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A Silver Coated Stone Heart - Chapter VI

chapter VI

Marjorie & Autumn, Marjorie/Autumn

Chapter VI

— —

Marjorie tried and tried with all she had to push her thoughts to the back of her head, bury them alongside all the other thoughts she had about how darn beautiful she thought Autumn was or that way that woman she saw trying on dresses in the shops looked at her, but every second she seemed to be fighting off a different memory of a time she found a woman attractive and she was getting nowhere. She was straight, she didn’t think that way. Marjorie looked at her friend like she was a deer in headlights, flushed and nervous, when Autumn came in to bring her dinner. “Are you feeling alright? You look ill.” Marjorie put her hand to her head, it felt warm and she got a sudden head ache, then was hit with a wave of a chill running down her body. “Actually… no not really. Sorry. I’ve been so stressed about Reece that I must have gotten myself poorly.” Autumn felt her forehead with the back of her hand. “And the apologizing is for what, exactly? I’m going to get you some more water.” Marjorie murmured something along the lines of ‘thanks’ but it wasn’t quite audible. She watched as she left the room, flustered and falling harder for someone than she ever did in her life, including her husband. Her head spun as she tried desperately to ignore her feelings. Everything she ever bottled up over the past few years tried to make its way up her chest. She was holding her mouth shut and shaking when Autumn almost broke the glass of water on the bedside table, frantically grabbing the bin.

Marjorie passed out upon being sick and came to with a cold towel over her forehead and Autumn wiping up the bedsheets where bits of sick had fallen from the bin. “Hey, how are you feeling? I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough week.” She didn’t know what to say, rough hadn’t even begun to describe it. But she wouldn’t have it any other way. She felt horrible all the time, sure, but Autumn was there and- Marjorie’s heart skipped. It wasn’t like that. She wasn’t like that. She hadn’t felt butterflies ever before, but was sure this is what they were and she hated the way her chest turned. “I feel somewhat better, I still feel absolutely terrible, but I feel less terrible, you know?” Autumn’s eyes were giving Marjorie a heart attack, she couldn’t look away. “I know. Is there anything I can get you?” Autumn smiled, it was the same sort of smile she gave winter when they first got together, smiling at each other across the corridor like they were in their own little world. “I’d like to just get cleaned up and go to sleep.” Marjorie said, smiling just as sweetly as Autumn did at her. Autumn lifted her from the bed onto the wheelchair, she felt as if she would be sick again from how quickly her heart raced the way she felt the butterflies in her chest. The wheelchair was right next to the bed and Marjorie probably could have lifted herself up into the chair by herself, but Autumn was too stubborn.

Marjorie started to get washed up, although without being able to properly move, it wasn’t very easy. She was scared to ask Autumn for help with a bath, but she hadn’t been able to actually have a proper shower since first getting to the hospital and felt worse than horrible. The nurses ‘bathed’ her with sanitary wipes but she hardly felt clean afterwards. She needed to bathe.

“Autumn? Would you mind helping me out to… wash… up?” Marjorie’s pulse quickened, she wanted to figure out how to do it on her own, but there was no way she wouldn’t hurt herself doing so. Autumn grew flushed on the other side of the door as well, picturing what she would have to do to help her. “Yeah, sure. I’m coming in.” Autumn said as if she would walk in on Marjorie in the middle of her changing. Marjorie reached for the tap to fill the tub, wincing slightly through the pain. “Would you like help with that?” Autumn put her hand on Marjorie’s to turn the knob. “Thank you.” She whispered, rubbing her side. Water came down the tap, the younger woman splashed a bit on the other’s face playfully. “The temperature is fine, thank you very much.” She chuckled sarcastically.

“I won’t look if you’d like to… get…” The words hardly escaped her lips, growing softer with every syllable, Marjorie coughed awkwardly. “Right.” She uttered as she undid her blouse. It shouldn’t be this awkward, they both told themselves. They had seen each other at their lowest points many times before, but now they suddenly had to freeze up? “Can you get into the tub yourself? I’ll help you if you need, of course, just like—if you’re uncomfortable at all. I don’t want to make you feel like—” Autumn felt her face getting warm, almost forgetting to turn the knob down and letting the tub overflow. “I would appreciate the help, if you don’t mind. Sorry, I’m making this more awkward than it really needs to be—” Autumn hugged her arms nervously, still facing the other direction. “No—no I’m doing that! I mean— I’m the one who’s being awkward, I should just be helping you, not— I don’t mind helping you out to get in.” Her face turned bright red and even though she only saw her for what must have been half a second upon turning around, it felt like she had been staring for hours, like some kind of creep. “Are you sure? You seem very uncomfortable. I can wear a swimming costume or something if you’d like?” Autumn cleared her throat, hoping it would clear her thoughts as well. It didn’t. “Would you? I’m so sorry, I— I want to help you, I really do, but I just can’t— I’m so sorry Marjorie.” She fidgeted with her hands, crossing her arms once again like in primary school. “Yeah no—of course! Go ahead and grab it, whatever makes you most comfortable!” Autumn rushed out the door and booked it to her dresser as quickly as possible. She handed Marjorie the swimming costume moments later, still avoiding looking at her. “Thank you. Are you okay, though? I wouldn’t have asked if I knew this made you so uncomfortable, you could have just told me.” She said, slipping into the costume. It fit well, but was tight in certain areas. “I just wanted to help you. I thought I would be more mature, this is really childish of me. I really do feel bad that I’m acting this way.”

“Acting in what way? My love, there’s nothing to feel ashamed of and it’s absolutely not childish. I really am just glad that you’re here for me. You didn’t have to do any of this.” Autumn finally looked at her, a comforting smile grew on the corners of her lips. She let the anxiety pass over her like a wave in the ocean she sat in, feeling the warmth of the summer sun on her skin as it passed. She remembered the feeling from her childhood. From their summer holiday before her mother left. “Thank you Marjorie, I appreciate you being so understanding. Let’s get you washed up.”

Autumn sat on the floor behind Marjorie at the end of the bath, playing with Marjorie’s hair while putting in conditioner. They talked about nothing important, laughing and smiling. The former hardly ever smiled, much less laughed, but she found it impossible not to do so when she sat with Marjorie. Just the two of them, in their own world. “Are you feeling much better now?” Their laughs still echoed in the air as she spoke softly. “Yeah, I do feel better. I was just so overwhelmed before, I think that’s all it was. I’m surprised I didn’t get myself ill sooner. But this is nice, clears my thoughts.” Autumn silently agreed, her hair was soft and so was her voice, not to mention Marjorie was using the same shampoo and everything that she used. It made her smile. She filled up a cup of water to wash down her hair, the water running down her neck and back. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. Heck of a week, huh? It’s almost over.” She continued to run her fingers through her hair. Marjorie was fully washed up and bathed, but who said they couldn’t just sit there and wait until she was a prune? Certainly not them. “Think we should start those physical therapy exercises that the nurse gave us?” She said ‘we’ and ‘us’ because it felt right, they were doing this together. “I think that’s a good idea, we can start tomorrow. You ready to get out yet?” Marjorie nodded and tilted her head back to look at Autumn smiling. Autumn couldn’t help but look down at her lips, and Marjorie did the same.

Marjorie left her hair to air dry, she was still too warm and feverish for the blow dryer. After sorting out their separation, Reece brought over a suitcase of Majorie’s clothing and some of the cases she packed Monday night. It was the first time in about a week that she was in her own clothing. She slept like a baby that night, not because she was ill or even that she was comfortable in her own clothes, but because he brought over that disgusting little teddy goose she kept, the one she got from her father just before he passed. It was during year 8 when she got asked out by a boy, they were going on dates and he was sending her flowers, chocolates, and love notes. She was expecting him to ask her for Valentine’s Day and was devastated when he was caught kissing her best friend. That day, she lost her only friend and a boy who had been showering her with affection for weeks. For Valentine’s Day that year, her father got her that little goose. It was all that he could afford that year, but she couldn’t have been more grateful and she kept that thing ever since, despite the tattered and torn fabric.

Autumn showered and slept in her own bed, except she couldn’t. she hadn’t slept under those sheets alone since she was still living in the shadows of her father, since she still was treating parents at the nursery like they were just ways to keep her pockets full, since before she was truly ‘Autumn’. She couldn’t bear to hear her name said by anyone before, even the mention of the season made her ill. But now she said her name with pride and actually liked the woman that she woke up as every morning. She couldn’t sleep that night though, nothing could clear her mind. She scrolled on her phone for hours, listened to music that Charlotte said would help her sleep, even started to read some sort of boring legal document about nothing relevant to bore herself to sleep. But none of it worked. Autumn lied in that cold bed staring at the wall just hoping for the sun to rise, but it was only 2 in the morning. 5 more hours of this torture.

Eventually, she slipped a jumper on top of her pajamas and started towards the garage. If she couldn’t do anything else, she might as well pick up her flute and do something that would get her somewhere. She held the cold, silver-coated instrument in her palms. What am I even doing? She thought to herself. I’m no good at this anyway. She pushed back on her thoughts, she knew they were rubbish. The note she played was perfect for a moment, but it fell flat almost instantly. She looked at the paragraph from the book about long tones. Support your breath with your chest… your diaphragm… She skimmed the text, remembering bits of tips that her music teacher gave her, though not quite fully. Her sound wasn’t particularly angelic and she still struggled to push air through the instrument, but it sounded better than before and that’s all she needed to keep playing. She played the same scale as she did earlier but now she changed the note after 4 clicks on the metronome, it sounded better each time she played through. After calling it good enough, Autumn flipped to the song exercises that she wanted to look at earlier. Mary had a little lamb… itsy bitsy spider… happy birthday… they were all songs she had heard thousands of times before at nursery during song time, but they looked so confusing to her on the page. The quarter note is the filled in circle with the stem… the half note is the outline of a circle with a stem… the whole note… the rest… she took it one note at a time. D for one click. C for one click. B for one click. Why did that sound wrong? Autumn felt her eyelids flutter as she tried the note again over. The tuner said it was right, but the sound didn’t match and seemed out of place. Flipping through the pages to try and find the keys to the note again, Autumn couldn’t make heads or tails of what she was reading. She was tired now, maybe coming back with a clear mind in the morning was what she needed.

Despite being unable to physically keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds while walking up the steps to her bedroom, as soon as she tucked herself into her bed all she could do was stare at the wall and wonder why she wasn’t falling asleep already. She was physically and emotionally drained from the busy weekend, but still couldn’t seem to shut her eyes. It was 3:45 now, Autumn felt nothing but exhaustion. Tears crept up her eyes and throat, but she couldn’t let them out. Screw it, she needed to sleep and the lonely, cold bed she lied in wasn’t helping, she unplugged the alarm clock, it wouldn’t be useful to her up there. Upon entering the guest room to sleep on the ottoman again, she was surprised to hear Marjorie’s voice.

“Autumn, is that you?”

“I—couldn’t sleep. Are you alright? you should be resting.”

“I’m fine, just woke up… a couple minutes ago. You were going to sleep on that chair? Doesn’t look very comfortable.”

“It’s not, but I can’t sleep in my bed. I’m sorry you’ve had another rough sleep.”

“If you’d like, you can sleep on the bed with me. I get it if you'd rather not because I’m ill but I don’t want you waking up all sore.” She pulled back the covers from the other side of the bed and smiled at her even though she couldn’t quite see her in the darkened room.

Without speaking Autumn climbed onto the bed and tucked herself in the covers. “I don’t mind that you’re ill, thank you Marjorie. ”

Marjorie fidgeted with her teddy, not wanting to seem so clingy but still unsettled from yet another nightmare. “Can— can I have a hug?”

Autumn cuddled into her as if she was a teddy by habit, the same way she hugged winter when she had trouble sleeping. “Bad dream?” Marjorie hummed yes, wrapping her arms around her neck.

“What are you holding?”

“It’s a snuggly that my dad gave me, I know it’s lame but it sorta helps me sleep.” She murmured into Autumn’s shoulder.

“Not lame, it’s sweet. Does it have a name?”

“Gina. I’ve always loved the name.”

“That’s nice, I like Gina.” She whispered, burrowing her face into Marjorie’s chest, falling asleep before she could even think about pulling away and resting back onto the pillow.

——

Marjorie stirred awake holding Autumn in her arms. She saw that the clock on the wall read 6:40, the twins would be waking up in the next few minutes. The woman tucked the other’s hair behind her ear, waking her gently. She chuckled as Autumn stretched like a cat getting woken up from a nap, “sleep well?” She groaned and buried her face again into Marjorie. “What time is it? The sun isn’t even out.” Autumn knew that the sun wouldn’t rise until after she needed to start her day. “It’s time to get up. the twins will wake up soon.” Marjorie said, scruffing up Autumn’s hair while giggling. Autumn looked up annoyed and sat up to rub the sleep from her eyes. “How are you feeling? Still poorly?” She smiled tiredly at the other. “Yeah, a little bit. My head kinda hurts and I'm sort of warm.” Autumn put the back of her hand against Marjorie’s forehead, it was warm, but not so much as the night before. “I'll get you some water. Would you like paracetamol too?” Marjorie nodded, slumping back in her pillows.

Autumn returned with the medicine and crawled back into the bed. “Shouldn’t you get ready soon? I don’t imagine you have much time before the twins wake up.” Marjorie questioned, swallowing the medicine. “Oh, no it’s—” she paused. “ I forgot I don’t have the extra pair of eyes anymore.” Autumn lifted the covers again and put her hands over her eyes in exhaustion. “Oh, I’m sorry I brought it up. Can I help you at all?” She looked up at her and smiled softly. “Would you mind just watching them for a few minutes after I get them settled?” Marjorie hummed yes, eager to spend time with her niece and nephew, but also glad to take the stress off her best friend’s shoulders.

——

Autumn’s work day couldn’t go by any slower, she was only there for half the day but in total it felt longer than a full one. Before his shift started, Winter came to the office and handed in his resignation letter. He spoke to Siobhan and did his best to ignore Autumn.

“Can I ask why you are resigning? You are a valuable member of our team.” Autumn’s attention was split from her work while still keeping her eyes glued to the screen. Her heart beat out of her throat, she didn’t want people to know what they were going through.

“I have personal reasons. Would it be possible to take my annual leave for the remainder of my time here?”

“Autumn, please check if we have the staffing to accommodate that.” Siobhan asked and she almost flinched. Her stomach twisted as she turned through the pages of the rota book. Autumn nodded, she couldn’t bring herself to speak.

“You will have to be in today, I’m sure you know. Enjoy your last day here.” Winter smiled and nodded to Siobhan, then looked up at Autumn briefly. He did neither to her before walking towards the staff room.

Siobhan raised an eyebrow at Autumn and turned to face her, a mix of confused and then concerned seeing her expression. “Never in a million years would I have thought he would resign, especially considering how… pally he is with one of the owners. Has something happened that I should know about?” She shook her head and avoided making eye contact. “I hesitate to believe that. Is everything alright?” Autumn knew she was persistent and wouldn’t give up until she was given an answer.

“Well— you know what happened on Saturday. He and I are fine. I’m just still a bit nervous about—my father.” Autumn wasn't entirely lying, she was terrified in fact. Marjorie was alone in her house, on the couch in direct line of sight from the window, unable to walk or fight for herself. Anxiety grew in her chest as she thought about what might happen.

“You don’t have to worry about him hurting you, I couldn’t list all the people who would run to protect you at a moment’s notice on both my hands.”

“I’m not worried for myself. I’m worried for Marjorie.” She spat, screaming in her head.

“What? Why would you be worried for her? He couldn’t care less about her.”

Autumn forgot that Siobhan didn’t know about her divorce, her heart skipped a beat again. “She’s injured. She wouldn’t be able to do anything if he—if something happens.” Her heart dropped when she realized that her left hand was bare.

“She’ll be fine, I’m sure. She lives with Reece, he’s like the third strongest person I know.”

“Yeah. Right.”

——

Mandy was once again complaining about the fees, drilling a headache in Autumn’s skull. “—and while I’m here, I’m very upset that Winter is leaving my child! She has connected very well with him, she will be very upset when she won’t see him anymore! I take personal offense to that. I put my trust in him to care for my child and now he just goes up and leaves? It’s like he never cared about my child.”

“Winter hasn’t been in the baby room since May, and Polly just moved up to toddlers. She didn’t see him for over 7 months and was absolutely fine.”

“How would you know? You haven’t been here since then either, he’s your husband! Tell me he didn’t leave the nursery because of my little Polly!”

Autumn wanted to snap, tell her that he was leaving because they were separating, that she was the reason he was leaving. Instead, she hid her hands in her pockets and tightened her fits. “He has his own reasons for leaving, those of which are quite frankly none of your business.”

“How can you say that? I am a paying customer, I should be able to know what the people taking care of my child are doing!”

“As I’ve already said, that’s none of your business. Are you done?”

“Am I done!? I am not done—” Autumn rolled her eyes and stopped paying attention to what she was saying, she was tired enough as it was and just wanted to get to the end of her day.

——

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