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@luke747
New Blog!
Hello friends!
You may have noticed this space has been quiet for quite some time. Some of that was due to a whirlwind of changeāmarriage, new job, moving. But some of it is because Iāve been creating a new space for my writing.
I began Unearthing Joy to update friends & supporters of my ministry almost 10 years ago (wowāhas it really been that long??), and since then it has evolved into a spaceā¦
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Keep Your Enemies Closer
Keep Your EnemiesĀ Closer
āChink.ā
It wasnāt even muttered under his breath. The word carried over the sound of a busy Berkeley street, broke through the jackhammers of construction and the noise of commute, and hit me squarely between the eyes. My stereotypically-small, almond-shaped Asian eyes.
I was walking to my birthday dinner, flanked by a few non-Asian friends. Despite a full day of being celebrated and loved,ā¦
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I Feel You
āIāll be fine,ā I told her. My friend and I sat facing the Berkeley marina, the wind slapping our faces, and the sun glinting off the water. I had suffered what was perhaps one of the most significant blows in my life a few days earlier, and when she asked me how I was doing, I put on a brave smile. āTerrible, but Iāll be fine,ā was my answer.
A good friend knows when to let a matter lie and whenā¦
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Unlovable
Two and a half years ago, I published a blog post that was, in essence, my manifesto on dating. It was reposted by Relevant Magazine, shared by friends, and actually quoted back to me. In it, I boldly declared:
āI donāt think we can really win [at love] until we are willing to fold, to leave the game and remember that love is much bigger than a power struggle. Maybe I lose, and maybe thatās okay.ā
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Curiosity is Love
I sat on the plane en route to Mexico City, mourning all the things I hadnāt checked off of my to-do list. My four years of high school Spanish had yet to resurface, and I had only made it to āĆl es un muchacho. Ćl bebĆ© lecheā on DuoLingo. My list of āThings to Eatā only had one all-inclusive bullet point: tacos. I hadnāt begun Sandra Cisnerosā Woman Hollering Creekāa book I have owned sinceā¦
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The Table I watched Crazy Rich Asians exactly a week ago, and after the movie, I found myself alone in the bathroom overcome with emotion.
Come At Me
But life lately has felt like an assignment for which I am woefully unprepared. The last six months have been like getting to the airport an hour later than planned, boarding a plane to a place you vaguely learned about in geography class, and showing up in a country where your knowledge of the language is limited to phrases like, "Where is the bathroom?" and "Two churros, please."
I am a person of calculated risk. My mentor once suggested I break some plates as a means of dealing with some pent-up anger and grief. She pitched it like a dramatic reenactment of a movie scene, me alone in a parking lot, only accompanied by the cathartic crash ofĀ ceramic on cement.
Ā Desperate to try anything, I drove to the dollar store and bought plates. I recruited a friend to come with me,ā¦
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White Flags (What Surrender Isn't)
Surrender is often the bloodiest of battles. Itās not a meek white flag we wave at God. It is hard-earned, often accompanied with bruises, deep wounds, wrestling, and weeping. It is not a lack of desire but where we engage our fears and desires in hand-to-hand combat with our trust in God. I believed surrender was like quitting smoking by "cutting back," accomplishable in stages, in small practices of self-denial or by substituting some things for others that make it easier over time. But the more I give away, the tighter my hands become.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, āWhoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.ā
Matthew 16:24-25
The older I get, the more I have learned that I am a strange mix of obedient and defiant. There is a rule-follower in meāsomeone who refuses toā¦
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In the Silence of Saturday
In the Silence ofĀ Saturday
It feels wrong to say that Saturday is my favorite day of Holy Week, but itās true. It is a day that feels sacred to me, sitting in the gap of tragedy and triumph, resting between death and victory. Perhaps it is my favorite because it feels so familiar. It feels like most of our lives. This is the day when I feel so small and helpless, standing with the cross behind me and watching the tombā¦
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Chivalry
Note: I wrote this five years ago in a season of disappointment and discontent. I wrote it partly as a defense of menāthat I would choose to not let one (or several) bad experiences define my view of all menāand as an encouragement to those who strive to be good men that they are seen and appreciated. I also wrote it for the women in my life who, after long seasons of waiting, were tempted toā¦
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Untraditional Last Christmas, I had a meltdown. I sat in tears on the floor of my friendās bedroom in San Diego, her relatives chattering noisily in the living room, as I tallied up all the places where I had spent Christmas over the years.
Small Glories
Big decisions paralyze me. My senior year of college, I spent countless hours scouring my Bible, asking people for advice, reading books on Godās will, just trying to figure out if I was making the right decision or the biggest mistake of my life. There is something about the ābig momentsā of life that excite me and draw me nearer to the Lord. I have an increased awareness of my dependence onā¦
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Instead of Guacamole
A week ago I was searching for some medical records when I came across a sealed envelope with my name on it. It was a prayer I had written in the fall of 2012. I had just graduated, moved to a new city with no friends, was wrestling through the loss of a relationship, and felt so frustrated with God and so lost that I had to write out my prayers just to get a complete thought out. So much painā¦
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Come Alive
We are a forgetful people. The other day, someone asked me how old I was and I told them the wrong age. I had a three second moment of panic where I couldnāt remember, and I blurted out the first number that came to mind. Monday is perhaps the most forgetful day of the week. We live much of our lives with this escapist drive toward the weekend, thinking those two days will fulfill all of ourā¦
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Nailed it. (at Arthur's Seat)
The fantastic five šš½... sometimes we're a little too much. #cantfit #wetried (at Edinburgh, United Kingdom)
Winter
I sat down in the snow and cried. Iād spent so much energy and effort trying to learn, and all I had to show for it was a bruised tailbone, sore legs, and rentals I had no desire to put back on. As I watched people cruise down steeper slopes with such graceful ease, I took a deep breath and mentally rallied. You can do this, Patreeya, I told myself. You are made of tougher stuff than this. Youā¦
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