chapter 1/4 I T I 3. 5 k I Evie/Audrey I Evie-centric, Introspection, Angst, Poison metaphors
Content warnings for body image, past child abuse, internalised homophobia.
Author's note here
Summary: she's ready for the move to auradon. she has her objective and her mother's voice in her head repeating the mantra of "status, wealth, land". watching Audrey from afar was supposed to be research; a quiet study in a different kind of venom, a slow, precise drip administered to maintain a perfect composition.
or,
a girl unraveling, and the one who is there to witness the fray.
it’s hard to talk to men. like walking a tightrope, one wrong move and she will fall down, down, down. it is so much easier to do what her mother has trained and tortured into her: to smile and to laugh and to look admiringly.
“Making men fall in love with you is the easiest task in the world, if you’re pretty enough. You shut your mouth and let him talk, you laugh at his jokes, and you act so impressed by him, even if his only accomplishment is being born into the right family. Remember: status, wealth, land.”
and so it wasn’t that big of a problem on the isle. she could bare her teeth and take things because she wanted them and break arms because she wanted to. that is what the isle was impressed with. the blood on her knuckles made the lost boys swoon.
but in auradon prep, where “goodness just doesn’t get any better”, where every second student is of a royal bloodline, no one is going to like it.
she knows it. so she wills herself to change. pulls herself apart and removes the poisons and callousness and puts cheeriness and demureness in their places.
***
when ben (Crown Prince ben! future High King Ben!) welcomes them, evie puts on the perfected enamoured face and introduces herself in the melodic tone she mastered before she can even realise what she is doing.
“A worthy prince will mingle in his own circle, so introduce yourself appropriately!”
and then this oh so pretty girl, whose skin is clear and radiant, whose hair was probably done by professionals and makeup wasn’t scavenged from trash barges, this girl tells her that she has no royal status here. and evie is still not sure why she said anything to ben, still trying to regain control of her body, and this news sends her head spinning, like she swallowed belladonna berries.
how can she not be a princess? her mother is a queen. evie knows how to cook, sew, clean, how to seduce a prince or a king, and how to say what he wants to hear. she knows how to choose proper outfits for outings, how to be benevolent to her subjects and how to act with the help, even if hers consisted only of vultures. she knows how to advise a king so he doesn’t notice it, how to make him think the good idea was his, and how to never let on that she is savvy in the government dealings.
she can feel her face scrounging into a grimace. it must look awful. so she takes a deep breath, pushes her shoulders back, lets a mask of calmness fall over her face and tries not to think about how this beautiful girl (princess) destroyed a crucial part of her identity in one swift move. leaving her unbalanced like a house without foundation.
and then they are off, walking towards the school.
as soon as the statue starts transforming, all of evie’s nerves bundle up and she is ready to defend against an attack. but it is not home and she is safe here and it’s just a statue. she is mesmerised with the mix of magic and science that make it. she so desperately wants to ask Prince ben about the mechanics, enchantments, charms, that she has to bite her tongue.
“No man wants a woman who is smarter than him. Their ego couldn’t take it! Don’t go on those long academic monologues of yours, they’re so dreadfully boring even I can’t stand them and I am your mother and I love you already. If you talk, talk about exciting stuff, like a reservation you finally got at an exclusive restaurant for you two! Not the dull dry facts. Better yet, just let him talk. But don’t ask too many questions, it’s not an interrogation.”
ben hands them over to doug, who looks half-terrified and half-turned on by her, which is comforting because it reminds her of the lost boys. he is not royal, just a half-dwarf, but he is an auradonian boy. “Practice makes Perfect.” she tries to talk to him, climbs up on that tightrope on her own accord, but he is so nervous and shaken by the half-feral behaviour of the isle kids that he is no use. they ditch him.
***
the dorms are beautiful. she knows that as a princess she shouldn’t be that impressed with a single canopy bed and some lace decoration but as an isle brat she marvels at the wholeness and cleanliness of everything.
the fact that it’s already stacked with equipment for lady-like hobbies tells her the expectations for women haven’t changed that much from her Mother’s times. she is surprised by the disappointment that creeps up like the effects of the spanish fly, eating away at her insides.
it’s fine, she’s probably just hungry.
***
the museum heist is a bust.
it doesn’t bother her like it does mal, who looks like she swallowed iron, or jay, who can’t look any of them in the eye.
stealing the wand was never her task. it was mal’s. it is maleficent who dreams of world domination and mal who dreams of maleficent's approval. evie’s task is ensuring that her life is safe and opulent and that she is never humiliated like her mother was. her task is taking her mother off the island and into a castle. she needs to find a prince or a king that will pardon her mother.
“Men’s brains leave for a vacation when they see a pretty young girl. I’ve seen Kings do more for their favourites than their Queens. Secrecy is key in that case. Your reputation can not be tainted if you want to be an official wife later on. And you want it, right, genevieve?”
her number one choice would be someone from the Schwarzwald family, but King florian is too far for him to be a real possibility at this moment and snow’s children are both small girls.
she just needs to find someone whose royal blood goes back hundreds of years. someone who has auradon’s respect.
***
Prince chad is perfect. he is fairly good looking, second in line for the throne after ben, and a Charming.
“genevieve, all men are essentially the same. Just pick the prince that isn’t ugly and do what I taught you. Soon enough, I’ll have my mother-in-law wing.”
it is a shame that he is in her chemistry class. she likes chemistry and now she will have to tank it and it makes her want to swallow cyanide. she lets herself wallow for a moment and misses a question from the teacher.
he has that smug and sly look on her face that makes her entirely too uncomfortable. she remembers it too well from being cornered in alleys on the isle. she can’t do what her instincts are screaming she should (throw the pen she is holding in his eye and get away). he is too close and too cocky and too condescending. she wants to wipe that look off.
she registered that the question is about silver, so she just fires baseline facts about it.
(“silver - argentum. ar. number forty-seven on the periodic table. atomic mass - hundred and seven point eight atomic mass units. melting point - roughly nine hundred sixty two degrees celsius. well-known as a weapon against werewolves and other were-creatures. has been known to symbolise protection for some faery cultures.)
as he turns away with a disgruntled but approving murmur, evie comes to. she can feel arsenic sliding down her throat, replacing the glassy feeling of being right.
Evil, what have you done? why did she put her self-satisfaction so high? how did she allow herself to forget that there are Princes in the room? she had barely been here for a week and she already repelled ben, and now chad and aziz. how pathetic. she forgot all of Mother's lessons. She would be so disappointed.
except...chad slides her a note. he wants to talk to her.
***
the usual excitement-dread-need fills evie as she’s making her way to the bleachers. if she can just do it right, the talking and the flirting, her life will be comfortable. Mother might actually be proud of her. they will never need for anything again.
“Men make a decision about women after one, maximum three meetings, however fleeting. You know the stories of all the current royals, don’t you? Cinderella spent what, four hours with Henri-Archibald and he turned over his entire Kingdom looking for her. First impressions matter, girl.”
she looked up his family castles through the mirror earlier. they are amazing, breathtaking and airy and light. (it brought tears to her eyes, and suddenly she understood why mal held on to a grudge for ten years.)
he compliments her and it’s rewarding. she would never admit how hard she tries to be fairest (especially to a boy, they like effortless beauty), but his words feel like acknowledgement and a good mark. you are up to auradonian standards, thank gods! she has been noticing how beautiful and polished the princesses and other noble girls in the school are. their faces light with not knowing struggle, their nails carefully manicured and hands soft not knowing hard work, their intricate braids and updos hide no weapons.
she likes that his perception of her wasn’t tainted by that embarrassing accident in chemistry. evie tries to explain that she isn’t really that smart, it’s just...it’s just mother’s mirror. chad accepts it easily.
they always want to accept that you’re stupid.
when he leans in she feels like the ground below her is tilting. there is so much on the line here. is he going to judge her for being too easy? is he going to dislike her for playing hard to get? is she going to kiss this guy she barely knows? but he isn’t just some guy, he is a Prince. and she has to do almost anything he wants her to (almost, so he doesn’t get bored with easy pickings).
she had kissed a few times on the isle. jonas, for collecting three sapphire blue dresses for her. one of the gastons, for beating up a drunkard who was bothering her on the way home. jay, she wasn’t sure for what. he said that she looked beautiful when they were sitting on the roof of their hideout. it felt appropriate.
she didn’t get why everyone was so into making out. it was awkward, each time she became too aware of her body, and didn't know what to do with her hands and mouth. maybe once she found her Prince it would make sense.
so she checks that she is wearing an apple-flavoured lipgloss, takes a breath and closes her eyes. blood is rushing in her ears.
she is relieved when it’s an awkward attempt at manipulating her into doing his homework.
***
doug drops from the bleachers and asks her to go to the coronation with him. he gives her useful information so she can’t really say no outright. favour for favour. but it’s not like she can’t say yes either. or that she wants to. if she is seen at her first royal outing with someone less than a lord she will never climb out of that social circle. evie just laughs her melodic laugh and glides out of there.
***
jane comes by. evie constructs a perfect image so she doesn’t have anything to gossip about later. she’s diligent (already done with homework), lady-like (sewing and speaking politely) and beautiful (her ribs hurt from her bra’s underwire and her lipgloss feels like a sticky mess).
evie isn’t sure what game she is playing. most likely trying to push on their feelings of pity to get something out of them, mal probably, with how her wet eyes flutter to her every so often. too bad for her, really, that lost kids don’t know empathy or pity.
the way she is criticising herself sets evie on edge, though. makes her hyperaware about the gap between the princess from the trash island and the princesses of auradon. jane is dressed in cobalt blue and evie experiences the symptoms of cobalt poisoning.
“i have pimples,” baby pink nails are pointing at a trio of tiny comedones on the edge of her hairline. evie feels her breathing speed up.
“and these freckles! they make me look like a twelve year old farm girl,” blue sleeve makes an arc in front of her face. they are barely noticeable. evie feels lightheaded.
“and when i smile, one of my brows goes up and the other doesn’t and my eyes look so uneven and it’s so weird!” cobalt dress-clad body turns to her, put-upon expression on her face. evie feels her heart rate accelerate.
if a girl as effortlessly beautiful as jane is shunned, evie can’t afford to lower the plank. what would be left of you if they took your beauty like they took away your princesshood?
***
lonnie follows jane. invites herself to their room like it’s normal. says that her mother’s Mulan, like they might not know who she is.
“Look, I understand that those were harsh times for their Kingdom but still, for a woman to voluntarily go to war… Unsightly. Forcing yourself into this masculine energy.”
whatever her Mother says, the Lis have connections to all noble families, and, more importantly, to the prison structure. so evie makes an effort to be friendly, to be helpful. she comes over to lonnie, makes suggestions to straighten out her look.
but apparently, the unkemptness and clashing colours and roughness is what lonnie wants. like mother, like daughter, evie supposes. and when lonnie says that she (and all the other girls) want hair like mal’s it’s the worst thing she’s ever heard. evie is supposed to be the beautiful one, isn’t she?
lonnie thinks villains love their kids. that they have any warmth to share with creations that they sculpted into being. her naivete is almost funny.
***
the next day, just before mal is supposed to give her cookie to ben, evie is dropping off chad’s homework. she is glad that he looks delighted. before she can say anything about maybe meeting after the game, an angry audrey storms up to them.
her heels clack softly on the marble. the leather of her pink mary janes shines from polish. her ponytail and skirt swing from side to side in a hypnotic sync. her honey brown curls are held together with a voluminous white bow. it’s so big it almost looks like a halo.
audrey demands to know what evie is doing with chad. what evil thing has she planned. evie is a little breathless and a little speechless and she doesn’t know why. she is usually so quick on her feet. it’s not like she’s even doing anything particularly Evil or malevolent, just clawing towards her chance at a proper life.
the shirt under audrey’s pink knitted vest is ironed and starched. it’s definitely made of a high gsm fabric, with the way it gathers so geometrically at her elbows when she raises her hands to emphasise what she’s saying.
chad just says that it is a chemistry thing. he doesn’t defend her, doesn’t tell audrey to back off, doesn’t say that she’s not evil. genevieve has probably done something wrong.
“Look, a proper man will not let anyone disrespect a proper girl. So if your Prince lets anyone say nasty things about you, it’s because you have done something to let them both think it is okay.”
audrey turns to look at her. makes a step that closes the distance between them. the pleats of her pink and grey tartan skirt never interrupt the pattern. her lipgloss shimmers when the light hits it just right. her eyes are lined warm brown just so, to give her a sweet doe look. but she’s frowning thunderously now.
“whatever you have planned, know, you are now in the land of the valorous. you think you’re so smart luring everybody away from the right path with your little gateway magic tricks. trying to destabilise us. rest assured, we will thwart your villainous schemes, as we’ve done before.” her tone is laced with venom.
evie is resistant to most poisons known to man. but venom is different.
rationally, she knows that it is all because she is from the Isle of the Lost. that it will take some time to change people’s view of her. that there is work to be done so that people properly respect her as a lady. that she needs to prove to them that she is a real princess.
(and she is. she is a lady and a princess and a proper person. right?)
inside, she just can’t stop feeling dirty. like she won’t ever be able to scrub herself clean from the grim and blood of the Isle. like everyone can see through her carefully planned outfit and perfectly put on makeup that she is just a fraud, a barge waif playing pretend.
she wants to claw her pathetic skin off and physically remove all the condescending gazes.
***
she hates mal. she hates ben. she hates the spectacle and the spotlight when it’s not on her. evie is the one who was raised to be noticed, to be admired, to be serenaded to! and now she’s just ‘that pathetic isle girl who is too stiff to get a friend, unlike the other vks’.
worst of all, mal didn’t even want it. she painted on a sorry excuse for a smile and accepted the confession with a shaking voice. it didn’t matter to her what people will think, what they will say, what the consequences of following her mother’s wishes will be.
evie, however, knows what will happen if she fulfils her mother’s wishes. her life will be comfortable and opulent and poor.
***
the next few days, all people talk about are ben and mal and audrey. she started dating chad, apparently. not even a full day after the game. it’s messy, in an auradon way. calculatedly messy. softly. there are no fights or even attempts at them. instead, there are smear campaigns and divisions into camps.
(she said that he said that he overheard them talking about her leaked audiomessage where he said to her that…)
evie feels the divisions like a physical line painted down the center of the hallway. team mal. team audrey. she is placed firmly on mal’s side by default, which she doesn't mind terribly until it becomes a narrative that she was the one who helped mal steal ben, like her mother stole the Schwarzwald king. the fact that it’s the truth is the worst part. she doesn’t want to be on a team. she wants to be on her own throne.
“Alliances are for those who cannot stand on their own. You are a Queen, genevieve. You bow to no one.”
but here, she is bowing. constantly. to the narrative, to the expectations, to the sheer, suffocating weight of being perceived as part of a monolith. the ‘villain kid’. the ‘evil one’.
she starts seeing audrey everywhere. a flash of pink in the courtyard, a sleek ponytail bobbing ahead of her in the lunch line. and each time, it’s like the world tilts, just for a second. the same feeling as when she’d misjudge a step in the dark sneaking down the stairs of her tower, that heart-leaping-into-throat sensation of the ground not being where she thought it was.
she tells herself it’s research. to understand the enemy. to learn how a real auradon princess operates when her world is publicly crumbling. but her observations feel less like reconnaissance and more like… consumption.
she notices the way audrey’s smile in public never quite reaches her eyes anymore, a practiced, serene mask that’s a masterpiece of control. it’s a performance evie understood in her bones, but where her own felt like a cage of someone else’s design, audrey’s seems like a fortress of her own making. she notices the tiny, almost imperceptible slump in audrey’s shoulders when she thinks no one is looking, the way she’d press her lips together, a quick, hard line, before smoothing her expression back into sweet royalty. the way her masseter tenses whenever chad starts talking.
it makes the fire roaring inside of her turn cold, like the powder of copper turns flames blue. a strange, protective chill. she wants to… what? wipe that practiced look off her face? sneak through the chinks in her armour and see what it was hiding? get a good look at the real girl behind it all?
evie doesn’t know, yet she keeps filing away the little moments between moments.
you need to reblog art. you need to reblog fic. you need to reblog gif sets. you need to reblog headcanons and meta and theories. if you want fandom to survive, you have to do these things. start looking at the notes on the fandom posts that cross your dash and i guarantee you'll notice a massive disparity between likes and reblogs. you are consuming. you need to participate.
let's convince ourselves that this is okay. let's rely on technicalities to exonerate ourselves. let's avoid looking what we're doing in the eye. let's live under its shadow, both aware of what this is but unwilling to say it out loud, since that will shatter the careful illusion we've built
chapter 1/4 I T I 3. 5 k I Evie/Audrey I Evie-centric, Introspection, Angst, Poison metaphors
Content warnings for body image, past child abuse, internalised homophobia.
Author's note here
Summary: she's ready for the move to auradon. she has her objective and her mother's voice in her head repeating the mantra of "status, wealth, land". watching Audrey from afar was supposed to be research; a quiet study in a different kind of venom, a slow, precise drip administered to maintain a perfect composition.
or,
a girl unraveling, and the one who is there to witness the fray.
it’s hard to talk to men. like walking a tightrope, one wrong move and she will fall down, down, down. it is so much easier to do what her mother has trained and tortured into her: to smile and to laugh and to look admiringly.
“Making men fall in love with you is the easiest task in the world, if you’re pretty enough. You shut your mouth and let him talk, you laugh at his jokes, and you act so impressed by him, even if his only accomplishment is being born into the right family. Remember: status, wealth, land.”
and so it wasn’t that big of a problem on the isle. she could bare her teeth and take things because she wanted them and break arms because she wanted to. that is what the isle was impressed with. the blood on her knuckles made the lost boys swoon.
but in auradon prep, where “goodness just doesn’t get any better”, where every second student is of a royal bloodline, no one is going to like it.
she knows it. so she wills herself to change. pulls herself apart and removes the poisons and callousness and puts cheeriness and demureness in their places.
***
when ben (Crown Prince ben! future High King Ben!) welcomes them, evie puts on the perfected enamoured face and introduces herself in the melodic tone she mastered before she can even realise what she is doing.
“A worthy prince will mingle in his own circle, so introduce yourself appropriately!”
and then this oh so pretty girl, whose skin is clear and radiant, whose hair was probably done by professionals and makeup wasn’t scavenged from trash barges, this girl tells her that she has no royal status here. and evie is still not sure why she said anything to ben, still trying to regain control of her body, and this news sends her head spinning, like she swallowed belladonna berries.
how can she not be a princess? her mother is a queen. evie knows how to cook, sew, clean, how to seduce a prince or a king, and how to say what he wants to hear. she knows how to choose proper outfits for outings, how to be benevolent to her subjects and how to act with the help, even if hers consisted only of vultures. she knows how to advise a king so he doesn’t notice it, how to make him think the good idea was his, and how to never let on that she is savvy in the government dealings.
she can feel her face scrounging into a grimace. it must look awful. so she takes a deep breath, pushes her shoulders back, lets a mask of calmness fall over her face and tries not to think about how this beautiful girl (princess) destroyed a crucial part of her identity in one swift move. leaving her unbalanced like a house without foundation.
and then they are off, walking towards the school.
as soon as the statue starts transforming, all of evie’s nerves bundle up and she is ready to defend against an attack. but it is not home and she is safe here and it’s just a statue. she is mesmerised with the mix of magic and science that make it. she so desperately wants to ask Prince ben about the mechanics, enchantments, charms, that she has to bite her tongue.
“No man wants a woman who is smarter than him. Their ego couldn’t take it! Don’t go on those long academic monologues of yours, they’re so dreadfully boring even I can’t stand them and I am your mother and I love you already. If you talk, talk about exciting stuff, like a reservation you finally got at an exclusive restaurant for you two! Not the dull dry facts. Better yet, just let him talk. But don’t ask too many questions, it’s not an interrogation.”
ben hands them over to doug, who looks half-terrified and half-turned on by her, which is comforting because it reminds her of the lost boys. he is not royal, just a half-dwarf, but he is an auradonian boy. “Practice makes Perfect.” she tries to talk to him, climbs up on that tightrope on her own accord, but he is so nervous and shaken by the half-feral behaviour of the isle kids that he is no use. they ditch him.
***
the dorms are beautiful. she knows that as a princess she shouldn’t be that impressed with a single canopy bed and some lace decoration but as an isle brat she marvels at the wholeness and cleanliness of everything.
the fact that it’s already stacked with equipment for lady-like hobbies tells her the expectations for women haven’t changed that much from her Mother’s times. she is surprised by the disappointment that creeps up like the effects of the spanish fly, eating away at her insides.
it’s fine, she’s probably just hungry.
***
the museum heist is a bust.
it doesn’t bother her like it does mal, who looks like she swallowed iron, or jay, who can’t look any of them in the eye.
stealing the wand was never her task. it was mal’s. it is maleficent who dreams of world domination and mal who dreams of maleficent's approval. evie’s task is ensuring that her life is safe and opulent and that she is never humiliated like her mother was. her task is taking her mother off the island and into a castle. she needs to find a prince or a king that will pardon her mother.
“Men’s brains leave for a vacation when they see a pretty young girl. I’ve seen Kings do more for their favourites than their Queens. Secrecy is key in that case. Your reputation can not be tainted if you want to be an official wife later on. And you want it, right, genevieve?”
her number one choice would be someone from the Schwarzwald family, but King florian is too far for him to be a real possibility at this moment and snow’s children are both small girls.
she just needs to find someone whose royal blood goes back hundreds of years. someone who has auradon’s respect.
***
Prince chad is perfect. he is fairly good looking, second in line for the throne after ben, and a Charming.
“genevieve, all men are essentially the same. Just pick the prince that isn’t ugly and do what I taught you. Soon enough, I’ll have my mother-in-law wing.”
it is a shame that he is in her chemistry class. she likes chemistry and now she will have to tank it and it makes her want to swallow cyanide. she lets herself wallow for a moment and misses a question from the teacher.
he has that smug and sly look on her face that makes her entirely too uncomfortable. she remembers it too well from being cornered in alleys on the isle. she can’t do what her instincts are screaming she should (throw the pen she is holding in his eye and get away). he is too close and too cocky and too condescending. she wants to wipe that look off.
she registered that the question is about silver, so she just fires baseline facts about it.
(“silver - argentum. ar. number forty-seven on the periodic table. atomic mass - hundred and seven point eight atomic mass units. melting point - roughly nine hundred sixty two degrees celsius. well-known as a weapon against werewolves and other were-creatures. has been known to symbolise protection for some faery cultures.)
as he turns away with a disgruntled but approving murmur, evie comes to. she can feel arsenic sliding down her throat, replacing the glassy feeling of being right.
Evil, what have you done? why did she put her self-satisfaction so high? how did she allow herself to forget that there are Princes in the room? she had barely been here for a week and she already repelled ben, and now chad and aziz. how pathetic. she forgot all of Mother's lessons. She would be so disappointed.
except...chad slides her a note. he wants to talk to her.
***
the usual excitement-dread-need fills evie as she’s making her way to the bleachers. if she can just do it right, the talking and the flirting, her life will be comfortable. Mother might actually be proud of her. they will never need for anything again.
“Men make a decision about women after one, maximum three meetings, however fleeting. You know the stories of all the current royals, don’t you? Cinderella spent what, four hours with Henri-Archibald and he turned over his entire Kingdom looking for her. First impressions matter, girl.”
she looked up his family castles through the mirror earlier. they are amazing, breathtaking and airy and light. (it brought tears to her eyes, and suddenly she understood why mal held on to a grudge for ten years.)
he compliments her and it’s rewarding. she would never admit how hard she tries to be fairest (especially to a boy, they like effortless beauty), but his words feel like acknowledgement and a good mark. you are up to auradonian standards, thank gods! she has been noticing how beautiful and polished the princesses and other noble girls in the school are. their faces light with not knowing struggle, their nails carefully manicured and hands soft not knowing hard work, their intricate braids and updos hide no weapons.
she likes that his perception of her wasn’t tainted by that embarrassing accident in chemistry. evie tries to explain that she isn’t really that smart, it’s just...it’s just mother’s mirror. chad accepts it easily.
they always want to accept that you’re stupid.
when he leans in she feels like the ground below her is tilting. there is so much on the line here. is he going to judge her for being too easy? is he going to dislike her for playing hard to get? is she going to kiss this guy she barely knows? but he isn’t just some guy, he is a Prince. and she has to do almost anything he wants her to (almost, so he doesn’t get bored with easy pickings).
she had kissed a few times on the isle. jonas, for collecting three sapphire blue dresses for her. one of the gastons, for beating up a drunkard who was bothering her on the way home. jay, she wasn’t sure for what. he said that she looked beautiful when they were sitting on the roof of their hideout. it felt appropriate.
she didn’t get why everyone was so into making out. it was awkward, each time she became too aware of her body, and didn't know what to do with her hands and mouth. maybe once she found her Prince it would make sense.
so she checks that she is wearing an apple-flavoured lipgloss, takes a breath and closes her eyes. blood is rushing in her ears.
she is relieved when it’s an awkward attempt at manipulating her into doing his homework.
***
doug drops from the bleachers and asks her to go to the coronation with him. he gives her useful information so she can’t really say no outright. favour for favour. but it’s not like she can’t say yes either. or that she wants to. if she is seen at her first royal outing with someone less than a lord she will never climb out of that social circle. evie just laughs her melodic laugh and glides out of there.
***
jane comes by. evie constructs a perfect image so she doesn’t have anything to gossip about later. she’s diligent (already done with homework), lady-like (sewing and speaking politely) and beautiful (her ribs hurt from her bra’s underwire and her lipgloss feels like a sticky mess).
evie isn’t sure what game she is playing. most likely trying to push on their feelings of pity to get something out of them, mal probably, with how her wet eyes flutter to her every so often. too bad for her, really, that lost kids don’t know empathy or pity.
the way she is criticising herself sets evie on edge, though. makes her hyperaware about the gap between the princess from the trash island and the princesses of auradon. jane is dressed in cobalt blue and evie experiences the symptoms of cobalt poisoning.
“i have pimples,” baby pink nails are pointing at a trio of tiny comedones on the edge of her hairline. evie feels her breathing speed up.
“and these freckles! they make me look like a twelve year old farm girl,” blue sleeve makes an arc in front of her face. they are barely noticeable. evie feels lightheaded.
“and when i smile, one of my brows goes up and the other doesn’t and my eyes look so uneven and it’s so weird!” cobalt dress-clad body turns to her, put-upon expression on her face. evie feels her heart rate accelerate.
if a girl as effortlessly beautiful as jane is shunned, evie can’t afford to lower the plank. what would be left of you if they took your beauty like they took away your princesshood?
***
lonnie follows jane. invites herself to their room like it’s normal. says that her mother’s Mulan, like they might not know who she is.
“Look, I understand that those were harsh times for their Kingdom but still, for a woman to voluntarily go to war… Unsightly. Forcing yourself into this masculine energy.”
whatever her Mother says, the Lis have connections to all noble families, and, more importantly, to the prison structure. so evie makes an effort to be friendly, to be helpful. she comes over to lonnie, makes suggestions to straighten out her look.
but apparently, the unkemptness and clashing colours and roughness is what lonnie wants. like mother, like daughter, evie supposes. and when lonnie says that she (and all the other girls) want hair like mal’s it’s the worst thing she’s ever heard. evie is supposed to be the beautiful one, isn’t she?
lonnie thinks villains love their kids. that they have any warmth to share with creations that they sculpted into being. her naivete is almost funny.
***
the next day, just before mal is supposed to give her cookie to ben, evie is dropping off chad’s homework. she is glad that he looks delighted. before she can say anything about maybe meeting after the game, an angry audrey storms up to them.
her heels clack softly on the marble. the leather of her pink mary janes shines from polish. her ponytail and skirt swing from side to side in a hypnotic sync. her honey brown curls are held together with a voluminous white bow. it’s so big it almost looks like a halo.
audrey demands to know what evie is doing with chad. what evil thing has she planned. evie is a little breathless and a little speechless and she doesn’t know why. she is usually so quick on her feet. it’s not like she’s even doing anything particularly Evil or malevolent, just clawing towards her chance at a proper life.
the shirt under audrey’s pink knitted vest is ironed and starched. it’s definitely made of a high gsm fabric, with the way it gathers so geometrically at her elbows when she raises her hands to emphasise what she’s saying.
chad just says that it is a chemistry thing. he doesn’t defend her, doesn’t tell audrey to back off, doesn’t say that she’s not evil. genevieve has probably done something wrong.
“Look, a proper man will not let anyone disrespect a proper girl. So if your Prince lets anyone say nasty things about you, it’s because you have done something to let them both think it is okay.”
audrey turns to look at her. makes a step that closes the distance between them. the pleats of her pink and grey tartan skirt never interrupt the pattern. her lipgloss shimmers when the light hits it just right. her eyes are lined warm brown just so, to give her a sweet doe look. but she’s frowning thunderously now.
“whatever you have planned, know, you are now in the land of the valorous. you think you’re so smart luring everybody away from the right path with your little gateway magic tricks. trying to destabilise us. rest assured, we will thwart your villainous schemes, as we’ve done before.” her tone is laced with venom.
evie is resistant to most poisons known to man. but venom is different.
rationally, she knows that it is all because she is from the Isle of the Lost. that it will take some time to change people’s view of her. that there is work to be done so that people properly respect her as a lady. that she needs to prove to them that she is a real princess.
(and she is. she is a lady and a princess and a proper person. right?)
inside, she just can’t stop feeling dirty. like she won’t ever be able to scrub herself clean from the grim and blood of the Isle. like everyone can see through her carefully planned outfit and perfectly put on makeup that she is just a fraud, a barge waif playing pretend.
she wants to claw her pathetic skin off and physically remove all the condescending gazes.
***
she hates mal. she hates ben. she hates the spectacle and the spotlight when it’s not on her. evie is the one who was raised to be noticed, to be admired, to be serenaded to! and now she’s just ‘that pathetic isle girl who is too stiff to get a friend, unlike the other vks’.
worst of all, mal didn’t even want it. she painted on a sorry excuse for a smile and accepted the confession with a shaking voice. it didn’t matter to her what people will think, what they will say, what the consequences of following her mother’s wishes will be.
evie, however, knows what will happen if she fulfils her mother’s wishes. her life will be comfortable and opulent and poor.
***
the next few days, all people talk about are ben and mal and audrey. she started dating chad, apparently. not even a full day after the game. it’s messy, in an auradon way. calculatedly messy. softly. there are no fights or even attempts at them. instead, there are smear campaigns and divisions into camps.
(she said that he said that he overheard them talking about her leaked audiomessage where he said to her that…)
evie feels the divisions like a physical line painted down the center of the hallway. team mal. team audrey. she is placed firmly on mal’s side by default, which she doesn't mind terribly until it becomes a narrative that she was the one who helped mal steal ben, like her mother stole the Schwarzwald king. the fact that it’s the truth is the worst part. she doesn’t want to be on a team. she wants to be on her own throne.
“Alliances are for those who cannot stand on their own. You are a Queen, genevieve. You bow to no one.”
but here, she is bowing. constantly. to the narrative, to the expectations, to the sheer, suffocating weight of being perceived as part of a monolith. the ‘villain kid’. the ‘evil one’.
she starts seeing audrey everywhere. a flash of pink in the courtyard, a sleek ponytail bobbing ahead of her in the lunch line. and each time, it’s like the world tilts, just for a second. the same feeling as when she’d misjudge a step in the dark sneaking down the stairs of her tower, that heart-leaping-into-throat sensation of the ground not being where she thought it was.
she tells herself it’s research. to understand the enemy. to learn how a real auradon princess operates when her world is publicly crumbling. but her observations feel less like reconnaissance and more like… consumption.
she notices the way audrey’s smile in public never quite reaches her eyes anymore, a practiced, serene mask that’s a masterpiece of control. it’s a performance evie understood in her bones, but where her own felt like a cage of someone else’s design, audrey’s seems like a fortress of her own making. she notices the tiny, almost imperceptible slump in audrey’s shoulders when she thinks no one is looking, the way she’d press her lips together, a quick, hard line, before smoothing her expression back into sweet royalty. the way her masseter tenses whenever chad starts talking.
it makes the fire roaring inside of her turn cold, like the powder of copper turns flames blue. a strange, protective chill. she wants to… what? wipe that practiced look off her face? sneak through the chinks in her armour and see what it was hiding? get a good look at the real girl behind it all?
evie doesn’t know, yet she keeps filing away the little moments between moments.
the authors note got like way too long and personal to be in the fic post so here we go
this was an abandoned wip for a long time... i started working on it back when i myself was deep in a lesbian situationship in which she was not ready to admit the nature of it so i think a part of why started writing this fic was to understand her. u know, like that post about there being therapy in writing fanfic.
re the contents, i’ve decided to make the rotten four a little more distant from each other, as much as it pains me to do so. but for this to work, i really do need Evie just a touch more lonely. in her mothers words, you will hear all the ‘femininity guru’ grifters and that’s on purpose. the fic is very introspective, very much in her head sort of fic, so if u expect action or fast paced plot or makeouts in closets, adjust ur expectations please. this is my own ‘nothing happens’ indie lesbian coming-of-age story.
as it comes to publishing it, i decided to divide this into chapters, even though originally it was going to be just one giant thing. the first two chapters follow the events of d1 and third and fourth take place over the summer after the coronation.
the title is from the album (and song) by elysian fields. i recommend giving them a listen, they’re very moody and noir and atmospheric. or at least looking up the lyrics to the titular song.
this fic is very near and dear to my heart and i hope someone will enjoy it <3
hi! i made a ko-fi to handle my commissions better, please reblog and check it out if you can!! thank you so much for your help <3
all the details are in the link as well as an option for tips :) i’m currently struggling to afford food at the moment and i would appreciate it sooOOOOOoooo much if you could help out. but also please don’t if you’re not in a position to!! im also gonna add some things and play around with what im offering, but this is what im working with for now!! have a lovely day!!
Commissions Open! Click to see carina <3's commission menu.
a snippet of the promised deep-on-comphet lesbian Evie fic that im sharing so i can hold myself acountable and actually finish the thing
jane comes by. evie constructs a perfect image so she doesn’t have anything to gossip about later. she’s diligent (already done with homework), lady-like (sewing and speaking politely) and beautiful (her ribs hurt from her bra’s underwire and her lipgloss feels like a sticky mess).
evie isn’t sure what game she is playing. most likely trying to push on their feelings of pity to get something out of them, mal probably, with how her wet eyes flutter to her every so often. too bad for her, really, that lost kids don’t know empathy or pity.
the way she is criticising herself sets evie on edge, though. makes her hyperaware about the gap between the princess from the trash island and the princesses of auradon. jane is dressed in cobalt blue and evie experiences the symptoms of cobalt poisoning.
“i have pimples,” baby pink nails are pointing at a trio of tiny comedones on the edge of her hairline. evie feels her breathing speed up.
“and these freckles! they make me look like a twelve year old farm girl,” blue sleeve makes an arc in front of her face. they are barely noticeable. evie feels lightheaded.
“and when i smile, one of my brows goes up and the other doesn’t and my eyes look so uneven and it’s so weird!” cobalt dress-clad body turns to her, put-upon expression on her face. evie feels her heart rate accelerate.
if a girl as effortlessly beautiful as jane is shunned, evie can’t afford to lower the plank. what would be left of you if they took your beauty like they took away your princesshood?
ok so maybe keeping all my work stuff and all my fandom stuff chaotically in one google drive is not the best decision. it took me ages to find my own fic because i remembered the contents but not the name i gave it
kaledo-art
dededos
origamiaround
annaxmalina
vaporwave
kianamaiart
discoholicmusic
