a few groups and I just submitted my first dream project to a public call. Regardless of the outcome, I am “there.” 

Here the update. Come and visit me/us.

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 245

Day 245. September 2, 2015. Day 2 of a new phase in #livingthedream. Phase #3. 

Subject: Operation settlement.

Location: Madrid. 

Duration: Unknown. 

Mission: Put into force all necessary skills, knowledge, experience, wittiness, attention, intention, goodwill, time, effort, love, creativity, understanding, patience and enjoyment to plant a new set of roots.

Background: Close to seven months into observing, absorbing, discovering and experiencing, a new phase has appeared in the form of a dartboard. Too old to ignore it, so here I am, playing the game: find your “hot” numbers, work on slowing down your breathing, follow your aim, and throw.

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 235

Greetings. The past 10 days or so have been a festival of friends, sun and saline water. Bravo.

I reunited with childhood friends. Some of them I had not seen in over 20 years. To see each other again, share hugs and laughs, catch up on each other’s lives, and realize that after all these years, the foundation remains intact, was indeed a non-expected treat. A sweet surprise. 

Since I moved abroad at age 17,  I had a hard time remembering that I had roots. That although I was living in a foreign country, where I didn’t know anyone longer than a few days, months, or years (except for the time when my childhood friend, Juncal, lived in NYC), I did belong to a family, a community of childhood friends and a culture. As my grandparents began to pass away, this feeling of being rootless, intensified. 

The past six months and more palpable, the past 10 days, have helped me feel rooted again. Have helped me realize that despite my travels and long years living abroad, I have a past that extends far back. That realization has helped me feel solid.

I also have to give a big shout-out to the magnificent sunsets and clear water that we’ve had in the North. Priceless and very much appreciated. 

August is reaching its end, and soon, we will be leaving the beach and be heading back to the city, where we’ll start a new phase of #livingthedream. Phase 3. In the interim, we will continue to enjoy time with lifelong friends, the sun, the ocean breeze, the walks on the beach and the feeling of belonging.

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 222

Over a month in silence. Do not even know how to begin this post. Out of practice, I guess. Life has been good. What can I say?

Why this silence? Well, a combo of reasons: a new phase; a hiking trip; a week without computer; a lovely new development. Some may be excuses, I realize that, but others are real reasons.

I am back in Bilbao. At least for the next few weeks. Re-grouping. Enjoying the ocean, the breeze, the family, the quietness, the beach life, the sunsets. Pia needed it. And so did I.

It’s already been six months since all this [leaving the status quo and going after my dreams] started, and I am beyond grateful for it and for everything that has happened (and continues to happen) to me. Cheers to that day in May 2014 when I said ENOUGH!

Each day of the past 222 has served as a reinforcement to listen to my heart and live the moment. I am becoming a true practitioner of this mantra. 

It’s not always easy. I know. This morning, I read this that made me nod: “Don’t let the toxic mixture of fear and laziness fuck with your goals, ambition and productivity.” 

That toxic mixture that is usually behind most of our not living the life that we ought to live/the relationships that we ought to have/the accomplishments that we ought to achieve.

This was a quick hello. A touching base, but I promise that from now on, I will make an effort to report, share and tell my story more often.

Thank you. 

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 174

It’s been a long time since I last reported. My apologies. I have been swamped/immersed/distracted with life in Madrid. And once your drop the ball, you know how it goes...it’s hard to win it back.

Hard to believe, but it’s almost been a month and a half since I set up camp. Time flies when you are #livingthedream.

It has been so easy to adjust and be part of the rhythm of the city. Madrid certainly helps make it easy. I had forgotten how easy day-to-day life could be. I had forgotten to simplify.

I decided to extend my stay 2 more weeks, so I will now leaving on July12th.

Three weeks from departure date, I feel productive about my stay here. That said, if I had to be measured according to those standardized tests, I would probably fail since I don’t have many specific outcomes to show.

I have been planting seeds. It’s like when you aim at obtaining behavioral change. It’s gradual and longitudinal. Same here. I have been observing. Listening. Making connections. Absorbing it all. Embracing that everything has its own process. And so do I. 

During the past month and a half, I have made important realizations about what I want next, and although it won’t happen from day to night, the picture is becoming, slowly but surely, neater.

There is also a positive variable playing on my side, which is the current moment of socio-political change in Spain. Will I be in the right place at the right time? Perhaps. We shall see.

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 143

It’s been 12 days since we planted our feet and paws (respectively) in Madrid. Things are going smooth like butter. (Let’s keep it this way).

I already feel settled in and so does (hopefully) Pia. The sky is always blue down here and although, I miss the water and the beach, the architecture and the aesthetics that surround me compensate. Yesterday, I caught the sunset between trees and the Cathedral. Birds flying by. Beautiful. 

“Unexpected intrusions of beauty. That’s what life is.”

I had quite a productive week. Active and multifaceted. My kind of cocktail recipe. I am not kidding. I am the tapas kind instead of the course meal eater. My brain works better. I am more alert and engage. I produce better.

As part of this new phase, phase 2, I have created a chart that is helping me get a fuller picture of my professional self, and draft an strategy. [An strategic plan]. Articulating your skills, your strengthens, your weaknesses, and your areas of interest is, like in any project planning phase, key bricks to build a solid house. It also gives you clarity. 

* As a side note, if you are on a similar process and/or want to clarify what’s next in your professional life, I encourage you to do a personal strategic plan. If you need a template, send me a note.

It feels good to sense that you are doing the right thing. Things flow, and as someone who has encountered many roadblocks in the past, to see things flow, is a great view.

[livingthedreamin2015]

Salir al mundo

Yo emprendí mi viaje porque necesitaba escapar de mi zona de comodidad, conocerme en diferentes situaciones, fortalecerme y descubrir formas de vida alternativas. Emprendí mi viaje para serme fiel a mí misma en lugar de convertirme en una esclava del miedo, del lamento y de la auto-compasión y porque a lo largo de mi vida he comprobado que cuando me he arriesgado y he acometido algo difícil siempre he obtenido una recompensa.

My friend, Ana, is about to finish a version of her #livingthedream this week. She gathered her reflections in the above piece, “Salir al Mundo.” Congrats, Ana!

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 135

I had a couple of drafts in the works, but got distracted, tired and uninterested and at the end, I never publish them.

In one of them, I made an interesting reflection about auto-imposed expectations, changes in life-values, and life in New York, which ironically, a few days later, was reinforced by an article that I read on the Atlantic and later on, in the New York Times. 

I’ve always enjoyed these “on your face” coincidences.

My reflection came to say that 100+ days later, I begin to understand why New York, my overpriced/overstressed/beloved New York, was the chosen one to bear witness of my personal and professional growth. There are no coincidences, but different phases and ideas of oneself. Thanks to it all, I am now here. Living a new phase. #livingANEWdream. 

Greetings from Madrid. Stop #2 of this process. 

I unpacked my suitcases three days ago, and both Pia and I are adjusting, once again, to city life. We had already become beach girls.

It’s too early to make any kind of reflection. So, simply put, the hustle and bustle is back on, and I have 1 month and 15 days to take in as much as possible, and figure some shit out. 

No time to waste.  

[livingthedreamin2015]

day 123

1, 2, 3 testing, testing. Feliz dia de la Madre! 

The sky up here in the North is slowly but surely turning blue, and the temperatures are skyrocketing. #EuskadiTropical. 

I am settling in. Tomorrow will be three months since I left NYC. 

Right now it’s a good kind of settlement. Things don’t seem as foreign, and yet, I feel as a visitor eager to discover and experience it all. An intrinsic desire to reconnect with things that after 20 yrs abroad, I had lost/forgotten or never learned.

The biggest discovery thus far: the pleasure of speaking my own language. One (or at least, I) underestimates the power of your native tongue. In some sense, I feel like a different person by the mere fact of using my “own” words/expressions/tone and jargon. Makes things easy. Makes you feel more like yourself. 

A liberating sensation is that one of not feeling an outsider from the very first moment that you open your mouth. 

I am also enjoying the sense of de-structuration that exists in Spain. It’s helping me understand my levels of anxiety in the USA. Makes me feel freer. Finding a balance between a society that imposes a rigid structure - forms of doing/behaving - and one that it doesn’t (or at least to the same extent), positions yourself in a good starting point.

Food, family, sense of leisure, rhythm of life, all these are things that I am enjoying as I re-discover my country and myself.